Hey, I know you've been having a rough time
I know life hasn't been everything you thought it would be
I know the daily battles keep you in your mind
I wish you could witness the you I see

I know you've built a thick callous around your heart
That you feel like you need to keep everyone out
I know you feel like the world has torn you apart
I know there are things that plague you, that you don't talk about

I'm always here if you need a friend
If you need to lean on me
If you can't fake it or pretend
That's okay I get it - be the way you have to be

If you want to scream do it
I'll be a sounding board
I will try to help you pull through it
You don't have to do it on your own accord

I've been hurt and battered
This life has been far from easy
But look at us - we haven't shattered
Remember I'm here if you need me

Thoughts fly around me like an insect swarm
I get dizzy from their speed and voracity
They try to consume me within the storm
What can bring me back to my reality

I'm on a tirade against my own mind
Yet again carrying all the blame
Looking for a reason that I cannot find
To cast off all my shame

Grace and mercy are free gifts that I reject
Surely there are others more deserving
Of peace, kindness and respect
These thoughts are unnerving

I try to close my eyes for much needed rest
All I see on replay are my mistakes
I try to focus on how I've been blessed
While my shattered heart breaks

The tears do not flow
I can not force what will not come
This pain is endless - I know
It has gotten so bad that now I'm numb

I stay silent most days
Pretending nothing's wrong
Lost in an unending maze
Listening to the same old song

It's getting lonely in this cage
But I cannot seem to reach out
All I feel anymore is my rage
That is flooded with my doubt

Her humbled heart is yearning
For the life she knew before
As the gentle sea yearns for the shore

Her shallow breath grows steady
As she ceases her nightly weeping
Her eyes flutter at last she is sleeping

Her racing mind wakes her
Before she's ready to face the day
Her ears deceive her - was that her children at play?

Her quiet soul whispers softly
To comfort her broken spirit
Is her grief to loud to hear it?

Her darkened thoughts keep swirling
In memories of sorrow and reverie
Her eyes glossed with things she cannot see

Her shaking hands ache
To hold those that she misses
All she has are photographs - to pepper with her kisses

You silenced my voice
Because you're afraid of what I'd say
You barr my exit
Because you fear I won't stay
You excuse your behavior
But scared at the end of the day

Was what I said too far?
Did I steal the peace away?
Did I fail once again?
What price is there yet to pay?

You'll get away scott free
With no definitive recompense
The only cost - Is me
Does that make any sense?

You're so full of fear
That you turn into anger
You can't even hear
The incoming danger

You're so caught up
in how you were brought up
That you can't grow past it
Can you grasp it?

Take a walk through my mind
See what there is to see
You'd be shocked at what you'd find
Lurking inside of me.

Walls of wrought iron and cold steel
Higher that you'd ever expect
If you made it passed and saw what they reveal
You'd see memory lane - forgotten and derelict

A castle beyond - rising through the clouds above
Far off in the distance can be seen
Seemingly robbed of joy and love
Just before you a forest green

The trees are wide their canopies dark
They blacken out the sky
You can not even see a spark
As it flashes in their eyes

You feel surrounded and yet there's nothing
As you traverse the haunted place
This is where dreams die - your blood is rushing
You look back as if you're being chased

Your heart is pounding harder now -
Than it ever has before
They can only hurt you if you allow
Them to sink into your core

You hear water you realize
As you quicken the pace
Suddenly you see the skies
And a very lovely place

A field of ash trees in the dwindling light of day
A clear babbling brook
Many sprites and other fae
Like a scene out of a charming book

They sing a song that sounds like spring
As you watch them play
They spin around in a mushroom ring
A beautiful display

They lead you through a final copse of trees
There you find the road
The fae are carried away on the breeze
Their favor on you bestowed

As you walk the sun sets
Shadows are all around
The darker it is the quieter it gets
Your heart the only sound

You kick along a cobblestone
As the harvest moon rises high
You feel utterly alone
Then you see a raven in the sky

If you follow it all the way home
It will lead you straight to me
To the castle I built on my own
Was the time worth the journey?

The wolf cries in passion
in great power and great love
forever in the mercy
of our God above

The birds sing in melodies
and the crickets through the night
hiding behind black veils
and never seeming trite

They all long for one thing
and one thing alone
to be worshiping forever
before Our God's throne

With every fiber in their being
They worship forever on
the wolves with their howling
the birds with their song

Resonate with me for a moment
Open your heart to my mind
See me not as your opponent
For a friend in me you'll find

Lean not on the understanding of man
They will only let you down
Rise up and find your feet to stand
And straighten up your crown

You are more than what they did to you
You're more than this pain you feel
Looking back do you see how you grew
Find solace in peace and love that's real

Write yourself a letter
That lets you know you're proud
Of who you've become, how you got better
Then read the words out loud

You do this often and you will see
Progress and healing in the making
Write to you like you would a friend, kindly
Even if your hand is shaking

Tell yourself things that others forgot to
Share with the paper your desire and secrets
Share with it your dreams and be true
Show it all of your pain and regrets
In the process - get to know you

I'm lost in a new school in my dream
I can't figure out where to go
By the middle of it all I want to scream
School just started yet I'm failing, I know

I don't have a schedule- everyone else does
I can't find my classes or any direction
I can't even find my way back to where I was
Everything changes again in my perception

I find the library a comforting place for me
I was looking for the office - I'm happy here
I decide to stay though it's not where I should be
Because it's calming and I lose my fear

Nestled amongst books my dearest friends
I give up on looking for where I should be
I stay there until the dream ends
I'm trapped and yet here I feel free

Just before it's all over completely
I think I'm always lost in my dreams
Always a school - when I sleep this deeply
Then I woke up and wondered what it all means

Stumbling through the ashes of my decimated dreams
Finding out the hard way nothing is as it seems
What my heart cherished most burned a hole right through
Leaving me lost and forlorn not knowing what to do
Trying in desperation to scrape my broken life back together
As it continues to fall apart I realize I lost you forever
Not everything that breaks you makes you stronger in the end
Sometimes it just leaves you shattered unknowing how to mend
The burning furnace of this life can forge the strongest steel
Maybe that's why my hearts so heavy because the flames were real
I watched resolutely while my life went up in flames
Now I can barely bring myself to whisper your names
This hell that I've walked through,I suppose they call it life
Has been one trauma after another followed by a twisting knife
I look up to the sky and watch the ashes fall like rain
Praying to God to remove from me the endless pain
Will He raise me from these ashes like a phoenix from its death
Or will I taste this bitterness on my dying breath

You sow these seeds of anger
So you'll reap the grapes of wrath
You offer me no answer
You tell me to take a different path

You speak what you feel
Yet let no one else do the same
If they do not suit your ideal
Then they're living a life of shame

You wonder why the silence grows
With the walls that form between us
Maybe only God really knows
But it doesn't take a genius

Your heart and words to me are bitter
I cannot fathom why you can not see
Or why you can not consider
That the problem here isn't just me

Stop sowing the seeds of doubt
Or else you'll reap uncertain love
With weakness of resentment throughout
You'll destroy what we dreamed of

I love you but you don't see it
I say it but you won't hear
If this is what you want so be it
I won't let my heart hold you so dear

I want you to understand
My love has not diminished
I will not draw back my hand
Until you tell me we are finished

I am not miserable because of you
My pain is not your doing
There is little that you can do
While my storm is brewing

Mutual respect is what I want - do you want that too?
With no hypocrisy mixed into it
Speak to me how you want me to speak to you
If we do this I know we will pull through it

The rope of the hangman's noose
Chokes from me all my air
I cannot set myself loose
This life was never fair

Rage will keep on knocking
Upon the door within
Until I answer and quit blocking
Is this where my healing will begin?

Misery and torment eternally in a dance
Wrapping me in a smothering embrace
Did I ever stand a chance?
Will I fade away without a trace?

The shadows swarming in my head
Were my only friends
I've found they are my enemies instead
It seems my darkness now transcends

Surpassing all comprehension
Consuming all the light my eyes once held
Feeding off my fear and tension
Leaving me a broken and hollow shell

I do not want to dwell on death
Yet it follows me around
It steals from me my breath
To this grief I'm bound

I could cut out my heart
So I could feel no more
But what pain would I impart
If I chose to not endure

There are a few who would cry
For many years after my demise
They are the reason why
Tomorrow I will rise.

My soul feels so cold
Lord, Please make me whole
I feel so alone
Lord, make this world feel like home
I am scared in the dark
since the world tore me apart
Lord, put me back together new
Let me truly see you
Reveal to me your plan
So I may continue to stand
I am begging you from the depths
of a long empty well
At the rock bottom
to which I fell
I lay here broken and torn
Only you can raise me now
call be back from this death
Because I don't know how
To come back from this edge
Lord, I beg you please
to show me your will
So I can follow you
And let my mind be still
Quell the aching in this heart
Please let the healing start
I needed you then
I need you more now
Show me the light on the path
because I don't know how
To change my course
or to find direction
Lord, I beg for your protection

You have been called
Will you listen?

You have been called
Will you answer?

You have been called
Will you hesitate?

I heard you
I swear I did
I called back!
I swear!
But was it enough? Was I too late?
Did I forget? Are you still my mate?

The wind whispered and whistled
all around the bow
I shivered when the beam hit me
the light shined so bright
When it faded all I could see was you.
I could hear you calling
I could hear you laugh
I could hear my tears
and wondered why
Why would I cry?

I am blessed for each breath
each moment with you and Toby
I will learn to savor the flavor
of joy in each stride
Dignity until I die
and a love that won't

My life has changed in the blink of an eye
and as I look back at the years drifting by
I sit and ask myself -
Why?

Why would you go and worry about that
when the answer was right under your hat
when you could have just smiled --
and relaxed

Why did I let those years pass by so fast
why not make every moment last
I look back and just see time --
Passed

Now I wonder what I am doing with my time
Just idling by and making a rhyme
Or am I making moves to
Climb

How long will I sit and ask myself why
How long will I just merely "Try"
Will I just ask away, and let my time
Fly?

I died a thousand deaths
within my heart and mind
I took my final breaths
and left the world behind

I don't let my thoughts wander
within these things for long
I can't let myself ponder
on feelings that grow this strong

I can't look toward the future
nor linger in my past
My heart I must suture
or this day might be my last

I pray to God to take me
I am not afraid to say
Because death might make me free
But here I will stay

I will wait on God
I will try to find a purpose
I will put on a happy façade
and continue in this circus

I don't want to die
But I don't want to keep living
I can't keep up the lie
of the smile that I keep giving

The cracks in the mask keep growing
I am afraid that everyone will see
That the seeds I have been sowing
are slowly killing me.

I cover up how cold I feel with a warm smile
Slowly recede into my mind, and hide for a while
fear begins to creep in past my defenses
until the chill of it overwhelms my senses
I drive the dark interstate from thought to thought
disbelieving what I'm thinking, and the pain its wrought
I don't shed tears on the surface, I've taught myself other ways
I silently drown in my sorrow, pray, and wait for better days
So I'll let myself smile, or edify, to better hide my pain
as I sit within my mind, and slowly go insane
Tears are for people who let their pain escape
the pain within my brain rarely takes a shape
When it does, Its a slowly spreading darkness, it forms a raging sea
it drowns me deep within it, I choke on insecurity

I cover up how cold I feel,
With a warm smile.
I gloss over what's inside
so I can hide it for a while.

It doesn't mean that it lasts
for even more than an hour
the best way to hide your tears
is to merely take a shower

Let the sorrow wash off your skin
Breathe in the heat and exhale
Learn to wash away the gloom
and you shall never fail

I wish you could walk through
the corridors of my heart
then  you could see,
where pain ends and love starts
It seems as though the love is spreading
to even the darkest of rooms
its leaving me with such a peace
as it flourishes and blooms

Now I see what the books meant
when my friends and authors spoke of love
I had never fathomed how wonderful it is
It is far more beautiful than what I could dream of

They said with true love, there is no fear
and for me that is the hardest thing
that I ever had to hear
I felt my self a creature of the darkest fright
and that I would forever be alone
to toss and turn through the night

That was until you opened my eyes
to what love was truly to be
and the nightmares that once haunted
were then dreams of you and me

My fear at times returns at night
and I awake almost in tears
but I know I just have to call to you
and you'll chase away my fears.

His eyes burned me
His gaze transfixed
the first dance,
of apprehension

In circles we'd spin
on merely a whim
curiosity was loves invention

Looking for who we are
looking to who we've been
the keys to wisdom oft mentioned

Granted entry through weakness
or maybe strength of heart
the fear is the prevention

Bringing back things
I forgot I could feel
the heat, and the tension.

Oh you boy,
Can't you see...
Can't you see what you're doing
Look at your heart,
look at your mind
Only YOU can change it.

You hold the anger, you hold those judgements...
against everyone, and mainly yourself...
Take it from someone who knows...
You have to let go,
You have to forgive
You have to take your life and LIVE
You can't just wait,
For someone to save you...


You and I have grown...
Over the past year, we have grown together.
and the most mature thing,
You have ever said...
was "I'm not ready"

Oh the things you have shown me!
Oh the revelations I've had!
Thank you THANK YOU
for being who you are!

For the good times and the bad!
For the Loving, for the Leaving
For the knowledge, and even grieving...
The tears helped to show me
That I could live without fear...
The pain, helped me get over, the fear of pain itself.

I am happy for you,
I am happy for me
I am happy for the relief!

Don't be feel sad, Don't feel strange
We love one another... its just the wrong time...
We are so young yet, my love...
Lets be the friends that we haven't had the time to be...
Let you be you, and me be me...

Dearest Diary,
I have been lost without you
At my fingertips
My words get trapped
Behind my lips.

I get scared and confused
Without you by me
I itch for a pencil or keyboard
just to satisfy me

I get stuck in my head
like a prison cell
of my creation, my own hell

The hands that built the wall
are not the ones tearing it down
the hands that broke my mind frame
Are the ones causing me to drown

Time has healed most of my wounds
The scars are all I am left with
However, life is looking brighter
with every single breath.

He completes me, you see,
He sees me, you see
He frees me, brings glee
and hope back to me

The hands that fouled my mind
hold no power, any longer.
Because LOVE is the answer
to all of my questions,
and He answered every prayer
Every wish and  all I wanted.
The eyes that once haunted
my dreams - Are gone
Now my heart holds my song
I only wish each kiss were longer
each embrace just a moment stronger

I wish I could control the darkness
that was bought from Reverie
The doom and gloom
that once consumed me seems to flee
Whenever he walks in the room

Why does this keep happening?
Is this what I have searched for?
Does he hold the key, to every single door?
Am I trapped within a dream or a nightmare
or is this reality?

Reality on its own terms is something I have grown to love
Mainly because He shows me His grace that shines from above
etched in every smile from each of my children
the rolling hills the sound of love,
from glen to glen
and Den to Den

---------------------------------------
NOTE TO MY READERS:

Thank you for listening,
Patient reader as I grew from 13 and up
deciphering emotion, thought and feeling
leaving my mind reeling from pain
Leaving me feeling depleted at times

Call me out by name
From this darkened tomb
Save me from the flames
Cause my faith to bloom

Heal my broken soul
Touch my wounded heart
Only you can make me whole
And heal what has been scarred

Take from me my pain
Let me love the world
Revive me from this shame
Let your plan for me unfurl

Carry me on the winds of hope
Renew in me the light
Teach me how to cope
Help me win this fight

I do not have words profound
That lessen the crippling grief
My only hope that I've found
to try to bring some relief
To find the we in wellness
To relate in some small way
So sorrow doesn't overwhelm us
And sweep us up in its waves
I'm a hand reaching out into the dark
In this vast and hollow world
Something to hold on to - a simple spark
The catching fire of hope unfurled
If you hear my voice
Echoing in this abyss
You can make the choice
To rest and find some bliss
Do not say goodbye
To a world that turned its back
I am here, I hear you cry
In this cold world that seems so black
I may only be letters on a page
But I can feel your heart break
I can sense your hardened rage
Remember this life is yours to make
I hope you learn to let go
Of this heavy burden
I hope you always know
My faith in you is certain
Stand up and take back your life
Beat back those laughing demons
They can no longer cause you strife
Let go of all those reasons...
;
You are loved You are seen
If even only by a stranger unknown
With thousands of miles inbetween
Remember friend, You are not alone

Shes dancing with shadows
And gets lost in the rain
She quarrels with her demons
That try to bathe in her pain

As she closes her eyes
She prays for the end
Because this life gets heavy
It gets so hard to pretend

Her tears flow freely
When she speaks the name
They soak her in loneliness
And drench her in shame

The life of a childless mother
Is a pain un-compared
Its a wonder she's breathing
With the weight she has bared

Voiceless in an endless chasm
Of fear, grief and pain
Echoing with memories
That only drive her insane

The gun looks tempting
The bullet chambered is coated in grief
She toys with the thought
Would it bring me relief

No it would only pass on the pain
It would bring no relief
It would make others suffer
It would pass on the grief.

Critical acute depression
Married to social anxiety
They drove me to a psych session
Because I hated being me

On and off psychosis
Paired with dissociation
Led to a new diagnosis
And a more in depth evaluation

Life long trauma formed severe PTSD
Intrusive thoughts by the minute
Nightmares and paranoia surround me
Where is the limit?

I sought out the help I need finally
I don't know why it took me so long
I'm tired of walking through life lifelessly
I'm realizing more and more - I'm strong

Have you never heard of self fulfilling prophecy
Because you are always pointing out our dichcotomy
And that always makes me start to wonder
Is this a tornado or just a little thunder

Usually i'm bold in the face of a storm
But these constant showers are draining
Is constant pressure to Perform
While I try to stop my eyes from raining

I keep this all locked away in my Head
I try not to cry where you could see
I carry it around even when i'm in bed
How much better for you I could be

I don't want to be just a burden  You live with
I don't want to drive you insane
I don't want our love to fade to myth
I don't want you to be in pain

Disharmony
Disjointed notes of pain
Cacophony
Of voices driving me insane

So conflicted
So out of place
The damage inflicted
shows on my face

I used to try to hide it
But now I am far too weary
I can't climb out of this pit
The charade has grown dreary

You say I like this feeling
You say I am just lazy
That, that is why I'm not healing
That, that is why I feel crazy.

What do you know about me
that I didn't share with you
How wrong can one person possibly be
How can you say something so untrue?

Gripping the past so eagerly
Strangling the joy from my day.
Bleak understanding and realization
That the only one who can make me move,
Is me.

You can't move me any longer
You can't hold me down either,
for nothing you can say or do,
can I be held accountable
Because I have grown
Stronger.

Your words do linger in my mind
And the sting of your touch.
But now with the longing dying
I can say I don't miss it that much

This hallway is so dark sometimes,
Why am I not moving..
Just staring at the closed, and locked door
To my past. I need to open another door
And close the box of my crimes.

Walking through the valley of death
And the depths of the sadness
With every breath
Searching for light in the blackness

I can't breathe
I can't see
I can't leave
I can't let myself be

Everything still eats me up inside
Even though the meds make me feel better
It feels like the darker part has died
But is it just hiding behind the pleasure

I'm still scared
I still feel alone
Am I still snared
In this prison of my own

I know these things can all pass
But I seem to still hold on
To the regret that fills my heart of glass
Will these feelings ever be gone

Is the progress a lie
Will it all come crashing down
Will I backslide
Will I ultimately drown

My life just keeps getting worse
I swear I feel like I am cursed
I can never see my real worth
because of the nightmare my realty births

I get silenced by the pain
Like I am drowning in the rain
all the little stuff drives me insane
I feel like the price isn't worth the gain

My emotions take me for a ride
through hell while I die inside
submerged in tears I've cried
Why do I feel like I have to hide

I've been increasing my vibrations
To an elevated frequency
Thinking on a higher level
Noting the synchronicity

Following my heart and passions
and the steady stream of dopamine
Learning exponentially
How to fulfill my hopes and dreams

Focusing on love and light
And the many blessings
Not everything has to be a fight
I'm carried away on new wings

It's amazing what it can do
When you choose to believe in you
When you make every promise true
Feeling your faith makes you new

Find out what makes you feel
Like you're full of life and love
Do more that makes you feel real
Rest in peace sent from above

It feels like my strength is failing
Will this pain ever go away
Will I keep on prevailing
Or are these demons here to stay

I can't seem to cry out
Any louder than I am
I try to scream or shout
But I grow quiet when I feel ******

My mind makes me feel so condemned
Choked by the memories that are fading fast
Will my soul ever choose to transcend
And move on from my bitter-sweet past

Will my mind keep up this torture
Until my days are done
Will I always sink into my disorder
With nowhere left to run

I hope I will rise above
And find some inner peace
Maybe I'll find rest in love
And my soul will be released

The war I fight
is on the inside
I wrestle my demons day and night
with nowhere to hide

I cry out to God for mercy
I cry out to heaven for healing
I pray quietly for these demons to leave me be
I get impatient - No answer comes through the ceiling
While I lay awake
fighting my fight
hearing my mind and heart break
every day and night

I try to stand
but I fall back down
I am reaching out for a helping hand
from the grave I dug in the ground

I look around
for the voice of hope
and yet I am still bound
By the chains of my past and a hangman's' rope

I dance around these thoughts
that swim like sharks inside my brain
while my luster for my life rots
and yet I sit here and pretend to be sane

These pages don't judge me
like the world probably would
The ink spills from my heart - and silences the demon no one sees
Writing helps more than really anything else could.

Early life stole my innocence
later it took my mind
it lead me to my own ignorance
leaving me completely blind

Blind to the pain I put them through
with my own bad choices
While I justified what I'd do
with the darkness' tormenting voices

I'd beat myself down and I still do it everyday
This isn't what God wants from me - so I hope He takes it away

The anxieties creep back in
and the nightmares and flashbacks begin
As it fades depression follows in its wake
with desolation and destruction
The devil needs no introduction

He finds his ways to  shake me
But the Lord won't let him break me

All I ever think about is you
The family I once had
My kids and mother - Sister and brothers
Everything I thought was true
seemed to turn sour - rotten - bad

They all turned their backs
and left me to die alone
How am I supposed to forgive and forget
When they sold me out to make up for what they lack
When they robbed me of all that I owned

They try to hide behind angels faces
Pretending to be kind and better people
I don't get how everyone gets snowed
When it is SO fake - but that's what social grace is
They hate behind closed doors but smile at the steeple

I don't get it how am I painted evil
when they are the abusers that broke me
how is it I am the one with the blame - the shame
When they are the ones that caused my upheaval
When they stole the only ones that set me free

They made me look foolish
not to mention they painted me crazy
how can you tell me to be normal
when you can't define it - its only that you wish
that you could change me so your life is less hazy
That won't happen until you put down your pipe dreams
You never really cared for me - Those are your words
So choke on them - to drown out my screams

You said you want to shoot me in the face
Our mother gave a half hearted apology
then made me feel the guilt - just like you do
Can you see the disgrace?
I am through with your ******* up psychology

So now I am forced to say goodbye
I don't know why I don't want to
You have given me every reason to hate
but all it did was make me want to cry
and say I am sorry to you
HOW SICK IS THAT
You can finesse this all to your favor
even when you through my trauma in my face
I still love you - in the combat
Where you told me I should have been there to save her
FROM YOU

How do you do what you do
and still like - still live with yourself
Or face a mirror
Or be in good health
Can your see yourself clearer?
Who is this monster you've become
And why does our mother just hide from
the truth that you aren't the same
or maybe you've always been this way
and just never changed

Even without you around
You still abuse me
I don't get it
I hear your voice when there's no sound
Why are you always trying to confuse me

The devil laughs when you wake up
this much I know for certain
because you do his work for him
Why don't you and he break up
and just close the curtain
The act is over- our family is done
are you happy at last
now that you have destroyed me - and had your fun
throwing up to me my whole past?

I will walk away from this war
because I want to survive the battle
you gave me plenty of scars
But God and Jesus will help me restore
and renew the broken heart that you rattled

I will find my victory
as the bridge burns and I walk away
I won't think of what you took from me
I can't help it though - my mind is contradictory
But at least I made it through today

I'm breaking to pieces on the inside
My words sound so frail and hollow
"I'm fine" " I'm okay" - yet again I lied
The bitter pills life gives me are hard to swallow

Reality hits me hard and I can't breathe
The anger swells within my heart
I push it down but still I seethe
This life does all it can to break me apart

These personal battles that I fight
Never seem to have an end
I'm so angry I lose my sight
Now my reality starts to bend

Sinking to the bottom of my resignation
Settling on the ocean floor
Biting back my fiery indignation
How much disrespect can I ignore

Unbridled fury flashes in my eyes
I'm sorry I let that show
I know it takes you by surprise
But I guess it's better you know

I'm consumed by my mind's corruption
In its infinite cascading spiral
Fearful of my next eruption
Because my rage is viral

These feelings wash over me
In waves that carry me away
I float on the surface of this sea
Trying not to drown - every day.

I love you
I love you
I love you
More than Life itself
That is why
we have to say goodbye

I know you will be happy
I know you will find joy and peace
I know that you will be free
Find a way for faith to increase

Look for me in the rain
In the sunrise and the moon
Let go of all your pain
We will see each other soon

It may not be tomorrow
Or even in this life
But lean on Christ through sorrow
and He will take from you your strife

I will think of you every moment
Of every day I live
Because my love for you is potent
Remember the words I give

I will pray for you all the time
That your faith remains strong
So we can be together after the climb
Up to heaven, to join the angels song

They took you away
But they can not take our love
I will see you again one day
Even if its in heaven above

Seething rage kindled by hateful words
Your hands bruised my baby girl
You tell me it's my fault for not protecting her
My mind weaves hatred in a blur
You despicable low life drunken ****
I should help you remove your smirk
By making you swallow your teeth with your words
For every betrayal ..for every lie..for every tear you made me and my babies cry..

You deserve to die. No worse yet...you deserve to live in all your hate.
To torture yourself in a prison you create
To squander what you have to become grief stricken
Because you know you'll never be forgiven

It's your loss with the bridge you've burned.
Because every pain you have, you've earned
I hope you rot in the hell of your mind
That God hardens your heart and keeps you unkind
That you never get better, and end up alone
High up on your lofty throne
A throne built on S... and lies
Congratulations you're the lord of flies
You deserve worse than what i could do
You deserve to be alone with you
Drowning in your own self pity and doubt
Thinking you're better, as if you have clout
You're nothing to brag about!
You're violent, ugly, cruel and sick
I hope you choke on your own.......
Our family puts the fun in dysfunctional
And I'm through with the game
I pray one day that ill just forget your name.

We swim through the seas
With a southerly breeze,
That is this life, just searching.

Blindly reaching, fumbling
Loosing our way and stumbling,
Until we find the one who can save us

You stretched out your hand
And brought me to back to land
You put my feet on solid ground

Your touch opened my eyes
Even just out of surprise
That someone like you, loved me.

I burden myself with the memories
that flood my mind once again
It steals my peace and strangles my joy
The darkness becomes my friend

I hide in it like a child at play
Where no one else could seek
I let myself be consumed by it
I resign to being a freak

I was different than everyone else
I knew that right from the start
No one would let me forget
That I began life with a broken heart

I was alone from the time I was young
and nothing has ever changed
there could be an ocean of people around me
- I still would feel alone in my cage

I know where the key is
for the lock on the door
It seems that it's just out of reach
So, I settle in to suffer more

I saw galaxies and fire in his eyes,
as we spun in the dawning sun
I was rapt with the surprise

the strength of the pull was fierce

the fight seemed never ending
The gaze that he was sending
was making me weak

The shadow veil over his face,
could not hide his eyes from me
as the pieces fell into place
I could finally see.

What am I to you?
He is like a phantom to my mind
He infiltrates my thoughts and dreams
And silences my screams
with but a word.

The heat is searing through me
It washes over my skin, tingling...
like the warm sun in a southerly breeze
and yet, I freeze
I can not speak..
What did he do to me?

Translation is key
in prophesy
and also, it must be spoken

Young men and women
hiding gifts, God given,
because they think it makes them broken

United we stand
through times' sand
carrying but a token

One of affection
or one of affliction
or a secret we had awoken.

Walking along.
Picking up the pieces
of a shattered glass.
Cleaning up someone elses mess
Fixing something, that was not yours to fix.
Is it your burden to carry,
To cut yourself on the glass
To bleed for a problem that you did not create?
Will this generate resentment, hate?

I am not a problem,
I am not a burden,
I am no longer shattered,
Though I do have some rough edges.
I would never try to cut you,
Just be careful, Because I have been broken.
and it is easier to shatter, again, after once you have.
And my edges are sharp, when shattered
But, I guess, that never mattered,
You walked right through
a broken life
and did what you do
and took my strife
and replaced it with Truth.