The carpet flooring of my room turns to monstrous dunes,
As I meditate with mindfulness all else fades away, and I am left with a sea of rippling sand.

A dog has no mindfulness
It finds it hard to soothe
It cannot suffer in silence
It’s anxiety overwhelms
It lets out cries
And moans
And whines
As it tragically wonders why
Begging to know
Dying to comprehend

We all are dogs who suffer in silence
Who scratch at the doors
Who shrills deep inside
Who hurt themselves with fear
But do everything to keep it in

The dogs cannot comprehend
How terrible they sound
When tightened by anxiety
Crying the involuntary shriek
But we know deep and profound
So we ball up on the ground
And in our own minds, all to ourselves,
We listen to the sounds

Throw me to the dogs

The crows outside my window
Feast on what I have done
And the birds upon the wire
Toss with restless desire
For what I’ve done I’ve locked away
In a cage if prickly bush
And only the smart
Crafty black crows
Can slip to see my mush

Yet last, the crowbrids call
A shrill that warns them all
And ah —alas— in frenzy of fear
The crafty black crow
Seeing no exit clear
Frantics and pushes
All against the spines
And traps itself in
And having no option
All it does is scream
And no one could hear
It’s desperate dying dream of
Freedom

And soon enough, as days passed by
The crows feast again
On mush twice the size
And the birds on the wire
Still violently wish
That they too could pick
If only it wasn’t so sick

A twisty dead tree
Stares back at me
And ask me why

Just before its foliage fell
I lied and said ‘it’s fine’
Yet, I knew it had its time
And days went by
Green fades to grey
Grey fell to gravity;
The world ugliest feathers
Still I said ‘it’s fine’
With hope in my tone
As I saw a little green left

Bark now exposed,
Beautiful but bear,
I remember the times not long ago
Where I chained it with wire
Forced it to bend
And twist
And turn
And formed it into a beautiful thing
So little.
So careful.

Still now, as it wilts,
My hope doesn’t waver.
I flood it like an ocean
Give it soil it would savor
And sit back to watch
Will it grow back again?
Or will I never make amends?

I love a dead thing.
Long ago alive
And I tread it better now
After losing it to love

I love a dead thing.
Once so full of life
Gambled for desire
It’s life was on the wire
And it fell

I love a dead thing.
And seeing it’s turns reminds me of the time
And seeing it’s twists reminds me of him
And the pain he had brought
When he bought me this ***
And perfect little tree
So straight and too little

Look what it’s become

I sit at the edge of my bed and look down
I look up an see my face in the mirror
I see the face of a sad man, a crying man
I manage through the days as they come
I pleasure myself with short term things
I block out my true feelings
I hold back my tears
I pray that I can be helped, saved, loved
I tell this to people I’ve talked to for so long but still don’t know
I sit here sad and lonely, wishing, wanting to feel real love
I pour out my emotions on a keyboard and screen
I hope that they will be seen
But what will they do when they see it
Will they feel my pain
Or feel sympathy
I don’t know what I’m doing
Or where I’m going
All I know is that I’m here and you’re there and no one can help me anywhere.