I delay
As much as I can
I'm running out of excuses
As I'm trying to convince myself I ain't making excuses at all
It is like I'm building walls
Neither I am aware of what they are made of
They are just as paper thing, but I'm fooling myself they're tough
I'm doing my best to ignore the red lights
And the loud alarms that I turn off
Time grows thinner
My excuses grows wider
I always picture myself as the bravest
The truth is, I was never a fighter

-I should just get **** done already

The sky is pouring outside
So I won't have to cry all by myself

Reading random poetry
Feels like a hundred people screaming
Some are in pain
Some are beaming
One got me laughing
One got me thinking
Something makes me nostalgic
Some so good and still so basic
I just know poetry tastes likes nothing else
Forever the shelter flavor I will choose to dwell

- If only poetry had the same attention as TV shows, I would be able to know many more worlds.

I read to forget
But I never
Forget what I read

I look my reflection
And I don't recognize
Who's right in front of me
And I start crying
Until my view it's blurry
I clean my eyes
Till I see clearly
But the image
It's still blurry

- a stranger in my body

Endless night
Turning to one side to the other
Weighing against the mattress
It doesn't even matter
The thought of a far away
Escaping inside my mind
Making up a world of mine
Where I pretend to find
The little Golden bottle of happiness
In a whirl of events that lead to this
The world of plastic
And tears of stone
Going down so fast
Just to return
Every evening a new chapter
Every dusk a new cry
And all the demons in the corner
Watching in the dark
As I lay down
Just to sit up
Repeating all night
Through the fases of the dark blanket
As I try to push the voices back
They come stronger and tore apart
Sanity is not here anymore
She left jealous a while ago
Said she couldn't share me
With the pride and ego
So she left a chair empty
And an empty chair doesn't stay empty for long
Now I have this stranger little thing
Sitting just in the middle
It won't let me sleep
It won't let me eat
It barely allows to breathe
I'm still asking for its name
But gained nothing in return

And everything I struggle to put in words
Someone else certainly did before
And yet it still so hard
To come in conclusion with that
Nothing is really new
But I guess is still valid if is new to - you -

She was an angel or was she the devil?
I try to beat your game but there are so many levels
Just wish that I could had helped
But it's hard when you don't know what you want yourself

- maybe you were the problem and the solution all at once

Bound tight to the earth
For the couple last months
Didn't see when
My feets began to float
Didn't want to mess my life up
I had just rearrange
But it's hard to avoid
When you don't see the changes
Now I'm in foreigner waters
And I never learned how to swim
Do I step back?
Do I keep it up?
Do I say that?
Do I take this turn?
I don't want to want
But I do
I want everything
I also want you

- Promise me you'll catch me

You've rooted my brain
To the point where I didn't know myself anymore
You've poisoned my heart
To the point I didn't love me anymore
How did I give myself
To such a broken soul?
How did I give myself
While you didn't give yourself even once

I have loved for both of us
And it's ironic because
That was the farthest thing from love

And it was ironic because
You claim to love me so much
But you just rot me
To the point I don't know love anymore

I'm staring at the same sky again
I thought it wouldn't be the same
The air is cutting through my cheeks
The stars laughing down on me

Another year
Same story
Press repeat
Kinda boring

I'm staring at the same sky again
I thought I would be with you then
Hot summer night
I'm don't even feel sad but stoic I cry

I am
The lighthouse
and the storm
altogether

- I worry for the ship that goes by

I want you
So desperately to love me
But I honestly can't tell
If it is because I like you
Or if I only want to know
That I can make you fall for me
If I want to

She's a daydreamer
A storm in it's physical form
Made straight out of boldness
The key to every door

She smells like that time at night
Where everything feels possible
And the world fit in ours pockets

As there's only the open road ahead
And nothing can hurt us
Because we're untouchable

There's no living thing
That won't bend to her wills
Because she's just too pretty
To be let unsatisfied

I guess that's why it hurts so much
When you wake up next morning
And she's just not into you anymore
Because the adrenaline went gone
The night made out of possibilities is dead
And she's realized you're not so interesting
As you were last night

- I fall for the dreamer every time, and every time they wake up from the dream

I can feel my heart pounding
I'm as still as I can get
It's like I'm drowning
I try to ignore but I can't let go yet
I feel my heart bumping into my chest
I'm trying to sleep but the beating won't let
I want it to stop
It's not that I want to die
It's just that I don't care if I'm alive
I wish I could sleep a whole night
I don't even remember the last time I wasn't tired
But how do I sleep
When I feel my heart pounding so deep?

I
Falled
But you
Had a better sense of balance

- it goes on and on

I desire your wheat hair close to me
Enough to smell the sweet of your skin
I wish for your spreading smile
Beginning from that mischievous smirk
But when it starts to become reality
I shy away
Everytime you're too close
Everytime you take a bold move too far
I imagine all the time
how it's gonna be when I touch you
and all the changes that I get
I shy away

- Maybe I'm only brave in my head

The sound of silence it's way to loud
It opens space for my thoughts to scream out
I try to shut it but I dont know how
Maybe it is my fault
For letting my imagination being all about
What it was or what it could be
Every scenarios that I dream
Every problem I'm being involved with
Comes out to play on this silent beat

-Shhh... I need to sleep sometimes

When all you get from me
Is silence
When I just agree
Nodding my head
So you'll shut too
That's when you must know
You've lost me

Used to sing myself to sleep
Now I just cry
till I can't see

- there's waves climbing out of my stomach to my eyes -

I never know what I'm thinking
Till' I pour it out of my pen
I can't tell if I'm being realistic or dreaming
Before I read it out of the paper, again and again
I don't try to write remarkable things at all
All I do it's write to slow down my thoughts

- I'm someone else within the ink.

You say "I was with you since you were nobody"
That's how I know you doesn't love me
I have always been somebody
I was always someone
The problem is
You loved the person I could become
Not the one I already was

- You don't even know what is love, my love.

I wished to have
When I had

Realization came too late for old wishes

How can one person become another one
I swear you don't even have the same tone
I look into your eyes and it's all gone
You float
Away
You ran
Away
You spaced
Away
You were my home
How do I find the path to a place long gone?

-I miss, not sure of which part

They say when a cloud aren't so high in the sky
you can see it moving.
When they are high, though
don't show movement at all.
Sometimes I think when people are so high
they are like clouds, they don't show anything at all.
They're so distant for that.
So high.
So far.
So untouchable.
In times like these, I'm sure;
I don't wanna be a high cloud.

-I'm a cloud. I'm already high enough.

You were such a dreamer
Loving the sky more than anything
You could go hours starring at the dark sky
Telling me about the stars
What they mean
Where they tell us to go
But I never remember what you taught me about it
Because I couldn't concentrate
You were so beautiful
I couldn't take my eyes off of you
Your warmth kept pulling me close
And seemed like you were a black hole
I was caught in your gravity camp
I wasn't able to pull myself away then

-I miss stargazing with you every nightfall

I look at my reflection
And I don't recognize
Who's right in front of me
I start crying
Until my view it's blurry
And when I wipe my eyes
I see clearly
But the image
It is still blurry

- a stranger in my body

I feel just as Icarus
However, I'm stuck in a forever moment

between the flying

and the falling

Yet, I can never tell
If I'm flying or falling for the most part
I just know that the world is on slow motion
And my wings are constantly melting upon my body

You are not even drop that gorgeous
But the way you move
The way you dress
Each tattoo and platinum hair
You are such a stereotype of a stylish boy
But also like a little kid with that loosen smile full of joy

-You dress like a bad boy and acts like a stuffed toy

I'm suffocating in myself,
drowning, drowning,
inside the person I am.

No one to talk to,
So I made myself my best friend.
After a few moons together,
I realized I didn't want my company either.
And that's when I knew
I was completely alone.

I keep trying to shut myself down,
But I've been so loud this week,
I keep suffocating in me.

Once again I see waves on the pathway
Out of heat burning down on us
Times like these give me certain
If I were Icarus
The sun wouldn't melt my wings
Instead it would fall apart
Out of ocean humidity based on low flight
And I would die happy on the embracing cold waters
Out of the sun's hands

I don't like hot days
Neither beach party's
Even less heat and sweat

But it's been so long
Since the last time sun kissed me
I even enjoy the feeling
Of melting wings

- Icarus, I do understand you a bit more today

I don't know why
But when the sun goes down
I go down alongside it

- I close my eyes and see sunflowers in the dark.

I don't know why
But when the sun goes down
I go down alongside it

- perhaps I'm a sunflower

Sun and wind
When I got to your location
We greeted
As past wasn't screaming
Coffee time
Small talk
How have you been?
Your hair is longer
And this is were we are
Table talk
We're older now
Not bedroom gossip
Table talk
How are your parents?
And about work?
Ignoring the real questions
We want to make so badly
Because real questions
Aren't suitable
For adults table talk

You say
You're not playing
You say
You do care
I ask
If this is real
You say "it is"
You say
You say
You go on and on about it
Then you disappear
Ghosting
For so long
And then you come back
"Dont overreact,
I was just busy
I have a live as well"
Make me feel dumb
For feeling insecure
You say
You say
You talk me out of my senses
So well
That I forget
That words
And actions
Are a world apart

- how I feel it's not open for changes

Thank you,
For opening an old wound on me
Deeper than before
So I can see roses blooming from it

Thank you,
For reminding me I can bleed
And making my words flow
I write better when my heart's beating slowly

Thank you
For giving me a taste of a different kind of love
Just to give it back to hurt and longing
At least I had a glimpse of what it could have been

And most of all, thank you
For being the exact reason
I keep my walls so high
And my words for myself

Now you're just another reason for my self isolation

- I kinda new from the start, but I lied to myself - too.

There's blue
There's green
There's purple in you
And red down his knees

There's that fun yellow in your arms
And a touch of black under her eyes
I search for the white of your hands
But they've disappear under the light

I miss the orange
It keept it a little lighter
Now we're left with gray
And empty ink bottles piled higher and higher

"It doesn't matter, she loves me as well"


- Spoiler alert: it mattered.

In the end
it is me,
for me.
The problem is that I do not care for myself either.

- I don't know why I keep expecting someone else to save me from myself.

it's us against the world

To live like a king
It's to die like one

- Name a king through all history that died honorable

Trying to reach
The unreachable

Wanting to learn
As if I had eternal years

Wanting to read
Every single line that was ever written

All these side quest obligations
Seems so foolish when you put it
Side to side
Of how much there's to absorve in this world

And at 3am it hits me

I want to learn it all
I want to see it all
I wanna write
I wanna read
I wanna draw
I wanna be
I wanna see
I wanna learn
There's so much in this world
And I want it all

- next morning the flame it's gone (until the next 3am insomnia)

It's been eleven hours I'm listening to music
My ears hurt and my head pounds
But if I turn it off my thoughts run wild
The sound of silence it's much more loud
So I put my earphones on
I dont have anything to keep me busy so it will be long
I'm playing my favorite tracks but it still not fun
It's like I'm on the search for the perfect song

- Instead of complain I should be thankful for having music to shut my mind

What if I'm not the Storm
What if I'm the Devil?

The waves are coming for me again
On my little island where I walk around
Pretending I don't see the waves crashing down

But the waves did raise this night
It overcome the little island that kept me on my feet
I have no land to stand over for tonight

I'm just drowning
And every time that I catch a breath
Another wave hit me under
Is a wave
After another

And tonight I'll sink

Till the morning where the sea goes down
And I'll find my footing again
But first I have to endure the water in my lungs

- I was never a good swimmer

My thoughts
Beat
Beat
Beat
Against my skull

I think
Re-think
Re-think
Re-think
It's what I always do

How bad a day must be
To make me laugh of disbelief?

That I won't read the end of A Song Of Ice And Fire
That life got harder after eighteen, when it should get easier
That no mystic creature showed up to take me to Camp Half-Blood
And most of all things
I just can't believe that after all these years
I'm still writing about you

- Do you even remember I exist ?