Parker

Parker May 2018

Around this time of night some anxious depths hovers over my heart
sprinkled with a hint of resentment
All I asked of you along with your hand
was to not work late shifts
I hide behind traditional value to shy away from the truth
That the pain and worry rise after the sun sets and
my commitment to this marriage leaves me vulnerable in the solitude
always kept by being an honest man
I no longer desire to fill these discomforts with party nights and forgotten names, though I'm searching for someway to displace this carving void
Does this make me broken?
A vulnerable man searching for peace when all is dark and his wife is tending a bar
Serving other broken men who fill there void with liquor and just so happen to be in the comfort of the only woman who can fill mine
The irony just completed its first lap and the lead driver is going in reverse, expecting to crash.

Parker May 2018

Let You Let Me Down

Your space of comfort
is discomfortable for me
The hours you're awake
All I want to be is asleep
I fell into an illusion
For some it's a dream
Crashing in this delusion
My eternal scream

Bound by your lies
and the drunks you serve all night
The machine says I'm winning
that is not the case
If these walls could speak they'd yell
Drowning in a cage
For some call it gold
To me, it will flake

Promised hand is just legal paper
A time you promised to be home
Can't get the imagery out of my head
My Sisyphus stone
Substances steal the light I have left
Oh how I wish for my emotions to run dry
I feel truthful when I say I tried my best
Continue in this state of mind I will die

Parker Mar 2018

Aspen Tree By Paul Celan

Aspen Tree, your leaves glance white into the dark.
My mother's hair was never white.

Dandelion, so green is the Ukraine.
My yellow-haired mother did not come home.

Rain cloud, above the well do you hover?
My quiet mother weeps for everyone.

Round star, you wind the golden loop.
My mother's heart was ripped by lead.

Oaken door, who lifted you off your hinges?
My gentle mother cannot return.

Written about his mother after she was shot in a concentration camp after she became to weak to work.

Parker Mar 2018

No Safe Way Home

I found sound sleeping on a bench
Freezing in the empty sky
Pretending it's a poet

The last place you stood no longer exist
and I
forgot that the world is not black and white
It's grey

In a way,
the rain never stops
You never read the signs
and we are all
scared

An un-promised guarantee
A spoken sonnet that lets her dance on it peddles
And at last,
we've all forgot your name

Parker Mar 2018

After the Place Once Was

Red is floating covered in the the perfume she stole from the store
The night drips into the drain where the sad man sleeps
The last words held the second hand on the clock until it stopped
I felt ripped off
Finally the bulb burnt out and she got some sleep
The sound drenched and late slipped into a mad mans mind
A landing strip you created for the crash
Who new some things never dry
They just stand behind windows and pretend you cant see them

Parker Mar 2018

Schizoaffective

It started with a single voice
Telling him to jump off the roof
Now, his head is full of voices
and as far as I know, they are all cruel

It started with a single voice
Now, one of them has replicated me
Convincing him that I have wronged him
Giving no power to my actual voice

It started with a single voice
Now, he believes everyone attempts to **** him
That the world is conspiring against him
That his thoughts have the power to take lives

It started with a single voice
Now, he sleeps in a locked monitored room
Drugged up with anti psychotics
Angry and confused

Over the last year and a half I watched as schizophrenia consumed everything my little brother had going for him, Causing him more mental suffering then I have ever see anyone experience. Watching the pain of his condition ******* my family and his future has left me at odds with my own journey. Just a for warning, my brothers predisposition was ignited by him trying lsd. You never know how much you cherish your loved ones being of sound mind until they're gone.

#family #mentalhealth #cherishyourmind #brothers #thislifeisenough

Parker Dec 2017

To Every,

The primitive violence engraved in wild animals, having to ****** daily to survive, downplays all that haunts us, people.
Does a fox lose it mate and not question where its gone?
How similar does loss and trauma feel in us?
To every, fear is the same.
I don't believe intelligence matters, we're all scared