He's your golden boy
Right, dad ?
Doing all the things you want
And nothing above that
He's always around
But how wouldn't he be?
I would too
If I wasn't mistreated

Now you're there
With your golden boy
Telling everyone what a nice kid he is
Do you even remember I'm here?

I guess you are right
Because from where I stand
You two are just alike

I don't know if you just didn't want a daughter
Or if you thought you were raising me right back then
But how can you expect for me
To love you back
After all in the end?

- I'm not mature enough to forgive or forget

You do not know me anymore
If you only knew me five years ago
I've grown apart from myself
If the younger me saw this version
What would she tell ?

"Face's not so bad, but body's overweight"
The degree is not so bad
But I thought we would way beyond that
And you make more money than mom and dad
But now we understand the bar was never hard to get past
The girl you loved for ten years and counting
Just skipped you for the most average lad

Yeah, I know what I would say
And it's comforting in some way
To know there will never be this day
Where I would see my self hate

- I wished to be the one to make a difference

What if I'm not the Storm
What if I'm the Devil?

You make me feel dumb
Every arrogant tone
Every correction of my actions
Every rewritten of my words
Let them be messy
Let them be clumsy
They're mine

You make me feel dumb
And just laugh it off
Because "I'm gonna be mad
If you just try to help
With best intentions"

In the end
You just make me feel dumb
And like to feel superior
Somehow makes you feel better
About yourself
And all the things you done
That made you feel dumb

I don't even love you anymore, but
I'm still in love with the couple we were

-A picture was all it took to bring me back

Go ahead
Put a red nose on me
Make me do it all for you
And be what you want me to be

So you can just turn around
And leave me with the white paint
A tear drawn on my checks
Upside down smile in pain
And guilty in my stripped sleeves

I sacrificed so much for this circus
You got me crying till noon
You never gave me priority
Left me alone with empty balloons

I know what's the morally right thing to do
But feels like all of my courage has gone flew
This kind of situation is nothing new
I wish there was a happiness chest that I could loot

Every time I do the wrong choice
Every time these ideas pop in my head as a choir voice
I want to turn them out
Shut it for so long I even forget about
I became prisoner of negative thoughts somehow
Now my soul it's nothing more than a ghost town

-It gets dangerous when I'm numb for so long because then I lose fear of how bad it can hurt

There's words dancing
All around you
They're floating
I try to adjust them in order
But how I could
When you're glowing
So bright all I can do is smile?

I'm so much
At the same time - so little
I do not comprehend who I was yesterday
I do not know certainly who I am today
And I can't tell if it's excitement or fear
for who I'll be tomorrow

All I know is uncertain
Thought I would stand my ground
For this or for that
But when the travel starts
I change my path
Who I am
And who I want to be
Doesn't seem to intertwined

I write down how I feel
I read it out
Trying to make out sense
Of whose stranger is on these lines

I want to be so many things
I pursue so many paths
I try to be all kind of people in one
And in the end that's the result
In the end - I am no one

The sky weeps
Wind blows softly, as razor lightly running in the unprotected faces
The horizon blurs where sky meets earth
A scene both dark and gloomy
As if painted with a melancholy stroke.
There's sadness
But oh, there's so much beauty
As this autumn day
I want even when in a weather,
endure and stay.

She feels like a blindfolded walk
That I keep going forward nevertheless

- Maybe she's the mermaid voice leading me towards drowning

How strange is that
I have been holding on "keeping it together" for such a long time
That when I allowed myself to break down tears in my eyes I didn't find
I have spent so much time holding back my cry
That now my emotions are like a bird who had been caged for far too long to know how to fly

- I thought not crying was "keeping it together", didn't know holding back would make my inside turn into dry weather.

There's a sea coming out of me
Crashing down its way on waves
It's salty
But so bitter
The way the water it's ablaze

Perhaps Poseidon decided
I cannot be happy
For my sins stained his waters

Maybe Hades still waiting for me
In our garden with Persephone
And Cerberus can smell the scent
Of my lies from miles away

A golden fruit
Just two feet apart from me
Its finally within my reach
But who am I to take it?
I don't deserve what it can bring

My little lion
So skinny and wounded
Still running after what can't be ours

My little lion
That by now I must start calling
My tiny kitten
Why you still gritting your teeth for?

Poseidon forbidden us from the river
For ours sins still staining his waters
No more salt from the seas either
Just the bitterness of two weeping creatures

My little lion
I know you can see it too
Hanging just above you
And not much far from me
At last within our reach
The golden fruit we've dreamt of so many times
We want to feel it in our hands
but we have no right

Dearest friend, I know it hurts in you
Because it hurts in me too
The golden ticket of happiness
But we've caused so much pain and hurt
That this happiness isn't deserved
Neither for me
Nor for you

Hades still waiting for you and me
In our garden, with Persephone
The shine of the golden it's brightening your eyes
And this is how I know I made right
By weakening this badly
For people like me and you
Wasn't made for happiness

- Luckily Tartarus is warm enough

This is who I am: A forever work on progress

You've put me into this world
Yet you despise me
Not looking on my face
Not asking if I'm ok
Just want to know
When I'm moving out
Why did you bring me into your life
If you hate the fact that I have one?

- the disgusting look in your eyes kills me everyday mom

In the end
it is me,
for me.
The problem is that I do not care for myself either.

- I don't know why I keep expecting someone else to save me from myself.

I wanna die but don't feel any pain
I don't wanna melt down again
I wanna disappear without a sound
I wanna break every bound
Every vow
I wanna see my blood running
As life itself run away
Before realise it was all in vain
I wanna die
I wanna die
But in a special way
I wanna feel
But not pain
Will it be realisation?
Or sorrow till the end?
Will it be cries and howls
Or rest for my brain?
I wanna know
I wanna know
And it might be just pain
And not a single drop of relieve
I don't doubt
Because all the blame will be in me
For being wrong again
But at least "again"
Won't happen again, then.

It all blends together
The heat of the flashes
The giggling in the hazy
Hair strands on yours cheeks
A faint voice tripping on my ear
Yours hands sliding down my jeans
And it's so loud
I can't really tell which part
Is the music pumping in my veins?
Or the raining voices gossiping?
The shadows come and go
And the only thing I can actually process
Is how drunk on you I am
The rest is a blur
A distant dream
There's dance and there's drinking
But I only see the honey of your eyes
And the rest is confetti

You ran dry my words
I've put down the pen
Cause I had someone
To talk
And listen
To all the words glimmering and blistering
But you never heard
I caught you asking the same question over and over again
I caught you asking the same question over and over again
I caught you asking the same question over and over again
Like a tired sentence
That you read and reread when you're half asleep
I gave you all my words
I gave you my poet soul
But you never read it
You never wanted to know the scent of my ink
You just wanted I gave you all of me
To take care of your own disorganized and scribbles words
You wanted me,
The part that took care of your words
But never wanted me,
The part that longed to be heard

Reading random poetry
Feels like a hundred people screaming
Some are in pain
Some are beaming
One got me laughing
One got me thinking
Something makes me nostalgic
Some so good and still so basic
I just know poetry tastes likes nothing else
Forever the shelter flavor I will choose to dwell

- If only poetry had the same attention as TV shows, I would be able to know many more worlds.

Left
Right
It doesn't stop
It dances around
So many thoughts
So **** loud
I really meant
To be okay by now
Now sleep, sleep
Come here, come here
But you never do
And it's nothing new
I'm still awake
So tired as I could sleep forever
My thoughts are running faster
I'm tired
I'm done
I'm exhausted
I try
I go
Where?
Sadness and hope
What a dammed midnight
Time
Flows
My mind
Drowns
I
Cry
Alone
All the night

- I dont remember the last time I actually slept.

Pounding head,
Spiraling thoughts,
They won't let me sleep.

The wind sings outside
And all I can do it's hear.

Such silence to be at ease,
Thoughts in my ear start to scream.

I miss not being aware of the "if" and "perhaps"
I know where I wanna be, but not how to get there

- I miss the childhood comfort of someone else making decisions for me

I never decide,
either I wanna go out
or spend my day doing nothing inside.
I never decide
do I wanna live?
or do I wanna die?
I never decide
it is worthy prioritizing your
instead of my own smile?
I never decide
one day I think it will be the death of me
the next the reason why I'll make it out alive
I never decide,
and being honest I know I'll never do
and I guess this is good
cause it would be a lie if I had all the asnwers and knew all the truth.

- When you have all the answers, don't all the question become stupid?

These words are for nobody
No one to see it
You may want to correct
Since your words are better

So these words are for nobody
That's why they are mine
No words for nobody
And nobody am I

I hate everything you say
I hate everything you do
But why the hell I ain't able to hate you?
You only make me mad
You only turn me blue
So why I don't know how to turn my back on you?
Maybe I'm just stupid
Maybe I'm just dumb
Maybe I'm a lost cause
Maybe I think it's fun
Perhaps one day I'll learn
Perhaps one day I will
See that friendship won't replace the hole that love fill

But I can't take it right now
I can't fight for you
I really think we were meant to be
But you have to fight for me too
I can't wish for both of us
You can't ask me to hold onto trust
I can't fight for you
And for me too

Neutrality
It's never a choice
There's no middle spot
It's always a two sides sword

I write to myself
I'm the one that gets
I write to myself
I'm the only one that cares

I have so much to say
So much to put out there
But nobody wants to listen
I just want to share

A little bit of what's suffocating me
I could record an audio for this
And it would be easier for you to listen than to read
But there's a lump in my throat
No words around here
I lost my voice
So please, would you read?

I don't want to meet
I want to write to you
And asked why you left me
But you don't want to read

And I want to ask my friend's
What is wrong with me
Ask what they think made you leave
But they are too tired to read

And I poured
And poured
And then poured some more
I became too much to handle
To everyone

Everyone I love tells me to "just move on"
But I gave you everything
And then you were gone

I gave you my words
I screamed from the bottom of my throat
But it wasn't enough

I wrote a thousand pleas
Showed every ounce of my soul
And it doesn't make sense to me
When I asked you to stay
You left me on "read"

I allowed me to trust
Now I can't bring myself to understand
That your safety isn't an option anymore
Every now and then
I catch a thought,
A plan or move that includes you
And I have to remember
You gave away my trust
Passed me up
Had just enough fun
And took away everything you brought
Now when I think of us
It takes so much to realize we were
But we are no more

I run twice as much
To get halfway of the path
You think it is fun
But you should at least try to do the math
I don't enjoy doing the double of what you do
To earn less
If you think equality exist, you're a fool
It never was a matter of who's best
I have some things
You have it all
I worked my *** off to create my wings
You were born a king

-How unfortunated you have to be, to be born as a poor latina woman?

How am I suppose to make a home
Out of the strangers who raised me?
- A house it's not a home.

You've rooted my brain
To the point where I didn't know myself anymore
You've poisoned my heart
To the point I didn't love me anymore
How did I give myself
To such a broken soul?
How did I give myself
While you didn't give yourself even once

I have loved for both of us
And it's ironic because
That was the farthest thing from love

And it was ironic because
You claim to love me so much
But you just rot me
To the point I don't know love anymore

Endless night
Turning to one side to the other
Weighing against the mattress
It doesn't even matter
The thought of a far away
Escaping inside my mind
Making up a world of mine
Where I pretend to find
The little Golden bottle of happiness
In a whirl of events that lead to this
The world of plastic
And tears of stone
Going down so fast
Just to return
Every evening a new chapter
Every dusk a new cry
And all the demons in the corner
Watching in the dark
As I lay down
Just to sit up
Repeating all night
Through the fases of the dark blanket
As I try to push the voices back
They come stronger and tore apart
Sanity is not here anymore
She left jealous a while ago
Said she couldn't share me
With the pride and ego
So she left a chair empty
And an empty chair doesn't stay empty for long
Now I have this stranger little thing
Sitting just in the middle
It won't let me sleep
It won't let me eat
It barely allows to breathe
I'm still asking for its name
But gained nothing in return

Thank you,
For opening an old wound on me
Deeper than before
So I can see roses blooming from it

Thank you,
For reminding me I can bleed
And making my words flow
I write better when my heart's beating slowly

Thank you
For giving me a taste of a different kind of love
Just to give it back to hurt and longing
At least I had a glimpse of what it could have been

And most of all, thank you
For being the exact reason
I keep my walls so high
And my words for myself

Now you're just another reason for my self isolation

- I kinda new from the start, but I lied to myself - too.

I still holding the umbrella
The rain, it's close
But it never falls
Then I look around
And I'm the only fool
Walking around with an open umbrella

- Swear I smelled thunder within the wind

I've let you go

It took me a lifetime
To learn how to put these letters together
You used a day or two

It took me years
To learn how to swing the pen
It was a hour or so for you

I used to stand so proud
To be able to do theses things
When you, with boredom
Learned it overnight
And wanted to taught me
How to do them right

It makes me so angry
How I had to give everything I have
To learn all of it
And you do everything better
At your first shot

It makes me guess
Are you special
Or am I just not enough?

It's been eleven hours I'm listening to music
My ears hurt and my head pounds
But if I turn it off my thoughts run wild
The sound of silence it's much more loud
So I put my earphones on
I dont have anything to keep me busy so it will be long
I'm playing my favorite tracks but it still not fun
It's like I'm on the search for the perfect song

- Instead of complain I should be thankful for having music to shut my mind

Used to sing myself to sleep
Now I just cry
till I can't see

- there's waves climbing out of my stomach to my eyes -

I remember thinking that a game would never impact your life like a book would
I was so wrong
Now there's nothing that makes me feel warm in my heart
Like when Life is Strange soundtrack comes along

That I won't read the end of A Song Of Ice And Fire
That life got harder after eighteen, when it should get easier
That no mystic creature showed up to take me to Camp Half-Blood
And most of all things
I just can't believe that after all these years
I'm still writing about you

- Do you even remember I exist ?

Sometimes my words flood the pages like the sea
And sometimes,
they are as softly as the fall of a leaf
Still, either way they come across in waves
No matter if it's a paragraph
Or a phrase

- all I have to say is enough

It's so overrated being a teen
Everything becomes a trend so fast
It's like no one has their own dreams
It's so sad
I remember when we were kids
We wanted to be anything, but stuck in ours rooms
Now look at us, it's the universe doing its pranks again I presume.

- I still wanting to do so many things but.. these walls has its appeal.

Your hair is long again
As a black vasel
Running through my hand

Your eyes grew fiercely
Staring into mine with no hesitation
I wouldn't be surprised if they read me

Your smile is softer now
Learned a thing or two about empathy
Became a better you somehow

Does your hands still looking for mine?
Its not like I'm looking for a fight

I just need a answer
And I can't complete focus on you
When my mind is going to "we were"

Just tell me
I promise to pretend I don't mind
If you throw me a lie

Lie to me
So the lie I tell myself
Become a little more believable

- we could have built it all side by side...

They said:
"You'll find your way"
But
There's irony in every step

- it's brutal out here

I miss the feeling;

Sunshine's glowing in my stomach
Waves crashing up my lungs
And lost words for being in awe of someone


- The time I had a whole tempest inside my body when you looked at me

I take a shower
After shower
After shower
After shower
Trying so desperately
Wash it away

The sweat
The thoughts
The scent
The guilt

Trying to untie the knots
In my stomach
In my head

I stay under the burning water
Wishing it somehow take it all
And carry it down the drain
So I can come off the shower
And feel clean again