She was crafted from pure sunlight,
I am formed from falling snowflakes.

I can't wait to make
The same mistakes all over again.

- I just wish the mistake choose to stay this time.

I thought I was free-falling for you,
It turns out I'm paying for every second of it


- Yet you never mentioned your price

It is still you.

I never knew
My heart would ache like this
Ever again

I never considered
Be in this position
Again
Crying the same cry
Again

In the shadows of fading light,
I find myself crumbling inside.
Thoughts once clear now in disarray,
Lost in a puzzle I couldn't portray.
But at least it is official now
My heart been tore down
For a boy and a girl
Five years for her
           to get tired of me
Two years for him
           to get tired of me
As the years pass, I become harder to endure,
That's the only thing I know for sure.

- I never thought I would had my heart tore apart that way again.

Don’t get too ambitious,
This path can trap you fast.
"Icarus burned down,"
And I can feel the flames cast.

Pounding head,
Spiraling thoughts,
They won't let me sleep.

The wind sings outside
And all I can do it's hear.

Such silence to be at ease,
Thoughts in my ear start to scream.

I miss not being aware of the "if" and "perhaps"
I know where I wanna be, but not how to get there

- I miss the childhood comfort of someone else making decisions for me

I still holding the umbrella
The rain, it's close
But it never falls
Then I look around
And I'm the only fool
Walking around with an open umbrella

- Swear I smelled thunder within the wind

A poet out of me
The thing I thought to be
When nights like this decide to creep
And take away the sleep

A poet out of me
The thing I thought to be
When my stubborn lungs
Decided not to breathe

A poet out of me
When my heart bleeds
And my throat dry
My hope take its flee
And my eyes cry

A poet out of me
When there's nothing left to be
Because I've been so many things
I can't distinguished anymore what's "me"

- the ink wash away the pain better than water

I always think
I won't be able to write
Another line as good
As the last time

The ink resembles
Arthur's sword
And I can't pick it up
For months
Because I know
Whatever I write
Won't be good enough
To get close of what
I once wrote

When I finally do
Push up the sword
It's surprising how the hilt
Suits perfectly my hands

They say

Home is not a place you find
It's a place you build

But how am I supposed
To build anything
Out of rotten wood
And broken glass?

- too perish to stand on its feet

This is who I am: A forever work on progress

The universe loves a bad joke.

They call it
"Funny feeling"
The weird thing is
It never got me laughing

The sky weeps
Wind blows softly, as razor lightly running in the unprotected faces
The horizon blurs where sky meets earth
A scene both dark and gloomy
As if painted with a melancholy stroke.
There's sadness
But oh, there's so much beauty
As this autumn day
I want even when in a weather,
endure and stay.

Time
The resource we can't save for later
The tick of the clock cutting through as a razor

And all I can think about
Is how I'm wasting it

I work
I sleep
I buy
I work
I sleep
I get older

So much time
But so little

Shouldn't I be traveling by now?
Have a degree by now?
Be happier by now?

If I spend, I think it's a waste
If I save it, I think it's a waste

Why does it always feels like a waste?

You didn't want to **** me
So you left me half dead
Now I bleed slowly
Wishing you had cold blooded ****** me

- It wasn't kindness, it was fear.

The worst part of feeling this way
Isn't the lack of breathing
Much less the overcoming pain
It isn't the overworking
Without any kind of pay
The worst
The highlight of this
Its not being able to know why I'm feeling it
I dont know what I miss
I dont know who I wanna be
I dont know where I wanna get
Or how achieve that

I miss the feeling;

Sunshine's glowing in my stomach
Waves crashing up my lungs
And lost words for being in awe of someone


- The time I had a whole tempest inside my body when you looked at me

Big tears,
for a small, small girl.
Dripping and dropping down
soaking my shirt.

Big tears,
the accumulation of the last few months
that I’ve succeeded in not thinking about—
until now.

And now, there are big tears,
crashing heavily against my chin.
Sliding past my shirt,
encountering my knee.

Tears don’t hurt,
but my ego does,
for letting them out.
The most excruciating months of my life—
and I survived, somehow.

And for the first time I truly wanted
to come out alive and breathe out.
And for the first time
it was hard to keep that vow.

When I wanted to die,
It didn't hurt this bad.
When I wanted to die,
I ate to numb the anxiety,
and then the double of that.

Now I don’t want to die,
but you sure tried to make it so.
And I couldn’t eat
for a week, maybe more.

I’ve spent my life trying to lose twenty pounds—
"About over six months I guess, I'm not so sure".
And in one week
I've lost so much more.

I’ve never felt like this—
like just a corpse.
No reason,
no will,
thinking, “I want to live. I want to move on.”
But there was no beat,
no pulse—
just tears,
because you were gone.
But why?
Why, when you were gone,
suddenly so was I?

And now I’m left with beer,
and such big tears.
They don’t hurt,
but it sure makes hard to breathe.

And I'll **** him tonight
Not because I want to
But because I like to make what he likes
And me, who always loved an empty canvas
Felt my heart sink when I realized
That I mold and shift for those I love,
And it’s not so fun when the blank canvas is I.

I bleed poetry
When the wound you left on me opens
Ink dripping out of my skin
And words streaming out of my lips
The shadows that are passing by stop to hear
And after a few minutes they plead
It's so beautiful
And so sweet
The art you make out of me
But no poetry is worthy enough
For the blood and pain
I had to go through to pick up the pen

- art isn't beautiful until I make it so

Where to go?
Where?
Is it even worth?
I don't know

Broken feeling
Broken glass
Why together
We're just a mess

I know
            Know
                       Know

But do I?
Thoughts pounding
I'm not minding
I'm used to this beat

So confused
But calm at most
Another confusion;
Is just another one

I don't want you anymore
But I need you closed
If it's no you
Maybe it won't be anyone

I can't bear that
I can't bear the lone
But you are here and
It's just as you're gone

So I'm thinking
And my brain already decided
But I'm feeling, and feeling
It's not arbitrarily

She's a living corpse walking around
Every time I scroll the screen down
I grief a little bit more
The person that's long gone

- you have the face, but you're not her anymore

I've met some broken people
Broken in the same way I am
I didn't seek this out
I'm not good at "friends"

But I've met some broken people
Who saw the stitches right where they are
Didn't ask many questions about it
They asked not about my problems, but about me

I've met some broken people
Who made me feel less lonely in my hurt
I'm not special, not the only one
But when I'm cared about
I feel like even a dead star can glow

Some broken people met me
And I didn't make them feel bad about their past
Nor find meanness in their darkness
Because we're broken, our empathy lasts

Four broken people
Coming together to heal a little bit
An afternoon watching movies and playing games
Finding that broken people make my world a better fit

Never told me no
Never told me yes
I always had to take a guess
How can you pretend
That you are not trying to avoid the end?

-You don't have to let me down slowly

You dont need to like the things I do
No one likes anyway
You dont need to follow the script in my head
This never turns out it as it may
You dont have to say yes just for saying
Please, don't blame me for that day
You dont have to put me in a better light
I know well enough what's my fate

Go on, darling
Awkwardly smile to all those people you don't care
Be a bit far away trying not to stare
It's not like you hate them
It's not like you love them either
These family's nights
Always make me idle

- I'm gonna eat it all up, the food and your jokes

I take a shower
After shower
After shower
After shower
Trying so desperately
Wash it away

The sweat
The thoughts
The scent
The guilt

Trying to untie the knots
In my stomach
In my head

I stay under the burning water
Wishing it somehow take it all
And carry it down the drain
So I can come off the shower
And feel clean again

Go ahead
Put a red nose on me
Make me do it all for you
And be what you want me to be

So you can just turn around
And leave me with the white paint
A tear drawn on my checks
Upside down smile in pain
And guilty in my stripped sleeves

I sacrificed so much for this circus
You got me crying till noon
You never gave me priority
Left me alone with empty balloons

Cold in summer
A frost within me
My thoughts died
Wasn't complete

Cold in summer
where was I?
You didn't love me
Not a single day in time

Cold in summer
How can it be so cold?
You were here yesterday
But have been gone for so long

Cold in summer
I don't love you anymore
What are we here for?
Just getting old

Heat in winter
I hope it to be
So hot, so feverish
I forget to feel

When I was around ten
I had the world on my hands
The honorable Color Keeper
Swimming in blue since I was little
Finding my way with art as my riddle
I used to draw my woes away
Painting till' the night got murdered by the day
Blue was my ego
Yellow my anxiety
Red the love I couldn't let go
Purple my fatalities

Blending the colors
Into the most beautiful colorfight
Trying to make the design so perfect
People ought to think it's glorified
I miss the green
The orange too
I miss seeing all the colors I used to
The problem is, there aren't any other colors
When I'm drown in blue

I'm bad at letting go

It's been three years
Today she is saying "yes" on white
It's been three years
And I'm at home trying to remember why there was even a fight

I often get lost in your words
Even when I understand what you saying

- drowning in your thoughts

Seated on the couch,
TV blaring loud.
Nothing more than a hush,
And a corpse between us.

We carry it around,
We poke and make fun,
Pretending it's alive,
What's long gone.

We take showers and make meals,
Life never feels real.
We didn't even think about it at first,
But we're carrying a corpse between us.

Pretending it's alive,
Trying to complete the run.
Where does it take us?
When it's the corpse of our love?

Our love is dead and gone,
And we're trying to keep it alive.
But it doesn't have a pulse, breath, heat, or beat.
We're just carrying its corpse around,
Pretending it's not gone.

It's not that
I don't care about you
It's only that
I care about me

- enough it's enough

I avoid to write
And I swallow my tears
I push down my sadness
As it would just disappear

I don't want the feeling to take over
Because I know what comes next
Days and days of bitterness
And mood changing so fast

I annoy myself when I'm like this
I don't even know the reason
How can I miss something
That I don't even know?

- why am I like this?

I'm still writing about you.

Did you wait smiling for this?

Do you get me,
If I say life is a little too weird
And despite the good things that happens
I'm not even near what I can call happy

Do you get me?
When I say I still failing
Even if I just show the best scores
I'm still a bit lost
and kinda sore

Do you get me
If I tell you that the people I trust most
Don't get it
Not all, not even a little

So I started guessing
That if not even who cares for me understand
Is someone out there that gets it ?

If I'm being honest
I wasn't really looking
But can I have your number ?
I dont quite get
Are you flirting with me?
How did we get there?
I know you
But I don't
I didn't see the birth of this flame
I never even known your actual name
But now the thoughts of you are coming down like thunder
So ocean eyes girl, can I have your number?

-I kinda wish you weren't one of my bosses daughter

How strange is that
I have been holding on "keeping it together" for such a long time
That when I allowed myself to break down tears in my eyes I didn't find
I have spent so much time holding back my cry
That now my emotions are like a bird who had been caged for far too long to know how to fly

- I thought not crying was "keeping it together", didn't know holding back would make my inside turn into dry weather.

You were my sword
I don't even have the shield now

- how can one person be a duo?

Who decided
love was supposed
to hurt this much?

I run twice as much
To get halfway of the path
You think it is fun
But you should at least try to do the math
I don't enjoy doing the double of what you do
To earn less
If you think equality exist, you're a fool
It never was a matter of who's best
I have some things
You have it all
I worked my *** off to create my wings
You were born a king

-How unfortunated you have to be, to be born as a poor latina woman?

It seems like a song I know all the words
And when it goes wrong I remember I've been here before
How does someone make the same mistakes again?
How does someone genuinely don't know how everything it touches eventually crashes down in the land?
Cause I'm so ******* tired
Of trying and trying in vain
How I'm supposed to believe if it all turn into failure
It's like I'm my biggest traitor.

-I gotta keep believing the universe it's against me, otherwise it's just because of my lack of capacity.

All these kids running and screaming
"They're just kids,
They're just being"
I don't know why,
but I just can't.
All this play-by-the-book thing
"We hate each other but on sunday we play it nice
Cause family it's our bigger treasure, right?"

So go on little girl,
put that sunday dress on and come to grandma house
Your cousins will be there
So you better do something nice on your hair
When your aunts ask about boyfriends,
satisfied them with whatever dumb story they can tell others later on
And ignore the fact you're hurt that they never even questioned if you like boys at all
And when your uncle make a sexist joke
laugh and shake your head
Because there's no place in the fam for a woman who speak up
Do never forget,
You're suppose to be a good pet.

-They really don't know why I don't go to family sundays anymore?

I know what's the morally right thing to do
But feels like all of my courage has gone flew
This kind of situation is nothing new
I wish there was a happiness chest that I could loot

Every time I do the wrong choice
Every time these ideas pop in my head as a choir voice
I want to turn them out
Shut it for so long I even forget about
I became prisoner of negative thoughts somehow
Now my soul it's nothing more than a ghost town

-It gets dangerous when I'm numb for so long because then I lose fear of how bad it can hurt