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90 · Mar 2022
Clean
Callamasttia Mar 2022
I take a shower
After shower
After shower
After shower
Trying so desperately
Wash it away

The sweat
The thoughts
The scent
The guilt

Trying to untie the knots
In my stomach
In my head

I stay under the burning water
Wishing it somehow take it all
And carry it down the drain
So I can come off the shower
And feel clean again
89 · Feb 2019
Failure.
Callamasttia Feb 2019
It seems like a song I know all the words
And when it goes wrong I remember I've been here before
How does someone make the same mistakes again?
How does someone genuinely don't know how everything it touches eventually crashes down in the land?
Cause I'm so ******* tired
Of trying and trying in vain
How I'm supposed to believe if it all turn into failure
It's like I'm my biggest traitor.

-I gotta keep believing the universe it's against me, otherwise it's just because of my lack of capacity.
89 · Dec 2018
Who I am Today
Callamasttia Dec 2018
I love you. I really do.
You're the best thing I've ever knew.
When gets dark and nothing is left to do
I keep here, just thinking about you.
Did you ever tried? Did even wanted to mark me like that?
Cause all I'm today is on you.
Every line and every song I sang,
Every tear and buttlerflies on dance.
All I think it's worth to live for,
its you who brought.

- Tell me, may I one day means that much to you too?
88 · Jul 2021
A poet out of me
Callamasttia Jul 2021
A poet out of me
The thing I thought to be
When nights like this decide to creep
And take away the sleep

A poet out of me
The thing I thought to be
When my stubborn lungs
Decided not to breathe

A poet out of me
When my heart bleeds
And my throat dry
My hope take its flee
And my eyes cry

A poet out of me
When there's nothing left to be
Because I've been so many things
I can't distinguished anymore what's "me"

- the ink wash away the pain better than water
88 · Dec 2018
Not Okay
Callamasttia Dec 2018
I don't really get it
I wish I knew better
I wish the answer was clever
Because I have the answer
And it doesn't matter
'Cause I can't do it anyways
I can't do it and I hate it
I can't do it but I wanna take it
When it breaks will it worth what it takes?
I feel like dying
Then I feel like holding on
Because for a couple of minutes it doesn't  hurt so bad
Then it feels like I'm chained to my bed
I sink into the blankets and just want to disappear
Not daring to move 'cause they might hear
I feel guilty I wanna die
Then I feel guilty for feeling guilty
Because, aren't feelings a kind of beauty?
I guess so
But I don't think so
I don't think that feeling so hard at the point you feel your soul's breaking
It's cool, okay
since art out of it is what you're making.

-Can't art come out of good feelings too?
88 · Mar 2022
Again
Callamasttia Mar 2022
I never knew
My heart would ache like this
Ever again

I never considered
Be in this position
Again
Crying the same cry
Again
87 · Dec 2021
Not only birds fly
Callamasttia Dec 2021
You flew away from me
Then so did my poetry
Joy flew away from me
And all my ink became dry
Hope flew away from me
As every smile spreading up my cheeks
The sky filled up with flying things
Going so desperately away from me
Out of that my soul became deeply relieved
When Melancholy and Boredom stayed
When everything dripped through my fingers
I finally had something to grip on
87 · Mar 2022
Trigger
Callamasttia Mar 2022
Trigger me
You don't need much
Just the right word

Trigger me
Till the point I need
To numb everything

A pull
An intrusive thought
I could so easily drown in the pool

But night's young
And ******* long
So let's crack our drinks
And light it up
Make some steam

My head's pounding with no med
So let's soak it in
Till I can't see two feets ahead

I know you all will be up till morning
But I can't stand this much longer
So I'll knock myself out
Send down my throat whatever your handing
Till I pass out fourteen hours straight
Numb to the point I won't hear the words you're saying
87 · Aug 2021
There's so much out there
Callamasttia Aug 2021
Trying to reach
The unreachable

Wanting to learn
As if I had eternal years

Wanting to read
Every single line that was ever written

All these side quest obligations
Seems so foolish when you put it
Side to side
Of how much there's to absorve in this world

And at 3am it hits me

I want to learn it all
I want to see it all
I wanna write
I wanna read
I wanna draw
I wanna be
I wanna see
I wanna learn
There's so much in this world
And I want it all

- next morning the flame it's gone (until the next 3am insomnia)
86 · Feb 2019
When Did I Grow Up?
Callamasttia Feb 2019
My pyjama doesn't fit me loose anymore
And my favorite cartoon seems so silly
I never want to go outdoors
My room are my safe place lately
And I don't remember when I stopped to like that TV show
I wanted to be those girls when I got older
But they seem so empty now,
So boring now.
I never really wanted to grow up, just to people treat me like one.
When did I grow up?
Back there I would always be loud,
Now I'm always shut
When did I grow up?
Promised myself I'd never change
But the old me became dust.

- Always had a plenty of ideas of what I would become when I grew old, now I get none.
86 · Dec 2018
Where I Came From
Callamasttia Dec 2018
I'm proud of my blood,
proud of my hair.
I'm proud of the culture
and the flag at my back.
86 · Oct 2021
If there's a hell
Callamasttia Oct 2021
If there's a hell
Priests will be the first ones to land foot there
Then they'll cry out to God
"What I did wrong?"
While blood drips from theirs mouths
And venom flow through their hands

If there's a hell
I hope my seat it's reserved
Near enough to see all of em burning for eternity
Paying for all the mental abuse
Caused to young people that went to church looking for love
And instead were given pitchfork and fire
85 · Oct 2019
The worst day of my life
Callamasttia Oct 2019
How bad a day must be
To make me laugh of disbelief?
85 · Nov 2019
Slow Down My Thoughts
Callamasttia Nov 2019
I never know what I'm thinking
Till' I pour it out of my pen
I can't tell if I'm being realistic or dreaming
Before I read it out of the paper, again and again
I don't try to write remarkable things at all
All I do it's write to slow down my thoughts

- I'm someone else within the ink.
85 · Dec 2019
Procrastinate Specialist
Callamasttia Dec 2019
I delay
As much as I can
I'm running out of excuses
As I'm trying to convince myself I ain't making excuses at all
It is like I'm building walls
Neither I am aware of what they are made of
They are just as paper thing, but I'm fooling myself they're tough
I'm doing my best to ignore the red lights
And the loud alarms that I turn off
Time grows thinner
My excuses grows wider
I always picture myself as the bravest
The truth is, I was never a fighter

-I should just get **** done already
Callamasttia Dec 2019
I want to write how I feel
But it seems like I wrote this poem already
I want to make new rhymes
But it seems like I have empty my vocabulary
I want to arrange this feeling in a way it makes sense
But it seems as my thoughts are all spread out like confetti

- What's left for a writer unable to write?
Callamasttia Dec 2021
When the clock finish the circle
And the world goes into a blur
We will be nothing more
Than bad photos on someone's phone
84 · Dec 2021
Someone
Callamasttia Dec 2021
I wished to have
When I had

Realization came too late for old wishes
84 · Jun 2019
Silence
Callamasttia Jun 2019
The sound of silence it's way to loud
It opens space for my thoughts to scream out
I try to shut it but I dont know how
Maybe it is my fault
For letting my imagination being all about
What it was or what it could be
Every scenarios that I dream
Every problem I'm being involved with
Comes out to play on this silent beat

-Shhh... I need to sleep sometimes
84 · Dec 2021
Stuck in the moment
Callamasttia Dec 2021
I feel just as Icarus
However, I'm stuck in a forever moment

between the flying

and the falling

Yet, I can never tell
If I'm flying or falling for the most part
I just know that the world is on slow motion
And my wings are constantly melting upon my body
84 · Dec 2018
Isn't Funny?
Callamasttia Dec 2018
And now I'm with this funny feeling
and the funny thing is that this ain't funny at all.
I keep using the funny phrase to make it sound casual,
but sometimes you can choke on your own pain
and be certain that it will be fatal.

And it's funny how it was easy for you
to walk away and still keep your cool.
And it's so **** funny that it brought me to tears
the way you made me think it was all my fault
when you were the one who promised heal me
but instead layed in my wounds salt.

And I guess this may be darkhumor
cause it's funny
you who were so sunny,
made it rain.
But it doesn't rain anymore.
It's just cold
and I'm still frozen,
with that ironic frozen smile in my face.
You know,
they say it's so funny how it happened,
I keep laughing when I remember
how sweet was your grin
when you left
I suddenly caught myself wishing for rain again.

- I didn't thought the desert would drown me too.
Callamasttia Jun 2021
And I'm in that place again
Can't listen
Can't comprehend

I try to make sense
Out of a heavy chest
And wet eyes
But my thoughts are too dense

I can't build sentences
To form a proper line
When I need to pour out the most
I'm just incapable of write

- my ink doesn't work when it's blue
83 · Sep 2019
Ghosts of the past
Callamasttia Sep 2019
I keep bringing them back alive
I guess I like to fight
I never really learned
How to let the ghosts of my past slowly burn
I think I'm not ready to let them fade
I rather keep talking to people who are just a shade

- Sometimes I wonder if I did not morph into a ghost myself
82 · Jun 2021
One word
Callamasttia Jun 2021
Isn't it insane
How one word
Shorter than a second of sound
Straight out of your mouth
Could change my life
In a split of a moment ?

- one word it's all it takes
82 · Sep 2019
Who Am I?
Callamasttia Sep 2019
Love can be great
But it can also be a grave
You've overcome my own personality
I don't even know who I am anymore if you're not here
I'm on my own now and I'm completely lost
I feel like since I've met you my life have been frost
Now I'm someone I've never met
I search into my mind for who I am but nobody's there
I look to my room and it is decorate like it belongs to someone I would love to meet
I wonder how my things looks so cool if not even I know who is "me"

-I was so used to "us" that I guess when you left you took us both
82 · Sep 2021
What I write for
Callamasttia Sep 2021
I write to heal
but the ink burns harder
than any wound I had before

I write to relieve
But every time the pen hits the paper
Those memories weights down on me

I write to pour out the madness
But as I try to put it out to make sense
The knots and turns just intertwine more and more

I write for me
So I can know who I was yesterday
Because tomorrow I'll be someone else
So I at least have to know who I'm morning for
82 · Jul 2019
Paper Girl
Callamasttia Jul 2019
I miss being made of flesh and blood
I don't know how much more I can fold
Once I knew I place to go
Where a Make-Believe girl could turn into a real one
I guess I lost the map
I guess I missed the ride
I should have never trusted that
I eventually would make it right

-Lately I'm just waiting for the rain to melt me away
82 · Nov 2020
Homeless
Callamasttia Nov 2020
She was my sun
My all
My fun
And my fall

I guess is a spell
What a face
I am not well
Such a phase

She was my all
She was my best
She was my mold
She was my nest

She was what home felt like
I needed her so much
But I've never confessed
Now
I'm just homeless

- Can we speak?
82 · Mar 25
Poetry of us
Callamasttia Mar 25
All the poetry I've written about us
Had no love, only hurt.
How did I not see
We were doomed from the first week?
How did I
Ignore what I wrote
And keep myself so blind?
I won't give my heart and words
To another broken soul
For my love was sold to a selfish and bold
Person who broke all that I own.
81 · Sep 2021
A thing you build
Callamasttia Sep 2021
They say

Home is not a place you find
It's a place you build

But how am I supposed
To build anything
Out of rotten wood
And broken glass?

- too perish to stand on its feet
81 · Feb 2019
Who's got my back?
Callamasttia Feb 2019
I don't know who are my friends anymore,
I don't even know if I have any at all.
I just know I got drunk super fast so I could come back home.
In the end I just wish I could feel around them like I did before.
When we were young,
When the world was two neighborhood long,
When I could tell them anything and they would made me feel like I belong.
Yeah, I guess these days are long gone.


- I don't even see the same person when I look in your eyes anymore
81 · Aug 2019
Someone Else
Callamasttia Aug 2019
How can one person become another one
I swear you don't even have the same tone
I look into your eyes and it's all gone
You float
Away
You ran
Away
You spaced
Away
You were my home
How do I find the path to a place long gone?

-I miss, not sure of which part
80 · Aug 2019
Shh, I need to sleep
Callamasttia Aug 2019
I can feel my heart pounding
I'm as still as I can get
It's like I'm drowning
I try to ignore but I can't let go yet
I feel my heart bumping into my chest
I'm trying to sleep but the beating won't let
I want it to stop
It's not that I want to die
It's just that I don't care if I'm alive
I wish I could sleep a whole night
I don't even remember the last time I wasn't tired
But how do I sleep
When I feel my heart pounding so deep?
80 · Dec 2018
One Day, I Will
Callamasttia Dec 2018
Don't even get me started
I try to avoid it but it just hits harder
I try to cut it short but it keeps going farther
I try to pretend it but I ain't a actor

Maybe I should relax and give it time
Wait a bit, don't they say that time flies?
I'll be alright then
I'll be calm and I'll listen
I'll be sharing big smiles for no reason
I'll be helping other peoples with their demons
I'll make dinner while listening to Ed Sheeran
Then grab a book, dwell in a world of fiction

For a couple hours I'll forget
That when I went to sleep I will not get
The peace I want
Nor the easy I need
Maybe one day, I'll be able to get a proper sleep.

-It's okay, I've never liked to cook anyway.
80 · Mar 25
For the night
Callamasttia Mar 25
I want to kiss your face
and play with your hair,
but we're far gone, dead—
how can love still be there?

I know it won't come back to life,
but I want to hold you once more.
I want to spend the night;
I want the warmth of your love.

Do you miss my hug?
Do you crave my scent?
If you truly loved me,
why didn't you show me then?

I know we're broken;
there's no way to mend.
But if I just want you for the night,
do you think we can?
79 · Aug 2021
Breathing corpse
Callamasttia Aug 2021
She's a living corpse walking around
Every time I scroll the screen down
I grief a little bit more
The person that's long gone

- you have the face, but you're not her anymore
Callamasttia Aug 2019
The stars in my nose go crazy
They start to burst slow and lazy
Every single time when I'm about to cry
Every single time sanity tells me goodbye
They are a warning that the universe give to me
That I'm gonna fall apart if I don't take a breath in and deep
And alongside with the stars bursting
my eyes start to shoot fireworks
And everything I see is a blur
And just like that, I have a big bang of emotions
And the universe starts to expand like the ocean
Beyond my face
Up to my soul
And it's just too much
For me to go against the flow
My soul start to hurt
It bend at first
Then hunt me telling me what's fake
Stretching but it never breaks
It's just this endless feeling
Like I'm about to break at any moment
But I never do
And I'm beginning to wonder
Am I too strong or it is just a curse?
79 · Aug 2019
Phoenix Syndrome
Callamasttia Aug 2019
Every time I think I'm over you
You arise in my head out of the blue
Maybe you are the physical representation of a Phoenix
You live
You die
Then you're back alive

- I keep dying a little bit more everytime you're back in my life, the problem it's that I have only one of those
79 · Oct 2021
Mine
Callamasttia Oct 2021
My words
My home
My pain
My hurt

A bit piece of it
Makes the entire of it
I'm still learning how to let go
Of the things that are mine

- little by little I'm unloading
79 · Aug 2019
How do I change?
Callamasttia Aug 2019
I don't like changes
I need to change thou
But if I do, is on me to blame
When I'm the only one I have left and my trust on myself broke
How do I keep away pain?
Spent so much time convincing myself I was the right one
How to change without admitting I was wrong?
Cause I don't wanna be
I just wanted to be free
And admitting I need to change
That I need a new version of me
Will be the scariest thing I ever did
78 · Jul 2020
Shortest love story ever
Callamasttia Jul 2020
I
Falled
But you
Had a better sense of balance

- it goes on and on
78 · Mar 21
To write
Callamasttia Mar 21
To write,
To take an intangible thing—
A feeling,
An idea—
And translate it into coherent words
That another rational being can grasp,
Through these structured arrangements of letters,
The emotions and thoughts
Of someone entirely unique.
How can one not be awed by writing?
How can one not see its magic
In our capacity to share
What resides deep within our souls?
78 · May 2022
Stranger
Callamasttia May 2022
I look at my reflection
And I don't recognize
Who's right in front of me
I start crying
Until my view it's blurry
And when I wipe my eyes
I see clearly
But the image
It is still blurry

- a stranger in my body
78 · May 2022
Somebody
Callamasttia May 2022
You say "I was with you since you were nobody"
That's how I know you doesn't love me
I have always been somebody
I was always someone
The problem is
You loved the person I could become
Not the one I already was

- You don't even know what is love, my love.
77 · Sep 2019
Style
Callamasttia Sep 2019
You are not even drop that gorgeous
But the way you move
The way you dress
Each tattoo and platinum hair
You are such a stereotype of a stylish boy
But also like a little kid with that loosen smile full of joy

-You dress like a bad boy and acts like a stuffed toy
76 · Aug 2021
One shot
Callamasttia Aug 2021
I want to take my shot
But how could I
When I don't even know
Where the bullets at?

- I don't even know from where to start
75 · Feb 18
This time
Callamasttia Feb 18
You left me again
But it didn't **** me this time

You used to leave me half-dead
Too scared to stay and see while I die

But I didn't die this time
I didn't ask you to stay
I refuse to let this day go to waste,
for you're uncertain about how to feel and what to say.

You didn't **** me this time
It still hurts, but I'm still alive
It's a bit tricky
But I'm learning to survive
75 · Aug 2021
Nightfall
Callamasttia Aug 2021
Seven pm
And I'm slipping
Haven't closed my eyes since then
Now I'm sleepy

Every drown in slept
It's a different torture
My mind it's pranking me
I can hear the vultures

Nightmares
As if I'm there
Chill body
It never ends

Can't wake up
Can't run away
Is my mind corrupted?
Sometimes I think
I'm not the only one there

- is it late night or early morning?
75 · Feb 19
Cold in summer
Callamasttia Feb 19
Cold in summer
A frost within me
My thoughts died
Wasn't complete

Cold in summer
where was I?
You didn't love me
Not a single day in time

Cold in summer
How can it be so cold?
You were here yesterday
But have been gone for so long

Cold in summer
I don't love you anymore
What are we here for?
Just getting old

Heat in winter
I hope it to be
So hot, so feverish
I forget to feel
73 · Jul 2020
Magically
Callamasttia Jul 2020
I wait for it to go away, magically.

...I wait
             ......I wait
                          ..........I wait

I pretende these little thoughts aren't here
If I ignore enough it's gonna disappear
...Magically...
But it never does.

- where's tinker bell when I need her?
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