Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
JustChloe Jul 2016
im hungry
as in i didnt eat dinner
my stomach is caving in on its self
and i dont know how to fix it
i could eat food
but honestly i dont have any
so i keep watching others that are eating
and hoping i get some of that feeling

I'm hungry for hope
as in I stopped believing
my faith is caving in on itself
and i dont know how to fix it
I could find joy
but honestly  i dont have any
so i keep watching other that are smiling
hoping i get some of that feeling
JustChloe Sep 2014
I'm dragging you down with me

i dont want you to get hurt

but i dont wanna die alone
JustChloe Oct 2015
you don't get to act like you're ******* hurting
you don't get to.pretend like somehow your a victim
like im.the abuser
like me loving you
was a crime
im sick
and tired of your moping
like you have something to complain about
like you have somone to be depressed about
you didn't lose anyone
you pushed somone away
and that is your fault
so you don't get to act like you're hurting
when all you did
was **** me
so you can live
JustChloe Apr 2014
I feel empty
you screamed at me
and I would be crying
if I didn't stop feeling

I don't know when that started
when I started to feel nothing
but I know its happening

Because while you where screaming at me to stop
telling me that what I was saying hurt you
I didn't

I wanted to
or at least I wanted to want to
but I stopped feeling

I can only put out what I had left
and all i had in me
was hurt

when all of my hurt
grows to much
and pushes out my joy and other things
I can only give out
is what' left in me

That is why I cant stop hurting
JustChloe Apr 2014
I don't want to be anyone else
there is only one me
I might not be your favorite person
but that is who I will be

I am amazing
I'm amazing because I believe it
I can see it

I am beautiful
and I know I am because I have a mirror
anyone who says I'm ugly needs to see better

I am smart
I know this because I know about amazing things
and I am as smart as I can physically be

I am me
JustChloe Mar 2016
I am not black
Yes my skin represents a culture
And idea
A vision
A notion carried through generations
Being African American
But my attitude
It doesn't show the reality of the situation
I have never seen the movie roots
I don't like potato salad
the n word doesn't slither of my lips
and a lot of the black jokes I just don't get
I'm not black
and I'm sorry to have to admit it
Yes I am black. This is a piece to show what I have been told my entire life.
JustChloe Jul 2016
I don't want to be black anymore
Strip me of my melanin
My natural curls
Take my lips
My hips
Remove the rhythm from my steps

I don't want to be black anymore
Because in this society that means fear
That means your death is warranted
no justice exist here

I don't want to be black anymore
Because that means my son
Or daughter
Is a victim of the world before us
Where thier deaths are seen as collateral
For the peace of all those lighter than them

I don't want to be black anymore
Because I am a walking target
Aim your gun at me
Because my life means nothing

I don't want to be black anymore
I was so proud of my ethnicity
But now my race only means one thing
Death

So no I don't want to be black anymore
Because I don't want to be scared of everything
I want society to love me
And I want my life to be worth something
JustChloe Sep 2015
When im thinking of leaving
thinking ending my life
considering stopping the cycle that is my demise
people like to tell me that if i leave
I will hurt everyone around me
my parents
my siblings
my teachers
my bullies
and that is why im still living
not for me
but not to hurt you
so i live a life of pain
constant suffering
not ending the fact that i am im hurting
because if i stop dieing
than you will die right after me
and i would rather live in this hell
than escape and put you in my place
do you get it?
JustChloe Oct 2015
I havent been eating
My stomache just hasnt craved food
the only thing on my mind is suicide
and you
so i havent been eating
my bones are started to pretrude
reminds me of what i use to do
I havent been eating
I dont know if its anoerexic
returning to haunt me
or if its depression wanting to love me
but i havent been eating
and Im ok with that
JustChloe Jul 2016
I really do
If I could just stop pretending around him
He would know it too
I'm just so stupid
Just so young and dumb
I don't know how to act
Now that I'm in....
JustChloe Feb 2015
I love you

why?

because someone has too
JustChloe Nov 2015
I bought my self a scale
Got a new cutting instrument
And have a new pro ana website
Im back ana *******
And this time ill be skinner than you
JustChloe Mar 2016
I'm back *******
which I happen to say pleases me
yes I know technically I'm cursing
but that saying empowers me
it makes me feel strong
as if nothing can stop me

I'm back *******
dehumanizing you
strengthens me
as if I am something more than what they told me

I'm back  *******
as if I was ever here in the first place
Just making me feel like I will accomplish something

I'm back *******
now say if after me

We're back  *******
and this time we will never stop being

We're back  *******
It's time we show you what being a ***** really means

We're back  *******
try to stop us now
JustChloe Jul 2015
I miss you
I miss being able to tell you
Everything
Nothing
was off limits
Your love for me was evident
Through the words you speak
Speak to me
I miss you
I miss Being able to look at you
And you know exactly what i mean
Do you know meaN
I miss
I miss having somone know me
Someond to deal with me
And my bipolar mood swings
My lies
My tears
And in return
I Give you
Everything
My thoughts were all for you
Your happiness meant more to me
Than living
My trust for you
Was unhealthy
If you told me to jump off a bridge
I wouldn't think at all
I would be flying through the air on my final fall
before you even realized what you said
I miss Having a best friend
I miss being able to pretend
We knew what love felt like
I miss my addiction to your thoughts
Your words
Your feelings
I miss
You
my eemotions, my thoughts, my love
JustChloe Nov 2014
I'm trying to replace you

but no matter how high I get

no matter how deep I cut

no matter how long I cry

I cant keep you off my mind
I miss you a lot. Please I need you back, please I cant do this without you
JustChloe Jan 2015
Claude......
I miss reading your stuff.. I miss how you understood me
JustChloe Dec 2015
If you break a poets heart
You will live on forever
Everything they say will be infused with aftermath of you
The emotions
Loneliness you left with them
Will fill all thier writing
Inspired them to write more
You will be a co-author in millions of poems
The inspiration to thousands works of art
And you won't even know it
You wont even know in a hundered years you will still live on
You dont know about your newly found
*Immortality
JustChloe Sep 2015
Im not a poet
because when lives are on the line
i can't twist words to say what i mean
im not a poet
love is a foreign term too me
i still can't use metaphor too display how i feel when he's with me
im not a poet
all the words i have ever spoken
ive thought a thousand times over
there's too many words i have left lieing on my lips
im not a poet
self expression is still an alien weird to me
how can i express myself when i don't know who I am
im not a poet
and yet
*im still here
JustChloe Oct 2014
The thrill of being in your arms
The electricity of your skin
Being close to mine
Closer


Closer
Close

The rush of being with her
The loss of time

The sun sets

The wake of realizing
This will never be the same

The pain in her face
When you say you won't raise a babe
"Just **** it, what would you do with a child anyway?"

The guilt that eats you from the inside
To this day

All because one night impulse had it's way
Post your drafts
JustChloe Sep 2015
im reading a book about you
a girl who lives her life
helping others
was buliemic for attention
it turned into an addiction
captivated by things they never mentioned
cut for reasons she never siad and
lived without regret
this book i have is called handel with care
impeachable timing
the minuet you leave me
i.pick up this story
of this girl whose mannerisms
match
your exact
making
handle with care
i wish you came with that warning
but i broke you
not knowing
you could be broken
im reading a book about you
but it sits in my backpack
im scared to flip the pages
to see what happens next
because everytome she cuts
its your memory that rushes
everytime she purges
i think of you in here place
and how i couldnt save
you
and i dont want to know what happens to this girl
when i cant know what happens
to you
JustChloe Jun 2014
I never thought I would have to leave you
I always thought you would leave me

I want to stay in this world
but its not where i was meant to be
in this place i cant be me
I dont know what to believe

and now im sitting here
writing about my life
wondering how to make it past this fight
then realizing i shouldnt

I know thats not what you want to hear
but the end of my story is near
this world is ful of fear
and i dont want to be scared
im sorry im leaving
but I was just not meant to be here
JustChloe Jul 2014
Why do people act like the words

"I'm sorry."

can fix everything?
JustChloe Aug 2014
I'm sorry I hurt you

to make you feel better

I made myself bleed

so maybe I can see

The pain I gave you

and maybe i can change me
JustChloe Jul 2014
I came to a revalation yesterday

I need help

All night I was up

my friend was sleeping over

but I was restless

thinking about knifes

and how great it would be if everyone else woke up and I didn't


I need help
JustChloe Aug 2014
In came I at the end of the storm
Soaked through to the skin with icy rain
I six or seven weeks old abandoned once again
Too young to believe in the spoken eventuality of spring
Of which the elders told mystically the unseen shifts would bring

Too young to conceptualize the marsh grass
dry, the blue skied sun ablaze in the sky
Too young to believe in clouds of butterfly
Driven forward by the simple wish not to die

Came I to the door and mewling stood
Until it opened and into gargantuan
Heated arms lifted and I folded into them apparently for good

Was I wise?
When in I came
Warmed in those flanneled human arms
Dried with a towel from icy rain
I lie on floors polished to a shining glow
warm, clean and fed I see myself grow

Outside the glass the wind howls
The trees now iced and bare
Would I have lived to test the mythic spring
I know not that, know only this one thing

That should the time actually come when
All outside transforms to warm, scented green
It will through 'pain' of clean impenetrable
Glass by me, safe, ensconced, separated,
Looking out from within - be not ever felt, yet ever seen
JustChloe Dec 2014
You inhale so deeply
the chemicals get stuck in your lungs
They suffocate you
until you forget what you wanted to say
prisoner in your mind
feeding into the lie that you have time
chocking on the words
what was i saying again?
flying so high you forget your about to fall
flying so high but you still remember it all
inhale deeply
until you no longer can breathe
JustChloe Mar 2014
Now I just wanna know one thing
When do we draw the line between insanity
and creativity
because if sitting in your room for hours talking to your self is insane
then take me away
but I bet Fredick Duglas did the same thing
when he was in jail and the only person he talked to was the ceiling
and if banging your head against the wall means your crazy
then lock me up baby
because when I cant get the end to a poem right
it will keep me banging my head all night
and if thinking outside the box
and questioning exsistence
means your insane
I think your crazy because if that is insanity
we all are insane
people have come up with things
that make others look at your crazy
and you cant just tell me that me thinking
using oil is crazy
I'm losing my mind to insanity
the insane people of the world
are the people who change it
Harriet Tubman, Rosa Parks
Columbus, Ghandi
Martin Luther King, Jesus
Einstine, Mr.Peabody
and everybody
who has an idea  is insane
they are insanely great
because insanity is what changes things
Insanity makes the world a better place for you and me
so why don't
we instead of pushing the insane person aside
listen to what they have to say
You might learn something
and you may even realize being insane is a good thing
HEART IF YOUR INSANE AND PROUD!
JustChloe Feb 2016
Inspiration
Looking for the right words to say
And actually finding them

Beauty
Is writing a poem and all the words fit
Its writing a poem only some people can get

Poetry
is an art
the most beautiful poems find a notion and grasp it
Explain the idea inside and out
Leave you with a question on your lips

Being a poet is a gift
Inspiration is a blessing
Use it wisely
JustChloe Sep 2014
you're crippilingly insecure

behind a facade of control

you are as sad as you say
=
i hope you don't die

but you need to know that hate is not more powerful than love.
Words that someone said to me tonight, that might of saved my life.
JustChloe Apr 2014
I sit across from you at lunch
but your to busy hanging with you bunch
to know I'm there
you only care
when i get in your way
Listen to what I have to say
because you and me are the same
but you act like I'm nothing
like I'm a punching bag
your to busy to push
like the trash
your to lazy to take out
You make me wan a shout
because you can't see me
through my invisibility
but that's on me
you see I have brick walls
but you don't try to break my walls
and thats not your fault
or your problem
and maybe I'm the one wrong
mad at others because I have walls
but my invisibility stays strong
JustChloe Nov 2015
I'm lost
honeslty
I have no one who wants me
and I know its cliche
and I know if you where still here you would block me
to try and show me
how immature im being
but im being honest
I'm not going to say I have never been happy
because thats a lie
I have smiled a thousand times
but regret always came directly after
or Im never fully there
I pretending and I forget that the smile plastered on my face
has a depression hidden underneath
and its moment like this
at night when its dark that the mask falls off
and I remeber
JustChloe Dec 2014
She was 5 years old
her name was Isabel
She knew me very well
everyday we played in the park
and we made up a hand shake too
It went
I dont wana do the dishes
I dont wanan clean my room
all I wanna do is be here with you
then we would hug
and smile all day long
but that didnt last very long
my father told me to watch out for her she was bad
I didnt undrstead that she was the only friend I have very had
My dad insited that we never speak
he tried to make sure we would never meet
But one day in the cafetiria She smiled at me
then we became best friends almost instantly
we Did everything together
one day I invited her over so my dad can see
that she is an amazing person to me
and she is a lovely young lady
that was when i turned 13
she was always ther for me
Then I came to school with bruises all up my face
she aksed what happened to me
That was the first time I told her about my daddy
she threatened to call the police
she said that it was not safe or healthy
that its not normal to be beat
everyday
for nothing
that dads should punch their wives and cheat behind there back
she said good men dont do that
and I believed her
so just so my dad could hear I brought her to dinner one day
she didnt wanna go but I insisted it was ok
When she came over my dad got mad
the maddest I have ever seen him
then she saw my father
He punch her and kicked her then he grab a knife
I told him to stop I screamed
but i was to afraid to fight
to afriad to fight
then she stop moving and layed there still
everything was silent
she was dead
dead
my only friend
THen I grabbed the knife and stabbed my dad in the head
I screamed
NO MORE
no more
Then it wasnt just Isabel that layed dead on the ground
No one made a sound
my mom just stood there staring at me
Then I realized I just lost my family
I killed my daddy
I did worse then I could ever believe so I picked up the knife and stabbed my mommy
I didnt want her to have to live knowing that I killed her family
then I took the knife and stabbed me
That was the end of my family
JustChloe Dec 2014
I try
I try to sleep at night
without remembering what he felt like
I try
I try to make you happy
even though im drowning
I try
I try to do what you did for me
reassure you I'm not lying
but I'm not sure I'm telling the truth
I try
I try to believe
but time after time my faith fails me
silent prayers
unanswered
innocence shattered
I keep getting madder
but i try
to make it right
I try to forget my past
I try
to help you to
But I dont know what i am suppose to do
JustChloe Jul 2015
Its been 11 hours and 47 minutes since you told me  you don't care anymore
Since my heart stopped beating
since you left me crying at your door
Its been 11 hours and 50 minuets since you told me you dont love me anymore
Since my greatest fears came true
Since i realized you slipped through ny fingers
That only person who knew what to do to
Knew how to Help me
But Left me
Because im not enough anything
For you
Its been 11 hours and 53 minuets since i lost my heart
It wont restart
Because i no longer want it to
If it does i feel
And this whole thing is real
If i dont have a heart beat i can forget it's there
Forget you don't care
About me
Its been 11 hours and 55 minuets since i tried to **** myself for the first time
Since i actually considered death worth a try
Because this hell you put me in
Shouldnt have to be my life
Something must be better
On the other side
But it didn't work
I knew it wouldn't
Ended up throwing up over a bucket like i always knew i could
Ended up.emptier than before
Because i cant leave this world
Im trapped in a hell with you

We always promised to help eachother
But i guess that was never true
I guess you never meant it
When you said i love you too
So i guess its over now
But it still doesn't hurt
Because its only been 12 hours
Since i learned how to stop loving anymore
JustChloe May 2016
It's hard to pretend
To keep the smile pasted on
To try to smile with my eyes

It's hard
To give all yourself away
And get nothing in return

It's hard
To lose everything
And be expected to give more

It's hard
To be awake at 3 in the morning
And wonder why your heart hurts

It's hard
To be told you don't know anything
That you're too young to understand

It's hard
To see whats happening
But live life like your missing something

It's hard
To give them everything
But they all claim "no one cares about me"

It's hard
To live with the realization that your nothing
Then be told you where wrong

It's hard
To be in love with broken things
And always getting cut in the process

It's hard
To breathe
And to wake up daily

It's hard
To be
Sometimes I wonder why
JustChloe Nov 2015
Youre gone
like a ghost
and you took the best parts of me
but thats my fault
because I used them
to keep you
turn you into a prisioner
the bars were the threatining that I would die without you
I put mines all around you
so if you try to take a step
there will be an explosoin
but I would be the one who died
and my blood would be on your hands
and I thought that was enough to make you
Stay
but you didnt
and the parts of me
that felt
that i straped on to you
you took them
and honestly I didnt think you would
but now im left
alone
with the worst parts of me
You killed me
so you could live
and now its over
its over
**over
JustChloe Nov 2016
I've tasted sin
Smelled the liquid and
Let the substance drip through my lips
I love how it tasted
Burned my throat and ****

I fell in love with disappointment
And she sure was beautiful
Tempted me in the best ways possible
She taught me tricks to lure my next *****

I've smoked betrayal
And gave it my sanity
The last whole piece of me
Coughed my lungs up in disbelief
And it felt so ******* good to be free

I've spoken shame
Let the poison pass through my lips
But this time the way I led it
Ive vomited all the tainted substances I have taken in
And it feels amazing to let it out

And then take in some more

But I've tasted sin
And I can't get enough of that ****
JustChloe Jul 2014
The one thing I want

Is the one thing I cant have

How can anyone call this life fair?
JustChloe Jul 2014
I want






I dont know what I want
But I need
I need you
JustChloe Jul 2014
I want someone to hear me complain about my day
I want someone to lend me their shoulder
I want someone who wont complain when i wake up at midnight to cuddle
I want someone who thinks sorry is enough
I want someone to love me
I want someone who is there for me
I want somone
JustChloe Jun 2016
I want to hide,
From responsibilities
Expectations
And my crippling reality

I want to run,
far from everything
I don't desire to be

I want to get lost
in darkness
Where no one can find me

I want to ignore
All that I'm feeling

And I want to hide
from me
Think of this poem spoken softly with long pauses
JustChloe Oct 2015
I want you to ****** me
I want to retrace the claw marks i left on your back
and rediscover your body
I want you to love me
hold me close until the sunrise
waking me just to kiss me
and tell me im pretty
I want you to keep me
and never let me go
JustChloe Aug 2014
I wish the only person to comfort me
wasn't hurting by doing it

I wish i wasnt a bother to you

I wish my hurting
wouldnt make you forget everything you thougth you knew

but whats the point of wishing
if it will never come true
JustChloe Dec 2014
I wonder what its like
to live without regret
to pretend your fine
until the day it you die

I wonder what its like
to pretend your okay
the pain you must feel
when you run out of lies to say

I wonder what its like
to smile through your tears

I wonder how
you survived all these years
JustChloe Apr 2014
When the walls fall around me
and I feel like giving up
when everyone around me hurts me
I wont give up

When you say I'm ugly
when you call me gay
when you insult me right to my face
I wont give up

When you try to break me
with all you might
When you say nonsense and try to start a fight
I wont give up

No, I wont give up
JustChloe Jul 2014
I don't feel bad for mentally disabled people




I'm jealous

picture living in a world

where everything is happy

and people make fun of you


but you have no idea



and



could                                           care                                         less
JustChloe Mar 2014
I know the maker of all things
he is greater than all things
he wants to be loved by all things
He lives in me
He he is amazing
He is the God for me
JustChloe Jun 2014
How can I jump when no one will catch me?
JustChloe Jul 2014
I was sad
upset
I didnt want to live anymore
and the only advice she gave me
was the one thing I didnt want to do

*"Just Breathe"
JustChloe Apr 2014
He was tortured
and humilated
for me

He was hung on the cross
while people screamed hurtful things
for me

He rose from the dead
and from Satin he took the key
for me

He broke chains for me
made a path that I can see
A path that lead to heaven
he did that, for me

Jesus died for me
Next page