Jonas

Jonas Jun 2023

You bring with you so much light, so much life,
it hurts sometimes
I try not to flinch away from the heat.
I have to avert my gaze.
You can't look into the sun for to long without going blind.
You leave me blindsided

Now I think I understand how Icarus must have felt.
Before he fell.

Jonas May 2023

always a phone call away

Hey,
so your mom called
She asked how you were doing

I said I wouldn't know for sure
I think you're doing oka(s)y
If you don't, you will in time
Sometimes it's hard to see what is going on in your mind,
you learned to hide it so well.
Underneath a face , a quick look, a smile
they becomer more real every time.

She seemed worried, tried to hide it, keep it in.
Something you learned from her maybe?
But you could just tell from her voice.
It shook for a second.
Breaking the everyday demeanour.

Then she asked me if her daughter still knows that she's beautiful. If I'd remind her for her.
You haven't visited in a while

I said mam, respectfully
the sun tries every day to shine a little brighter
to witness your daughter's life and warm her in her journey.
The moon puffs up it's chest, and pulls in the ocean over and over again
So your daughter can rest easier at night
And the stars soley come out to listen to her stoies and lift her worries in the dark

She impresses me more and more each day you see.
Your daughter is beautiful whether she wants to or not.
Through her looks, through her acts, her struggles
Her witts, her charm, her little faults her ... her, yes her everthing.
Her silly laugh, I'd recognize everywhere
She is one of the few true things I was ever lucky enough to experience.

Honestly she drives me crazy sometimes.
I admit sometimes, I have to slow down, fall behind and
Take a moment to breathe, to process.
Thinking I can't handle it, thinking I'm to weak, thinking I'm
not good enough.
I'm so scared of the possibility losing her someday.
Losing her trust, her heart, her interest.
I'm so scared of losing my ****. Apologies.
But it's true.

Looking at her, having her in my arms, waking up to her
I now understand
Life can get really scary once you decided to care and commit
As a boy I always pretended not to be scared, to be brave.
Now I feel like a boy again. But I must be a man.
For her.

I can't promise you her happiness,
I can't know if it will last
But I can promise as long as I'm here,
and the world is here,
she will never go alone.

Jonas May 2023

the Fair

Hi mom,

Today I lived
today I felt the flowers bloom
I joined the birds in their celebration
with smoke and sunshine in the air
We danced trough the streets to any music we could find
And sometimes we just made our own
We fell from one encounter to the next
the stock exchange of kind words
Our Eyes, ears and hands never went lonely
always filled with wonder

Till the sun had enough and went
And the night covered us with it's veil of comfort and privacy
Turning words to whispers of wisdom
Turning grown man to infants again, resting all curled up
Voices reaching out, like skipping stones over the dark water beneath us.

I fell in love four times over today
In a look, a touch, a second
Each one a magical opportunity found, but then lost right away
The moment's passed, your friends are waiting

So many pretty people roaming the streets,
Little frog head I was to shy to talk to you
but maybe see you again? Next year same spot?
Where the flowers bloom and the people are dancing with food in their hands

Good night now Mama,
I want you to know, today I lived

Jonas May 2023

Inspirational

"Be the good you want to see in other people"
oder so

- was Ghandi sagt

Jonas Apr 2023

By the water

Someties I wish I could relive some of the firsts
They're always so fleeting in the moment you're in
They pass to quickly in the panic of the unkown,
leaving no chance to aprreciate what is being presented to you.

The first time seeing the ocean
smelling the salty air, toes buried in the sand
Trying to gift you all the pretty shells and stones the beach holds
Listening to the waves coming and leaving,
you're putting an open shell to my ear
Mom
I'm on your shoulders now, counting all the sails on the horizon
I'm their Captain now, they ought to listen to my command
Dad
Seagulls shouting from above, salt in the water and on my lips
My finger digging deep,
challenging the ocean with little walls and ditches of dirt.

The first sleepover at your house, my friend
staying up late gaming, jumping in lakes
Pretentious wine glasses in our hands filled with sweet,cheap energy
All these books, stories yet unexplored, so eager to be opend,
Before the fireplace,
Embers cracking, giving warmth to our conversations
till the sun comes up
The morning dew smells fresh and pink and we're falling asleep.

The first time this one cute girl laughed a bit to loud at something stupid I said,
Approaching you carefully, testing out the water
Drunkenly leaning on to you, getting closer.
My piercing caught in your fishnet,
You caught me
Waking up in the morning next to you
"What happend, I can't remember?"
The first kiss and the second first, both equally akward
Do you want to be my girl?
Y / N / Maybe?
Maybe this time I gift you the lighter I bought for you the day after we met
Maybe this time I can explain to you how confused you left me.

Oh this little lost boy never knew what he was doing,
He still has no clue.

All these special little moments lining up to a lifetime gone by,
So many of them, getting fewer and fewer by the day
Not good or bad, mean, beautiful or disappointing yet
just beyond of it all,
A plain new adventure, a shot in the dark
in this life you're trying to live right going forward
but you'll only ever understand in retrospective.

When it's to late.

Jonas Apr 2023

Lost kid in the big mall

I just want to be able to cry again
why can't I cry anymore?
When did that happen?

I just want some relieve
Please
just for a little bit

Jonas Mar 2023

I'm a giver

My only job in this world seems to be
to be pleasing and serving others
who didn't even ask for it
And they don't know gratefulnes
don't know how to appreciate what is given to them so freely
just take and want and demand even more.

"They're just to young, they will learn, surely. I can
hold out just a little longer."
Till you're left behind all empty, all used up
bleeding out on the floor.
And yet still right where you started,
still lonely and now broken too.

Trying to hold in your spilling guts,
mending your shatterd porcelain pieces of mind,
licking your wounds in your corner.

Till you're ready to go again,
still desperate for a gesture, a touch, a smile
Any signs of validation of your worth
to others,
who will only ever take more from you.
You chase it like your next fix.
You can't help it anymore, it's a habit, you're hooked.

Cause you're so worthless, purposeless, utterly alone.
Just a kid lost in the mall, waiting to be called out
and carried back home where you belong.
Carried to safety.

I own what is given to me now.