I would rather
drown alone
fighting the dangers
of the deep end

Than seek acceptance
among the numerous
safely wading
on the side of the shallow

Love is nothing new to me
in fact it's getting old
the more I play this hide and seek
the further apart we grow
As Cupids face starts to decay
to a pale shade of grey
getting weaker with his aim
For his arrow to mark my way.

I must be way too passive
I take all they have added
and multiply ten fold
until it builds up then explodes

I must forsake too much
its like an atom bomb I clutch.
as it grows within the wake
the destruction I calculate

Please run, for your own sake
   before my fair warning is too late.

I walk through the dark but await a new dawn
for what I feel is right sometimes turns out wrong
It's about where your going, and not where you've gone
I wander this path to find where I belong
Under no circumstance will my resolve be fawned
even though I surpassed the line that was drawn
My soles are worn thin, but these legs still stand strong
If the shoe fits wear it, and walk the **** on.

My love wasnt good enough
and yours was nothing but a bluff
I gave my all just to be snuffed
by hands I gave my heart and trust
To think that it was only lust
leaves me in a state of disgust
Wasted time I cant retract
to repair what I have lacked
Determining fiction from fact
in a past I can not have back
How silly of me to believe
and not see that I was deceived
Although it comes as a relief
that Im free from this fallacy
I wanted so much more from her
than just yet another number
No longer will I be concerned
with waiting for another turn
I hope one day you feel the burn
of giving such without return

It is becoming
So hard to be that monster
That people admire
Like watching a Trainwreck
Which gives the simple
Something to talk about
And getting older
Makes it more difficult
By the day
I have rendered myself so frail
Fighting a young man's war
Without the concern
Of becoming the old man
Who calls the shots
I fill with worry
That when that beast dies
Because I can no longer maintain him
No one will love
who I actually am
As I wonder
If anyone
Actually ever knew

Doesn't matter
what side of the wing you are on
if the bird is sick,
you all hit the ground together.
You are the mites,
biting away
at its already ruffled feathers.
or the fleas
feasting on its anemic flesh
and its invisible cage
is just big enough
for you
to make a choice.

Its so hard to let go
when its so easy to remember
as I watch other fragmented memories
numerous as grains of sand
shimmering on the shore
getting buried by the tides
of new thoughts
seeking beauty in its destruction
but the fires have died
and my eyes
never really have adjusted to the darkness

I was raised into the heavens
only to be lowered into hell
by silver tongues
flapping behind sharpened teeth
With the backbones
of snakes
slithering through
my psyche
gladhands holding daggers
coated with the poison
I have become accustomed to
leaving what is behind me
unguarded
Constantly shaken awake
from these dreams
as I lie in bed
contemplating which side
is the wrong one
to rise from
atrophy
begins to take hold

Where one cycle ends
there is birth of new beginnings
Sometimes you gain more losing
than you ever could at winning
The outlook is your choosing
learning is a gain
and if you keep reliving
it will remain the same.

I was willing once
to cast away distrust
for nothing in return
but a heart about to bust

I was willing once
to forgo disgust
but I have sat here far too long
only collecting dust

I was willing once
to long for your touch
but Ive been left so far behind
there is no point in such.

I was willing once
to call it only lust
but I've already said too much
about the love you left to rust

Many things change
But I'm still the same
Here I remain
Compounding the pain
Maybe someday
It will go away
If I would refrain
From calling your name.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fwb7qfrkDCs

I've started archiving and deleting certain poems. . . I used to share with this site because I enjoyed getting input from strangers who didn't judge my life. It was great input, it helped me learn what people liked, and which lines I should incorporate into my music. But now everything is so socially driven, and I feel alot of good writings take a back seat because of it. Im going to just leave behind some of my more "frilly" poems. I made some good friends here, and read a lot of great work (with much sorting). I will still write here form time to time, but the site just isnt the same to me anymore. Keep writing folks! Its a dying art, and we need up and comers to breathe new life into it.

My name wont be synonymous
with those who are oblivious
if you see not of my distrust
then you must not be one of us

Tried cutting you away
I thought Id be okay
but the pain still remains
and I'm bleeding profusely

Amputation
was no solution
now that its gone
there is only more confusion

Pins and needles
needles and pins
I can still feel you
like a phantom limb

I peeled away the scab
and still found you underneath
tried bleeding you away
but it only made me weak

Now dissected
and disconnected
way too restless
to correct this

Pins and needles
needles and pins
I can still feel you
like a phantom limb

You didn't need to cut into me
just to see what I held inside
I would of gave if freely
there never was a price

Pins and Needles
needles and pins
when does it end now
Where did it begin?

Thanks guys.
I dont know what determines making the daily poem.
but its the first time for me, and Ive been here awhile.
In the end, Im just happy to find people around who still appreciate poetry and take the time to read mine. Much appreciation, keep the purest expression of emotion alive!

I can only feign acceptance
of a heart that was handled reckless
All thats left is to pretend
I wouldnt put it in your hands again.
As I tell myself I do not care
about what is no longer there.

What value is a love
that doesn't sustain the intensity
to drive one stark raving mad?
What is such good worth
that remains to see
without contrast of bad?

I accept my fate
lying here in wait
brimming with the hate
in knowing I'm too late
an apathetic state
grows at an alarming rate
as I try to tell myself
its all just a mistake

Lets glorify our sickness
Lets shout it loud and proudly
face down on our wrongs blindly
Wave flags of bannered shroud

Lets pacify our flaws
erase them each and all
the guise of law inconspicuous
with views of bathrooms and walls

A dictatorships edict
a fanatical revel
those who do not fall in line
are threatened fires of hell

Let us voice the few
and bicker among the many
degrade those of need
and elate those who have plenty

Lets celebrate how we are free
by mimicking celebrities
Wasting away behind our screens
merrily flashing and screaming

  repeat after me. .
     repeat after me. .
         repeat after me.

Many live to love
but love is killing me
I can not seem to fill the hole
where my heart used to be
I wish I was oblivious
from knowing it exists
as i did once before
all those little trysts
My eyes gazed upon beauty
and all its majesty
now I can not seem
to focus past the ugly
I can only plea
for naivete
Not even time can free my mind
from all of its bindings.

Sorry I can't relate to you
or if my act seems see through
as the voices scream I'm destined to lose
on a path that Im told I can choose
yet the only one praised seems lead to a land of fools

how does a man covey
the truths that we evade
its like we're playing a game
we know no winners escape

I'm at a loss for words
and the more that I blurt
the more it seems absurd
contemplating what is worse
to quit this race and go unheard
or push on only to be burned
wading in a world of hurt
reducing it all to a blur

Nation, or relation,
religion or procreation
assimilates me deeper
into disassociation

maybe they taught me how to fear all the hatred
but rarely how some love and cheer can change the situation

now I'm just exhausted
waiting for the rules to change
being accosted
by those who always point the blame

reptilian brains
thats been raised
bound by chains
to anothers mission
driven insane
by the thoughts ingrained
with repetition
same old same
to envision
imposed superstitions
to be swallowed whole
polluted souls
who no longer have control
with no indication
no escape
no letting go

sickened and disgusted by your ******* cause
to raise a sense of greed
for everything
above of all

the more feelings taken from me
the more I feel like a machine
that I never wanted to be
am I too far from rescuing?

in a group of robots
who know not what they do
who will use any excuse
to continue what their used to

am I the only one who seems to see this cell?
because when I point it out I am told to go to hell

After seeing you
for the first time
in a long time,
You certainly didn't hold up
as well in reality
as you did in my mind
and I don't know whether
to be saddened
or relieved. . . .
but it will
help to secede
from the memories
that have been
tearing at me
Even though
there is part of my being
wishing I didnt give in
after seeing
where I said you belong
has done to you.
Even the most elegant bird
loses her feathers
when encaged for too long
And I no longer wish
to peek through the wire.

People like to say that they don't care
but I know this isn't true
its just an excuse
to hide what others put them through.

The Problem isn't caring
its pretending not to
for we all are scared of sharing
the pains of what others can do

They tell me that its beautiful
They tell me that its sad
They say they wish they had a man
whos felt the way I have
but so little they know
They missed the simple fact
presenting love so powerful
is seldom given back

I used to daydream
that one day
I would tell our children
the story of us
A tale full of trials
and tribulations
roadblocks, detours, fences, hurdles
heartache and longing
fate and destiny
a coupling that seemed impossible
which would rival
all the fairy tales throughout history
where love still
somehow conquered all
as you looked upon my telling
with that adorable
wrinkled look on your face
of disapproval
but sadly,
I realize
it is a story I'll never get to tell.

I wish I never saw your face
I wish I never heard your voice
I wish I'd never given chase
I wish I never made that choice

I wish I never felt your touch
I wish we never shared those stares
I wish I said enoughs enough
I wish that I just didn't care

I wish for different circumstance
I wish we never had romance
I wish that I could change my stance
So future love could have a chance

It's better if I lose
because that means that you lose too
and I can live ten lifetimes
facing every single truth
the fact that all I've done
the obstacles I faced
how I stood in the outcome
proves everything I say
I will not succumb
even if you think youve won
I can feed off the defeat
as you stand there with none

Exactly what just happened?
I must have missed the memo
did we begin advertising
for wanna-be Longfellows?
I came here for inspiration
so many years before
now I feel such trepidation
towards hash tags and underscores

I guess in the end, we all attend
to selling out as ******.
At least I paid my money. .
where is the online store?

I can only
slowly tear myself to pieces
in attempts to be rid of
what has been imprinted
onto my soul
etched into my bones
as it mingles with my blood flow
I poke my fingers
through the hole in my rib cage
ripping out the mangled fragments
one tiny bit at a time
until I am as empty
as I feel

Society
it beats you down
With so much
running between
fairy tales
dreams
and commitments
that were seldom our own
Until they were beaten
into our skulls from a young age
But once you start carving notches
in the box they have you living in
or stick your finger through
the pinhole
We look at the universe with
it is hard to go back
to what you once believed
as you search for connection
in a world full of people afraid
to look out the window.

They say my head is in the clouds
But I'm really not so sure
I feel I lost it long ago
And how remains a blur
My heart is in my throat
My stomach in my feet
While I may not be complete
I still have parts of Me.

I've drawn a blank again
perhaps its happiness
or maybe I'm just foolish
loneliness shadowed in bliss

That dug beneath my skin
itching to get out
words wither in its drought
awaiting the angst, hurt and doubt

for something to write about

Although
you are no longer
interlocked
with my mortal coil
there are planes
where you can never
be untangled
and while
most of the time
my soul screams for
a relase from such bind
there are clear moments
where it would sacrifice all
to feel so close again

Death stands on my doorstep
but hes afraid to knock
He sees just what
I have endured
as I contest his spot
I test his spine, as he has mine
time and time again
he knows I do not wait in line
because hes become my friend
I have kept his company
which he did not expect
seems as if my disrespect
has gained respect of him
I've learned his secret long ago
and threw it to the wind
the good die young
the bad die old
indifference to sin.

Killing Time
while time kills me
the flesh
the powder
the smoke
the drink

Killing time
my time is free
devoid of life
in which I seek

Sleep away the days
count sheep all the night
my stomach rumbles
should probably eat
but I have no appetite
coffee all the morning
alcohol all evening
chain smoking in between
my futile search for reason
staring at the walls
I erected around myself
as to not abide
by my decline in mental health.

Maybe she isn't real
the girl I saw in you
She would not make me feel
the way you often do
Perhaps you truly only
exist in my mind
the dream girl
who steals my lonely sleep
impossible to find

Is this the monster that you wanted?
Was this the demon that you sought?
Was the atrophy of my emotions
not your endeavor?
Is captivation of my soul
not enough?
Is the constant trample through my mind
not where you wanted to exist?
Melted by the flame of passion
and remolded like clay
into this hideous contortion
You have the rest
take the final piece
as I become indifferent
to all these feelings.

I'm through with disappointment
and heartache
This inferiority
is a complex
I wish to dismantle
casting the rubble
of defeat
into the sea
Should I return to anger,
or do I continue to seek happiness
between these sullen lines?
No matter the emotion
confusion always seems
to have a part to play
on this empty stage

Maybe someday
but not right now
I made my way
onto this ground
loving the wrong
proves quite a fight
in letting go
to find the right
Although Im known
to dive head first
I think I've learned
that does not work.
the beautiful
are all the same
It takes too much
to try to claim
I will not settle
for whats obtained
within this silly little game.

My heart is but a cavern
vast and dark
cold and haunted
Occupied by unknown
demons and monsters
and knowing
what may reside inside
that pitch black
you still lit your way
and journeyed inside
regardless
Your light scared away
those lurking
and you carved your name
into its stone walls
but then you left
the shadows engulfed
it once more
and the miscreations returned
I sit here alone
running my fingers
across the letters you left
I can feel them
but I can not see them
I know this cave is no place to dwell
or to sit and rot
but I wait here and hope
some day you will return
and rescue me from this blindness

I think we should be clear
that we were engineered
to be something when unified
even the gods tremble in fear
look upon your shackles
look upon your patch
which labels you with what to do
and ignore all these facts.

I seem to have a way
of making awkward look smooth
a trick learned throughout my days
methodology of swoon
Im not sure how it works
the whole borderline ****
a fabrication made behind
a sinister crooked smirk
because nice guys finish last
and in order to advance
one learns to discard their heart
to even have a chance

I never asked for perfect,
I only wanted
equally flawed.

I chose to play this inane game
I know exactly who to blame
I could have turned and walked away
But the hand was laid and my bet was made

Without inexplicable chaos
true love would never
have a chance

I fell in love
a thousand times
as your light shines
within my eyes.
but I must imply
of its demise
heartache arises
as you pass me by