It's cold, **** cold,
I blame the north wind.
It pushes the ice on Huron
Against the shore
Making great dunes of frozen water,
Cooling the wind passing over.
It penetrates my outer layer,
Warming itself between inner clothes.
Dampening my cheek;
Cold whispers in my ears;
A cruel embrace,
Girdling me,
Seductive as the dead.
It wraps my house
Like it knows my address;
An unannounced visitor,
Reluctant to leave.
It's mid-January;
Glad the sun's casting
Longer shadows,
Before the wind retires.

ever since you left, it all feels different.
the stars are just stars. the wind just wind.
along with the moon, and sunsets, the ripples in the water, and everything in between.
without you everything is just as it was before and i don't feel like writing about them anymore.

i always knew it would be you who i gave myself to, but i never thought i'd let you **** me on your bathroom sink. and when you did, i left my heart there. in between your bed sheets, too. i always wanted fireworks to go off when we kissed, but i only felt the burn.

i wore my best dress tonight, did my makeup how you like it, and even wore those purple ******* you love. but still, you never showed. and the saddest part is, ill try again tomorrow.

i get these moments of boldness, telling myself i wont let anyone else control my happiness anymore, but then i think of you and how you never showed up that night. i think of you and how you told me all i do is make you miserable, but somehow you couldn't stop having *** with me. i think of you and how you never complimented me when i changed my hair, or noticed when i wore my makeup differently. i think of you and how easy it always was for you to let me go. i get these moments of boldness, telling myself i wont let anyone else control my happiness, but then i think of you.

for so long i fought to protect you from
the world, to hold your hand every time it
stretched its out for yours, but i realize now
i failed miserably.
not because i didnt try, not because i
wouldnt have given myself up for your
sake, but because you needed to be
saved from yourself.
i realize now that i can no longer save
you, and baby im sorry i let you down.
im sorry, im sorry, im so ******* sorry.
im sorry and i know i keep saying it, but
it's all i know how to say anymore.
every time i look down at my hands
all i see is your name written in all the connecting lines of my palms, so i shut my eyes.
but that never mattered.
i still see you.
in every ******* thing.
if im still enough i can still feel your
arms around me, when my body grows
lonely and yearns for connection.  
out of all the people i could have loved,
i made my mind up to love you, to
become one, with you.
and i hope someday that makes
you feel enough.

"tell me to stay one more time, that if by
tomorrow you're gone you'll remember
me by the love we share tonight, tell me
you can't do this alone, that you don't
want to do this alone. tell me you can't
let go either," i begged.
and in your hesitation i found my answers.