Rip out this still beating heart,
Then call how you did it a art,
I'll still forever be yours,
Even if we live on different shores,
The pain you've caused,
The way you pointed out my flaws,
The wounds you make,
The hearts you break,
The lies you tell,
The day you made my life a hell,
None of those matter to me,
Don't you see,
I need you,
But you never knew,
Living in your head,
Pretending I was dead,
When I cried,
You just sighed,
I'm sorry for the disappointment,
And for my smile now bent,
Please forgive me,
And don't leave

Sometimes I wonder .... where we went wrong...where do we find the missing lyrics to our song...? I met you so quickly....and just as such...You were gone...we still keep in touch...But somehow to me it doesn't seem like much. Deep down I still feel there is something between us could it just be an aesthetic lust? Could I be obsessing over something I should've left in the dust? I hit you up from time to time but it feels like that could never be enough. What do you need from me? Temporary insanity. Pride, ego, fear of rejection all in play. Guess I'm just waiting for the day...When you say... Hey...can we start over?

what makes me so unappealing?
is it the way my thighs briefly touch then curve
only to meet again?
my crooked smile?
tired eyes?
the way my hair curls and winds?
my attaching heart?
my small, needy hands?
my glistening blue eyes?
the wishes in the fallen eyelashes that I neglect
to brush from my cheeks?
my age that doesn't reflect my maturity?
the gaps in my brain that can never be filled?
my skeptic heart?
my pulsing wrists perhaps?
my slender neck that curves too late?
the crevices from mountains on my cheeks?
how have I become something I promised not be be?
why do I lack what other girls have?
where have I gone wrong?

I'm sorry.
I did not know.
And I wanted something different.
But that's just
all beside the point now.

Dear you.

In the end,
You didn't care much
Afterall.
Did you?

And here I am.
Still hoping you'll answer.

Here I am.

Until,
There.
I
Go.

I'd waited
here
without you
until
I saw
the rainfall.
I still believe your promise.
Oh that night of long ago...
When you were someone different,
and I was nothing like
myself.

Perhaps,
they still are living.
Those two ones who
belong.

You know I understood you?
But
Did you even
see my name.

I guess it's all one
sided. And we become
only alone.

But,
I still hold that you inside me.
At least there
he
can
Never
Die
Only,
suffocate so slowly.
Crushed by years
and years of
lies...

Tell me,
will we always be
alone?

Just after dusk I walked in,

I catch your eyes first,

Warm just from that look,

Genuinely unrehearsed.


If it were only your eyes, your eyes,

That made my soul sing,

If it were only your voice,

your voice,
That inspires all that I bring.

It’s your mind, I find,

Sharp, unshaken, shared,

Unbridled, unmatched, understanding,


Fair.


Fallen, of course,

perfect you’re not.

But it’s passion and patience

And purpose I sought.


You take my hand,

Your eyes have never left mine,

You whisper, “You’re beautiful,”

“Beauty defined.”


My reality has become

More precious than dreams,

And my weaknesses remain,

But you love those, it seems.


And I love yours, how strange…

How beaten paths can direct

And the stars can arrange,

Have a greater effect.


And the planets align,

And the traffic speeds by,

And the people they chatter,

And the frustrated sigh.


But our affection’s steadfast,

In the midst of this room,

In the midst of this life and

Universe, I assume.


My hand covers yours,

The one on my cheek,

I close my eyes and lean in,

no need to speak.


They flutter open, there you are,

Still staring, studying my face,

And the swelling feeling follows knowing

You’re in the right place.


I turn my head, kiss your palm,

Hum the tune

Of our favorite song.


Nestle closer

In your arms.

Feel your heart,

Hear your breath,

The most calming sound

My ears have met.


And the world stands still,

Just like my mom said it would.

And it melts away,

Everything’s as it should.


And somewhere far, far away,

I understand it can’t last,

The Earth’s eager to toss its seas,

The people, hungry to go fast.


But we’re tethered together,

No matter how far apart,

by the strength of our heads

and the work of our hearts.


I’m in the moment,
I choose to remain.
I choose to love,
I choose to change.

-Shea Golden

It's only when I first wake
That the world has teeth.
Fangs.
Throughout the day their venom dulls the pain but ah-
That tiny hiccup of time
When my eyes first open and I feel
Consumed...
It takes all day long to fully recover.
It's only in the very morning-
On the cusp of waking-
That your silence, your distance
Sinks its teeth into the tender skin of my neck.
"It's been days,"
Words rush through my veins
Poisoned by the possibility of truth.
"She regrets you."
And that moment....
It ruins me.
And inside I curl up and wither,
Dusty and dry and brown,
An ugly, wretched thing-
And then I throw the covers off
And slap my vulnerable feet
On the frozen floor.

The night I met her,
She gave me a necklace.
It's silver. A pentagram. A simple little charm.
Two years later, I wear it still.
That necklace became the symbol of her.
People ask me if it's a religious thing,
And I answer no
But wonder privately if it almost is.
I hold it when I am sad, or afraid, or in need of guidance.
I've taken to...
It's silly, really,
I've taken to photographing it wherever I go-
A little silver chain on a park bench in the sun
Or the velvet cushion of a broadway show seat-
A sort of diary of my life, the places I've been,
In relation to her.
The places I've been
And still thought of her.
That necklace has rested on New York coffee counters,
Hung upon branches,
Floated in sandy shallows and caught the light.
I have held it tight during important auditions,
Felt its cold weight upon my chest during funerals,
Rubbed it between my fingers for luck on wide stages,
And pressed its mark into my wrist on lonely silent nights
(To be sure her impression was still indented in my skin.)
I have quietly kept her with me
Through every important moment of my life
And every unimportant one
As well.
People ask, still, sometimes,
Why do I wear that necklace every single day?
I tell them somebody I love gave it to me,
But that simple little explanation seems to fall so pathetically short.
I wear it because even though I hardly see her face anymore
I want to feel her fingers the way I did the night she hung it around my neck,
I wear it because its thump against my chest as I walk
Is a rhythmic reminder never to let her slip from my thoughts
No matter how far I may wander,
I wear it because there is a space in my heart
Just beneath it, under my skin,
That is that perfect, precise shape- a pentagram cutout-
And when I take it off
The hole echoes emptiness
Like the bell tower of a cathedral.

Dear Lord,
If you are here to pull my strings and topple me down,
And I truly have no hope against the immensity of your meddling hands,
You can just bet
That I will give you one fantastic fight.
Show me enough times that this life is for me to crumble
And I will make it my constant mission
To be nothing but a pain in your ***.
I will struggle, I will protest, I will rise again every ******* time
Until you cut me off at the knees
And then I'll crawl.
I've got nerve in spades
And don't you doubt it.
Apparently, after all, you put it there.
You yanked out my batteries and thought I'd drone down to a drained-out death
But you forgot to take my nerve back,
The little gritty sharp current that reanimates me,
That spark that means
I would use my last breath to rebel, defiant, against my demise.
You might be the Divine Winner
But I aim to misbehave.
I aim to be the hardest conquest you ever attempt.
Drag me to hell kicking and screaming,
Or heaven, if you prefer-
I'll fight you just the same,
To stay
Right
Here.
...Amen.

You see beauty
With such exquisite venom.
Vicious
To the pungent flowers,
The sun's morning rays,
The grin of a loved one.
Full of animosity
Where others are full of mewling awe.
Your hatred for living is thick in my fingers like velvet,
Your snarling words
Hot
So
Clear
Like liquor.
It burns and cleanses, medicinal and fiery and somehow truer for its blinding harshness.
Dear Sylvia,
Teach me how to see the world I love
With loathing.
It overwhelms me as it
Overwhelmed you.
Visceral,
Your words cringe from loveliness
And exalt the brutal little moments of life
That everyone else hurries to forget.
I want that wrongness
To live in me
Alongside all the other
Wrongnesses.
I am through trying to be right so that my loves may endure me.
Sylvia,
Teach me to be sadistic.