the feeling of desparation is killing me,
the anxiety is on my core,
this heart cant stop wonderin,
it is confused !,
What should it do!!!,
correction....What should i do?

It is here right infront of me,
i can see it,i can feel it,
my heart is panicking,

am this close to owning it,
i have to have you!!!!

This is not my weaknes,
but my prayer.
And God is with those who are patient.

My poems are so dark that sometimes they frighten me
do I hate or enjoy darkness?
does it define me?
Is this the person that  I am deep down?
Would you read THIS POEM and still think that Born is sane?

Which person shuns hope
In such a sweet way, that he almost entices you into despair?
Who the heck writes such an emotive piece
that screams help me
But doesn't rely ask for it

Does my path lead to purgatory
a haunting forsaken place?
Why call myself Born
If am dead inside.

Why do I lie to myself
that my poems are filled with light that will brighten my days
is hopelessness a gift to be shared or devoured and isolated?
is a ray of light that frightening?

I was a preacher  in a church
and i fell in love with your mother
then came the excommunication

I betrayed my vows
I betrayed my own brothers

she said
women speak 7000 words a day
but couldn't find perfect words for me

so we went under
the house of bones
and there
I was told
ghost stories

Today my thoughts are dry,
am empty, am buried deep in solitude
i cant think forward,just sluckin behind
i've become sloppy
,a helping hand would have helped
but nah, i got none real human
everyone wants to reap what they didnt saw,,ugh its annoying!!

I trust none but my pen and ink,atlst i can burry my sorrow somewhere!

Many years ago
a possible
love story was formed

It began like
every other story
a gaze that
stops time
and a very bad idea

Not his bad idea
hers



for some reasons
that day he was loaded
with anger
He desperately wanted to smash something

Lucky for him
a thief showed up
a girl thief
it didn't matter to him
cause he wanted to smash something
or someone in this case
He drew his sword and they danced for awhile


  
  He didn't
   believe in love
   but she said
   this is our love story
  
   He laughed so hard and said
   the kinda love story
   that I want to **** someone
   and you just show up

I Keep thinking
Just one second is all I ever needed
To go back in time
and breathe the words i couldn't
I love you

There's a little empty space in my heart
I couldn't say anything
Such helplessness
but it was written all over your face
You loved me



Here I thought
Someday was gonna be that day
that one day
I always talk about
the one day that means never
You love him

I feel like
a failed suicide attempt
a walking corpse
with a soul
that clings so hard
it hurts

Love is just a bad poetry that nobody wants to read
but everyone wants to write about it

Let me tell you my story
Our story
the one everyone is afraid of telling
"the after"

It's been five years since we fell in love
since we had time for us
Since we  were crazy about each other

If you asked me then
if I would catch a grenade for you
in a blink I'd say yes

but now
things are different
I love you
but I also love them

the little ******
who scream with so much passion  
you'd go insane

But I still remember you
I meant us

the flowers I got you
the ***** nurse dresses that you intoxicated me with


how amazing ballerina you were
your love for Spanish songs
and those depressing soaps that never ended

and of course
we ******* everywhere
Toilets
Table
Kitchen
on the beach
you name it

But
What about now
what happened after we got married

I miss the days when i got a comment that said that was awesome

the days when plagiarism didn't taint our papers

the days when berly dov,
the fictional real character of hello poetry
didn't dominate our thoughts
our discussions

the days when Joe challenged our might to toy with words

the days when no one was competing to hate the other

the days when "Deborah"
didn't have to write about the hate that we are so eager to embrace

the days when I didn't have to write that
Hello poetry
should rest in peace

I hate being caught in the crossroads of thinking, wanting and believing

Whatever makes you feel less
constantly reminded of my place

"that"

Your not mine to keep but mine to misuse
mine to hate and abuse
mine to just, confuse

be sure not to forget
your just here because of mercy
because I can always use a handy man
because your not Mine, and mine don't tire

I write these words
with tears forming my eleven
miserable years

hoping to find some salvation from this deluded world

Hate is a strong word when your surrounded by lunacy
that crippling mentality that's  been woven to entertain us
or you, who's entire existence relies on fantasy
created to suffocate your intelligence
with a programmed 'urge' that'll always be there

Goals and dreams have been replaced by dalliance
do you know the meaning of dalliance
probably not cause your brain is too confined
to notice that it has lost control of its own self
but still, reluctantly have to ask you to
Care enough to think

Learning and creativity has been distracted by entertainment
a society that is willingly slaving their way to
a chained ignorance
so yeah, before I sleep I better check my fantasies
seeking instant gratification of some kind

Do you ever wonder what keeps you in mediocrity
is it the job that you hate, which your stuck on
Is it your failed relationships
is it because you cannot desert distraction
is it your inability to be creative
or is it because you don't know what to do

We can't forecast death
and that's what makes
the pain so dreadful

Silence
.
.
.
beep

.
.
Electrocardiography

.

.

Echoes



Beeping, beep...beeeep

.


Beep
.
.
.
Cancer *****,I know
....
.
.
.

.
what if you had a week to live

. .


Would you make the most of it








What would you do

.
Beep



beep



Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep










.

Liz said
tomorrow everything will be okey
just wake up,brush your teeth and smile
it's gonna be a  better day

tomorrow I woke up, brushed my teeth, and left
I forgot to smile
because tomorrow nothing was okay

the day was not great
it felt more emptier
and lonelier
the scars felt more real

a memory not wanted
but stuck in my heart
soul and skin

tomorrow was not okay
but today
am coming home with a big smile
the one I invented
on my way back home

Loool,***
Haha haha
I can't breath
what a joke

write me a whaaaat?
you must be insane

I wrote you a freaking journal
how you reaped my heart and jumped on it
c'mon babes you forgot that already

okey let's try this again
remember the pressure you gave me
the dramas
seeing you was traumatising
loving you was, is and will always be
the hardest thing I've ever done

so yeah
I wrote you a poem
just one poem
but I couldn't finish it
the pen rebelled
the ink stopped flowing
my hands trembled
and my heart pounded fiercely
the words were too heavy
so they remain stuck on my throat

Memories, memories grinding your brain
Scorching wound opening up
A prisoner in your own body
A prisoner in my own body

Sigh! exhausting pain
Reminiscing on those days
When icicles is all that mattered
When we were busy
Paper chasing
Life chasing
Dream mending
Afraid of being popped
Holding on a hopeless rope
Screaming at the top of my lungs

God......
I know you got me
Am a sinner but I know you got me

I reckon the ages when the fogies
did ,that which wasn't bogey
and reasons why seasons did sizzle
a past never altered to past tense
for this is my utterance

Lost had nothing to post
just a gaze ,giring me a phrase
this is now the boat of amazement
bloated ;though it towed it lagged my bragging heart to fuse

I beckon with ease but not bliss
though to find peace but just please
jammed on.....
crumbled thoughts ,crumpled mind forth with a wrinkled ****** looks.
It was nothing special!

it took no nook,cranny not all the kin
all in all I found myself on the book

Something felt to be great ,
with the magnitude of the concocted ideas
the amazing grace 'song' just leveled to the latitude
those were the days ,no longer the same
Blame the game

Curtain drawn ,not yet certain
the pain is gone but still torn
born a new but just with some .....to cling on

I obliged to lean on a clean page
For the idea is no longer oblivious
Various scenes but not the obvious

What I've been is delicious
maybe delirious
with  malicious thoughts

But that's it
am done being
what I have been

I want to be
what I could have been

this isn't that story
the one that when I wake
I leave all my hopes on the pillow

But when I wake
I have become
what I could have been

What happened to hello poetry

Am in pain!!**** illness.things like such make me wounder if i should get "my person",to hold my hand when things go south or share em blosomin moments..mmmh!! Isma'el 'wake up' leave the dream  and embrace reality; life is what you make of it..eh!nah! Life is but moments!! Be optimistik,make better choices,...yahhh man!!

Come to thnk of it i shouldnt be thnkin of such illusions,mayb am hapier alone, i just dont knw that yet

At 15 I taught him some of my best curse words

we grew older,
and he shared a bottle of whisky just to whisk my days away

then we grew more older,
and I taught him how to fire a rifle,

it was indeed fun, too much fun,he killed a couple of birds and also managed to ******* his favourite dog

Then we grew more older,
and he shared his charming secrets that girls fall for

Then we grew more older,
and I shared my love for music, jazz to be exact, how peaceful it felt listening to it


Then we grew more older,
we tried to fall in love
and opted for Canon
but

i can't write anything
no idea
no words
feels like my brain is literally locked

Haters! stay away


This is what I told myself
just to feel better
you know, like i matter
that's all that i ever wanted
to Matter

Being that guy
the guy who knew why x =y
better than nothing else

I just wanted you all
to know me
cause i have been holding onto heaven
but what's the use of holding onto something
you'll never have