A quiet girl looks at herself in her bathroom mirror
She touches her lips wondering where her courage went as she stains them ruby red  
Quiet girl stands on the bus
Not at the back
Never at the back
She watches people stare out the foggy windows
making up stories about them
A doctor
A lawyer
A broken heart
She doesn’t want to be seen only see
Quiet girl stands in amazement at how so many quiet conversations make such a loud voice in her head
Stories of lost loves and newfound adventure make for much better entertainment than a phone screen
She sees a woman weeping not crying
Never crying
Quiet tears fall from her eyes like peaceful waterfalls
Her eyes speak to the girl
She understands
She names the weeping woman
Lucy
Lucy listens to sad music and likes to eat cherry pie
She is a woman of wonderings
A dreamer
She sits at the back of the bus
legs crossed
The girl watches small sounds escape lucy’s ruby red lips like morse code  
Faint cries for help
quiet girl watches Lucy curl herself smaller into her seat as the man next to her expands his hungry reach
Quiet girl watches lucy’s eyes scream so loud she can hear it
She offers her a glance of understanding of shared fear
But this is her stop and she’s late for school
She gets off the bus and watches lucy drive away
She should have known better the quiet girl thought
Never sit at the back of the bus

When the fat vegan says she’s a vegan no one believes her
People offer her chocolate to see if she’ll crack
Fat and vegan aren’t words that coincide
It’s like a pancake covered in hot sauce
Unnatural

When the fat vegan walks into the grocery store to buy some produce people think good she needs it
But fat vegan doesn’t feel fat
She likes her shirt tucked in
Sleeves short
Shorts on
The fat vegan loves apple slices and kale salad long showers and a purple lipstick.

Fat vegan eats what she likes
She feels dainty and light
Finally small
Rightfully at home in a sweatshirt
Fat vegan floats through the world as the woman she longs to resemble
But on the inside
Reality creeps back in front of her only in a side glance in a window,
A judgment from a stranger.

Fat vegan has been taught to fit in not stretch out taking up more space is selfish being loud is obnoxious living a magnificent life is too loud
But fat vegan dreams of endless love and long walks  
She finally learns what love means
Being happy on the inside defiant of the world
She knows how strong she is so she continues to float through the world
A
fat
Happy
vegan

I stopped looking for you in the sun and the stars
you don’t belong there
you will never do them justice.
When I look up at the night sky absolutely mesmerized by the possibility of such beauty I no longer think of you.
You belong on earth, so grounded by your own rigidness that flight is impossible.

Perhaps
one of the saddest things of all is
knowing the love I’ve dreamt of forever
will never come to be
my heart clings to the idea of you more than my hands can hold.

The version of love only a young mind could create and a naive mind could hold onto
every make-believe date
every possible first kiss
every midnight conversation
Yet to come to life.

Maybe it never will.

I hope you don’t because if you do your last excuse just ran out,
If you see me how could you not help me?
I wear my heart on my forehead waiting to be read
Scrubbed clean of all agony.

If you can see my suffering but do nothing
To help then you are just as bad as the rest of the world
I
Would
Help
You
From across the sea I would fly
I would scoop you up into my arms and shelter you from harm
I would hold you close and tell you it will be okay
I would make it all okay
I would help you hold your sorrow.

What doesn’t **** you makes you stronger.
I hope I live long enough to feel stronger,
I hope this was all worth it,
That I truly am a better person for holding onto the hope that tomorrow will be better
Will be easier.

I hope to god it’s true.

I’m not sure I can hold you in my arms
I am scared that you will feel my feverish heart and ask me what’s wrong

Well my darling
The world is just too much for me right now, the weight pressed against my chest each day keeps waking me up telling me to hide
It clings to my soul

To be seen by your bright blue eyes is to be seen by the universe itself and feel all together that I am not alone

My chest against your chest is the closest thing I’ve ever been to weightless
To be whole heartedly understood is to be loved and you my dear are my greatest love