There's words dancing
All around you
They're floating
I try to adjust them in order
But how I could
When you're glowing
So bright all I can do is smile?

One day
I'll build an empire
I don't know what it will be made of
But I hope it doesn't end on fire

Neutrality
It's never a choice
There's no middle spot
It's always a two sides sword

Endless night
Turning to one side to the other
Weighing against the mattress
It doesn't even matter
The thought of a far away
Escaping inside my mind
Making up a world of mine
Where I pretend to find
The little Golden bottle of happiness
In a whirl of events that lead to this
The world of plastic
And tears of stone
Going down so fast
Just to return
Every evening a new chapter
Every dusk a new cry
And all the demons in the corner
Watching in the dark
As I lay down
Just to sit up
Repeating all night
Through the fases of the dark blanket
As I try to push the voices back
They come stronger and tore apart
Sanity is not here anymore
She left jealous a while ago
Said she couldn't share me
With the pride and ego
So she left a chair empty
And an empty chair doesn't stay empty for long
Now I have this stranger little thing
Sitting just in the middle
It won't let me sleep
It won't let me eat
It barely allows to breathe
I'm still asking for its name
But gained nothing in return

You do not know me anymore
If you only knew me five years ago
I've grown apart from myself
If the younger me saw this version
What would she tell ?

"Face's not so bad, but body's overweight"
The degree is not so bad
But I thought we would way beyond that
And you make more money than mom and dad
But now we understand the bar was never hard to get past
The girl you loved for ten years and counting
Just skipped you for the most average lad

Yeah, I know what I would say
And it's comforting in some way
To know there will never be this day
Where I would see my self hate

- I wished to be the one to make a difference

This is who I am: A forever work on progress

You make me feel dumb
Every arrogant tone
Every correction of my actions
Every rewritten of my words
Let them be messy
Let them be clumsy
They're mine

You make me feel dumb
And just laugh it off
Because "I'm gonna be mad
If you just try to help
With best intentions"

In the end
You just make me feel dumb
And like to feel superior
Somehow makes you feel better
About yourself
And all the things you done
That made you feel dumb

Just like tree arms
The maybes
And the perhaps
Unfold in front of me
Some say you gotta make your way through the branches
Some say you gotta let it be
I see so many paths to be followed from here
My only certain its that there is so much left to see
Just like tree arms
Some might hurt me
But still, take me high
They may left me sore
Thou, the view will be a unique sigh

I look my reflection
And I don't recognize
Who's right in front of me
And I start crying
Until my view it's blurry
I clean my eyes
Till I see clearly
But the image
It's still blurry

- a stranger in my body

You built me up as smart
Now you calling me a fool
You make fun
You make the promises a blur
Maybe I am dumb for letting it sinks
That I am so smart and unique

You stocked yours words in my mind
You didn't let me even think
Now I'm here
Getting the waves standing in my feet
I should never fell for your words
All you did was pull me backwards

-I hate it when I feel dumb

I allowed me to trust
Now I can't bring myself to understand
That your safety isn't an option anymore
Every now and then
I catch a thought,
A plan or move that includes you
And I have to remember
You gave away my trust
Passed me up
Had just enough fun
And took away everything you brought
Now when I think of us
It takes so much to realize we were
But we are no more

.
   .
      .
         .  
             .




- I'm so numb it's like I could be absorbed into my mattress

I've met some broken people
Broken in the same way I am
I didn't seek this out
I'm not good at "friends"

But I've met some broken people
Who saw the stitches right where they are
Didn't ask many questions about it
They asked not about my problems, but about me

I've met some broken people
Who made me feel less lonely in my hurt
I'm not special, not the only one
But when I'm cared about
I feel like even a dead star can glow

Some broken people met me
And I didn't make them feel bad about their past
Nor find meanness in their darkness
Because we're broken, our empathy lasts

Four broken people
Coming together to heal a little bit
An afternoon watching movies and playing games
Finding that broken people make my world a better fit

Go ahead
Put a red nose on me
Make me do it all for you
And be what you want me to be

So you can just turn around
And leave me with the white paint
A tear drawn on my checks
Upside down smile in pain
And guilty in my stripped sleeves

I sacrificed so much for this circus
You got me crying till noon
You never gave me priority
Left me alone with empty balloons

I miss being in love

I know I shouldn't feel like this
But knowing I shouldn't feel like this
And not feeling it
Are two edges
So        far        
                        from     each
                                                      other

These words are for nobody
No one to see it
You may want to correct
Since your words are better

So these words are for nobody
That's why they are mine
No words for nobody
And nobody am I

I want to kiss your face
and play with your hair,
but we're far gone, dead—
how can love still be there?

I know it won't come back to life,
but I want to hold you once more.
I want to spend the night;
I want the warmth of your love.

Do you miss my hug?
Do you crave my scent?
If you truly loved me,
why didn't you show me then?

I know we're broken;
there's no way to mend.
But if I just want you for the night,
do you think we can?

In the end
it is me,
for me.
The problem is that I do not care for myself either.

- I don't know why I keep expecting someone else to save me from myself.

What's there to celebrate?
Wow, really is it the end of the decade?
Very cool, yeah, great
You will still going to the same job on monday
You still having the same flaws like before
And the lock won't be undone on the doors
Chill out, my dude
We still haven't paid ours dues
It may be new years
But nothing it's really new

It took me a lifetime
To learn how to put these letters together
You used a day or two

It took me years
To learn how to swing the pen
It was a hour or so for you

I used to stand so proud
To be able to do theses things
When you, with boredom
Learned it overnight
And wanted to taught me
How to do them right

It makes me so angry
How I had to give everything I have
To learn all of it
And you do everything better
At your first shot

It makes me guess
Are you special
Or am I just not enough?

There's a sea coming out of me
Crashing down its way on waves
It's salty
But so bitter
The way the water it's ablaze

Perhaps Poseidon decided
I cannot be happy
For my sins stained his waters

Maybe Hades still waiting for me
In our garden with Persephone
And Cerberus can smell the scent
Of my lies from miles away

A golden fruit
Just two feet apart from me
Its finally within my reach
But who am I to take it?
I don't deserve what it can bring

My little lion
So skinny and wounded
Still running after what can't be ours

My little lion
That by now I must start calling
My tiny kitten
Why you still gritting your teeth for?

Poseidon forbidden us from the river
For ours sins still staining his waters
No more salt from the seas either
Just the bitterness of two weeping creatures

My little lion
I know you can see it too
Hanging just above you
And not much far from me
At last within our reach
The golden fruit we've dreamt of so many times
We want to feel it in our hands
but we have no right

Dearest friend, I know it hurts in you
Because it hurts in me too
The golden ticket of happiness
But we've caused so much pain and hurt
That this happiness isn't deserved
Neither for me
Nor for you

Hades still waiting for you and me
In our garden, with Persephone
The shine of the golden it's brightening your eyes
And this is how I know I made right
By weakening this badly
For people like me and you
Wasn't made for happiness

- Luckily Tartarus is warm enough

Used to sing myself to sleep
Now I just cry
till I can't see

- there's waves climbing out of my stomach to my eyes -

All the poetry I've written about us
Had no love, only hurt.
How did I not see
We were doomed from the first week?
How did I
Ignore what I wrote
And keep myself so blind?
I won't give my heart and words
To another broken soul
For my love was sold to a selfish and bold
Person who broke all that I own.

To write,
To take an intangible thing—
A feeling,
An idea—
And translate it into coherent words
That another rational being can grasp,
Through these structured arrangements of letters,
The emotions and thoughts
Of someone entirely unique.
How can one not be awed by writing?
How can one not see its magic
In our capacity to share
What resides deep within our souls?

You've put me into this world
Yet you despise me
Not looking on my face
Not asking if I'm ok
Just want to know
When I'm moving out
Why did you bring me into your life
If you hate the fact that I have one?

- the disgusting look in your eyes kills me everyday mom

I still holding the umbrella
The rain, it's close
But it never falls
Then I look around
And I'm the only fool
Walking around with an open umbrella

- Swear I smelled thunder within the wind

I miss the feeling;

Sunshine's glowing in my stomach
Waves crashing up my lungs
And lost words for being in awe of someone


- The time I had a whole tempest inside my body when you looked at me

I know what's the morally right thing to do
But feels like all of my courage has gone flew
This kind of situation is nothing new
I wish there was a happiness chest that I could loot

Every time I do the wrong choice
Every time these ideas pop in my head as a choir voice
I want to turn them out
Shut it for so long I even forget about
I became prisoner of negative thoughts somehow
Now my soul it's nothing more than a ghost town

-It gets dangerous when I'm numb for so long because then I lose fear of how bad it can hurt

Imaginary talks
Going around in a spiral
Getting further, but never quite there
I have answers for every question
You have never asked

Imaginary talks
Even when they were real
They were still imaginary
Because the words I longed for
Never left your mouth

Imaginary talks
Because I'm blocked
I keep sending everything to your DMs
In case you see it
But I know you won't

Imaginary talks
Of us today in bed, playing games
While outside, the rain reigns
We loved these kinds of days
But it will never be the same

Imaginary talks
Of what you're saying to her
Now you've replaced me
You're doing so well, doesn't it hurt?

I'm so much
At the same time - so little
I do not comprehend who I was yesterday
I do not know certainly who I am today
And I can't tell if it's excitement or fear
for who I'll be tomorrow

All I know is uncertain
Thought I would stand my ground
For this or for that
But when the travel starts
I change my path
Who I am
And who I want to be
Doesn't seem to intertwined

I write down how I feel
I read it out
Trying to make out sense
Of whose stranger is on these lines

I want to be so many things
I pursue so many paths
I try to be all kind of people in one
And in the end that's the result
In the end - I am no one

I
Falled
But you
Had a better sense of balance

- it goes on and on

My thoughts
Beat
Beat
Beat
Against my skull

I think
Re-think
Re-think
Re-think
It's what I always do

What if I'm not the Storm
What if I'm the Devil?

You left me again
But it didn't **** me this time

You used to leave me half-dead
Too scared to stay and see while I die

But I didn't die this time
I didn't ask you to stay
I refuse to let this day go to waste,
for you're uncertain about how to feel and what to say.

You didn't **** me this time
It still hurts, but I'm still alive
It's a bit tricky
But I'm learning to survive

I wanna die but don't feel any pain
I don't wanna melt down again
I wanna disappear without a sound
I wanna break every bound
Every vow
I wanna see my blood running
As life itself run away
Before realise it was all in vain
I wanna die
I wanna die
But in a special way
I wanna feel
But not pain
Will it be realisation?
Or sorrow till the end?
Will it be cries and howls
Or rest for my brain?
I wanna know
I wanna know
And it might be just pain
And not a single drop of relieve
I don't doubt
Because all the blame will be in me
For being wrong again
But at least "again"
Won't happen again, then.

She feels like a blindfolded walk
That I keep going forward nevertheless

- Maybe she's the mermaid voice leading me towards drowning

Cold in summer
A frost within me
My thoughts died
Wasn't complete

Cold in summer
where was I?
You didn't love me
Not a single day in time

Cold in summer
How can it be so cold?
You were here yesterday
But have been gone for so long

Cold in summer
I don't love you anymore
What are we here for?
Just getting old

Heat in winter
I hope it to be
So hot, so feverish
I forget to feel

He's your golden boy
Right, dad ?
Doing all the things you want
And nothing above that
He's always around
But how wouldn't he be?
I would too
If I wasn't mistreated

Now you're there
With your golden boy
Telling everyone what a nice kid he is
Do you even remember I'm here?

I guess you are right
Because from where I stand
You two are just alike

I don't know if you just didn't want a daughter
Or if you thought you were raising me right back then
But how can you expect for me
To love you back
After all in the end?

- I'm not mature enough to forgive or forget

I hate everything you say
I hate everything you do
But why the hell I ain't able to hate you?
You only make me mad
You only turn me blue
So why I don't know how to turn my back on you?
Maybe I'm just stupid
Maybe I'm just dumb
Maybe I'm a lost cause
Maybe I think it's fun
Perhaps one day I'll learn
Perhaps one day I will
See that friendship won't replace the hole that love fill

But I can't take it right now
I can't fight for you
I really think we were meant to be
But you have to fight for me too
I can't wish for both of us
You can't ask me to hold onto trust
I can't fight for you
And for me too

I don't even love you anymore, but
I'm still in love with the couple we were

-A picture was all it took to bring me back

A poet out of me
The thing I thought to be
When nights like this decide to creep
And take away the sleep

A poet out of me
The thing I thought to be
When my stubborn lungs
Decided not to breathe

A poet out of me
When my heart bleeds
And my throat dry
My hope take its flee
And my eyes cry

A poet out of me
When there's nothing left to be
Because I've been so many things
I can't distinguished anymore what's "me"

- the ink wash away the pain better than water

Sometimes my words flood the pages like the sea
And sometimes,
they are as softly as the fall of a leaf
Still, either way they come across in waves
No matter if it's a paragraph
Or a phrase

- all I have to say is enough

I never decide,
either I wanna go out
or spend my day doing nothing inside.
I never decide
do I wanna live?
or do I wanna die?
I never decide
it is worthy prioritizing your
instead of my own smile?
I never decide
one day I think it will be the death of me
the next the reason why I'll make it out alive
I never decide,
and being honest I know I'll never do
and I guess this is good
cause it would be a lie if I had all the asnwers and knew all the truth.

- When you have all the answers, don't all the question become stupid?

Where to go?
Where?
Is it even worth?
I don't know

Broken feeling
Broken glass
Why together
We're just a mess

I know
            Know
                       Know

But do I?
Thoughts pounding
I'm not minding
I'm used to this beat

So confused
But calm at most
Another confusion;
Is just another one

I don't want you anymore
But I need you closed
If it's no you
Maybe it won't be anyone

I can't bear that
I can't bear the lone
But you are here and
It's just as you're gone

So I'm thinking
And my brain already decided
But I'm feeling, and feeling
It's not arbitrarily

We're lying to ourselves again,
lying and lying.
We could never fix what we broke
or get another one.

I wish things were like this,
easy to fix,
easy to bring
back to what it was before,
in the first two or three months.

But life isn't like that,
and even though I don't think it's fair,
that's how it is.
So let's keep going
and keep it a secret.

We're broken, broken,
and it just gets deeper,
longing and crying,
forever weeper.

It all blends together
The heat of the flashes
The giggling in the hazy
Hair strands on yours cheeks
A faint voice tripping on my ear
Yours hands sliding down my jeans
And it's so loud
I can't really tell which part
Is the music pumping in my veins?
Or the raining voices gossiping?
The shadows come and go
And the only thing I can actually process
Is how drunk on you I am
The rest is a blur
A distant dream
There's dance and there's drinking
But I only see the honey of your eyes
And the rest is confetti