My heart swings forward
across the line.
The doors lock behind me.
Now there is no choice but blue skies or rain.
Then I wonder what heart "means."
I wonder why the sky is blue,
and why things bother to grow at all.
But "growth" continues its bored stretch,
irregardless of my inability to understand it,
and I have better things to think about now.
I have her.
Her and that little grin that grabs hold of the corner of her mouth
then turns toward me and opens.
She knows that I lied,
before I do.
She makes me feel like a little boy that ****** his brand new shorts,
and a man that's found a woman I know
I will love,
whether I want to
or not.
I still sweat in my sleep, and grunt when I move.
But she is there sometimes now (when schedules provide).
When I wake in the night,
a boy that thinks he's a man
just because I'm not afraid of the dark.
And the light breaks through the bull,
that electric touch,
"The Spark,"
she knows it in her deepest sleep,
her deepest dreams,
as they bend my own dreams into,
a new future.
I touch her where she is covered in my paint splattered sweat pants
and her arms open to hug me
before she wakes.
I feel the love like a child,
like it was always there
like it just might always will be.
Like God has spoken, but we cut him off 'cause we already knew.
We will **** and we will laugh like we have and like the others,
but there is something else in this.
She will change me.
I know this.
Into what, I truly do not know.
Our planet spins and circles.
Wars begin and end.
Multitudes suffer.
Microchips shrink at an exponential rate.
American politics deteriorate, dwindling down Democracy to a joke.
The Giants lose.
My money runs out.
My leg hurts.
The fridge is empty.
The house is burning.
The fabric of our reality is splitting in two, and in three minutes this world will end and we all will die unremembered.
I don't give a ****.
I love her.