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Callamasttia Aug 2020
I'm lost
I'm confused
Perhaps afraid
Perhaps doomed
Callamasttia Aug 2019
She is made of sunlight
While I'm made out of snowflake
Callamasttia Jan 2019
I can't wait to make
The same mistakes all over again.

- I just wish the mistake choose to stay this time.
Callamasttia Mar 2019
Way too tired to cry
Way too depressed to rest at all
Callamasttia Mar 2021
I thought I was on a free fall for you
It turns out I'm paying for every second of it

- but you never mentioned your price, did you love?
Callamasttia Mar 2021
It felt endless
It ended.
Callamasttia Mar 2022
I never knew
My heart would ache like this
Ever again

I never considered
Be in this position
Crying the same cry

- cursed or some ****
Callamasttia Aug 2019
When the lights go out
It's when I break down
I thought I had figured it out
I didn't had a clue what this was about
But at least it is official now
My heart been tore down
For a boy and a girl
Five years for her
           to get tired of me
One year for him
           to get tired of me
Perhaps I'm becoming more unbearable
As the years stack up in

- I never thought I would had my heart tore apart that way again.
Callamasttia Oct 2021
Don't get too ambitious
It's a path where you might get stuck.
"Icarus burned down,"
And I sense the fire starting up
Callamasttia Apr 2020
My head won't let me sleep

The wind sing outside
And all I can do it's hear

Too silent to be calm
Thoughts too loud to breathe it out

It's either black or white
I miss the shades of grey in my life

I miss not being aware of the "if" and "perhaps"
I know where I wanna be, but not how to get there

- I miss the childhood comfort of someone else making decisions for me
Callamasttia Apr 2020
I still holding the umbrella
The rain, it's close
But it never falls
Then I look around
And I'm the only fool
Walking around with an open umbrella

- Swear I smelled thunder within the wind
Callamasttia Mar 2020
You did let it go of me
I did let it go of you
The easiness of it surprised me
But in the end
We just had to let it go

- I still keeping you dearly, I just can't keep calling you dear
Callamasttia Jul 2021
A poet out of me
The thing I thought to be
When nights like this decide to creep
And take away the sleep

A poet out of me
The thing I thought to be
When my stubborn lungs
Decided not to breathe

A poet out of me
When my heart bleeds
And my throat dry
My hope take its flee
And my eyes cry

A poet out of me
When there's nothing left to be
Because I've been so many things
I can't distinguished anymore what's "me"

- the ink wash away the pain better than water
Callamasttia Aug 2021
I always think
I won't be able to write
Another line as good
As the last time

The ink resembles
Arthur's sword
And I can't pick it up
For months
Because I know
Whatever I write
Won't be good enough
To get close of what
I once wrote

When I finally do
Push up the sword
It's surprising how the hilt
Suits perfectly my hands
Callamasttia May 2020
I understand the love for sunrise
But sunsets
Are something else
Something about the melancholy
Of dark overcoming the easy blue
A daily process
But always new

- Sunset means its already too late into the day for me to worry
Callamasttia Sep 2021
They say

Home is not a place you find
It's a place you build

But how am I supposed
To build anything
Out of rotten wood
And broken glass?

- too perish to stand on its feet
Callamasttia Sep 2020
This is who I am: A forever work on progress
Callamasttia Feb 2019
The universe loves a bad joke.
Callamasttia Jun 2021
They call it
"Funny feeling"
The weird thing is
It never got me laughing
Callamasttia Oct 2019
It took me some time
But once again I messed up a good thing
When I build a castle nicely and fine
You can be sure the next step its a stone steam
Everything will fall down
Everything will melt out
I'm starting to think its a way of self-harm
Pretending I don't know the outcome right from the start

- Maybe I just don't think I'm worthy enough to deserve it.
Callamasttia Apr 2020
The sky cries
Wind blows softly, as razor lightly running in the unprotected faces
The horizon blends the sky and earth
The scene, so dark and groomy
As in a painter quirk
There's sadness
But oh, there's so much beauty
As this autumn day
I wish to handle being in a weather
But in the same time be okay

-Here I'm in my feelings at 6:56am
Callamasttia Jul 2021
The resource we can't save for later
The tick of the clock cutting through as a razor

And all I can think about
Is how I'm wasting it

I work
I sleep
I buy
I work
I sleep
I get older

So much time
But so little

Shouldn't I be traveling by now?
Have a degree by now?
Be happier by now?

If I spend, I think it's a waste
If I save it, I think it's a waste

Why does it always feels like a waste?
Callamasttia Aug 2022
It must be really good
To be far from me
Since it's so late
And you still
Callamasttia May 2020
You didn't want to **** me
So you left me half dead
Now I bleed slowly
Wishing you had cold blooded ****** me

- It wasn't kindness, it was fear.
Callamasttia Nov 2019
The worst part of feeling this way
Isn't the lack of breathing
Much less the overcoming pain
It isn't the overworking
Without any kind of pay
The worst
The highlight of this
Its not being able to know why I'm feeling it
I dont know what I miss
I dont know who I wanna be
I dont know where I wanna get
Or how achieve that

-I was never good at putting the pieces together without seeing the full picture
Callamasttia Sep 2021
I miss the feeling;

Sunshine's glowing in my stomach

Waves crashing up my lungs

And lost words for being in awe of someone

- The time I had a whole tempest inside my body when you looked at me
Callamasttia Jan 2022
I bleed poetry
When the wound you left on me opens
Ink dripping out of my skin
And words streaming out of my lips
The shadows that are passing by stop to hear
And after a few minutes they plead
It's so beautiful
And so sweet
The art you make out of me
But no poetry is worthy enough
For the blood and pain
I had to go through to pick up the pen

- art isn't beautiful until I make it so
Callamasttia Feb 2021
She feels like a blindfolded walk
That I keep going forward nevertheless

- Maybe she's the mermaid voice leading me towards drowning
Where to go?
Is it even worth?
I don't know

Broken feeling
Broken glass
Why together
We're just a mess

I know

But do I?
Thoughts pounding
I'm not minding
I'm used to this beat

So confused
But calm at most
Another confusion;
Is just another one

I don't want you anymore
But I need you closed
If it's no you
Maybe it won't be anyone

I can't bear that
I can't bear the lone
But you are here and
It's just as you're gone

So I'm thinking
And my brain already decided
But I'm feeling, and feeling
It's not arbitrarily
Callamasttia Aug 2021
She's a living corpse walking around
Every time I scroll the screen down
I grief a little bit more
The person that's long gone

- you have the face, but you're not her anymore
Callamasttia Sep 2019
Never told me no
Never told me yes
I always had to take a guess
How can you pretend
That you are not trying to avoid the end?

-You don't have to let me down slowly
Callamasttia Dec 2019
You dont need to like the things I do
No one likes anyway
You dont need to follow the script in my head
This never turns out it as it may
You dont have to say yes just for saying
Please, don't blame me for that day
You dont have to put me in a better light
I know well enough what's my fate

-you dont need to try so hard, my love
Callamasttia Dec 2019
Go on, darling
Awkwardly smile to all those people you don't care
Be a bit far away trying not to stare
It's not like you hate them
It's not like you love them either
These family's nights
Always make me idle

- I'm gonna eat it all up, the food and your jokes
Callamasttia Mar 2022
I take a shower
After shower
After shower
After shower
Trying so desperately
Wash it away

The sweat
The thoughts
The scent
The guilt

Trying to untie the knots
In my stomach
In my head

I stay under the burning water
Wishing it somehow take it all
And carry it down the drain
So I can come off the shower
And feel clean again
Callamasttia Aug 2022
Go ahead
Put a red nose on me
Make me do it all for you
And be what you want me to be

So you can just turn around
And leave me with the white paint
A tear drawn on my checks
Upside down smile in pain
And guilty in my stripped sleeves

I sacrificed so much for this circus
You got me crying till noon
You never gave me priority
Left me alone with empty balloons
Callamasttia Feb 19
Cold in summer
A frost within me
My thoughts died
Wasn't complete

Cold in summer
where was I?
You didn't love me
Not a single day in time

Cold in summer
How can it be so cold?
You were here yesterday
But have been gone for so long

Cold in summer
I don't love you anymore
What are we here for?
Just getting old

Heat in winter
I hope it to be
So hot, so feverish
I forget to feel
Callamasttia Dec 2019
When I was around ten
I had the world on my hands
The honorable Color Keeper
Swimming in blue since I was little
Managed because my art was thicker
I used to draw my woes away
Painting till' the night got murdered by the day
Blue was my ego
Yellow my anxiety
Red the love I couldn't let go
Purple reminded me my fatalities

Blending the colors
Into the most beautiful colorfight
Trying to make the design so perfect
People ought to think it's glorified
I miss the green
The orange too
I miss seeing all the colors I used to
The problem is, there aren't any other colors
When I'm drown in blue

- Having a inspiration it's nice just to the point before they left and leave you on a creative hangover
Callamasttia Sep 2019
I'm bad at letting go
Callamasttia Nov 2019
It's been three years
Today she is saying "yes" on white
It's been three years
And I'm at home trying to remember why there was even a fight
Callamasttia Aug 2021
I often get lost in your words
Even when I understand what you saying

- drowning in your thoughts
Callamasttia Mar 2022
I thought I would stop writing after you
Everytime I think I'm not naive
I learn again
That I'm just a child

- there's no love that fix a sick mind, there never was.
Callamasttia Aug 2019
She is a "believe in the universe" kind of person
I'm not, but when she talks I get nervous
It's like she gets me into another dimension
And I can fully see the world through her eyes and get some comprehension
I don't know how but she catches my whole attention
Maybe I'm just curious about how you handle life
Maybe I'm just curious how you honestly care about mine
Maybe I'm just curious how you take me out of my comfort zone and I'm still fine
You make me want to try to see the world through another view point
Your eyes sparkles alive when I humor you, you're putting on me all your coins
I'm a spreadsheet kind of person so I should know that the pros and cons
Aren't really rooting for you
I never really like what's new
Trying out new things always make me looks like a fool

- Curiosity will be the death of me (do I really care?)
Callamasttia Jun 2021
It's not that
I don't care about you
It's only that
I care about me

- enough it's enough
Callamasttia May 2022
I avoid to write
And I swallow my tears
I push down my sadness
As it would just disappear

I don't want the feeling to take over
Because I know what comes next
Days and days of bitterness
And mood changing so fast

I annoy myself when I'm like this
I don't even know the reason
How can I miss something
That I haven't gotten yet?

- why am I like this?
Callamasttia Apr 2021
I avoid to write
And I swallow my tears
I push down my sadness
As it would just disappear

I don't want the feeling to take over
Because I know what comes next
Days and days of bitterness
And mood changing so fast

I annoy myself when I'm like this
I don't even know the reason
How can I miss something
That I don't even know?

- why am I like this?
Callamasttia Aug 2019
I'm still writing about you.
Callamasttia May 2022
Did you wait smiling for this?
Callamasttia Jun 2022
Do you get me,
If I say life is a little too weird
And despite the good things that happens
I'm not even near what I can call happy

Do you get me?
When I say I still failing
Even if I just show the best scores
I'm still a bit lost
and kinda sore

Do you get me
If I tell you that the people I trust most
Don't get it
Not all, not even a little

So I started guessing
That if not even who cares for me understand
Is someone out there that gets it ?
Callamasttia Jan 2020
If I'm being honest
I wasn't really looking
But can I have your number ?
I dont quite get
Are you flirting with me?
How did we get there?
I know you
But I don't
I didn't see the birth of this flame
I never even known your actual name
But now the thoughts of you are coming down like thunder
So ocean eyes girl, can I have your number?

-I kinda wish you weren't one of my bosses daughter
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