worst tragedies come before the sweetest ode
realms of fiction-steered reality abode
of what could life rob from death?
woe to the wicked seeking light!
a sea of unsaid apologies it has been
close your eyes to the beauty of sin
of history, of myth raising banners of defeat

Don't call me a hopeless romantic
I apologize I cannot help myself
But to smile whenever you look at me
Whenever the folds of your cheek
Wrinkle through your brown eyes
As the strands of your straight black hair
Jets down and sways with the wind

When was the last time
That I appreciated beauty more than I do?
When your laugh lifts up my bones
The thought that you exist
Makes me want to dream again

Call me hopeless romantic
But I am not
I don't believe a fantasy story
For people like me

Every time we say hello
I ought it to be the last time
I never want to bid goodbye
When everything falls deep
All I could do was to cry

Don't let me die in your arms
Please don't lure me with your charms
I want to escape and let go
When the morning shines
And everything's not yet too late

I clicked the bait for how many times
I had crossed so many lines
But for the love of God I looked away
I stand to see the sun kiss the sea
I watched it leave at night
While the waters are admired
by the moon above

I'm in ecstacy
Your scent is a smoke in my lungs
It burns throughout
But it feels so good
That I want more
Having my eyes on you is a vice
Where pain is what I'll have to trade
All I have are hours to wait
For this ******* feelings to fade
You bother me in your own simple way
Like when you exist
Or move, or touch or stand or drink or blink

Every you is a perfection I seek
The illusion of infatuation
The false imagery and temporary blindness
For the last time, I want to embrace you
I hope that what I feel is contagious
So you'll feel how it is when I'm thinking of you
When your soft and cold voice
Rushes through my neck on a summer night
Or when you became a song through my mind

I feel sick
Nearing the end of the brick
Like a brittle stick I break down
Insane I don't know what to do for the sixth time
I could sleep tonight in peace
But I chose to write this poem for you
For on eternity I'll surely miss you

it's been the height and never the length
that sets what seems apart
i have not rejoiced for a long time
and amidst the laughter were tears
i have not written what the stars would have wanted
for touching the gods' plans
by you, a mere mortal
amounts to a undescribable agony
of death and longing for death
of pain and and longing for death

Hindi na ako iibig sa isang bagay na mamamatay rin lang
Hindi ko na ibibigay ang oras sa mga 'yong mapanlinlang!
Tigilin mo na ang paglublob saakin sa mga panaginip ng magpakailanman
Hindi totoo ang pag-ibig sa mamamatay rin lang
At iiwan ang imortal kong pag-ibig na tiwangwang sa gilid ng daan
Wala nang malay na siya ay tinalikuran ng isang bagay namamamatay rin lang
At di kayang punan ang puso kong kulang kulang

Nais kong umibig sa kalayaan
Isang bagay na di ko mahahagkan ni mahahawakan
Gusto kitang ibigin, o kalayaang mailap
Sa buhay kong kay tagal di hinagap

Isisigaw ang ngalan mo sa mga nais umapi sa 'yo
At agawin ka man ng kahit kanino
Hayaan mo't nandito akong mamamatay para sayo
Dahil ikaw ng pinili kong ibigin
Sa sibat o bala handa kang sagipin
Ialay ang boses na para sayo lamang
At walang ibang magkakamkam

Ikaw lamang ang hindi mamamatay
Na maski pagkaraan ng daan taong namatay
Ay muli ring mabubuhay
Kung mawala ka man saakin o aking giliw
Di kailanman nila'y maitatago di ako bibitiw
Ang pagkulong sayo sa mga kadena o sa likod ng rehas
Ay kahangalan ng isang batang mapangahas
O matatawag ko siya, mahal, na isang ungas

Dahil nagsusumigaw ka kailan pa man
Hindi ka nila maaagaw o kalayaan

Sapat na ang nagdugong puso ko noon kay hustisyang binalatan ng buhay sa aking harapan
Ubos ang laman, ginahasa't binayaran
Ang nais ko lang naman ay 'wag siyang mamimili ng pagnanasaan
Lumapit ako sa kanya ngunit anong maiaalay ng aking karukhaan?
Di pa sapat ang aking kamalasan
Binaligtad aking katotohanan
Maging ang pagkapantay pantay
Na siya rin mismo ang pumatay

mabuti pa rin ang bawat umaga sapagkat naroro'n ka
sumusulyap kung manunuya ang kadiliman ng langit ngunit salamat sa liwanag

batid **** sa pag-ibig ko sa bayan ay palaging kasunod ka
ang mapagpalaya **** tinig sa gitna ng mga sigaw
taas kamaong kumakapit sa apoy ng rebolusyon

naririto pa rin ako lumiko man ang daan
mananatili sa pagkaway ng bukang liwayway
at kung sa panahong hindi ko na makapa ang taling nag-uugpong sa ating dalawa
lumingon ka lamang pabalik sa sining at pluma
tambisan mo ng liyab ang mga salitang magmamarka
saliwan mo ng musika ang dalit ng maralita
lilingon muli ako aking sinta,
at doon ay makikilala kita.

Aria
I stutter, I-uhm,
My thoughts are entangled
It was a melody that allured me
Those expressive ****** smile

H-how did I gain the courage that day?
Sometimes God gives us things we didn't pray for
I don't think I could hide any of these poems to you
How could my feelings be like music
Specifically, a rhapsody
Always changing, uncertain

Papalapit na ang tren
Katulad ng pagdating mo
Mabilis, marahas at walang pasabi
Umuusok, tahimik at maingay

Kasabay ng pagdating nito
Ay pagdating ng bagong bagon
Katulad mo rin
Katulad mo

Kasabay ng pag-alis nito
Ay ang paglaho ng pag-ibig ko sa'yo
Kasama lahat, punong-puno
Walang ititira
Palalayain ka na

Maari ko bang masabing, iniiwasan ko ang pag-ibig?
Para bang sinasabi kong pinipigilan ko na ang huminga?
Lumanghap ng buhay at magtaboy ng karamay?
Sinasabi ko ring araw-araw na ang aking lamay

Hindi ako sumusulat ng tula ng poot
Pawang pag-ibig lamang na sa dugo'y nanunuot
Pagkahalina sa pag-iisa at paglalakbay
Pag-ibig na lamang ang sa tao'y bumubuhay

Iniibig ko ay hindi ang tinubuang lupa
Kundi sa mundong unos na ang sinagupa
Hinati ng porma ng pag-ibig sa sarili at kapwa
Nang bakuran, tinatawag nating ngayong mga bansa

Kung ang ideya ng mga tao'y di magkakapareho
Paanong lahat tayo'y magkakasundo?
Pag-ibig na dalisay sa pagtanggap
Hindi huwad, malinis at di nagpapanggap

I dreamed of you tonight
You were there
Along with the maidens
I've dreamed before you

I cannot understand why
But you are the main star
I know I know
I just stared at you from afar
We never talked
You never knew me
But why am I so proud of you?

Why do I love your soul so much?
Why do I long for you?
We've only met once
I've only seen you thrice in my life
You've only seen me once
But is it enough
To call this love?

It's been years
I've search for you for years
But I cannot find answers
So I settled to love
Those who are near
Yet so far

But right now?
You are so far
Yet I feel you so near
Beside my heart

And sooner,
Inside my heart

What's within the eye that keeps us drawn?
That it kills us when we see that person frown
It was surreal, like an abstract idea
That each one of us could see what is inside those eyes

That one day, blue are not the skies
And you can't even take those sighs
Food won't be as tasty as your favorite pie
When it'll take some guts to see that person cry

In our belief they were the mirrors,
But for me, they were tunnels: unknown
Yet to be discovered
It's not about whom you see your future with,
Nor with whom you see the shadows of your past
But with the joy of your present

Beautiful sight, it was
However, the universe is so vast
Conspiring since you were not yet born
Exploding as the sirens and horns

Little did I know, in those sets of eyes, I am but a clown
In a chess game I was a pawn
Forever stucked in that zone
Called, friendzone

two ingredients into falling inlove;
cologne and caffeine

i want you to remind me
how the moon and the stars above
glance and hides how shy they were
whenever your voice soothes the trees and living creatures, reverberating the paradox of joy and sadness in your giggle

i want you to remind me
how the ends will never be the means of loving and that saturating my soul with your presence is more than i could ever receive, a reality unmet with circumstances of chains upon ourselves

i want you to remind me
how long it would take to consume the universe on your palm or the life in one single breath, or the night with a hymn that lights up my way home

i want you to remind me
of remembering goodbyes and hellos
the mellow sound of now and the agonizing tomorrow swifting its way to uncanny sound of laughter and sniffed tears

i want you to remind me
that there are more to life than we ever thought of: death, absence, nothingness

i want you to remind me
that i could always see the mirror of myself in your brushed short hair, chapped lips and past you never left behind, just the like the songs i've made to remind how unusual semblance of people unites hearts and eventually tear them apart

i want you to remind me
of the days where i loved deeply and without hesitation or fear of falling behind or the anxiety of losing what i never had in the first place

i want you to remind me of the days like this
where the smile in my face meant the world, home, and happiness from your single hello or the way you tilt your head and stare and smile and laugh or when your cheeks blush and swims together with the universe in your eyes and the waters deeply engraved in your fingers how the waves strum the music in your spirit and soul

how i want you to remember,

the way i will remind you:

i will remind you of how i love seeing you mess around and make everyone happy, your vain and cuddly smile behind the tint of the sun, along the banquets of academics and artists

i will remind you of how assured i was that you were whom i prayed for to a nonexistent deity of the wind and beauty; how i wished to feel its rush as i roam around, and steep-down the wheels, continuously weighing down unafraid of a valley of morality and questions

i will remind you of the philosophy of the meaninglessness of existence and how life was never the meaning but pain of waiting for death; you made it bearable and the ample grace of your heart is what i'll keep to my future journeys of seeking what i would trade for life itself enduring the morning commutes and cruelty of mischievous eyes

i will remind you of the day i saw you, and how tall you stand as me or how shy i was whenever i was in front of the crowd, but most of the time you give me the strenght to brush off what everyone would say

i will remind you of the day, and the days to come
i will not ask for more or less, it will be enough, and i hope with that, i will be enough, and i, hope you would always remind me #

Left, right, left, right
Change step march
Heartbeats pounding
with the rhythm
Count cadence count!
1,2,3,4  1,2,3,4
1234! Bam!

Sway backwards,
left, right
Hold her waist
Touch his hand
Pleasing the hormone's rage

Trembling knees
Uneasy eyes
Jealous heart
And lustful smiles

Those are dancing
and here is marching
Look right to the base
and see his handsome face! Hey!

Blessed are those who are loved by someone they love
Blessed are those who still love though same feelings they do not have
Blessed are those friends to keep by their side
They stare from afar and think how lucky they have had
Blessed are those inlove with someone from above
They admire the stars and not because of cars
Blessed are those who love though not alive
They travelled far though not a single soul found
But still hoped to find love
Blessed are those who loved with all their hearts
or had loved once or twice,
instead of someone who hasn't love at all.

nagkaro'n ng kahulugan ang pananatili
para sa mga pinagkaitan ng liwanag
hindi ba maaaring kanlungin mo ang lahat?
o manganak nang manganak mula sa sugat?
gano'n ba kadaling hukayin ang pangarap
at kuning muli at alisan ng tatak?
paano lilingon nang walang luhang papatak?

hindi lamang pagtalikod ang pamamaalam
o pagpahid ng mansanilya sa pusong nilamutak at sinasagasaan
pasasaan ay lilisan, ngunit bakit hinayaan **** mangyari nang mabilisan?
walang daan, walang paraan, kung paano ngingiti ang isang kaibigan.

I'm mourning for my lost poem
Which took ages to hone
After which I was alone
Feeling the heat of my burning bones
I can't remember every word
But those were the treasures I hoard
In my heart, in my mind always aboard
I fail save to it for the last time
Disconnected from the world
My forgetfulness became its death

Di makahinga
Malakas na ang alon
Di makalangoy

Maaari na ba 'kong magsulat muli?
Wala nang pagkakaiba ang pula at puti
Sa dilim na bumabalot unti-unti
Lalamunin ng dagat ang buhanginan
at tatapyasin ng hangin magulo kong isipan
Maghihimutok ang buwan sa araw na nagdaan
na hindi ka sinuyo o kinausap man lang
Aaraw na sa mga susunod pang oras
Tutuyuin ang pag-agos ng ilog na marahas
Walang direksyon ang kamay kong nanginginig
Nagniniig, sumisikip, kumakapit sa malamig na ukit
ng paghaplos ng mga mata sa larawan mo
Nagtatalo, nagpupumiglas, ang hawlang banat at butas
Lilimutin ko ang kapayapaan ng iyong mga labi
na walang sinambit na salitang ihahabi
Ang oras na hinintay upang masabi
na darating din ang huli at takipsilim
Babalutin ka't kakanlungin sa aking lambing
Hindi ka na mag-iisa't lalasapin ang ligaya
Katulad **** nalulumbay mag-isa ako dito sa'king hukay
Hawakan mo naman ako sa aking pagkakahimlay
Sa bituin **** kumikislap ako'y natatangay
Nawawalan ng malay kumakaway sa ngiti
Nawawala ang pighati't lumalaya ang mga berso
Kumakawag sa lalim ng karagatang inilimlim
Ako sa hangin na para bang inakay na naghihintay
Naghihintay pa rin at nalulumbay kung wala ka
Para bang hindi nauubusan ng salita
Lumalamang ang hiya na kahit kailan Mayroon bang sapat upang mahalin ka't hangaan ang iyong bawat galaw
Bawat perpeksyong hindi alintana ang mali
Sa inpatuwasyon ng pagkabulag ko
Hindi nakita ang pagbagsak
ng luha ng tuhod ng balikat sa kaba
Sa isang iglap naglaho ka na akala ko ba
Ako ang nang-iwan sa ginaw kong aba

You're near, but you seem so far away
Farther than far far away
Guess my feelings won't go away
Just let it what may come what may

I guess I cannot finish this poem
Since I'm the one fighting lone
This I wanna tore
I was like the forty fifth
of the Fallen 44

They say I was wasted
Because everyone I hated
Like a football I kicked away
I'll run after though far away

A match without a goal
I am no fool
But not brave enough
To let that one stop
When it comes to you
I always flop

Here I am again
Whining like them
****** songs in my ears
Holding up my long held tears
******* music in my mind
Rapping like your annoying words

Here I am again
Blurring my sight
Boiling my blood expanding my veins
Why the **** does this EDM music have loud vocals
Makes them sound like the accent of locals

Here I am again
Trying to exist
Enduring a ****** phase
I wonder why I did

Here I am again
I was in love when I came here
I stayed devastated
I ended up coming back worst

Ihain kaso
Sa mga akusado
Buksan ang lente
At maging responsable
Hiling sa presidente

Bangkay na patong-patong
Placard na nagsasabing
Sila ay lulong
Karapatang pantao
Ba't di isulong?

Dapat ibulong
Sila ay mali
Ng gawaing napili
Mabuti pang isuplong
Di ba dapat ikulong?

Dugong dumanak
Kailan katanggap-tanggap?
Dulot ng panganganak
Sumpa o tulong?
Bara ba sa pagsulong?

Lumobong bilang
Mga napagbintangan
Pagbilog ng b'wan
Supling na nanakawan
Walang kinabukasan

Harapin hamon
Layon ng edukasyon
Magsilbing timon

hate and agony

you see, as i was stirring my iced coffee and felt it near my chest, i never thought the outside cold could keep me warm

the same way the fire ablazed could quench the numb, making me feel a different brew, late morning of 120th independence day.

hate. i took my first sip--
the long journey of the cold water down my throat to my grumbling stomach
i thought of yours,

for all the days i've met anew
dark and blank thoughts you've thrown aflew

for all the cold nights and misty mornings

for all the rush i felt was true,
your breeze will the hardest to take my mind off to

---

agony. i was halfway through---
the hazy surrounding clouds my mind
my body was calling for a trickle of water
while my rhyme has gone awry

i've been feeling your leaving
how it'll awaken my demons and long for--
the apologies and paradoxes,
your scent and your smile,
the voice that screams through my mind.

i never knew how
and now i feel like i am getting ready for something i should have been on feet for
i never knew how to start
when all this long i've been seeing the omega
i never knew how to end this and pack my bags
that in the morning i kiss you goodbye
i'd be awaken from a dream, an epic of mystery and sadness

and i will feel a hole in my heart for something missing i left from that dream--
my guide as i wandered through the tangled vines and flooded streams
my feet when i couldn't stand and my mouth when i couldn't speak
the armor who covered the darkness with light--

---

as i open my eyes,
let me find you.
and allow me as my eyes bleeds to the ground
searching for your tracks

that is why i am telling you
don't sleep tight
i won't let go of that light

Hey, i'm a writer
Can you please break my heart?
Have it crushed into million pieces
So it could turn into fuel
And drive again my dead soul

Please love me,
I am but a writer
Who needs her heart be broken
So she could write again

Be with me
So you could drive me crazy
And leave me all over again

this morning smells like poetry
the gushing artificial wind
and the man-made tears
crumpling the image of serenity
minimizing thoughts and allusion
scavenging memories and past
of diluted emotions and fears

While writing an academe paper
I thought, why not do this later?
For my mind worries about the noises
The galloping of the horses inside my chest!

I wait for them to sleep
Before I could write
I wait for them to subside,
The horsemen, to finish the fight

They were the maybes that hunts me down
The consenquences of running away,
Were the pain caused by my heart's decay
That enslaved me like I was its own

What a fool I was to see this wrong
When  a vicious bear interrupts a campfire song
I hide inside the circle I drew myself
Finding comfort in isolation

While the bear, all along was inside me
The fear I sealed back when I was child
That wherever I hide they'll never find me
It was my loss that I didn't come out
When they finished the game and it was was over

Now that I became a little older
You became the drunkenness
I still wasn't over
Whom I cannot talk about sober

Someone's peeking behind my back
I was always afraid for them to see my thoughts
Someone's intruding the along the block
I feel uneasy so I constantly turn my back

See? I am making these excuses
Wasting my brain juices
With useless poems you may not read
For what a mouth could it feed?

Do you know how busy i am?
You'll never know
Do you know i fancy you so much?
You'll never know

I have no time for metaphors
For I am running behind a deadline
It runs over me
I'd like to pour my heart
But I am too empty
To fill you

I have no time to think of you
Regret the things i do beforehand whenever i fall
I have no time to mourn for you
Expecting a miraculous anonymous call

Maybe i was just bewildered with the idea That someone as you exist
Somehow I'll meet you before the world resists to cease
For I was made to believe that it is not vast
And I wish you'll be the last

Maybe i was just amused by your alluring charm, your funny words, your moves
That make my heart skip with the beat of the bass
Maybe I was just curious how your cherry lips taste
How it'll compliment the bitterness of my mouth

Maybe i was just being giddy, irrational human
Who seeks love and affection
Maybe you just excite me so much
Maybe we just share the same thoughts, we like the same activities and people and ideologies

maybe that's it
maybe... no, i hope
i hope i am not fallen into trance again
i hope, not

kailan ba nabuhay ang mga manunulat?

sa lahat pagkakataon, kumukuha lang sila ng materyal, ng inspirasyon, ng hangin sa baga ng apoy.

kung iniisip **** ibinigay na nila ang lahat sa'yo, pakaisipin mo ring marami silang nakuha mula sa'yo: ang alon ng buhok mo, ang tsokolate **** mata, pantay na mga ngipin, nakakaakit **** ngiti

ngunit higit sa lahat nang 'yon, ikaw pa rin ang talo, bakit?
dahil minahal ka nila upang iguhit nang tulad nang sa mga pintor: delikado, misteryoso at orihinal.

kahit pa ilang tauhan na ang nagdaan, makikita mo ang pagkakaiba ng oras, panahon at lugar; pagkapusyaw at pagkalamlam, katingkaran o putla ng kulay mo sa tuwing magkahawak kayo ng kamay.

ikaw ang talo, dahil kahit sinong gagawa ng sariling istorya, ikaw; na tinutukoy niya ay ang laging kontrabida. 'hanggat hindi natututong magsulat ang leon, palaging papupurihan ng mga istorya ang mandirigma.'
ikaw ang nang-iwan, unang nilapitan, unang bumitaw sa magpakailanman,
ang hindi lumingon

sa bawat pagtawag sa pangalan **** kirot na ngayon ang katumbas
para bang kalamansing piniga sa sugat na kailanma'y di naghilom at naglaho.
pero sa panahong bumakat na sa papiro ang mga letra, hindi na lamang siya ang luluha sa pagkawala mo, ni maiihi sa kwentong una kayong nagkatagpo

kailan ba nagkaroon ng pagkakataong inisip lamang ng manunulat ang ngayon at hindi ang bukas na isusulat niya ang mga nangyari nang araw na 'yon?

ang unang beses mo siyang halikan sa pisngi, ang panay na pagdantay mo sa kanyang balikat at pagkahawak sa kanyang braso?

kailan ba niya malilimutan at ilang beses pa niyang pauulit-ulitin ang gunita ng pagpatak ng mga luha mo sa harapan niya nang walang dahilan kundi dahil masaya kang kasama siya?

kailan ba nabuhay ang isang eskribo?

sa simula pa lamang ng panahon, kasiping niya gabi-gabi ay ang tinta ng pluma at papel sa harap ng init ng gasera at nagbabagang puso.

mamahalin ka niya gamit ang buhay na mga salita
papatayin ka niya hangga't di ka na makaahon sa lalim ng bangin kung saan inimbak ang pagtingin niya sa'yo
nabuhay siya nang dumating ka
nang mga panahong ang mga oras ng kabataan ay itinatapon na, ikaw ang naging gasolina
upang magliyab siya
oo ikaw na irog niya

nabuhay siya upang buhayin ka magpakailanman

Bakit ba gusto ng mga tao ng simpleng mga salita?
Kahit ba gasgas na, sugatan na o nakakaumay na?
Wala ba silang pandinig?
Hindi ba nila alam na nakakapurga na?
Bakit ba kapag durog ka,
Lahat ng salita, tila lahat sa'yo patama?

Gusto ng tao ng payak na salita
Dahil ba ayaw niyang mag-isip?
Iyon lang ba ang mga salitang may puso?
Pag-ibig, nasasaktan, mahal, ulan, luha
Na paulit-ulit ko nang naririnig
Nasasaktan ka, oo pero ano pa ba
Pwede mo bang sabihin sa ibang paraan?
Kailangan ba lahat tayo ay pare-pareho?

Kung gusto ng lahat ng simple,
Lahat na tayo magkakatulad
Sabi nga ng anak ni Oble
Generika gaya ni Lang Leav

i'm afraid to touch you

hell, what am i gonna do?
if i unconsciously held you in my arms
and told you i loved you
for the longest time i held back
from touching you
god, what am i gonna do
if my fingertips suddenly traced your cheeks
and had my soul drawn
by your million galaxy eyes
heaven knows, what i could do
if i touched your hips and the back of your neck
and carressed your hair
tucked it behind your ears
demons living inside me
might devour your lips and enter your mouth
rummage your tongue and live inside you

i'm afraid to touch you

you weren't
you've always had your hand beside me
but i couldn't take the risk
what if it's just me?

i'm afraid to touch you

you're not worth-taking the risk
i've held my heart behind the bars of my ribs
for how much long i could possibly lead
a short time of euphoria is never a risk
i would be willing to take for a second of bliss
guess suffering wouldn't be called so
if having you all the time is all i could afford
that i'll be more than willing to hoard

i'm afraid to touch you

you have no idea
how i've been on my wit's end
you have no idea
how you were a huge tease
the sun rises
the sun sets
but the only thing constant
would be my feeling's change
it grows more each day
and wants you more like a prayer

you have no idea
why i would not embrace you
when all i wanted to do was to do so
every morning and evening of my life
you have no idea,
why i won't hold your hand back
when all i wanted to do was to show them
it was mine
or it could have been mine
you were wondering why i froze with your gaze
you have no idea
how my heart pumps deuce
how my veins expand

and you call me red
when all i feel was blue
the coldness of my feet
the winter in my hand
the constrictor in my lungs
you were wondering why i won't look at you
you have no idea
because i look when no one else does
because i look at you not the way others can see you

i wish i wasn't afraid to touch you
i wish i was selfish
when it comes to you

Sa titulo tila may kulang
Pangala'y di maisulat lamang
Sa aking paningi'y higit pa
Kay Maria Clarang inyong aba

Dalisay sa pagtugtog ng alpa
Sa kanya'y wala nang hihigit pa
Isang tunay na binibining gwapa

Istrikto't malambing
Ganda'y nakapupuwing
Singlambot ng mamon ang puso
At laging nakasunod sa uso

Si Maria Clara man ang hiling nila
Sa aki'y sa kanya, wala nang hihigit pa
Maging si Inday, Andeng at Sinang
Sa mundo'y nais siyang ipakilala
Ngunit tulad nga ng nauna,
Ang pag-ibig na ito ay walng pag-asa

Maraming klase ng manunulot
Isa ka ba saamin?
May manunulot na makata
Halos makikita mo sa kanyang mga 'akda'
Sing-rurok ng bundok na di na maabot
Maging siyang isang manunulot
May manunulot na umiibig
Na minsan masarap buhusan ng tubig
Umamin nang manunulot siya sa mga umuusig
May mga manunulot na paawa at patawa
Eto ang self-defense mechanism nila
Kaya 'wag kang magpapadala
Ika nga, manunulot lang sila
Magagaling kumuha ng mga akda
Marami pang klase ng manunulot
Pero 'yan muna, sunod sa makalawa
Hihintay ko pang ipost niya yung pangalawa

Hindi matigas lahat ng bato
Hindi lalago ang halamang nakatago
Pero kung bubunutin din naman
Anong silbi ng pagkakakilanlan?

Itaas ang kamay kung ginawa mo ito:
Ituro sa kapatid na bakla ang tito mo,
Kung gayon, ito ay duwag at gago,
Tingnan bilang presong kulong sa kandado

At kung sapatos ni kuya, suot ng ate mo,
Walang alam ni isa, pero sa ina sinabi mo
Nasaksihan ang paglisan ng nagturong pumorma
Narinig ang galit ng ama, sigaw ay "imoral ka!"

Putang ina, lahat iyon ay narinig mo
Hindi na kaya ng sentido mo
Mali ito, mali ito ang pilit ng lipunan sayo
Iwaksi mo, iwaksi mo, at tatanggapin ka nito

Sa oras na lumabas ka, wala ka nang pangalan
At araw-araw sa buhay mo, tila umuulan
Ng husga, ng ismid, ng dura sa sahig
Tawag sainyo ng kasintahan ay bawal na pag-ibig


Tomboy, bakla, bayot, tibo
Araw na binigyan ka ng ngalan tila naglaho
Binato ng panghahamak na gusto mo nang lumisan
Kaysa tanggapin ang galit na pinagmulan ay di alam

'Mahalin mo ang 'yong kapwa'
Banggit at turo ng May Likha
Pero bakit may galit ata
Nagpahayag nito't nagsalita?

Hindi ba itinuturing na kapwa sila?
Na kasama **** lumaki, magdalaga?
Kalaro ng chinese garter baga,
Kahit alam **** lalaki naman talaga siya

Ang saya na dulot niya di mo naalala
Nang minsan sa kanto'y sutsutan siya
Sapatos lang daw at k'onting barya
Tiningnan ka niya, ikaw ay tumawa

Saan ba ang lugar sa mundo para sa kanya?
Mahirap bang sabihin, katagang, 'tanggap kita?'
Tingin mo ba'y karamdaman kanyang nadarama?
Oh bakit nakangiti ka? Nahawa ka ba?

Kaya ba't ka umiiwas nang nalaman mo na?
Bilang kaibigan, oo nabigla ka nga
Pero 'wag mo naman sanang isiping
Naisip niya minsang ika'y makasiping

Alisin na natin ang malawakang pag-iisip
Na pandirihan ang kakaiba, pero subukan **** sumilip,
Lalawak ang saradong takip
Sana isang araw ang hangin, magbago ang ihip

Maging magkasama, pantay-pantay sa ibabaw ng isang ulap
Nawa'y mga anak nati'y maranasan, ekwalidad sa hinaharap
Matapos na ang inis at galit
Pagmamahal ang pumalit

Madilim na sulok kung san nagdurugo ang mga palad
Na alala ko pa no'y si Inang ingat na ingat
Mga lamok na dumadapo di ligtas sa kanyang paglilitis
Na di ko na maalala itsura kung anong ipis

Ngunit sa loob ng maliit na kwadro
Sapat ang isang upua't mesa at isang kabayo
Sabit pati ang yabang kong diploma sa taas ng orocan
Lukot na resumé sa aking harapan nagmuka nang basahan
Mas tanggap pa sa trabahong pamunas ng puwitan
Ngunit mas higit pa ba ang munting papel kung nasaan aking larawan?
Bakas ng ilang buwang puyat at thesis na pinaghirapan
Bakit ako tatanggap ng trabahong mababa pa sa aking kakayahan
O maging alila sa mga sinliit rin nila ang pinag-aralan?

Kahapon itlog at pancit canton,
Dala ni nanay noon pang huling dalaw sa aking kahon
Isang buwan nang matapos na ako
Inakalang ito na ang hudyat ng aking pag ahon
Totoong mundong ganito pala ang paghamak at paghamon
Di maatim ng sikmura sila'y yumayabong

Taga UP ako, isang iskolar ng bayang nais maglingkod sa bayan
Taas ng pinag-aralan ko, kung sa ibang bansa, sahod lang ng bayaran?
Inyo na ang thirteenth month pay ninyong tinamuran!

I swear to myself I won't miss you
Nor stare at you like how I used to
I swear I won't talk to you again with enthusiasm
Nor tell you tales about dragons and stuff
I swear I'll never love you more even If I had the chance
Nor wrap you in my embrace when the morning's too cold
I swear all of these
But I can't promise to not write about you every single time

How you cried over her
How you laughed about a dog chasing its tail
How you smile like a puppy
How those passion in your eyes burns like hell
How your pain kills you
How everything about you makes me go crazy over and over again
How I cannot contemplate why I fell for someone as simple as you..
Like how the hell did you get in?
Guess you sneaked in
when I left my heart opened when 'twas wounded

I can't feel anything right now.
Look what you've done
Whatever, I feel okay with the setup
Anyone, whoever makes you happy as me when I see you
It's all what matters to me
It was always you who matter to me

I never know how long
I never know when this will suddenly stop I never know how to
But you know what?
When I do, I'll be the happiest
I hope my heart would be given back to me
So it can rest from the war.

I'm so frustrated, I want..

I want to see you face to face
I want hold your hand
I want to embrace you
I want to be with you when you cry
I want to cheer you up when you're giving up
I want to know you
I want to kiss your lips
I want to love you
I, I want to have you
I want to meet you
I want to tell you how I knew you
I want you to know I'm in pain because of you
I want you to see how happy I am that you exist
I want to.. but I cant

i would have held your hands tighter along the alley way
but i didn't
and you know why

i would have slow danced you in the midst of that railway
but i didn't
and you know why

i would have looked straight into your soul that afternoon
but i just glanced
and you kept staring

i would have given my heart wholly
but you already have another's half
and we both know

how do you love someone like, properly?
this question lingers on my mind
because when was the last time i did?

when was the last time my ego wasn't fed
with words that truly hurt i carelessly said?
when was the last time i lie down on bed
thinking if not for grace i would have been dead

that grace was love, the blood of those who bled

i forgot how to love someone
because when was the last time i did?
how do you let feelings progress
how do you let your guard down
and let both of you drown

i forgot how you should take care of someone you love
let the flowers bloom in winter
and in summer don't let them wither

i want to remember as much as you do
to take courage and stop feeling blue
everyone has no clue
that this ****** poem is for you
i'm not even sure if this is true
because i can't remember the right kind of hue
to call this love or just fondness of you
just please don't say i love you too
i want to remember first what it is like to love you
without remembering a sad story of me and her
the time passed and i have endured
but loving others beside her is too much to bear
i know but i never did but please remember i care
i just want to find the lost love i can't find anywhere
the one i thought would last the wear and tear

i want to remember how to love properly
the one where you don't feel insecure with someone's love
that you feel that the love is more than enough
to doubt any move or a subtle laugh
and when you got anxious having heard her cough
searching everywhere to find the right drug
to be an antidote to this pain called love

when you feel like you were the extension of her
when you don't wanna stay away and just stare
without having fear of running away
without having fear of a fading love
without having to forget how to love

Bakit kailangang makilala ka pa?
Masikip ang mundo para sa dalawa
Sa ilog ng tahimik na buhay
Ba't ka ba sumablay?

Sa huling araw ba't ka ba tumabi?
Sayang bakas sa maputlang mga labi
Indak ng 'yong kulay, sumasabay sa araw
Sa itim ng 'yong mata'y nakita, isang bulalakaw

Ngunit bakit nakilala ka pa?
Kung sa huli'y lilisan rin pala?
Kaninang umaga bumati ka pa
Sa panaginip ko, huli na nating pagkikita

Nagtatanong ako kung bakit di ko mailarawan
Lahat ng naglalaro sa'king isipan
Na kailangan pa umaano bigyan ng isang kwadro
Sa inyong mga tamad na isipan
At trabaho ko pang sa inyo'y isubo ang matigas na katotohanan
Na para saaki'y isang malaking katangahan
At ginagamit lamang ng maraming nais magpasikat upang tumaba ang kapalaluan sa kani-kanilang tiyan
At kumain ng papuri na siyang lalamunin pang kape lang at pambili ng tinta ng bolpen o ng papel man 'yan
At ano pa ang sining kung wala ka nang mapiga sa utak **** kinain ng uod ang laman
Lumuluha ka ng dugo para sila'y mamangha; mga burgis na magpopondo sa iyong katha
Na ano? Kasabay mo lang rin pumasok sa pamantasan bilang dukha
Pero ibang iba na mga mukhang inalisan na ng pasakit ng pag-iisip
Kung ano na ang para kinabukasan o kung meron pa nga namang daratnang liwanag
O kung bukas ay ang kadiliman naman
Saan ka pupulutin lintik kang di naging gahaman na piniling 'wag magpakayaman sa mumunti **** naisin na pagnanasa ng 'yong katawan?
Pinili **** sundin ang tawag ng 'yong laman, ang tawag ng uhaw na kalooban
Ano nga ba ang silbi ng pagpapakain sa kanila ng iyong isipan kung maari namang ito'y bigyan mo ng isang kasangkapan o kaya ito'y laktawan
Ng kahit anong katanungan at pagpagin ang natutulog nilang kulot na taba mula sa pang-aalipin ng katamaran?

Can I take a pleasure to tell you that you feel like a classic Ricky Lee novel? Like a book in the middle of the bookshelf, a contemporary cover with soft edges and pleasant scent. How I'd love to reread certain pages and write the awkward phrases. You feel like a contradiction of genres written in a parched paper. Like an invitation I wasn't allowed to partake, like a victory I wasn't allowed to celebrate.

It was a futile attempt to be brave for what seems to be dangerous. As the revered Chinese General, Sun Tzu says, "There is no instance of a country having benefited from prolonged warfare." And thus here I was in the midst of joy and despair, of serotonin-filled crib around books and morning coffees.

I was a morning person and you were on the other side of horizon, dreamy and hopeful: a free-spirit composed of philosophical inquiries and fear all happening at the same time behind the wee hours of what seems to be our different timezones.

You were the most unpredictable poem I've ever written, smitten by what-nots and could have been and a pretty idea that cannot be grasp or taken a hold of. I was vanquished, not from the laid back smile or performative gestures; but from the moment I felt your soul, and like how an abyss stares back at the illusion of two lost pain-stricken entities ******* their fears of death by lacking.

The deities saw how you admired the position of the stars and blessed your heart with love so much that it turned to curse of overflowing mana. And everything served too much is always intoxicating: it would always feel good at the beginning, and that was where the chills are coming and from there where the warmth was consuming all of a sudden burning like forest fires; blazing like burned down public libraries of chapped and dog-eared pages turned and smearned and spite upon: and the question of how does a memory turn into ashes and hatred.

It was like trying to push a half-empty door which creaks and awaken everyone outside, alarming the house owner of an impending doom; of snatching a precious dime shining through the window, reflecting the harsh heat of the sun. I was the thief who was unmasked and decorated with bright and colorful façade, but I prayed, oh how I prayed for you. Exactly the same you, who wasn't too much and wasn't too less.

A lighthouse in the middle of the dessert, if that made sense, and though you were the guide, I cannot pass through you and while you were the light, I couldn't grasp through your rays to save me. The quicksand was like an ocean on my feet, grabbing my toes and tickling my knees until it comes to an abrupt stop unto my nose where I ******* breathe you in.

All I wished were the fireflies replacing the butterflies inside my chest; coming home to a familiar scent; all I wished was your embrace when I finally open my arms to the idea of love—and not fantasize every beginning and romanticize about the end. I wanted to lay my baggage down slowly and have someone look at me in my lips, clawing my longing with an abrupt kiss. I wish there was you, who would understand every fear I had: "I understand." Who wouldn't argue with how I see the constellations and what hue joy must be or which temperature I freeze to death. "How was your day?" A question never of monotony and despair but rather a whole new different perspective. It will always be as the same day I saw you, it will always be the same as I first talked to you, it will always be beautiful as long as you were near, as long as you were there.

However in the long run, I couldn't really tell of the things I might spoil and ruin. With that, I would always wonder about what it could have been.

That's what it is, if i could aptly describe it: Push and pulls.

Nakalimot ako
Kung paanong magsulat
Ng isang akdang pampanitikan
Hindi ko na muli alam kung papaanong
Sisimulan o tatapusin o hahabiin
Ang kalagitnaan ng walang katapusang salita
Nakalimot ako
Naubusan ako ng tinta dahil
Nagmahal yata ng iba
Wala na akong papel sa buhay mo
O sa ibang taong
Taon-taon na lamang sa simula ng taon
Pinangarap kong makasama upang makita ang mga lumilipad na parol
Nakalimot ako
Sa nagdaang taon
Paano ko nga ba ikinulong ang sarili sa isang kahon
Nanatili roon ng mahabang panahon
Nagdugo ng mga letra para sa kanyang patron
Paano?
Paano ko naalala ang maliliit na bagay na nagdulot ng hapdi
At ibaling iyon sa papel na akala ko ay mayroon ako
Nakalimot akong kalimutan ka at ang iyong alaalang wala naman talaga
Kasi diba?
Hindi naman tayo magkakilala
Nakalimot ako kung sino ka
Isang taong hindi ko na nais kilalanin pa.

Ikaila **** ika'y manunulat
Hayaan **** putulin ang iyong ugat
Huwag iwanan ang iyong lamat
Ibigay mo ang sapat, 'wag lahat-lahat

Itanggi mo ang iyong pagkatangi
Ibulong sa hangin ang iyong mga sipi
Itago sa baul ang iyong lahi
Itatwa ang pinagmulan **** lipi

Hindi ka hambog ni mayabang
Isa kang humihingang nilalang
Panulat ang iyong kalaban
Ito rin ang gasolina sa tangke ****
salat sa laman

'Wag **** sabihing ika'y manunulat
'Wag mo ring itanggi na isa kang alagad
Walang manunulat ang tapat
Lahat ng tao ay may sugat
Tao ka lang
Pero isa kang manunulat
MAMULAT!

Maria, ang Ibarra na 'yong inirog
At pag-ibig na nalimot
Ay muling umahon sa ilalim ng ilog
At ako'y ginising sa aking pagtulog

Ang iyong kwento'y tila nauulit
Ikaw Maria Clara, siyang naging kapalit
At ako si Ibarrang nasasaktan nang labis
Dahil kay Linares na di maalis

Ikaw ang Modernong Maria Clara
Masiyahin, mabuti at mganda
At ako si Crisostomong Ibarra
Walang pinagkaiba
Hanggang sa kasalukuya'y di ka makuha

Ikinasal sa bayan at mga pangarap
Patawad ngayo'y di kita maharap
Ika'y isang malayong pangarap
Na sa mga kurso'y di ko mahagilap

Anupa't ika'y nakangiti ngayon
Ngunit huwag gayahin ginawa ni Clarang noon
Maging masaya ka sa sa piling ni Linares na iyong ****
Habang ako'y magdurusa sa loob ng marami pang taon

Saglit at sa loob'y nagkakasiyahan
Tugon nila'y marahan sa aking nararamdaman
Musikang ngayo'y kakampi
Dusa sa di makuhang pulang mga labi

Kung darating man ang panahong "Ikaw"
Hiling ko'y maging masaya at di mapanglaw
Mukha mo sa puso ko'y di manakit at manghataw

Sa di pagtingin sa king mata
Wari ko'y alam mo na
Ang aking tunay na nadarama
Mahal kita Maria Clara,
Paalam na

Nanaginip akong hawak ang mga kamay mo
Nagising akong hawak ang akin lang pala
Natitigan ko ang mga mata mo
Nangungusap, sana kilala mo rin ako

Nawala na ang kaba kung ika'y nababasa
Pero ikaw ay iniisip parin sinta
Isang araw sana kita'y makita
Nang di na malito, nararamdama'y makumpirma

Uy, gawa tayo ng tula
Kasi putang ina ng Maynila
Sa nayon ay dinadakila
Isang abot-kamay na tala

Kailan ka ba kakawala
Sa anino ng Maynila?
Umambon ay may baha
Selpon ay may kukuha

Walang pawis at luha
Walang ngiti ni tuwa
Kwartang pulos kaltas
Walang pambili ng bigas

Kapit kahit mapurol
Mga bundok ay gagawing burol
Nakakita ka na ba ng ulol?
Sa Maynila marami niyan,
buhol-buhol

Kung saan walang permanente
Maging sa suplay ng kuryente
Ang pamahalaan ang hinete
Tagasulsol naman ang gabinete

Kapatiran may kaputol
Basta't kumapit mala kuhol
May nakahihigit sa batas
Umangal ka at ika'y utas

Wala nang lunas
Wag ka nang lumuwas
Utang na loob kaibigan
Maawa ka sa iyong ksasadlakan