Neutrality
It's never a choice
There's no middle spot
It's always a two sides sword

Yesterday
I thought I wanted to die
Today
I'm sure

-Such a obvious way to go

Go on, go on
Use your difficult words
No, no
What a absurd!
Nah, of course I don't mind!
Go ahead
Steal what is mine
Don't bother
Take away what I've done
Pretend is yours,
Go on and tell everyone
Do you feel amazing?
Does it feels good?
Being credit for someone's else work
And saying it was you?

Left
Right
It doesn't stop
It dances around
So many thoughts
So **** loud
I really meant
To be okay by now
Now sleep, sleep
Come here, come here
But you never do
And it's nothing new
I'm still awake
So tired as I could sleep forever
My thoughts are running faster
I'm tired
I'm done
I'm exhausted
I try
I go
Where?
Sadness and hope
What a dammed midnight
Time
Flows
My mind
Drowns
I
Cry
Alone
All the night

- I dont remember the last time I actually slept.

I take a long bath
I convince myself the feeling won't last
I wait for the water to heal
My eyes get red, they know the drill
I wash my cheeks
It's been weeks
I drown my head
Thought I could bear
I let it down my back
Next hours I'll be numb on bed
I try to wash it away
But I dont think I can

-will I forever feel this *****?

You built me up as smart
Now you calling me a fool
You make fun
You make the promises a blur
Maybe I am dumb for letting it sinks
That I am so smart and unique

You stocked yours words in my mind
You didn't let me even think
Now I'm here
Getting the waves standing in my feet
I should never fell for your words
All you did was pull me backwards

-I hate it when I feel dumb

Off all the things I said
"I will do it no more "
At the top of the list is
"Do not beg for love"

- don't be upset, I'm just following rules that have been preset

When it's all done
They gonna say they did care
They don't understand
They didn't see it coming
They could never knew what was going on
Oh
But how could you?
When you're always floating around
But never close enough to help

- my head, a wall and my forehead crying blood.

You didn't want to **** me
So you left me half dead
Now I bleed slowly
Wishing you had cold blooded ****** me

- It wasn't kindness, it was fear.

I miss who I was with you
Now I'm just someone I don't want around

- I wonder who you are now

Pounding head,
Spiraling thoughts,
They won't let me sleep.

The wind sings outside
And all I can do it's hear.

Such silence to be at ease,
Thoughts in my ear start to scream.

I miss not being aware of the "if" and "perhaps"
I know where I wanna be, but not how to get there

- I miss the childhood comfort of someone else making decisions for me

Used to sing myself to sleep
Now I just cry
till I can't see

- there's waves climbing out of my stomach to my eyes -

I like reading old poems
It remind me of who I was
I think about the situation of them
How funny they came to me into a blur
I always thought
"There is no way it can get worse"
But oh, little child
It hadn't even began

I still holding the umbrella
The rain, it's close
But it never falls
Then I look around
And I'm the only fool
Walking around with an open umbrella

- Swear I smelled thunder within the wind

The sky weeps
Wind blows softly, as razor lightly running in the unprotected faces
The horizon blurs where sky meets earth
A scene both dark and gloomy
As if painted with a melancholy stroke.
There's sadness
But oh, there's so much beauty
As this autumn day
I want even when in a weather,
endure and stay.

How nice of you to give me the Burn Heal
After being the one who's thrown me into the fire

- Are you feeling better about yourself now?

She's Hell
All dressed up in Heaven

You're a still Ocean
All dressep up in Sucker

I'm lost at sea,
in the darkest night.
I know everyone is in the same situation
but at least the others have one or two lights,
at least everyone else have some sort of guide.
I'm by me,
                     myself,
                                     and I.
Above me only black sky,
ahead of me just a black faded horizon line.
There's no light to guide me.
There's no torch to comfort this.
There's not a single star to look down.
I remember all the people who promised that same void vow
and still,
I'm lost at sea and there's no lighthouse.

-if I'm already in the deepest dark, why not trade the waters for the sky?

I just turned twenty
Somehow I still feel like twelve
I don't feel prepared to be an adult
But it never mattered how I felt

- I should have believed when they said time fly

I don't know why
But when the sun goes down
I go down alongside it

- I close my eyes and see sunflowers in the dark.

I feel so small
Standing against it all
I can't tell the length of these walls
But at least when I'm so small
I don't need to fear the fall

-Against all these cons I gotta look for a pro

I'm tired
I mean physically
And mentally as well

I'm tired
I can't see things clearly
It doesn't help much your "I wish you well"

I'm tired
But somehow when I lay I can't sleep
I know life isn't fair to you
It also isn't fair to me

I'm tired
I don't know how to slow down
Doing a thousand things altogether
Wanting to rest my mind
But I have never learned how

If I'm being honest
I wasn't really looking
But can I have your number ?
I dont quite get
Are you flirting with me?
How did we get there?
I know you
But I don't
I didn't see the birth of this flame
I never even known your actual name
But now the thoughts of you are coming down like thunder
So ocean eyes girl, can I have your number?

-I kinda wish you weren't one of my bosses daughter

What's there to celebrate?
Wow, really is it the end of the decade?
Very cool, yeah, great
You will still going to the same job on monday
You still having the same flaws like before
And the lock won't be undone on the doors
Chill out, my dude
We still haven't paid ours dues
It may be new years
But nothing it's really new

Go on, darling
Awkwardly smile to all those people you don't care
Be a bit far away trying not to stare
It's not like you hate them
It's not like you love them either
These family's nights
Always make me idle

- I'm gonna eat it all up, the food and your jokes

When I was around ten
I had the world on my hands
The honorable Color Keeper
Swimming in blue since I was little
Finding my way with art as my riddle
I used to draw my woes away
Painting till' the night got murdered by the day
Blue was my ego
Yellow my anxiety
Red the love I couldn't let go
Purple my fatalities

Blending the colors
Into the most beautiful colorfight
Trying to make the design so perfect
People ought to think it's glorified
I miss the green
The orange too
I miss seeing all the colors I used to
The problem is, there aren't any other colors
When I'm drown in blue

And I'm still not knowing
If when the night falls I become someone else
Or I'm the raw me because I"m alone with myself

- I'm not a good company

I want to write how I feel
But it seems like I wrote this poem already
I want to make new rhymes
But it seems like I have empty my vocabulary
I want to arrange this feeling in a way it makes sense
But it seems as my thoughts are all spread out like confetti

- What's left for a writer unable to write?

You dont need to like the things I do
No one likes anyway
You dont need to follow the script in my head
This never turns out it as it may
You dont have to say yes just for saying
Please, don't blame me for that day
You dont have to put me in a better light
I know well enough what's my fate

"It doesn't matter, she loves me as well"


- Spoiler alert: it mattered.

I delay
As much as I can
I'm running out of excuses
As I'm trying to convince myself I ain't making excuses at all
It is like I'm building walls
Neither I am aware of what they are made of
They are just as paper thing, but I'm fooling myself they're tough
I'm doing my best to ignore the red lights
And the loud alarms that I turn off
Time grows thinner
My excuses grows wider
I always picture myself as the bravest
The truth is, I was never a fighter

-I should just get **** done already

Go ahead, wise one
Keep on treating me like a child
Go ahead, wise one
Like you're a special being who's get it right
Go ahead, perfect being
Who's never feared anything
Go ahead, perfect being
Putting words in my mouth like you know everything
Go ahead
Keep treating me like I'm less than you
But please, don't come crying when I give it all back like you do

- A calm ocean still can drown you

I know what's the morally right thing to do
But feels like all of my courage has gone flew
This kind of situation is nothing new
I wish there was a happiness chest that I could loot

Every time I do the wrong choice
Every time these ideas pop in my head as a choir voice
I want to turn them out
Shut it for so long I even forget about
I became prisoner of negative thoughts somehow
Now my soul it's nothing more than a ghost town

-It gets dangerous when I'm numb for so long because then I lose fear of how bad it can hurt

The worst part of feeling this way
Isn't the lack of breathing
Much less the overcoming pain
It isn't the overworking
Without any kind of pay
The worst
The highlight of this
Its not being able to know why I'm feeling it
I dont know what I miss
I dont know who I wanna be
I dont know where I wanna get
Or how achieve that

I never know what I'm thinking
Till' I pour it out of my pen
I can't tell if I'm being realistic or dreaming
Before I read it out of the paper, again and again
I don't try to write remarkable things at all
All I do it's write to slow down my thoughts

- I'm someone else within the ink.

It's been three years
Today she is saying "yes" on white
It's been three years
And I'm at home trying to remember why there was even a fight

I run twice as much
To get halfway of the path
You think it is fun
But you should at least try to do the math
I don't enjoy doing the double of what you do
To earn less
If you think equality exist, you're a fool
It never was a matter of who's best
I have some things
You have it all
I worked my *** off to create my wings
You were born a king

-How unfortunated you have to be, to be born as a poor latina woman?

My life is a game and I have no hearts left
I'm starting the same stages over and over
I wish my character was fast
The timer is almost over, I havent beat my old best
I feel like I have the wrongs skills equipped
My inventory is useless and I've failed six times on the thing I should have flipped
I'm so tired of re-doing it
I'm losing on dumb mistakes
I'm so sick of getting beat
I wonder what victory tastes
My life is a game and I have no hearts left
I wish
I just wish
I wish I knew best

-Thou, I'm glad to know there's people enjoying playing with my life

How bad a day must be
To make me laugh of disbelief?

Just like tree arms
The maybes
And the perhaps
Unfold in front of me
Some say you gotta make your way through the branches
Some say you gotta let it be
I see so many paths to be followed from here
My only certain its that there is so much left to see
Just like tree arms
Some might hurt me
But still, take me high
They may left me sore
Thou, the view will be a unique sigh

Never told me no
Never told me yes
I always had to take a guess
How can you pretend
That you are not trying to avoid the end?

-You don't have to let me down slowly

Love can be great
But it can also be a grave
You've overcome my own personality
I don't even know who I am anymore if you're not here
I'm on my own now and I'm completely lost
I feel like since I've met you my life have been frost
Now I'm someone I've never met
I search into my mind for who I am but nobody's there
I look to my room and it is decorate like it belongs to someone I would love to meet
I wonder how my things looks so cool if not even I know who is "me"

-I was so used to "us" that I guess when you left you took us both

I keep bringing them back alive
I guess I like to fight
I never really learned
How to let the ghosts of my past slowly burn
I think I'm not ready to let them fade
I rather keep talking to people who are just a shade

- Sometimes I wonder if I did not morph into a ghost myself

I hate this feeling
Of wanting to screaming a thousand words
But I remain speechless

I hate this feeling
Wanting to cry all night
But my face stay still like ice

I hate this feeling
The need to talk to someone
But not trusting on anyone

I hate this feeling
The need to push everyone that might care away
I know it's not my fault but I can't look them  face to face

I hate
And I hate hating.

.
   .
      .
         .  
             .




- I'm so numb it's like I could be absorbed into my mattress

You are not even drop that gorgeous
But the way you move
The way you dress
Each tattoo and platinum hair
You are such a stereotype of a stylish boy
But also like a little kid with that loosen smile full of joy

-You dress like a bad boy and acts like a stuffed toy

I'm bad at letting go

You were such a dreamer
Loving the sky more than anything
You could go hours starring at the dark sky
Telling me about the stars
What they mean
Where they tell us to go
But I never remember what you taught me about it
Because I couldn't concentrate
You were so beautiful
I couldn't take my eyes off of you
Your warmth kept pulling me close
And seemed like you were a black hole
I was caught in your gravity camp
I wasn't able to pull myself away then

-I miss stargazing with you every nightfall

One day
I'll build an empire
I don't know what it will be made of
But I hope it doesn't end on fire