Please
Please, just save me.
Please help me
Please tell me
Convince me
Is there a life worth saving?
Can you have a sight for meaning?
Is
There
Anything
To keep me here?
Please,
Please.
Please lie.
Like my life depends on it.


Because maybe it does.

I know my words don't mean much of anything
They aren't long enough
Or brave enough
To draw
Even just one eye

I know my words
Are a vague redition of
Mediocrity
With high esteem
And hopes of return

Believe me,
don't I know.

Replace your smirk with pity
And change my name

Or just erase it altogether

I know my words mean less than nothing.
To you.

So just turn away
And leave me be
Or hate me still
And fail to see

But do not operate under any illusions that I am unaware.
No one knows better than I do.

Please, I need to talk to someone.
Or I just need you near.
Please don't go to sleep.
Please don't leave me.
Please protect me,
And stay.
Please!
I need
I can't
I don't
How can I make it on my own.
Don't leave me here.
Not all alone.

Because she's coming,
Calling for me.
Her games are never fair,
She always wins.

Please stay.
Wouldn't you?
Couldn't you?
Would you save me.
Please.

What would make you listen?
That you could see my pleas.
No, I cannot speak.
But don 't you see?
Why do we have eyes,
If everyone surrounding
Seems to be blind.

Please...
Don't leave me,
All alone.
Not again.
Please?

I have always imagined your touch as sunlight
As the heat trapped beneath my blanket when I first wake up
As the rug warming my bare feet in the morning
But that was before I realized I was loving a ghost
Before I saw my breath in front of my face
And realized we had just shared our first kiss
Before I wrapped my arms around myself after walking outside
Feeling the air cut through my skin like a thousand knives
Now I see you in the bottom of every glass
When I am left feeling even emptier than before I took a drink
Now I see you at the bottom of every staircase
As a reminder that even if I would jump
You wouldn't be there to break my fall
Because no matter how far a ghost's arms may reach
They'd never be solid enough to catch me.

My insides were scraped,
Molded, and shaped
Into words on the pages,
And my eyes watched
In silent horror (silent pleasure)
As the fire devoured emotional
Responses, (hopes) to the
Fabrication of reality you made
Me wear.

Grey dreams, papery lies
That streaked the pages of my hands.
Burnt poetry is the best kind
(Burnt memories are the best kind)


The tapping at my door
Keeps waking me up
And it isn't a raven
Asking me about some
Eleanor.
No, it is the urn, full
Of ash and imaginings
It rattles with displeasure;
I shall let it go.

Heavy, but light in my arms,
Taking the cinders to the sea
(Finally, I'd let you free.)
Only to have oxygen transform
And disfigure ash into butterflies;
They attacked ruthlessly, at my face
With kisses that brought back memories.

I blew out my wish
"Let this be my last" And
Suddenly, there was nothing
Just the results of paper and
Calefaction.

I can't do this again.
The staying up til 3
The "I'm sick."
And I always asked what was wrong
Even though I knew it was the self same soul sickness
That always went round the mulberry bush to gibberish and venomous hate,
The you-can't-fix-me-but-you're-why-I-broke lies
The jigsaw puzzle mind crumbling in shards
Of nonsense suffering.
I can't do this again.
I can't be your medication.
I was a shade, a shadow of myself
Because all my vitality was sapped
By your demands.
I loved you until I was a husk of a person,
And if I'm not enough,
Darling,
It's not me anymore, it's you.
It's not that you don't deserve reprieve,
It's that you take take take
And it doesn't even heal you.
It does nothing.
All getting does
Is make you want.
It makes you think that
If only
You get
Just
A little more
You'll feel it.
I'm six months of constant proof
That you won't.
Do you understand?
I can't do this again.

There are many people in my life that I love,
Let that be said now.
But...
I can't explain you.
You are home.
When my world crumbles, it crumbles to you.
It falls to bits around the only thing I am sure of-
You.
This life can mold me like wet clay,
But it will never touch you in my heart.
I can be so different I don't even know myself,
But I always, always know I love you.
You feel like falling into bed after a long day of doing good.
You feel like walking outside at dawn on a summer day and feeling the first rays of the sun touch my shoulders.
I could trace the planes of your face for a thousand years
And still find new curves to love the shadows of.
Your hands are the only ones that make mine feel completed.
Your laugh is the only one that feels like I am floating.
Your eyes are like wide galaxies, full of stars and secrets, with suns burning at the core.
Your mind is the only one that I would unravel my own for,
Your soul is the only one that can separate me by the atom, break me so completely that I am whole.
I could cry for loving you, my universe, so immense and so complete that I shudder just to hold the concept of you in my mind.
Some nights I lie awake and just love you until the morning reaches its pale fingers across my cheeks and tastes the tears there.
It's not that everything revolves around you,
It is that you ARE everything.
Everywhere I turn, there you are.
Every single moment of joy or despair I ever feel, I feel through loving you.
You spin the stars, you pull the moon, you raise the sun, you churn the sea, you sigh the rain, you sway the trees, you speak the thunder, you abase the gods.
In my world, you are matched by none
And every beautiful thing I ever witness
Is from you, is about you, is for you, is because of you.
You are my home.
Maybe that is rash, but I will have no other.
You are my home. You are the only person on this earth
Who makes me feel whole.
And I would give everything I have,
Just to see you smile and know I caused it,
My love,
My universe.

The days grow cold and so do I
And leaden clouds fill up the sky
And the hopes within me start to die
Dwelling sadly on your lightning eyes
You do not look at me.

Were your lips really on mine?
You asked for me to cross the line,
But is my passion really "fine"?
Perhaps your silence is a sign.
Did you ever look at me?

And as bleak winter stumbles in
I wonder if I live in sin
For waiting for "self" to begin
Until I can your focus win,
And feel your gaze on me.

Frozen, paused and deathly still,
I hold my breath enough to ****
Still here by silent force of will,
Nothing matters, all meaning distilled
Til you would look at me.