Leave me
Give up on me
To the lost and found
To gather dust in the dark

We'll only end up hurting each other

There is freedom in the dark
To be found
If you turn away from the light
If you stop trying so hard

Stop hurting yourself
Putting up a fight
Scraping your knees
Running and stumbling
Chasing what's shining to bright

Still
I'd like to try
For a little while longer
If that's alright

She said she likes to play
Likes to puzzle
I said okay
Let's play your game

Acting condfident
But
Feeling terrified

She'll leave me in pieces
Wishing and wanting
Torn apart
If she kept a piece for herself
I'll never be whole again

We're sitting outside
My kinda bar, my place this time
Ringing strings are reflecting some evening light
Singing tunes in the back
I feel grounded for a nickel
It's not a bad deal at all

But it raises a question:
Are we no strings attached or ready for progress?
I call it a jam session
You call it a vibe
Are we vibing? Am I buying?

I've been fired, recently
Add a little heat before the start of summer
No longer mixing drinks behind a bar
But beers with antibiotics
**** my life, am I right?

I'm now back to "but what about tomorrow"'s
This anxiety it comes with the freedom
Hardwired, and I was never any good with crafts
Hello again, who invited you to the table?
This was supposed to be a closed party
Just two plus two
Let me be real with you

I am free to breathe again
To think and speak how I want to
To get up and go out, go down
Better watch my mouth
Or it will all spill in the streets
Don't want to be thrown out
In front of her

You know
If you have to much going on at once
It cant trap you
So slow down son
You're doing fine, you will be fine
Eventually, surely
The worries, they'll go away in time
Or at least they'll grow quieter

But who knows?
Maybe I'm lying

I love the ocean
For the calmness it gives
After the storm's passed
It leaves behind
A quietness in my heart

I love the ocean
In it's depth, it's vastness
In all it's shades of blue
Crowned by dancing white spray
Falling and rising in constant motion

I love the ocean
It keeps me mesmerized
By the orchesta of bundled water
Crashing down the coast
A low drum to a metronome

I love the ocean
For the breeze in my hair
The air in my lungs
And the salt
Fresh memories on your skin

When do I get to taste it again?

Your perfume speaks to me
Through your proximity
You're close to me stranger

It speaks of a smile heavy
With it's years of history
Of struggle and conflict
Ups and downs,
Of beauty and bliss

A smile of familiarity
Of deep understanding
And recognition in another
Your eyes are a mirror of magic
I can see all of you
As I've learned to love you
And yet see myself clearly
Through your point of view

I know that we walk this road together
That we are meant to be
Together
Till the end
From here on out
Forever

As the moment passes
Your scent leaves me
I can still feel
The warmth of your hand
Lovingly holding my cheek

I lean into it
As I mouth my last goodbye
To you dear stranger
To another opportunity missed
Of a life
Well lived

I try to spread
As much light as I get
Leave the world a brighter place
And still protect myself in the process

Yet
I myself always lean to the dark
For the comfort of it's safety
Afraid to be blinded
Afraid to be emberassed
Being out in the open

I'm scared
Please don't hurt me

Dear friends

Of course
I want you to be happy
Suceed in life
Find your place, your people
Be happy whatever it takes

But why
Do I always get left behind in the process
Am I worthless after all?
When is it my turn?

I can't smell the flowers anymore
Walking by
Her perfume is to strong, lingering still
Left in the air a mile behind
My head's between her thighs, testing
Or was it on her thighs, just resting?
I'm not alright!
Is that alright?
To say?
Is it still alright if I want to stay
With someone?

Can't breathe fresh air when I'm outside
Anymore
Cause someone is always smoking
In the progressive West, Oh wow so great!
Ashtray, ****, strawberry or marshmallow?
Pick your character, sorry I meant flavor
Let's show only your best behavior
In public
While they burn the world down
Don't get up, don't get loud
Just don't ask any questions, we don't want to get unpleasant
And smile :)
Don't forget to smile
Really I just don't understand what all the fuss is about
Her Hinge profile said unpolitical
Breathe, meditate, journal, work on yourself
I've been losing myself

I can't hear her anymore now
Can't hear her breathing
Falling asleep in my arms near the canal
Feeling safe, not thinking of leaving
Cause someone is always blasting noise
Just hanging out, connecting with nature
A night out with the boys
Alright, sure
Just take what you want fellas
And who could blame them?
Their father's first loves, can you name them?

It's 2025 and the news are out:
The Pope's dead and Gaza is flat
100 days in office Mr President, Congrats!
It's official now, took only 4 years, they're right winged extremists
Can you believe it!
And who could have seen it?

Next comes the forecast
We're not safe, but don't panic now!
The weatherman says
It's 5 past 12, past point of return
In case of fire stay calm and collected
It's just our planet, feeling a little neglected
Just temperatures rising next to the GDP
In desperate need of some ICE
Knocking doors down
Racing kids through the street
They have special cells for them
...
Honestly just head for the nearest exit (bag)

And you're still outside walking your dog like it's year 19 nine nein
Aber das kann doch nicht sein
"But that can't be", what a great time to be alive
And walk outside and meet a girl
And
Buy a house
And
Raise a family
Put your kids to bed and tell them
Everything's gonna be fine
Hey Mama, why are you crying?
Mama why are you crying?

The first rays of warm sunlight
on your skin
after the winter break.

Feels like a warm embrace
when your body is starved of touch.

Hints of fresh air
as petals blossom
and the sea water starts warming up.

Let's meet,
Let's revel
Oh to live again.

I wrote you a love letter
while wearing her perfume
On my wrist
Affirmations on a tissue
Or was it a puking bag?

To seat 4D

To you,
Whoever you might be
I wonder are you lost,
On your way,
Or perhaps are you found?

Just for a moment
Together,
Here,
With me
Somewhere in eternity

I feel like I have to do more
right now,
always

Solve my life in a minute
unriddled
Do all the chores, plan my future,
work out, get stronger
imagine, create, work on that project
start the next
meet my friends, new people, date
keep in contact

Know more, learn more, be more
look better, sound smarter seem cooler
eat, rest, sleep, ****, love
what is that?

Take care of myself
physical and mental
and victional
manage my expactations
and yours

Al of it, right now
I have an hour
I haven't moved
It's so much and it's constant

Maybe finding a partner really,
is just about sharing
and lifitng the weight a little
...

And then trying not to become miserable
or codependent
at least together and not alone
right?

Excuse the staring
I wanted to be seen
By you
Beautiful

When I help people I don't feel
Invisiable
Just for a moment
A beggar swinign an empty cup
That hasn't seen coffee in a long time
Any spare change?

Don't look up now
Careful
We might lock eyes
You'd be forced to accept
And recognize
That I am still human too
Like you
Draw out the empathy
Cause despite it all you still care
You tried so hard not to
I know, it's not fair

You see now
It's always in the eyes
Where the soul resides

So careful now
Don't look up

Chasing the shapes of the sand
Following the ways of the wind
Taking grains to the sky
In waterfalls
A gentle cutting
Persistantly reshaping
Sturdier than stone

A dead ocean of dirt and stone
Where an ocean once flew
It comes in shades of yellow, orange and red

Now I walk over the waves
Marked by sunlight and shade
I go where the wind writes it's whispers
Into the dunes
Going in lines
Curving forever and ever

I lose myself
In the silence
In the warmth and cold
Into the nothingness of the vast views ahead
The endless flow
Stretching out to the horizon
And further
Beautiful yet deadly if ever misstreated
Devastating if ever misunderstood

Gotta keep busy
gotta work hard
keep my mind clouded, foggy, and dizzy
no room left for thoughts to start.

Burn myself out
so I won't go crazy
with these thoughts getting loud
my mind's staying hazy.

Everything and everbody *****.
Except sometimes when it doesn't

Everybody keeps bothering you,
they just can't seem to leave you alone.
Why can't you just leave me the **** alone?

Sometimes that's a good thing.

Nothing matters
you're indifferent to almost everything.
It's hard to get past that shell.
It's your armor against the world.
You depend on it.

Your parents will always have some power over you.
Whether you like it or not.

I'm angry.
It's buried deep down by now.
In my heart, in my bones.
Ironically I'm so weak it's quite pathetic.
I want to punish myself.

Last but not least

Some things do feel real.
Music is a goddess, it's freedom.
Stories are an escape.

These tools can loose their effect when overused.

Some moments  do get through the fog.
Nature and innocence for instance.
Some relationships mean something.
Some people are just to good to be corrupted.

Depression isn't a sickness
It feels like a part of you,
A character trait.

The bottom line?
"please don't hurt me"

Give me a break,
please
I don't want to function anymore,
all the time

A release from the pressure,
the constant demand for more
do more, be more
always wrong somehow,
in so many ways

A long, good rest
to lift the stress
from my shoulders

So I can breathe,
I can live
freely
Take my time
out

Come out
afresh, relaxed
on the other side
Drowned out the noise
for a while
from one quick eternity to the next

I step out again
into the world
looking forward
just bending not breaking
reshaping

Eyes and ears open,
lifitng my gaze
now I am ready
now I can go on

Listen,
I've been holding back my entire life
When we step into the ring
I want you to know I'm not gonna hold back anymore
And I expect you to match that.

So before you do step in
Make sure you hugged your mother,
told your women you love her,
showed her how much you worship her
and spend some time with your friends.
Real time.
The kinda time little girls and poets write about in their letters.
I'll make sure to do the same

Cause one of us might lose their life in there,
Blood, spit  and soul on leather,
The respect between caged animals.

Ligthing my house on fire

I don't want to die
Not really
I wan't to live
So much left in my chest to give

Life is beautiful
It's worth to be experienced
It's society that's bringing me down
Can't look up
Gazed pinned to the ground

Sometimes I just can't see it
Sometimes I don't feel it
Sometimes I don't want to
To get up, go on
What's the point?

Lying here
In my house on fire
I feel warm

What's wrong with me?
Where did this come from
when did it start?
How is it, that any social interaction turns akward
conversations are falling apart?
That long pause in the end
that look of irritation, every time
a stab to my heart.

Stop questioning me
stop looking at me
stop judging me

You make me laugh louder
Than anybody else does
And making me feel safe with you
Just by being near me

I can tell you anything
I can be anyone with you
I can trust you,
Even depend on you

High in contrast
To my usual life
You came into my life so easily
A friend send to me by a friend

A summer breeze
Cominig through a slight gap
In the window
Bursting it open

Letting in the light

Speak up?
No!

Lips
Forming the words
Sounds embarking
From my mouth
They're going on a journey
Of their own
Independent

What's on your mind
Damsel
Do tell
Make yourself seen
And heard
Talk it out?

Never!
I'll swallow them down
Push it down deeper

I still have my pride

And yet again
I'm left wondering
Turning in bed

Do I still love you
Or just
Your afterimage?

How can you raise a child
when you were never allowed to be one yourself?

Hi mom,

Today I lived
today I felt the flowers bloom
I joined the birds in their celebration
with smoke and sunshine in the air
We danced trough the streets to any music we could find
And sometimes we just made our own
We fell from one encounter to the next
the stock exchange of kind words
Our Eyes, ears and hands never went lonely
always filled with wonder

Till the sun had enough and went
And the night covered us with it's veil of comfort and privacy
Turning words to whispers of wisdom
Turning grown man to infants again, resting all curled up
Voices reaching out, like skipping stones over the dark water beneath us.

I fell in love four times over today
In a look, a touch, a second
Each one a magical opportunity found, but then lost right away
The moment's passed, your friends are waiting

So many pretty people roaming the streets,
Little frog head I was to shy to talk to you
but maybe see you again? Next year same spot?
Where the flowers bloom and the people are dancing with food in their hands

Good night now Mama,
I want you to know, today I lived

A familiar scent
Welcomes me
In a strange country
Faced with it's workings
Unkown to me
Riddled thick with a language I don't speak

A sudden warmth
Comes over me
With the scent of summer
Carried in a breeze
Craddling me
Making me feel at home
Here

As the wind blows by
The moment passes
I close my eyes
And at last
I can fall
Asleep

Our time together is limited
Cut short by my design
Let's make the most of it
Trying to buy time

Running out
I always end up alone
Going down
Before the finish line

Dear Mister
Suit man,

Did you choose this life?
To lock your power away
Buried in layers
Half buttoned
Slim fit
Not much room left here
To breathe

In an attempt to control oneself,
Make yourself seem composed
A small plea perhaps
For compassion?
Hide away the threat within
Trying to appear harmless
Who are you fooling?

Dialing down your strength
To function in society
To be accepted
Or are you just holding back?

Pacing in a cage
Is a beast,
Waiting
For the right time
To break out, to roar

Are these broad shoulders yours?
Or are you wearing patts?
Could it be?
Insecurity?
And worn so close to your chest,
On open display
Custom fitted

Does it hold you back?
Keep you reserved
Keep the rage in check?
I doubt it

Keep you upright,
Keep you going?
When your backbone doesn't hold
Does it help safe face ?

In this masked ball
We call life
You're beginning to stumble
Begining to crack

When the suit comes off
After a long day
Out in the open, under fire
When all the pressure stored up within
Leaks out, at once
When the chains fall off,
To the ground
cling, cling

Do the bars still hold?
Or do you let the monsters out
Into the light of day
Off the leash
To roam free and get some fresh air

Do you manage to supress yourself?
To continue this farce
The dark white rage
Luring within
Starving embers, running cold
There is no warmth left in you

What do those hands do?
Without a collar to the wrist
In remote rooms
Behind closed doors
In the shady corner of the street
Who has his eyes on you here?

Do you feel your farthers gaze
perhaps?
Your mothers absence,
The absence of love
A sting in your chest

Hear the white noise
Growing louder and louder
Every day
Penetrating your skull
Demanding to be heard

The hole in your torso
Growing and growing
You're collapsing, imploding
There's no stopping it now.

You can losen your tie,
Unbutton your shirt
But you can't losen the grip
Around your neck
The weight on your shoulders
Doesn't lessen
The show must go on

Do remind me
To buy me a new suit

Custom made

Cruelty
indifference

Lost alone
wih you

Imagine,
me staring to feel again

Crazy right?
Scary thoughts

Let's send out a message
I dictate

Dear heart,
I am trying

It's been so hard
living as a privileged ****

Lie
to us, to yourself

Like the rest of us
Despair

Today is a good day,

I've been touched by the sun
I am filled with light
Resonating the warmth

It's true
I can be
whoever I want
When I'm with you

No pressure to be
Anything
No preassure to perform

But I'm left asking myself
Now,
As I see less an less of you
As you're out with your new friends
Spend time with your girl
All this time

Was it because you saw me
And accepted me as I am
Or was it because
You don't  really know
How to care?

...
The line?
Yes
No

What was it again?
Where did I begin?
"When ..."

****, ****, *******

Should have written it down

How deep is the ocean
Mister fisher man?

All glitter and gold on top
Waves crowned royalty
And darkness below
Darkness
Without end

Your troubles
Washed off
Sink and forget
Look up from below
Look!
Watch the light break at the surface
Magnificent, one of a kind kinda sight

Seep it in
Let's go deeper
We'll drown togehter
Take it further
How romantic

Here I am weightless
Can't fall for you anymore
I can't hear you

At last there is silence
As you drift off
The world goes quiet

Don't be boring
Don't be weird
Entertain me, suprise me
Do you like what you see?

I need you to be bold
Take risks
Listen to what I have to say
And then remember
Read between the lines
You'll need to know when to ignore me

Respect me
Don't overstep
But put me in my place
Show effort show you care
Care for me
But don't try to hard now boy
You're coming on to strong
I need a man
To misstreat me right

All men are bad
I'm my own person
I don't need you
Are you still up?
I feel lonely
Come on over
Tell me what to do
Tell what you want

Please stay
Don't leave me before the morning comes
Do you have a shirt I can borrow?
I'll ghost you tomorrow
Can't look in the mirror
Trying to safe face

Beyond all reason
I'm still trying again
Still trying to feel safe
Learning to let myself go in your embrace