She was an angel or was she the devil?
I try to beat your game but there are so many levels
Just wish that I could had helped
But it's hard when you don't know what you want yourself

- maybe you were the problem and the solution all at once

How can one person become another one
I swear you don't even have the same tone
I look into your eyes and it's all gone
You float
Away
You ran
Away
You spaced
Away
You were my home
How do I find the path to a place long gone?

-I miss, not sure of which part

Every time I think I'm over you
You arise in my head out of the blue
Maybe you are the physical representation of a Phoenix
You live
You die
Then you're back alive

- I keep dying a little bit more everytime you're back in my life, the problem it's that I have only one of those

She was crafted from pure sunlight,
I am formed from falling snowflakes.

I can feel my heart pounding
I'm as still as I can get
It's like I'm drowning
I try to ignore but I can't let go yet
I feel my heart bumping into my chest
I'm trying to sleep but the beating won't let
I want it to stop
It's not that I want to die
It's just that I don't care if I'm alive
I wish I could sleep a whole night
I don't even remember the last time I wasn't tired
But how do I sleep
When I feel my heart pounding so deep?

It's been eleven hours I'm listening to music
My ears hurt and my head pounds
But if I turn it off my thoughts run wild
The sound of silence it's much more loud
So I put my earphones on
I dont have anything to keep me busy so it will be long
I'm playing my favorite tracks but it still not fun
It's like I'm on the search for the perfect song

- Instead of complain I should be thankful for having music to shut my mind

I don't like changes
I need to change thou
But if I do, is on me to blame
When I'm the only one I have left and my trust on myself broke
How do I keep away pain?
Spent so much time convincing myself I was the right one
How to change without admitting I was wrong?
Cause I don't wanna be
I just wanted to be free
And admitting I need to change
That I need a new version of me
Will be the scariest thing I ever did

I love  you to death
But do I love you enough to keep away from me death?

Go on little soldier,
burn down all the things you don't understand.
Stay awake,
if you are sleepy you won't fear the things you have to face.
Don't even question little soldier,
all you are doing it's for the greater good, right?
Remember:
look away from the faces you are setting fire, you just have to care about God's eye.
Don't dream too much little soldier,
cause tomorrow there's another fight.
Don't bother making plans for when the war its over; you won't survive.

-I hope my tales will be sung after I die.

I miss being made of flesh and blood
I don't know how much more I can fold
Once I knew I place to go
Where a Make-Believe girl could turn into a real one
I guess I lost the map
I guess I missed the ride
I should have never trusted that
I eventually would make it right

-Lately I'm just waiting for the rain to melt me away

The sound of silence it's way to loud
It opens space for my thoughts to scream out
I try to shut it but I dont know how
Maybe it is my fault
For letting my imagination being all about
What it was or what it could be
Every scenarios that I dream
Every problem I'm being involved with
Comes out to play on this silent beat

-Shhh... I need to sleep sometimes

I dont have the mind
Neither the time
To be thinking about this
To be feeling like this
To be so overwhelmed
To say the damns farewells
I just wanna
I just gonna
I don't know

-Maybe if I keep myself busy I won't have time to remember

I never liked my name
And they say everyone's the same
But you came along and
I just couldn't believe it then
The way you say it
The way you pronounce it
The way you change the pace of it
When I was a child I always dreamed with the day I would be able to change it
Now my stomach goes crazy when your mouth has my name in it

Reading random poetry
Feels like a hundred people screaming
Some are in pain
Some are beaming
One got me laughing
One got me thinking
Something makes me nostalgic
Some so good and still so basic
I just know poetry tastes likes nothing else
Forever the shelter flavor I will choose to dwell

- If only poetry had the same attention as TV shows, I would be able to know many more worlds.

Sometimes I'm in such a need of love
That I'll take even the much
That just ain't enough

-I never can tell when I'm accepting less than I deserve.

What if I'm not the Storm
What if I'm the Devil?

I never decide,
either I wanna go out
or spend my day doing nothing inside.
I never decide
do I wanna live?
or do I wanna die?
I never decide
it is worthy prioritizing your
instead of my own smile?
I never decide
one day I think it will be the death of me
the next the reason why I'll make it out alive
I never decide,
and being honest I know I'll never do
and I guess this is good
cause it would be a lie if I had all the asnwers and knew all the truth.

- When you have all the answers, don't all the question become stupid?

I know I shouldn't feel like this
But knowing I shouldn't feel like this
And not feeling it
Are two edges
So        far        
                        from     each
                                                      other

How strange is that
I have been holding on "keeping it together" for such a long time
That when I allowed myself to break down tears in my eyes I didn't find
I have spent so much time holding back my cry
That now my emotions are like a bird who had been caged for far too long to know how to fly

- I thought not crying was "keeping it together", didn't know holding back would make my inside turn into dry weather.

The universe loves a bad joke.

I hate everything you say
I hate everything you do
But why the hell I ain't able to hate you?
You only make me mad
You only turn me blue
So why I don't know how to turn my back on you?
Maybe I'm just stupid
Maybe I'm just dumb
Maybe I'm a lost cause
Maybe I think it's fun
Perhaps one day I'll learn
Perhaps one day I will
See that friendship won't replace the hole that love fill

But I can't take it right now
I can't fight for you
I really think we were meant to be
But you have to fight for me too
I can't wish for both of us
You can't ask me to hold onto trust
I can't fight for you
And for me too

My pyjama doesn't fit me loose anymore
And my favorite cartoon seems so silly
I never want to go outdoors
My room are my safe place lately
And I don't remember when I stopped to like that TV show
I wanted to be those girls when I got older
But they seem so empty now,
So boring now.
I never really wanted to grow up, just to people treat me like one.
When did I grow up?
Back there I would always be loud,
Now I'm always shut
When did I grow up?
Promised myself I'd never change
But the old me became dust.

- Always had a plenty of ideas of what I would become when I grew old, now I get none.

It's so overrated being a teen
Everything becomes a trend so fast
It's like no one has their own dreams
It's so sad
I remember when we were kids
We wanted to be anything, but stuck in ours rooms
Now look at us, it's the universe doing its pranks again I presume.

- I still wanting to do so many things but.. these walls has its appeal.

They say somethings are just like riding a bike, you can't forget
I remember I learned pretty young how to get by on my own and in self defense my head was set
Then you came around, it was like in all my beliefs you pressed reset
From one minute to the other the world wasn't grey anymore, I could finally see a colorful sunset
I didn't have to struggle so much anymore, I've put my defenses down cause then I wasn't alone to defeat the threats
Then you went away, and I was on my own again
I tried to calm myself because I've been alone before, I knew how to get it right, I know how to pilot this plane
Told myself "somethings are just like riding a bike, you can't forget"
So here I'm asking why the hell life ain't fair
Because I'm going crazy trying to figure it out how to keep sane without you there.

- I'm starting to think you were a drug disguised as a person.

I don't know who are my friends anymore,
I don't even know if I have any at all.
I just know I got drunk super fast so I could come back home.
In the end I just wish I could feel around them like I did before.
When we were young,
When the world was two neighborhood long,
When I could tell them anything and they would made me feel like I belong.
Yeah, I guess these days are long gone.


- I don't even see the same person when I look in your eyes anymore

It seems like a song I know all the words
And when it goes wrong I remember I've been here before
How does someone make the same mistakes again?
How does someone genuinely don't know how everything it touches eventually crashes down in the land?
Cause I'm so ******* tired
Of trying and trying in vain
How I'm supposed to believe if it all turn into failure
It's like I'm my biggest traitor.

-I gotta keep believing the universe it's against me, otherwise it's just because of my lack of capacity.

I miss being in love

I remember thinking that a game would never impact your life like a book would
I was so wrong
Now there's nothing that makes me feel warm in my heart
Like when Life is Strange soundtrack comes along

All these kids running and screaming
"They're just kids,
They're just being"
I don't know why,
but I just can't.
All this play-by-the-book thing
"We hate each other but on sunday we play it nice
Cause family it's our bigger treasure, right?"

So go on little girl,
put that sunday dress on and come to grandma house
Your cousins will be there
So you better do something nice on your hair
When your aunts ask about boyfriends,
satisfied them with whatever dumb story they can tell others later on
And ignore the fact you're hurt that they never even questioned if you like boys at all
And when your uncle make a sexist joke
laugh and shake your head
Because there's no place in the fam for a woman who speak up
Do never forget,
You're suppose to be a good pet.

-They really don't know why I don't go to family sundays anymore?

I used to listen to old school rock
I used to say "I will never"
I used to think youth beat the life clock
And life would never get better
Now I think differently
And it scares me that I'm only months away to get out of my teens
I thought I would never call someone "lovely"
But things does change, it seems

-I still skeptical if change it's a good thing, thou.

I can't wait to make
The same mistakes all over again.

- I just wish the mistake choose to stay this time.

How am I suppose to make a home
Out of the strangers who raised me?
- A house it's not a home.

I wanna die but don't feel any pain
I don't wanna melt down again
I wanna disappear without a sound
I wanna break every bound
Every vow
I wanna see my blood running
As life itself run away
Before realise it was all in vain
I wanna die
I wanna die
But in a special way
I wanna feel
But not pain
Will it be realisation?
Or sorrow till the end?
Will it be cries and howls
Or rest for my brain?
I wanna know
I wanna know
And it might be just pain
And not a single drop of relieve
I don't doubt
Because all the blame will be in me
For being wrong again
But at least "again"
Won't happen again, then.

Don't even get me started
I try to avoid it but it just hits harder
I try to cut it short but it keeps going farther
I try to pretend it but I ain't a actor

Maybe I should relax and give it time
Wait a bit, don't they say that time flies?
I'll be alright then
I'll be calm and I'll listen
I'll be sharing big smiles for no reason
I'll be helping other peoples with their demons
I'll make dinner while listening to Ed Sheeran
Then grab a book, dwell in a world of fiction

For a couple hours I'll forget
That when I went to sleep I will not get
The peace I want
Nor the easy I need
Maybe one day, I'll be able to get a proper sleep.

-It's okay, I've never liked to cook anyway.

I don't really get it
I wish I knew better
I wish the answer was clever
Because I have the answer
And it doesn't matter
'Cause I can't do it anyways
I can't do it and I hate it
I can't do it but I wanna take it
When it breaks will it worth what it takes?
I feel like dying
Then I feel like holding on
Because for a couple of minutes it doesn't  hurt so bad
Then it feels like I'm chained to my bed
I sink into the blankets and just want to disappear
Not daring to move 'cause they might hear
I feel guilty I wanna die
Then I feel guilty for feeling guilty
Because, aren't feelings a kind of beauty?
I guess so
But I don't think so
I don't think that feeling so hard at the point you feel your soul's breaking
It's cool, okay
since art out of it is what you're making.

-Can't art come out of good feelings too?

They say when a cloud aren't so high in the sky
you can see it moving.
When they are high, though
don't show movement at all.
Sometimes I think when people are so high
they are like clouds, they don't show anything at all.
They're so distant for that.
So high.
So far.
So untouchable.
In times like these, I'm sure;
I don't wanna be a high cloud.

-I'm a cloud. I'm already high enough.

And now I'm with this funny feeling
and the funny thing is that this ain't funny at all.
I keep using the funny phrase to make it sound casual,
but sometimes you can choke on your own pain
and be certain that it will be fatal.

And it's funny how it was easy for you
to walk away and still keep your cool.
And it's so **** funny that it brought me to tears
the way you made me think it was all my fault
when you were the one who promised heal me
but instead layed in my wounds salt.

And I guess this may be darkhumor
cause it's funny
you who were so sunny,
made it rain.
But it doesn't rain anymore.
It's just cold
and I'm still frozen,
with that ironic frozen smile in my face.
You know,
they say it's so funny how it happened,
I keep laughing when I remember
how sweet was your grin
when you left
I suddenly caught myself wishing for rain again.

- I didn't thought the desert would drown me too.

I wanna cry like I've  never cried before.
I wanna die like I've never died before.
Because I've died too many times
and today I'm dying a little bit more.
I do not even understand,
wish I knew why we do this kinda of stuff for.

-Everytime I think the fall will end
                                                             I fall
                                                                      a little bit
                                                                                        more.

I love you. I really do.
You're the best thing I've ever knew.
When gets dark and nothing is left to do
I keep here, just thinking about you.
Did you ever tried? Did even wanted to mark me like that?
Cause all I'm today is on you.
Every line and every song I sang,
Every tear and buttlerflies on dance.
All I think it's worth to live for,
its you who brought.

- Tell me, may I one day means that much to you too?

I'm proud of my blood,
proud of my hair.
I'm proud of the culture
and the flag at my back.