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115 · Jun 2022
act friendly
Jonas Jun 2022
I need you to let go
let go off the " how are you" 's and " how you're doing" 's
stop touching me
all the time, all so casually
It's not okay.
115 · May 2022
fight me
Jonas May 2022
Whatever you'll say
whatever you'll do

I'll never be good enough
in my own head

Whatever happens,
that's not gonna change
115 · Aug 2023
A list of
Jonas Aug 2023
Things that are meant to be shared

Laughter, good company, time, love, your bed,
quiet night talks, star gazing, creation, art,
one drink too many,
your lips
Music, food, accomplishments
Your tears, pain and struggles
Happy or sad?
The big moments and the small ones
Clothes, stories, experience, travels and your space.

Did I mention the food?
114 · May 2024
A letter to my younger self
Jonas May 2024
Walk a mile in my shoes
No, better even
Try running

Borrow my eyes for one evening
To see the world
From my point of view
To see as I do
To see how I see you

Maybe then you'll believe me
How great you really are
I do
I really love you

Maybe then you could see it too
114 · Sep 2023
Pottery
Jonas Sep 2023
I am a mold,
Clay to be folded, kneaded, hardend, softened and burned,
to be formed by the tides and the wind
Layer by layer added and scraped again
to break and to be fixed

I am what  I consume
My enviroment makes me
shapes my personality
Untitled
At the time
The movies  watch, the books I read, the characters I envision
become the traits of my everyday demeanor
One, two, three faced
Living under curtains, quick glimpses from under the mask
Gemini personified

If my opinion, my beliefs, and through this my being
are influnecend so easily,
hand crafted, tailored for every stituation and encounter
Is there even such a thing as identity?
At what point do I lose myself through adaptive behaviour?
Who am I without you?
What's a reflection without the mirror?

Who is the true version of me,
the one you see or
the one  that comes out when no one's watching?
112 · Apr 2022
spring date
Jonas Apr 2022
she jumped from the coffins lying in the window screen,
death casually says hello,
while we're strolling through the city
,
but when it comes knocking for real,
racing right up to her,
she stays still.
112 · Aug 2023
the library of scars
Jonas Aug 2023
All those little scars and marks,
left scattered over your body ,
shaping you,
making you, you.
All those habits and traits
specifics of the people close to you
forming familiarity.

A scent , a gesture, a sound
can take you back to the past
to the company of loved ones.
A quick pain to the chest as a reminder

Nostalgia triggered like dandeion pedals surrend to the wind
before you know it they're gone, the moment's over
already fading away
Added to the great library of what came before,
categorized and stored,
prioritized by what's more important and what is less.
To gather dust,
be forgotten or altered by time.

It's so beautiful it breaks my heart.

So keep collecting your scars and marks,
while you're at it,
maybe you could leave some on me as well.
112 · Dec 2023
Judgement
Jonas Dec 2023
How dare me
I cann see
The judgment in your eyes

And you ask me why I look away
You ask me why I hide
It's quite easy baby

When faced with a world like that
I have no power left  
No will, no reason left to fight

Excuse me,
Fot trying to achieve happiness
Before my death

If that makes me
a coward
so be it
111 · Aug 2023
Nightlife
Jonas Aug 2023
Flashing lights and neon sings
You're wearing horns líke a halo above your head
and spread out in ink,
are wings across your back.

Your hips are moving, lips are blooming in crimson red.
Leaving your scent behind like a tail
a silver thread, a lost shoe
an open invitation for someone who might want to follow,
might want to fall for you.

Smoke in the air blending in with the collected noise,
muffled laughter,
shouting of countless people in a single voice.

The night air is filling your lungs,
rain drops down your hair, down your cheeks
hiding your tears til the morning comes.

Your shirt is getting wet ,you can feel it on your skin
Life's soaking through,
tonight you'll be dancing amongst your kin.

Music is playing aloud, the bass is resonating in your bones
You're vibing,
it's waking up your body, your soul, drowning out your thoughts,
Don't think, just move and feel
let your instincts take over,
finally you can bring your worries to heel.

Roaming through a maze of dim rooms,
clutching your drink you stumble, you wander.
Till you find someone to hold on to for the night
skin on skin,
There will be plenty of time left later,
to reflect and ponder.

Here looks and lips get locked
in an active, meaningless exchange
Their fingernails caressing the back of your neck
you close your eyes, surrender, let go of control,
Can you feel it?
The spectrum layed out in front of you?
Your full emotional range

Hello,
nice to meet you, nice to have met
good night, good morning,
It's time to lay down now, let's head to bed.

Now that the night is gone by,
it was over before I knew,
time is up,
tomorrow I might still smell of you.
111 · Sep 2023
20's
Jonas Sep 2023
Please,
can someone just tell me what I'm supposed to do,
where I'm supposed to go.

Just tell me how the world works,
give me something to believe,
it doesn't even have to make total sense.

There is something deeply wrong with me,
tell me what's wrong with me.
Just give me a reason, a story
give me something to hold on to.

So I can move on.

Can someone just care for me please?
Take over,
just for a little while, so I can rest.
Take a break form being an adult,
cause it never seems to stop.

I'm so done
111 · Jun 2022
I worry
Jonas Jun 2022
The future is a panic attack,
selfinflicted.
It's to much
I can't stop
neither stay in the same spot.
111 · May 2024
Dying embers
Jonas May 2024
Give some hope to the hopless
Youth
Shine a little light
It's so dark and cold
Here,in some random back alley
I'm all alone
Sunk into the wall, I'm on the ground

On my last couple breaths
I don't feel strong, I'm afraid, but
Bleeding out from all the wounds and scars
That I've collected over the years
I can't help but smile faintly
Knowingly
It's an inside joke, you wouldn't get it

I'm dying
Here
Going out, together with the rest of the world

Will you hold my hand?
Gift me some warmth
Pad my head one last time
Like my mom used to do

Last words
Tell me, was I any good?
110 · Apr 2021
fairy tails
Jonas Apr 2021
love
hate
peace?

never
ever
again?

whole
broken
design of mine?

hope
despair
endlessly

forever ever after
dead or alive
110 · Jul 2024
Imagine
Jonas Jul 2024
Money doesn't mean much
I think
Against a lifetime lived
Between grief and happiness
Love and despair

I wished

Money doesn't mean much
Where heads rest at shoulders
In a world of morning dew and sundowns over the ocean
Where clouds lay down over the mountain ridge
Like white water turned golden

I hoped
Surely it couldn't

And when it all comes tumbling down
All gears stop turning for a day or two
I'll hold on to a thought
I once had
That money doesn't mean much
In the end
110 · Aug 2024
A bus ride home
Jonas Aug 2024
I wrote this back then
Thinking of you
It's not my best work
But I thought I'd try
I don't know


Maybe you'd like it
110 · Jul 2021
Literally
Jonas Jul 2021
All I have is you,
my work,
and the privilege of being young,
of having time to waste away.
All I have is you.
110 · Jun 2024
Untitled
Jonas Jun 2024
“Trees are poems the earth writes upon the sky, We fell them down and turn them into paper,
That we may record our emptiness.”
― Kahlil Gibran
110 · Apr 2022
tinder
Jonas Apr 2022
Makes me want to swallow a gun,

pull the trigger til the chamber is empty.
110 · Sep 2023
Vibe
Jonas Sep 2023
Turn up the music,
louder and louder still.
Till my ears bleed and I go deaf.
Till my thoughts become lyrics
my body in resonance, same frequency.
My feet to the rhytm, my heart a drum to the beat.

Till I find ecstasy in drowning out myself
109 · May 2024
FGM, (I)ntact e.V.
Jonas May 2024
You raised me
In love and bliss
Held me for years
Made me feel safe
Taught me
Values of family and community

Just so
One day you could just barge in
No greetings, no warnings
I've been snatched
And decide now is the time I get to know pain
Pin me down to the ground
You'll scar me forever

Called in a "specialist"
Old woman torturer
It's a full time job
Who with ***** nails and wrinkled hands
With whatever sharp tool they could find
Laying around, what's on demand
Starts to cut, to etch
To scratch and scrape out parts of me
Touch sacred ground
Taking away what's mine forever
What I didn't yet know much about
But one thing I do know
They made sure it hurt

I don't understand, Ma
What have I done to deserve this?
White and red flashes
Dots of light
Someone is screaming
Loud
Till my voice cracks and finally gives out
After how long I couldn't tell
I passed out
But not for long

Conscious again just in time
Blurry eyes
To feel the faceless monster
Use thorns to mend
Trying to held together
What she has destroyed almost completly
Taken from me
Forever

And you're the orchesstrator of the crime
Almost unspeakable
Even if I'd regain my voice
You let this happen to me
Even helped!
Why? Why? Why?
What have I done to you?
Where did we go wrong?

"She's lost her innocence
She's all grown now"

No not lost but taken
In the most violent, cruel way
The highest sin, the biggest betrayal
For it came from within,
From the most trusted, my own, my family
Literally raised me as a lamb
To the slaughter

Threw me in the dirt
Kept me on the ground
And watched me get cut with open eyes
Who listened to my voice break and give out
Begging, sobbing, shaking
Mommy make it stop

And you still call me dear daughter
After?
What nerve
How did you feel
When you saw me rest
Barely alive
While infections running wild
In my body?
Lying there helplessly
Still somewhat there, alive but not really
Caged in some ditch
Hidden away for weeks or eternity
Who can say

If I'm "lucky" I won't die here
In a poddle of my own ***, pus and blood
Unable to move, eat or sleep
A stick stuck between my legs
What once was a *****
To clog the drain
I have no tears left in me to weep

It was done as it has been for generations
It is our culture, normal in our tribe
You outsider can't possibly understand
It is proper
To torture your own daughter
Do like she did to me before
My own mother

So some man can check later
That you're ready for marrige
To make sure
Your body never know pleasure
Where's the **** lover boy?
So you forever know your place
Before you really know anything
Marked for life

We'll tell your friends, your children later
About the honour
Don't worry
We'll cut you open and sew you up again
When you get into labour
We'll do it again and again
We got you sister, you and your sisters sister

Only then do you belong
When yu're cut down to form
To fit the norm

Maybe in another life
Another lifetime
You can begin to understand
And heal
In another world maybe
You could get your revenge
On your perpetrators and their friends
109 · Mar 2023
any therapy spots open?
Jonas Mar 2023
I grew up loved
yet I feel unworthy of it

I don't deserve,
can't accept the happiness

Mother what heave you done
What am I to make of this?

I just want it to stop ,
stop feeling like this

There's no purpose for this kid
Good times have never lasted long here.
109 · Mar 2024
Animal farm
Jonas Mar 2024
Some people are just awful
Rotten to the core
Walking this earth in misery
They try their best to drag everyone around
Down with them

Come join me
In the mud
Pig
Let's wallow
109 · Mar 2024
Courting royalty
Jonas Mar 2024
Intellectualising my desire
Making up excuses
No shame
I don't even want it
Smart ***

Really
No preassure here
Whatever you feel the most comfortable with
You can come on over
We'll just talk
Promise

Spitting lies
To her, to myself
I'm doing fine
Trying to get by
Doing right by
Her

Ah yes
The great she
It's all for her
I put a princess on a pedestal

Watch her reign
Maybe she can tame
Me, the animal
109 · Jul 2021
Of candle light and stars
Jonas Jul 2021
;
You are human, not a moth.
Choose your flame.
And burn.
Burn.
108 · Mar 2024
Sytem call
Jonas Mar 2024
Open status window
Open inventory
Reapply stat points
Report error
Debug

Start a new journey
Override safe files

Do you want to continue?
Log out
107 · Dec 2023
Untitled
Jonas Dec 2023
I used to be
Radiating calmness
An anchor
A place to rest
A moment of peace

Now I'm more of a
Dark pit
Desperation and Sadness
Weak, indifferent, powerless
Oozing nothingnes
A void to swallow you all hole

Maybe I'm both
107 · Jun 2023
sarcasm
Jonas Jun 2023
cause peace was never an option
106 · Mar 2024
And you watch
Jonas Mar 2024
A family of five one day decided to quit
Packed their bags
Only take what you can carry son
To leave this mess
Behind

Hoping to find a better life
Crossing oceans
Off to strange lands
I believe
We can make it
The future is bright

They're just trying to make it
Putting up a fight
Make the best with what they have
If not for them
At least for their children
Can you blame them?

Who needs to know how to swim anyway
Just don't get wet
Close your eyes princess try to sleep and pray
I’ll keep the monsters at bay

An easy mark
Two were shot dead
Both slaughtered
Like cattle in the dark

Another drowned the next day
He panicked, jumped ship
It was a mistake, an accident
They can't charge him twice now
You see?

The youngest got fished out
Caught in their net
They brought her back
First she got ***** and beaten
Then left to starve
Close to her farther’s land
Chained and bound to familiar ground

The last just got lost
Forget about him
Last he was seen?
When we pushed him back
There's enough space for them
On the ocean
Out of sight in the middle of the night
Missing in action
The actions we don't talk about

No one came back
That means they made it right?
They must have made it out

Momma, momma
Tell me
Where are our neighbours at?
106 · Apr 2022
call me
Jonas Apr 2022
I keep wasing my hair,
hoping you will run your fingers through.
I shave hoping you will touch my cheeks,
I keep changing my sheets longing for you,
everyday.
106 · Apr 2022
Me?
Jonas Apr 2022
Me?
I like to create
I like books and music
and I get lonely sometimes.

That's all I can say for certain.
106 · Jul 2021
Sing me your lullaby
Jonas Jul 2021
Awaken children.
We have a long day ahead of us.
Lust,
envy,
loss,
hunger,
scorn,
hate,
despise,
loneliness,
b­itterness,
addiction,
sadness,
hope,
more sadness,
awaits.
Time to go.
Nostalgia soon will follow.
Of childhood dreams well spend.
You'll get to sleep again.
Awaken children.
.
105 · May 2024
A very upbeat bread poem
Jonas May 2024
It takes some salt
Some water and some wheat
To bake up a story
Could be my story
Could be a good stroy
Of a life filled with worry

I took some beatings in my time
You see
I tried and failed
Took some beatings
Crushed again and again
I choose poorly

To be fair
I might have been
An ***
Savory and juciy
Call it a pastry

Still there is some beauty
Left in me
Leftovers
Blooming like a delicate flour
Sorry, I'm a little drunk
It's meant to be "flour"

Then one night it happens
You're out
A she enters the scene
Gets her hands on you
Hot and steaming
"You're so sweet"
Put some sugar on top
Smear it on my mouth
Mouth to mouth
Don't forget to swallow
You're toasted, breathing shallow


3,2,1 time's up
She got bored of you
Bored of your taste
Lost interest and turns away
Another oppurtunity gone
Again
Got your hopes up
Again
Over time you can't help it
You turn sour

I'm tired
Please
Lay me down to rest
I only ever wanted
To live freely
You can only do what you can
With what you have
And try your best

The next day
Another night, another girl
It's late
We are at mine
You have me
For one night
Now
Leave your marks on me
Add scars to my back
Might be to much for me
You crush me a little, make it crack

After you're done with me
You just stand there
Wait and watch
Patiently
You have time, no rush

Watch me turn and turn
In my sleep, in my dreams
You watch me suffer
Watch me, rise and fall under the heat
I'm under preassure
How I beat myself up
You add to it too
Inflated ego
On the rise
Getting bigger and bigger

Let's wait some more
The moment I cool off
Back at room temp
And let myself fall
Right into your arms
You'll strike
Dig in your nails again
Tear me apart
Pull out my insides for the world to see
See, I told you I was soft there
And warm too
Hot even, just for you

A fair trade
I eat you out, you eat me up
Devour me whole
That's the deal
And yet you're hungry still
For more

The world is your oyster
Tell me now

What's for desert?
105 · Aug 2023
sock flavoured
Jonas Aug 2023
I have a natural talent for causing chaos,
causing mayhem
A masters degree in clumsiness,
Been practicing it my hole life really

All those white shirts stained
right after the first bite
Eating my meals next to the plate,
glass shards shattered on the floor
Freshly opend cans filled to the rim flooding over
The sock that fell into the tea
The locked doors and forgotten details,
tokens, mementos left behind

Corners and doors hugging me tight on my way out,
a quick stabbing pain,
it's pull not push
Appointments lost cause I got it wrong,
wrong time, wrong place
the ungathering

Even more so when I'm tired or put on the spot
the chaos of first meetings, first dates spilling out into the world

Arrogance is not an option
for me
luckily,
this disposition of mine
keeps me sane, keeps me humble

It grounds me
this constant pull of gravity.
105 · Sep 2023
zookeeper
Jonas Sep 2023
I thought,
that all of my anger
stored up throughout my youth
throughout puberty,
misstreatment and depression
just went
away

As all things just pass
eventually
naturally
over time
Can't always be raining

But maybe it's al still there
In here
locked with me
waiting patiently
and I just don't feel it anymore.

Waiting for the right moment
to strike, to break out
for the last drop to fall
and spill out
the beast freed from it's cage
finally

It went real quiet,
compared to how loud it used to roar,
not tamed, just lurking,
cowering down,
ready to jump
me
from the dark

To devour me hole again.
105 · Jul 2024
Good morning
Jonas Jul 2024
I've lost my footing
My feet ran away from me
Trying to get away as fast as possible
Abandonm ship
These waters are unfamiliar

I'm losing my head
Slowly coming undone
The everyday now is a fever dream
The good old times are gone
Yet each days remains the same
The same, same same all over again
I'm going insane
Can only pretend everything is fine for so long

Everything is changed and nothing changes
It's in the details
You could see it, feel it if you'd look
A change of mood
But people don't change
Fast enough
Who cares about history, the past
In present times?

It's happening again
Again and again and again
Right here too, but espacially over there
This isn't real, I'm not ...
What is? This
May just be the best way to live

Ignore, look away, zone out
Sedate yourself
Drown in all the noise
White screens in the dark, double tap
Swipe right, don't fight
back Shut yourself
away, become real quiet
And small
and Give up your voice

So you can stand the injustice
Double standarts all over
It's not fair
HA, what else is new?
You knew, you've known it since you were a child
All grown up now, a cynic, didn't you?
Incredible
What damage a little bit of hope can do
To you

Living in a world of predesign
The system is working against you
Just a bunch of made up rules
Making us miserable
We stand divided together
Children will always fight at the school yard

Capitalism
Modern day cancer
Limitless growth in a finite system
Value money over peoples needs
What could possibly go wrong?
When you only matter as much as your numbers add up
Working for them, the few
Whoever they are
The big bad behind the picture
Behind curtains or office windows
Step out on stage, into the spotlight
Let me draw you
A pretty picture

The world is ******
And so are you
****** before you got here, not even a thought yet
****** while you're here
And ****** long after you're gone
Maybe, hopefully, finally
At peace
105 · Sep 2022
inner child
Jonas Sep 2022
Like magnets spinning in the air
we lose each other just to find us again
you pull me in

Like grans puzzle pieces on white table cloth
we find out how we stick together
we add to each other, to make a hohle
104 · May 2022
exhale
Jonas May 2022
Smoke in my lungs
to fill up the emptiness in my chest

Nicotine to my head
for when the world overwhelms me again

Once every day.
104 · Jun 2023
Cutie <3
Jonas Jun 2023
Stop whinig
sit down,
breathe
eat what I cooked for you
rest
stop being so ******* yourself
start taking care of yourself better
and let me love you.

Please

You magnificent, beautiful fool.
104 · Apr 2022
daily life
Jonas Apr 2022
At one crossroad
at one minute
at any time
a hundred lifes can meet,

Yet no one notices, no one cares
except me and you.
We stand still for a minute,
before you're gone too.
104 · May 2024
Löcher
Jonas May 2024
In der Hose, im Pulli
In meinen Taschen
Eine handvoll Pennies
Im Mund und im Kopf
Lächeln mit Zahnlücke und ADHD
Das hab ich selbst diagnostiziert
Schubladen sind nur zum Verschließen gut

Und im Herz, ja im Herz
Da herrscht Leere
Du fehlst halt

Aber immerhin weg
Nicht mehr hier
Mit dir

In Wien
Budapest, Berlgrad, Istanbul
...
Und wieder zurück
Immer wieder
In Berlin
104 · Jan 2022
day after day
Jonas Jan 2022
Why is it so hard in this world
to find yourself valued and respected,
loved even

when you are trying so hard to be kind
to keep smiling
and not become bitter?
103 · Oct 2023
Can't live like this
Jonas Oct 2023
If you avoid getting hurt
at all
you're effectifely avoiding life all together
going out means opening up,
means showing skin
to bruise, to bleed,
to scar over

Taking chances means embracing the fall
eventualy there will be an impact
a ground to hit, some facts to face
of some sorts

But I'm so scared,
I'm terrified of getting hurt
of failure, emberassement, of rejection I guess
and I don't even understand why

To scared to life, to scared to die
just floating inbetween
Feeling wasted moments passing by
escaping
by scrolling on a screen

Feel it running through my hands
trying to grasp what's real, what's wrong
looking for solid ground
to stand upon

Splashing water to my face
trying to wake up
WAKE UP!
and live my dream.

Finally not behind
but on time
in control behind the wheel
you are here with me, and
this life is mine
103 · Jan 2022
domestic
Jonas Jan 2022
How many hits does it take
to change the nature of a dog unbothered?
So he becomes a violent creature
that bites the next.
103 · Apr 2022
flap text
Jonas Apr 2022
Just so we're clear this is personal.
I wrote this for me, I wrote this for friends, my mom, as therapy.
I wrote this for people to see,
to see me. Finally.

After I've died that is,
after I've done it, possibly killed myself.
Good riddance.
Now put the book back in the shelf.

This is my inner point of view, it is but a fracture,
a specific frame,
not the whole picture.
My solemn manufacture.

It's also me just fooling around.
I's also me just being lonely, being *****.
Find me.
Jonas Jun 2024
The fire in leaf and grass
Blazing green, it seems
Each summer might just be the last

The wind blows cold
makes leafes shiver
Each day goes by, a little quicker
Came to pass

A red salamander lies still
Frozen in the sun
Do you too dream?
Of a better life, a warmer place to rest and recharge?

Right now, at my mercy
I open my palm, let him go
Leave him free to find his fate

I can smell the fall in the breeze
May the next minute be my last
102 · Jul 2024
Another beer Mr Chinaski?
Jonas Jul 2024
I have stuffed in front off my pants
A big fat buldge
Skin on stretched out fabric
It is my ****
Rocking it rock hard

At the rear end sits
"The collective history of feminism since 1789"
Its a small book
You could read it in a day
If you chose to
Care

**** me
How poetic is that

Kneel down before my genius baby
102 · May 2024
Leave me / Come back
Jonas May 2024
I see, you
Clearly
You're out of this world
It's all so obvious to me
Please
Take me with you
I want out
My therapist says I need to kiss you
I think
I wasn't really listening

What's my lifes worth?
What's a life
Worth
Without a little joy
A little company?

Show me
Your teeth
Sweetheart
Haunt me with those pretty eyes
Of yours
Wolfen stare
You run with the pack
Run wild
Make me miss you

Be the paint to my canvas
You draw me, in
With a stroke of luck
We'll have a deep connection
I need a good ****

You bite
You're on my mind
Constantly
I guess it's bad luck
You're name scratches on the inside of my throat
Stuck on my tounge
Claws and fangs
Make for hard facts to swallow

Sweet pains always turn to poerty
In time
So tell me now
Is this real?
Are you, real?
Are you for real?
With me
About me
About us, this, whatever this is?

Your laugh
Is the only hope
In my stroy
102 · May 2024
Fast fashion
Jonas May 2024
Sometimes you do get lucky
You meet people who don't use you
Up
Don't wear you
Out
Like the rest of them

Who don't just try you on for size
Force you down
Rip something
Wear and tear
And then throw it back on the shelf
For someone else to sort out

What's that about?
102 · Oct 2023
roomies
Jonas Oct 2023
Me
and my body

We aren't friends anymore
my mind that is, me
my emotional state

We share the same space
share our time,
the same resources

A constant struggle
of achieving equilibrium
they keep dialing in,

Wishes, plans, goals
expectations and energy
call it fine tuning

still
always compromised
101 · Sep 2022
Social media
Jonas Sep 2022
A man waks his dog down the street

watch me dump ****
let's worship each other
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