A small and gratuitous thank you
to every single one of you
who read my absent minded emotions
that I plaster among the fields of great poetry.
A gracious acknowledgement
to the best friends
who listen to me say the same things
over and over
about the same boy
and his beautiful hands
and his leaving for Germany.  
A sincere recognition to the new friends
who tolerate my abnormality
and hang with me through the spontaneity
of midnight conversations through
binary code of chat functions.
A sincerest gratitude
to the mother who carried me through
the hard winter
when anxiety made me heavy
with the weight of my worries.
Who now shares happy afternoons
garden beds
and chai tea on the front porch.
To everyone in my life
who witnessed my darkest hours
and sunniest peaks.
To every single person who has trekked the terrain
of my unpredictable personality
and sarcastic biting words
my cruelty and arrogance
my sleep deprived, half assed attitude
my unpredictable pickiness
and my constantly changing tastes.
You have seen me at my worst
and stayed strong by my side
so now I am proud to share with you my best.
To everyone who helps me get through the day
Thank you.

I cried out in the darkness
in a hopeless sate of mind and body.

I asked You for help,
some power greater than me,
because my way brought me to
the doors of death.

I had yet to experience You,
but I had hope that others were experiencing
a life free from self-hate and fear.

I  grateful I am free more each day
from the prison of my self.

I embrace the Divine Light
and it is soft and warm.

That day was like amcig
It gave me epho
You gave your olev to me
And I caught it like a srta
But every day is a new day, and a new tmie
Calls for new gebninis
And violent ndes
So our love ended like a redam
It was quick, shocking and lruec
And everything in my lefi now
Is mixed up like lavees
Blowing away in the wnid
To a better lacpe
A better ruhtt
And a better love.

Once upon a past time
I hated the way I looked.
Every ounce of fat that clung to me
like a needy child
was more than just weight to bare.
Once, I walked past every mirror I saw
not daring to face
what I might find in the reflection.
Once, I glared at every curve and fold
that I found in the canvas of my skin
wishing for the synonymous
thin
beautiful.
Once, I hated myself
simply because.

I stand taller now
I hold my shoulders back
I flaunt every curve and fold
I am proud of every ounce of my body
simply because.

She said that he took her
Sailing.
Back when she was still in love with him.
She said that everyone must fall eventually.
But what a pity that he's not capable of returning the favor.
She said that he's not normal
But I said that's why I've found my eventually.

And I dream of sailing
with him
In a mutual eventually.

I close my eyes
Try to sleep
I see a wave of ink
A cloud of black
In water
No rhyme
No poem or verse
I'm going blind
I need a nurse
******* like cumuli
Hips as wide as a nautical mile
To get me back to sea
To help me see
To make me smile.

r ~ 5/26/14

O, Traveller
They were glorious
Our boys in gray
Tho the blue carry this day
We shan't forget
No, never.

O, Traveller
Did you see them march
To beating drum
To smoke and fire
Our boys in gray
We shan't forget
No, never.

O, Traveller
This rain and mud
Virginia awaits in sorrow
The day is gray
For our boys
We shan't forget
No, never.

r ~ 5/26/14

I refuse to take responsibility for my actions
and admit that this is my fault.
I blame him.
I call him a *******
for enticing me.
Yet I am the one who spoke that dangerous word
Love.
****, I can't deal with it
the thought of him
of losing him
because he's not like anybody i've met before.
Nobody else
is so magnificent.
There will be others
but no other like him.
I can't deal with the thought of him
leaving.
I can't deal with the fact
that he might love someone else.
The fact that he doesn't love me
even when I use the most dangerous word
in the human vocabulary.
I said Love
and I meant it
even though I wish i could take it back
because he's leaving
and it hurts
so i refuse to take responsibility
for the dangerous word that bubbled across my lips.
Love.