The struggles of man , the weight my mind bears , all because I need to breathe .
A breath of air , never truly fresh as you remain in turmoil .
You can never really wash the sins off , especially ones you never committed .
Grave wounds no one can see , but yet we feel it , I feel it , digging deeper it stings , on the surface it's plain .
How do I explain to people ? That my smile hurts more than my frown ?
How do I explain that being around hypocrites snuffs out my light , leaving behind a mortal wound only I can see .
How do I explain that I want to be alone , nursing my inner wounds and hoping for it to heal .
But how do I hope ? When I might just have lost faith .
My tears aren't worth a dime , yet if I had a quarter anytime they threaten to fall I'd be a millionaire.
A man does not cry ! So he doesn't , a woman must not cry so I don't .
I leave it to eat me alive , we leave it to eat us alive .
And then , we are the reflection of who we are on the inside , and I fear - broken . It's broken .

Hey it's me , I just want you to know that I'm fine , I'm surviving , I'm coping , I'm me .

Hey it's me ... again , I just want you to know nothings changed it's getting better , so no need to worry .

Hey it's me ... ugh again , I just want you to know that you can sleep with a smile , I'm soaring high.

"hello? You there ! You probably tired now" I'll stop soon , stop bugging you , I know how annoying it can be , bye .
Hi it's me , I'm sorry I lied , it's killing me but I lied , I said I was fine but I'm not , I said I was surviving but I don't even know , I said I'm coping but I'm relapsing .

It's nighttime you know ? They are back . They are near , they draw closer as the clock ticks ! Their screams worsen , I'm no longer busy , no longer have anything to occupy my mind with , I'm afraid they are here.
I lied ! Everything has changed , I'm sorry I know lying is bad , I'll probably do it again,

I'm sorry I'm a liar , it's not getting better it's stagnant,  it's watching,  waiting for me, waiting for the trigger , waiting to pounce . I'm sorry I'm a liar.  

I lied I'm not soaring high,  I'm sinking lower with no expression .
It's not your business I know , it's no one's business I know , but it feels like I'm carrying the sorrows of generations , it seems like I'm hearing the cries of my ancestral line ? It feels like the waters of generations fall down my eyes ... sometimes it's painful to cry but i do .

Does this make sense ? One girl can't possibly hear this much, she can't possibly see this much , she can't possibly feel this much .

So yes I lied , I'm not sorry actually cause it's not your business .
I don't know why , I don't know why but it's different this time , it's too calm,  it's becoming too quiet .
I fear for it's return , I fear for how off-balance I'll be thrown .
They keep screaming , I can't shut them up ! Never mind , okay bye now .

He said he was going out to get milk… and never came back.
What's the true story Mr ? Did they lie or did you ? They say father hood is a blessing yet you ducked like it was a bullet .
You come back waltzing into my life like you didn't dogde it , And now I'm supposed to act like you accepted your blessing ?
Fatherhood is cool so you became uncool ,
A father is his daughters best friend so you chose solitude .
Now you come to me with stories like we are friends but you never wanted a friend .
I hope you are happy Mr because I'm the happiest I can ever be.
I used to stay up at night then you know?
Calling out to you "Still waiting on that milk, Dad." Yet I never once saw the milk , but I bet you saw the cow ! Because I see kids around you drinking lots of it.

Oh watch me wither away in the silence , watch me scream away my pain , my mouth opens yet words fail to tumble .
Oh what does a girl do now ? When the burns of her past catch up with her ? Oh what does a girl do now? As she sits in a corner crying away her sorrow .
So many people pass by , yet for some reason they do not see her pain, they see something else , they see an attitude in place of pain .
How can she tell them ? Tell them that she's tired,  tell them that her body aches !
He passes by , wishes her well but truly doesn't wanna involve himself with whatever is wrong with her , can you blame him ? She's the crazy one , the one who is always stoic , emotionless? Yet why is he always there when she's threatening to fall apart ? .
Oh my girl , what shall we do with this one,  the one who came tumbling down into our life , the one who's absence causes us sadness yet his closeness makes us weary . What shall we do with him ? .
He watches me scream yet he hears My laughter,  he watches me cry yet he sees my smile , The opposite is what I do when he comes around.  
I hope one day ! I'll do what I truly intend , so before I wither away my smile shall be Genuine .