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13h · 17
Breaking up
Where to go?
Where?
Is it even worth?
I don't know

Broken feeling
Broken glass
Why together
We're just a mess

I know
            Know
                       Know

But do I?
Thoughts pounding
I'm not minding
I'm used to this beat

So confused
But calm at most
Another confusion;
Is just another one

I don't want you anymore
But I need you closed
If it's no you
Maybe it won't be anyone

I can't bear that
I can't bear the lone
But you are here and
It's just as you're gone

So I'm thinking
And my brain already decided
But I'm feeling, and feeling
It's not arbitrarily
4d · 29
Cold in summer
Cold in summer
A frost within me
My thoughts died
Wasn't complete

Cold in summer
where was I?
You didn't love me
Not a single day in time

Cold in summer
How can it be so cold?
You were here yesterday
But have been gone for so long

Cold in summer
I don't love you anymore
What are we here for?
Just getting old

Heat in winter
I hope it to be
So hot, so feverish
I forget to feel
5d · 28
This time
You left me again
But it didn't **** me this time

You used to leave me half-dead
Too scared to stay and see while I die

But I didn't die this time
I didn't ask you to stay
I refuse to let this day go to waste,
for you're uncertain about how to feel and what to say.

You didn't **** me this time
It still hurts, but I'm still alive
It's a bit tricky
But I'm learning to survive
6d · 33
lately
My love's running cold
And I don't think it will ever warm up again
Do I want it to warm up again?

My life's running warm as never
Who took off the fold?
Why did I start living so old?

Is it comfort that binds me?
Why can't I embrace change,
Despite knowing the answer,
And persisting in the same?

Locked up inside a lock that's locked
How to free myself from me
How to become
Something I'm not

Or am I?
Who is "me"?
So many things coming together
And since last week
And I'm no longer twenty three
7d · 31
Writer's block
Words whirl
In chaotic flight
Left and right
A pandemonium of linguistic might

Words engage
In a battle on rage
To see who will make it to the page

When did it get so hard to put them out?
When did I stop writing down?
When did the fire burn out?

Amidst the guts and smashed brain, I know
I cannot weave words I don't truly believe
I only pen what my mind's conceived

I halted my writing, afraid to confront my thoughts
To preserve the mask I've carefully wrought
But I'm suffocating in me, I need the writing
And the ink dont cease calling me

Told myself I was too happy to write
And art can't come out of good things
How can this be happiness
With my mind flooding with words like this ?
Why deceive myself?
Why stifle happiness?
When the situation I'm in
Is just enough to forget the pain
Not to let it go away
Nov 2023 · 250
Suffocating in myself
Callamasttia Nov 2023
I'm suffocating in myself,
drowning, drowning,
inside the person I am.

No one to talk to,
So I made myself my best friend.
After a few moons together,
I realized I didn't want my company either.
And that's when I knew
I was completely alone.

I keep trying to shut myself down,
But I've been so loud this week,
I keep suffocating in me.
Nov 2023 · 234
Poetry
Callamasttia Nov 2023
People that only
love poetry
when it's short
don't know what
poetry is
Nov 2023 · 53
You ran dry my words
Callamasttia Nov 2023
You ran dry my words
I've put down the pen
Cause I had someone
To talk
And listen
To all the words glimmering and blistering
But you never heard
I caught you asking the same question over and over again
I caught you asking the same question over and over again
I caught you asking the same question over and over again
Like a tired sentence
That you read and reread when you're half asleep
I gave you all my words
I gave you my poet soul
But you never read it
You never wanted to know the scent of my ink
You just wanted I gave you all of me
To take care of your own disorganized and scribbles words
You wanted me,
The part that took care of your words
But never wanted me,
The part that longed to be heard
Nov 2023 · 54
Rooted love
Callamasttia Nov 2023
You've rooted my brain
To the point where I didn't know myself anymore
You've poisoned my heart
To the point I didn't love me anymore
How did I give myself
To such a broken soul?
How did I give myself
While you didn't give yourself even once

I have loved for both of us
And it's ironic because
That was the farthest thing from love

And it was ironic because
You claim to love me so much
But you just rot me
To the point I don't know love anymore
Nov 2023 · 88
Not all men
Callamasttia Nov 2023
Not all men,
Don't paint them with the same brush.
There are good fellas out there,
They're just hidden in the hush.

Not all men,
Don't be harsh and snap.
You're hurting their feelings,
By saying that.

Not all men
Just all your male classmates,
With different ages, incomes and background.
You think they're all the same cloth, but they're just clout
Real men are out there; you just have to be alert to find out

Not all men
Well, maybe your work colleagues
But just because they get carried in their jokes
Doesn't mean the nice guys have to pay for it

Not all men
Just your brother, cousins and uncles
Are the perfect stereotype of what they claim not to be
Maybe you just have to open your heart and see what they want you to see

Not all men
Remember that nice guy you met?
He was so charming and polite
So what that with his group friends he's the first to make a  offensive little Joke and get everybody to crack ?

Not all men
What about you lovely lover?
He doesn't want to be with you when it gets too hard
But he's so nice, isn't he? You should be more grateful for the lad!

Not all men
Didn't you have a dad?
He screamed and horrorofied you
Just thinking about your own good so
Why do you treat him so bad?

Not all men
Your classmate is so smart!
He can talk about books and life
Is it such a big deal he told you these words
As a heartfelt friend advice?

Not all men
You're just too boring!
Can't take a ******* joke
And then think they're all terrible

So what if he's married and has a baby girl
Yet still watching **** in class and talk about
Getting underage girls?

So what if he has a younger sister
And talk with our classmates about
Wich one he's going to let be the lucky guy
That will make it in their house to take her at night?

Not all men
Stop being dramatic!
Boys will be boys
What's the catastrophe?

Not all men,
You just have to find the right one,
Who will tell you that boys are just like that,
And aren't intending to harm anyone.

He doesn't even think about how my heart sinks
When I talk about all these things
And I get back that I'm such a drama queen
Bacause that's just how people are
A laught doesn't turn them mean

Not all men
But how am I gonna trust a men
That joke at every woman they know
And act defenseless when the misogyny it's shown

Not all men,
I guess I want to believe it,
And that's why my heart aches so much,
Because always when I think I've found the right one,
The right friend, the right love

All men,
Not leaving one out at all,
Have proven me wrong so far,
And it hurts deeply,
Because I want to believe  it.
Not all men,
But all I've met so far.
Jun 2023 · 83
Grief
Callamasttia Jun 2023
"I've never experienced grief,"
I pondered for quite some time.
But in this pool of stagnation, I grieve each day,
An eternal punishment, as Sisyphus and his climb.

I grieve the life I dreamt of as a child,
To silence the screams at dinner.

I grieve the future we planned out
Before I saw you leaving.

I grieve golden hours in my living room,
With a book in hand and tea on the table,
In a house I never managed to buy.

I grieve my friends,
Who now reside in a distant dream future,
Where our worlds no longer collide.

I grieve my dream job,
Fulfilling work and festive nights,
Mornings being applauded for being a mastermind.

And most of all, I grieve,
Our future together,
Which I've dreamed of for years,
A house, plants, games, cats,
Dancing in the living room,
Purchasing new chairs,
Our cooking sessions at three a.m,
Knowing I'm loved for what I am.

Paper dreams,
Imaginary plans,
Tired smiles,
Our hidden dance.

I know I can get repetitive
So pardon me if I do
After all , what is grief
If not spiraling thoughs in a loop

My goals, plans so grand,
Smiles we shared, happiness at our hand,
Now are shattered, buried in the sand,
My is future lost and for that,
I grieve again.
Mar 2023 · 87
Landscape
Callamasttia Mar 2023
I'm standing at the edge of this landscape.
I don't want to die; I just want to escape.
About to fly off, but there’s no hero's cape.

Standing at the edge of this landscape,
Last month, I thought it wasn't too late
To take a jump into the air as if it were a lake.
But now I see clearly, and there's no way.

I'm standing at the edge of this landscape.
It took me too long to realize that life doesn't negotiate.
It just sets its price, then comes and takes.

I was standing at the edge of this landscape
A few seconds ago, but now I'm falling while my lungs deflate.

Thought that I could change,
Somehow the hope was fake.
I knew I was never good at setting a pace.

At least for the first time, I don't hold hate
Of all that could be, this is the best place
To put my shoes aside and set my grave.

When my body becomes part of this landscape.
Jan 2023 · 117
Same sky again
Callamasttia Jan 2023
I'm staring at the same sky again
I thought it wouldn't be the same
The air is cutting through my cheeks
The stars laughing down on me

Another year
Same story
Press repeat
Kinda boring

I'm staring at the same sky again
I thought I would be with you then
Hot summer night
I'm don't even feel sad but stoic I cry
Dec 2022 · 656
Rain
Callamasttia Dec 2022
The sky is pouring outside
So I won't have to cry all by myself
Dec 2022 · 111
To separate
Callamasttia Dec 2022
I'm not sleepy
I'm sad
And somehow it took me

A very,
               very
                           long time

to separate both things
Dec 2022 · 116
I've let go
Callamasttia Dec 2022
I've let go of my words
Because you said my english wasn't good enough

I've let go of my points
Because you said I'm always pushing my point of view

I've let go of speaking up around you
Because my opinion it's always wrong

I've been sore by someone that can barely put up a phrase together

And still

I've let go of myself
Because you would never love someone like me
Dec 2022 · 96
Why can't I sleep
Callamasttia Dec 2022
Why do I have lungs
If I can't breathe
Why it's dark
If I can't sleep
Why is there silence
If I'm so anxious
Why isn't right
When isn't wrong
These nights
Have me wide awake
Trying to learn
How much I can take
My mind it's pounding
Words, flashes and sounds
I wish I could stop
But I don't know how
Sep 2022 · 114
Wish I was dead
Callamasttia Sep 2022
I want a bullet through my skull
Right outta my head
Oh I wish I was dead
I wanna die
And it kills me to be alive

Beating and beating
till it bleeds
Oh, I just wish to disappear
Some days out of thin air
Others to let a scene of full bloodbath
But most days are the same
I wish I wasn't
But I suppose I am

You love me
But just when I'm away
You care
Just when I treat you the same

You love me but don't even understand
I love you but not enough to stay
Sep 2022 · 93
Loved
Callamasttia Sep 2022
If not even the person that is supposed to love me,
Loves me
How am I supposed to feel loved?
Sep 2022 · 71
Trust
Callamasttia Sep 2022
I allowed me to trust
Now I can't bring myself to understand
That your safety isn't an option anymore
Every now and then
I catch a thought,
A plan or move that includes you
And I have to remember
You gave away my trust
Passed me up
Had just enough fun
And took away everything you brought
Now when I think of us
It takes so much to realize we were
But we are no more
Aug 2022 · 79
Clown
Callamasttia Aug 2022
Go ahead
Put a red nose on me
Make me do it all for you
And be what you want me to be

So you can just turn around
And leave me with the white paint
A tear drawn on my checks
Upside down smile in pain
And guilty in my stripped sleeves

I sacrificed so much for this circus
You got me crying till noon
You never gave me priority
Left me alone with empty balloons
Aug 2022 · 207
Away
Callamasttia Aug 2022
It must be really good
To be far from me
Since it's so late
And you still
Away
Aug 2022 · 507
Words and people
Callamasttia Aug 2022
I thought being good with words
Meant I would be good dealing with people
But these two things are so far
From each other

What use is it knowing what to say
If I can't bring myself to open my mouth?
Jul 2022 · 209
Emotional damage
Callamasttia Jul 2022
Who decided
love was supposed
to hurt this much?
Jul 2022 · 268
It's Exhausting
Callamasttia Jul 2022
Crying for you
Every single time
Jun 2022 · 188
Kid
Callamasttia Jun 2022
Kid
What a kid
Are you kidding me?
What a kid
And with me
Getting caught in the crossfire
I'm so tired
You're such a kid
Playing with me
But obeying tightly
Who buys your snacks
Jun 2022 · 210
One sided
Callamasttia Jun 2022
When things get blue
I'm always there for you
But when I get there
Then I'm no good

- not enough
Jun 2022 · 251
Wish
Callamasttia Jun 2022
I wish I could
But I can't

-Anything at all
Jun 2022 · 65
Regular sleep routine
Callamasttia Jun 2022
Endless night
Turning to one side to the other
Weighing against the mattress
It doesn't even matter
The thought of a far away
Escaping inside my mind
Making up a world of mine
Where I pretend to find
The little Golden bottle of happiness
In a whirl of events that lead to this
The world of plastic
And tears of stone
Going down so fast
Just to return
Every evening a new chapter
Every dusk a new cry
And all the demons in the corner
Watching in the dark
As I lay down
Just to sit up
Repeating all night
Through the fases of the dark blanket
As I try to push the voices back
They come stronger and tore apart
Sanity is not here anymore
She left jealous a while ago
Said she couldn't share me
With the pride and ego
So she left a chair empty
And an empty chair doesn't stay empty for long
Now I have this stranger little thing
Sitting just in the middle
It won't let me sleep
It won't let me eat
It barely allows to breathe
I'm still asking for its name
But gained nothing in return
Jun 2022 · 85
No difference
Callamasttia Jun 2022
If I die tomorrow
Nobody will miss me
It will make no difference
Into anyone's day
Therefore was I ever alive?
Jun 2022 · 85
You
Callamasttia Jun 2022
You
There's words dancing
All around you
They're floating
I try to adjust them in order
But how I could
When you're glowing
So bright all I can do is smile?
Jun 2022 · 73
Hardest thing I ever did
Jun 2022 · 59
Frustration
Callamasttia Jun 2022
It took me a lifetime
To learn how to put these letters together
You used a day or two

It took me years
To learn how to swing the pen
It was a hour or so for you

I used to stand so proud
To be able to do theses things
When you, with boredom
Learned it overnight
And wanted to taught me
How to do them right

It makes me so angry
How I had to give everything I have
To learn all of it
And you do everything better
At your first shot

It makes me guess
Are you special
Or am I just not enough?
Jun 2022 · 82
You make me feel dumb
Callamasttia Jun 2022
You make me feel dumb
Every arrogant tone
Every correction of my actions
Every rewritten of my words
Let them be messy
Let them be clumsy
They're mine

You make me feel dumb
And just laugh it off
Because "I'm gonna be mad
If you just try to help
With best intentions"

In the end
You just make me feel dumb
And like to feel superior
Somehow makes you feel better
About yourself
And all the things you done
That made you feel dumb
Jun 2022 · 200
Silence
Callamasttia Jun 2022
When all you get from me
Is silence
When I just agree
Nodding my head
So you'll shut too
That's when you must know
You've lost me
Jun 2022 · 72
Do you get it?
Callamasttia Jun 2022
Do you get me,
If I say life is a little too weird
And despite the good things that happens
I'm not even near what I can call happy

Do you get me?
When I say I still failing
Even if I just show the best scores
I'm still a bit lost
and kinda sore

Do you get me
If I tell you that the people I trust most
Don't get it
Not all, not even a little

So I started guessing
That if not even who cares for me understand
Is someone out there that gets it ?
Jun 2022 · 75
Nobody's words
Callamasttia Jun 2022
These words are for nobody
No one to see it
You may want to correct
Since your words are better

So these words are for nobody
That's why they are mine
No words for nobody
And nobody am I
May 2022 · 90
Good job!
Callamasttia May 2022
You don't love me
But good job!
You really made me think you did
May 2022 · 523
Disappointment
Callamasttia May 2022
Did you wait smiling for this?
Callamasttia May 2022
Wet grass smell. There's nothing more earthy about earth. I miss the raw world. Not the grind "to make it". Earth. Wind. Rain. I miss the animal part of ourselves. I miss the humanity in the human.
May 2022 · 64
Days and days
Callamasttia May 2022
I avoid to write
And I swallow my tears
I push down my sadness
As it would just disappear

I don't want the feeling to take over
Because I know what comes next
Days and days of bitterness
And mood changing so fast

I annoy myself when I'm like this
I don't even know the reason
How can I miss something
That I haven't gotten yet?

- why am I like this?
May 2022 · 58
Stranger
Callamasttia May 2022
I look at my reflection
And I don't recognize
Who's right in front of me
I start crying
Until my view it's blurry
And when I wipe my eyes
I see clearly
But the image
It is still blurry

- a stranger in my body
May 2022 · 56
Somebody
Callamasttia May 2022
You say "I was with you since you were nobody"
That's how I know you doesn't love me
I have always been somebody
I was always someone
The problem is
You loved the person I could become
Not the one I already was

- You don't even know what is love, my love.
May 2022 · 160
Last full moon
Callamasttia May 2022
I want to cry my eyes out
Till I see they're melting on the floor
Empty canvas on my face
Where they were before

I wanna rip my heart out
Just up my throat
Cut it open and spread it
To see where its sore

I want to find the miracle cure
Search through all the earth
Find out what's hurting my soul
Take the bad off my core

If I'm not to find the antidote
Wherever it might be
I'll take out the poising in my bag
And this will be the last full moon I see
May 2022 · 71
Olympus garden
Callamasttia May 2022
There's a sea coming out of me
Crashing down its way on waves
It's salty
But so bitter
The way the water it's ablaze

Perhaps Poseidon decided
I cannot be happy
For my sins stained his waters

Maybe Hades still waiting for me
In our garden with Persephone
And Cerberus can smell the scent
Of my lies from miles away

A golden fruit
Just two feet apart from me
Its finally within my reach
But who am I to take it?
I don't deserve what it can bring

My little lion
So skinny and wounded
Still running after what can't be ours

My little lion
That by now I must start calling
My tiny kitten
Why you still gritting your teeth for?

Poseidon forbidden us from the river
For ours sins still staining his waters
No more salt from the seas either
Just the bitterness of two weeping creatures

My little lion
I know you can see it too
Hanging just above you
And not much far from me
At last within our reach
The golden fruit we've dreamt of so many times
We want to feel it in our hands
but we have no right

Dearest friend, I know it hurts in you
Because it hurts in me too
The golden ticket of happiness
But we've caused so much pain and hurt
That this happiness isn't deserved
Neither for me
Nor for you

Hades still waiting for you and me
In our garden, with Persephone
The shine of the golden it's brightening your eyes
And this is how I know I made right
By weakening this badly
For people like me and you
Wasn't made for happiness

- Luckily Tartarus is warm enough
May 2022 · 702
I love you
Callamasttia May 2022
I don't think
That "I love you"
Makes justice to what I feel
Doesn't matter how many times I say it
There's not a word
Not a sentence
That will put in words
This feeling I have in my stomach
When I lock eyes on you
May 2022 · 49
H a t e
Callamasttia May 2022
I hate
To feel hate
But how can I feel something else
When all I'm given is hate?

How can I paint the canvas green
When I only have the red?

- I used to be watercolor
May 2022 · 46
Unfixable
Callamasttia May 2022
Somethings are unfixable
You just have to learn
How to live with it broken

- the family I was given
Apr 2022 · 275
Writer
Callamasttia Apr 2022
Once upon a time
I wanted to be a writer
I wrote and rewrote
All the things I had inside my mind
But it was never good enough

Then the colors got shattered
And red dripped from everywhere
I thought it was ironic
Words flood on the pages
After, and only after
I felt like there was nothing inside to give

- I got the writing and gave all else in exchange
Apr 2022 · 213
Risks
Callamasttia Apr 2022
Bound tight to the earth
For the couple last months
Didn't see when
My feets began to float
Didn't want to mess my life up
I had just rearrange
But it's hard to avoid
When you don't see the changes
Now I'm in foreigner waters
And I never learned how to swim
Do I step back?
Do I keep it up?
Do I say that?
Do I take this turn?
I don't want to want
But I do
I want everything
I also want you

- Promise me you'll catch me
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