I never had many friends
I was always late to school
Ate lunch alone
Maintained grades pretty well
Graduated

Lived at the same place
Moved schools to a 3 year middle time
Became captain on a basketball team
Maintained grades pretty well
Heart Broken

They took my dreams
They threw them down
Past my knees and below my feet
No school no school no school
Good grades and school dreams shot down

From there even after some injuries
I went downhill
Like I did when I gained a concussion
I fell and smacked the floor
Point blank like a gun at a shooting range

High school in black and white
No friends and only anxiety attacks
No more sports teams or good grades
Skipping class my attendance was doomed
Moving along as if hurdles were in my way

Hospitalized twice and almost once before
Scarred waist and black decay
Tear stains throughout the night
When I could only lay awake
Words trapped inside, my mouth a cage

Summer smoking gone by now in 10th grade
Two attempts
Sleeping day and night
No attendance period throughout the day
Grades and mind slain

Semesters slipping away like life
Passed one regents of which previously I failed
Grades go in I start trying again
I attend full fledged new meds
Passing grades like a miracle

Slowly falling behind
Broken thoughts along the night
Slipping away like the shadows in the light
Stopped going to school again
But why? I feel no pain

No grades nor attendance
No improvement no getting out of bed
The meds aren't helping
I only feel, there are no thoughts in my head
Ruining my future must repeat 10th grade

Getting worse no emotions
Going back to the way I was before
No friends no trust
Regret fills my veins people are going away
They must know that I'm not immune to all pain

I was tired
Drained like laundry being wrung out to be dried
As soon as my meds went down the chute of my throat

I woke up
But being awakened had brought fourth that of which I felt
That I felt was my heart dulling more and falling from a cloud like rain

Forward I went
Upon a train of remembered dreams and no feelings
Onto a path of things not felt and only heard

Paused in motion
Although my head was above water like flowers fallen from trees
My feet were never meant to like the roots of those trees, touch the ground

The scars that rage your skin
And the moments of simple sin
The bliss of death is among us
As the water fills our lungs
We are drowned out at sea
Walked by but not seen
Tired if waiting
Our time is simply fading

Waves of sunshine fallen beneath the waves
My eyes broken pieces of thin glistening glass
Glued together by the tears that sting them
Burning with impatience
Teary eyes wonder-less without streaming down my vacant face

After awhile those quotes on
Google Pinterest or Tumblr
Don't matter
You've read them all
You've felt them all

After awhile you can't find those quotes on
Instagram or more tumblr
Not anymore
You feel wasted inside
You feel like nothings left

After awhile you can't find music
Pandora Itunes or Spotify
That's it
No more music to fit your body of water
No more music to sink your anchor into

As more time goes by you can't find that show
Youtube Netflix TV
That's all
Nothing to fuel you to smile or laugh
Nothing more to talk about or look forward to

As the trees sway eventually your meds stop working
Pills Drugs Alcohol
Taking more
The clouds begin to wake you up at night
The moon decides to scream into your being cold... blank

I dived into the water below
hoping it would catch me

Until I plummeted below
I did not realize
I was only traveling underneath the sea

Not a touch of air
But a vast world
That of which I could not live

You were like a broken mirror
that seemed whole

So full of love
but the pain took its toll

Like a large library
filled with books with destroyed seams

Torn down the middle
but kept together like water in a glass

Waiting silently
for the earthquake of ripped out pages to pass

I'm like a bucket with words scratched on the inside
And although they all throw every piece of garbage into me
Not one person bothers to look inside

Like a bird of which can not soar through the sky
My wings have been clipped and my bones ash dry
Not even water can soothe the ache of my bodies soul

As if a pig in a cage trapped and beaten fed till I fell
I was fed with emotions I could not feel or comprehend
Not even I could possibly realize what was happening

Like a fly slapped and squashed stomped on and squeezed
I walked like a crippled old woman slowly and not going anywhere
Not even home because my mind slept in mush and fog unknowing and gone

How do you expect us to reach our parents standards
When we have yet to reach our own

How do you tell us we are free
When the government knows all about us and we know nothing about them

How do you say we are equal
When the only thing that makes us the same is that we are human and that we are all different

How do you say all you need is love
When hate, other emotions, and differences control most of who we are

How do you say money can buy happiness
When in your mind no matter who's around all you feel is alone

How do you say you understand
When in the end we are all different and what I think will be different from what you do

How can you say anything
In a world where we live but barely know

The rain falls with the heaviest drops
Sadness by the holidays

The drier my tears the more the corpse rots
upon the fallen days

Tangled in the fingers
a withered rose finally on the ground

A soft flap of the wings and a jingle of the bells
all seems to be in tune

With a withering bee
stung by a birds wings with a poisonous wrath to it too

Tails split into two
As if it was the only option
The only option seen
From a rose with burnt spots
Thorns broken in half

No water left
Yet it stalks above the ground
Shadowing the white growing
Growing beneath its petals

And when the white extends
Extends to the tips of the rose
Is there again only one option?
And is that to wither

Wither like great trees
Trees burnt with fire
Spreading vastly as if a liar

And if it were to twine apart
Apart into two
would it sprout a new head
A head with new petals
That seeks the dark anew

A flower that provides rays of life
And rain that glistens; as do the leaves

Surrender to the sun
And wake under a cool breeze

A ground that mirrors the sky
And a sky that breaks through with light

Cracks in the air
Renders all the evil to a blank sight

Sleep peacefully; eyes full of love
arise again with the rising tide

Let the raven of the night
Stay by your side

Crisp snowflakes on the windowpane
Kisses of the winters fall

Solid mirrors prove I'm not sane
until they are solidly gone

Cracks in the wood
are a perfectionists pain

Not drying the wood
So the creation breaks in time

Soft like a rock against a train
tears will never truly stain

Just like how a poets death
must never make sense towards a true rhyme

There was a thin warm streak that wen down the side of my cheek
The tears would barely build up
But inside I greatly knew I lost something
If I only I were able to remember what that something was

Shaking I stand
An unstable bundle of loose layers from the wintertime
Raining as it is I stay still and fall like a child with a leg stung by a bee
A ball on the ground crying and shouting as if I were two or three

Alone I lay
An attack goes on and I'm picked up by shadows of flesh and blood
Limp as freshly picked bones and as a paralyzed bug in a spider web
Speaking softly into a chest spewing words of ash and melancholy

I lay silently
My heart pounding
My veins a shattered beat of what has been left behind
The cold of the silent crystal white flakes of snow
Cause a wave of goosebumps to overflow my arms the moment that a single breath had been taken
A whispered shock of a cool sensation
Flowing through this broken body

Only an image left behind
I raise my arm slowly
Snow falling from my hand
A hollowed heart inches to a faster pace
I walk into a timeless dimension of an unseen presence
The shadows disappearing and entwining itself with my heart
Waves of darkness spread beneath my feet which lay planted on the ground

Unwilling to move I feel a black web cover my body tightly wrapping me as if I had to be secured
In a marble box
Only the key able to bring me back to life

As the sun falls I rest my eyes on a melancholy light glistening from a full moon above
The stars falling from the sky
These scarred lights from the universe above
These celestial beings uncovered by my eyes alone

I willingly shut my eyes and allow these webs of an infinite blackness to cover me forever
A shadow of the river that streams from my eyes dried as I lay silently taken over by this line feeling forever

Each web sewn together by a minds simple lies
This sullen night whispering it's steps towards a content and silent end

It was as if the wind was no more
It was as if even though it stopped
The waves would continue without it

Like a pen to paper with how they work
A sailor without the wind is nothing
it would be like a gun without the power to shoot

It was as if I was a lion without a voice
It was as if I was reduced to sand not even an echo to be heard
The time would always go on even without me

Like ink without a pen
A writer would lose his power
it would be like a world not of his own

It was as if I was a fish that couldn't breathe under water
It was as if oxygen would **** me every time I breathed
The time you left me would leave me to drift alone

Weeks go on
One email
Two emails
Three emails
Four

How many more
One day
Two weeks
Three months
Four

I wait for your return
One second
Two minutes
Three hours
Four

Tired of being awake at night
One letter
Two words
Three sentences
Four

Won't you come back once more
One morning
Two days
Three nights
Four

When I saw it in the eyes of a teacher I was visiting
When she heard the words "broke my heart"
The sorrow quickly came and she looked away
As if showing ignorance could help, her words were nothing
I realized that no one wanted to know about pain
That although I was comfortable enough to talk about it all
They were not and that helped further break my heart even more

There came a moment
Where I had forgotten all that was
In my reality

And like one with a disease
I forgot to breathe and eat
like a normal human being

Like a leaf when it breaks off
and hits the ground
I crumble to pieces

More or less
All I knew
Was how to fall apart

There was a pin
of which scraped me and yet
I felt the whole world pull away

It was as if the air in my lungs were cut off
It was like a book that was suddenly closed
Just a pinprick and I was dragged into the dark

The constellations were enough to lighten my sky
To bring me back but the sky was not yet dark enough
For those shining stars to be seen

For no matter who she touched
With the lightest, a feathery heart
They always walked away
Like an old leaf, breaking apart

Like a sun that was never to be seen
I couldn't find you

Like shadows in the dark
I was never to be found