You wrote down
Every time you saw a chickadee
When I saw you
You would tell me about them
Never did I see you as happy as when
You talked about those chickadees
Your deep brown eyes grew wide and bright
I swear I could see the whole world in them
Your gestures big enough to swallow
This universe
And the next
And your head on my stomach
Staring up at the sky
Right where we were supposed to be
But now?
Now your eyes are glassy and cold
Your gestures non-existent
Your head lies on a pillow
Which lies on wood
Which lies in the ground
A part of the earth that I used to see in you
And now
Now I don’t see chickadees
Only mourning doves

I am told I am a rock
That I can support the weight of all others
But if I’m holding them
Then who’s holding me?
You fall, and I am there
But nobody wants to catch a boulder

I always feel like nobody asks
But that’s not true
Everyone asks
I just don’t want to answer
I handle it alone
Because the worst kind of person
Is the one that is a burden to others
And nobody weeps for the girl with a smile

Pity is not something I take kindly to
Pity is my arch nemesis
Pity is a display of kindness that I can’t bear to witness
Pity is company
Pity is a crowd because
Pity takes up enough room for two
Pity reminds me that somebody cares
Pity stops me from letting go
Pity holds me back when all I want to do is
Scream and
Rage and
Hate and
Cry and
Burn and
Stew for eternity

Why do we put
our faith,
our trust,
our hope,
into something that will not last
Into something that we know will not last?
That’s human nature.
Somebody tell my why is it human nature?
Somebody tell my why is it human nature to accept pain?
To grin and bear it?
To learn to love it?
To care for it and nurse it as if it was our kin?
To act like it is a part of us?
Something that we cannot rid ourselves of?

Why is it human nature to beg and plead for what hates us
And then turn our back on the thing that loves us most?

It was tangible and invisible
Only seeing with my hands
And I’m not a kinesthetic person
Trapped inside the cage that was your love
I couldn’t see it until it was too late
And I had to break myself out