Mother, come say goodnight
Come wrap me in quilts and sit by my side
Lay my stuffed friends next to me, telling me they will fight off my nightmares
Read me my favorite story as I quote every line
Hum me a lullaby as I drift into dream land
Kiss my forehead, whisper you love me, and say goodnight

The clarity of my vision widens through every door I open
Closing after every entry there is no going back
Endless possibilities, a hallway riddled with choices
Through every door the hallway widens
More doors, more space, more clarity, the decisions become simpler
The air becomes fresher, the light becomes brighter, getting closer to the exit with every step
Enlightenment is close. I can taste it's saccharine beauty
Where that final door is, I can never tell
My trip will continue, any walls in my way are prepared for demolition
Strive for your goals, keep them fresh in your mind,
But always stop to smell the roses on the way.

Living in a shallow dream
I came up once to the in between
Two doors fork my path ahead
A choice to be made,
Happiness, or love instead

My mind betwixt, I have no feeling
My heart is twisting, wrenching, grieving
My senses fading as I lose my mind
I wish the solution could be kind

Both include pain, both include sorrow
The silver lining won't show until tomorrow
Give up or give in, a phrase commonly used
Now leaves me broken, my soul is now bruised

I will lay here and think, stuck in this space
How will I ever get out of this place
This decisions too hard, and nothing but mean
That's the price of admission, to the in between

coal in the shape of toys, naughty is in disguise of nice, leaving my thoughts morally questionable
a walking bank of changing personalities, controlled by the voices of greed and envy
never the same with a single person, i own more masks then i do clothes
trapped in a life manipulating others for personal gain and hurting those who i let get close
i want to change, i want to fit in, i want to be normal, i want to be good
i try to do better, i try to change my ways
the only change is experience. I’ve mastered my game
have i dug my hole too deep
am i lost in my own trap
is there no turning back
screaming for help, i beg to right what was wronged
its too late for apologies, and forgiveness has been forgotten
i fear help is a lost cause,
for who can trust the boy who cried wolf?

Waking up.
Groggy, disoriented, slow
Grains of sand falling to the wind from their puffy bags of rest beneath the tear ducts.
The eight hour cave of warmth and hibernation is ripped away leaving a brisk breeze to overcome the heat that was known and loved.
Feeling uneasy and sick while standing, forcing a shuffle to the restroom fills the mind with yesterday's quarrels.
A look into the mirror shows the remaining anguish staring back at you, grinning wickedly from ear to ear.
A breath of courage is taken, the worst is over, the war was won.
Eyes lock on their reflection, filled with life, no longer empty shells.
Unused muscles become sore from smiling, an exhilarating euphoria taking hold.
Deep, cheerful bellows of wind escape the lungs in short high pitched bursts.
Laughter.
A familiarity long forgotten returning with a reinvention of what used to be well known.
The person in the mirror is unrecognizable.
Alive, excited, happy. Life is re-beginning.

Choking on the midnight wind
Air so cold you best not spit
Streetlights illuminate the world around you, the snow reflecting their rays like a mirror to the sun, the moon filling in the darker voids that can't be reached
For a moment you're filled with a melancholy beauty as you watch the snowflakes parade down from the clouds above as gentle as a lullaby.
Your spine twitches from the cold,
How long have you been walking?
A glance at your watch tells you it's 1:30am.
Three and a half hours.
You can feel yourself being taken by a virus
Bone by bone the cold creeps up from your toes
Coughing hysterically as the frozen temperatures reach your lungs, thoughts racing through your head.
How far are you from home?
Where were you going?
Why did you leave?
Your heart stops as you see it all before you
A myriad of images stream across your consciousness.
All the pain, the anger, the fear coming up for seconds from the unfinished feast that is your sanity
Ice replaces your blood as darkness eclipses your vision
A fading glimmer of hope for survival is extinguished as you are tied into the straight jacket we call death.
The lullaby continues to fall from above, slow and majestic, encasing you in a blanket of peace and quiet. The perfect harmony.
Just what you were looking for.

I gave you a freedom
An outlet for your special needs, an outlet for your eyes only, your ***** little secret
You've assured me it's safe
You've assured me it's just for play
You've warned me it's obscene
You've warned me not too look
A cat died today, my weakness for curiosity won the war
I betrayed you're trust
I saw what you wrote, the pictures you took
I pray you're telling me the truth
I pray it's safe
I pray it's just for play
We've gotten so far, learned so much
Please,
Please,
PLEASE,
Let this all be just a game

A pain hidden away by morals and denim
Forcing torment to my primal mind
The itch for the ******, the lust for release
Intensity overflowing, the cage is too small
Feeling as if I'll burst, the cage doesn't break
My zipper stays up, my morals take hold,
I would rather suffer

There once was a time I lost time
Days felt like hours while hours felt like years
A lifelong search had come to an end
An unspeakable collision of two worlds
Collided for a second time, creating peace instead of chaos.
The hardest of the early lessons had been learned.
The hardest of the worst were on there way
No longer alone, fear was diminished.
For a partner in peace had been discovered

Caught in a chasm looking for the end,
The stone walls growing upwards towards the sun.
I look around and only see one way out,
The way I came caved in, the exit, getting narrower.
I run as fast as I can towards the exit, dodging falling rocks and skipping hidden passageways that I know in my heart will trap me instead of setting me free.
Scared for my life, I'm determined to escape,
I reach the end as it closes, there's no way out.
Up
Down
Left
Right
Darkness.
Losing hope, I question why I bothered to explore this musty place.
The earth rumbles beneath me as the ground starts to tear
A chasm within a chasm I fall
Awaiting certain death I accept my fate
Water surrounds me, the current too strong to swim against
Pulling me under, I'm sure I'm a goner
A log stops me, allowing me to come up for air
Above me I see the chasm, caving in it's final pieces, zippering up it's thoughtless problems
I've made it out alive, never so happy to see the sun.

Who is the one underneath?
Hiding from the self known truth.
A master of deceit, always a puppeteer.
Never the same, a constant new face.
Knowing the light, while understanding darkness.
A monster enchanted, waiting for the spell to be broken.

The abstract vision of surreality
The staggering sound of objective communication
The euphoric touch of manipulation
The unsettling taste of falseness and fallacies
The over-gratifying smell of fascist *******
Humanity diminished by power
Comfort abolishing the difficult
Complacency pairing with transgression
Selfishness receiving unjustified praise
Disorder feeding a psychotic nirvana
Control forgotten from egotism
The courage to change in hibernation
Awakened by a chance for valor
A journey begun, but far from ending
An unknown reward waiting for its warrior
Traps are set by the beast within
Only the strong can obtain peace

My mind is spacey, empty, echoey
Sound penetrates my brain,
Reopening hidden doors,
Taking my perception of time
Stealing my brittle grip of reality
Confusion, distortion, surreal
"Same," does not exist
An adventure awaits me within the depths of my insanities subconscious
A lesson is always learned
Along with a story that can never truly be explained