Alone as I breathe
Alone I grew up to this
Alone as I search thru the world in my quantum of solace...
Alone as I sort whats right and Wrong...
Alone as I Try To crack the codes of nature..
Alone as I walk my way to the top
Alone; My head rings to an alarming sound..
Alone; I don't want to die

Would you love me more?
If I became an open book
Telling you everything from A - Z
Would you protect my secrets?
If I revealed them to you
Telling you everything from good - bad
Would you glue me back whole?
If I showed you how broken I am
Telling you where all the pieces fit
Would you drag me into the light?
If I told you I was in the dark
Telling you everything bout my demons
Would you heal my wounds?
If I showed you my scars
Telling you everything bout my battles
Would you still feel butterflies?
If I told you how scared I am
Telling you bout my insecurities

Would you still love me?

All he ever wanted

All he ever wished for,
Was a friend
Someone he could share his silence with
There was no need for the daily consumption of socialism
He was involved between aloneness and loneliness
He was part of society's misgivings
He wasn't part of anything
Nothing was part of him
Not until she came along
A dark beautiful being
All he ever wanted
She whispered sweet nothings
Reminding him to forget
Making all happy thoughts expirable
A free wind ready to take me away
All he ever wished for.

I felt it last night
With a broken heart
The beaming light at the end of my darkened heart
My emotions were sky high
It was true
I could feel the rush of esctasy going all through,
It was real
You made me feel numb all over again
After all the lies I told myself
Its not worth it, I'm not wor-
If only the pieces could fit once more
I'm trying so hard,
Not to be alone
But its not enough
Its hard to find love in my throat
When hate is all I can conjure
All an act of pretence
I felt it last night
With a broken heart
I could feel its pieces inside me
How am I to fight this emotions?

All my life
I've been in search of the light
Being stuck in the tunnel is no joke
It's total depression
Something darker than darkness resides within..
You can see the scars made from every pain quite clearly in the dark..
All you can hear are the echoes of your teardrops..
All my life
I've had glimpses of the green light
A sequel of paradise
Where your body & soul is at peace
And life feels good
It was wonderful
But it was just a glimpse
As it's still dark
But am hopeful,
Hopeful, I will get to see the light at my tunnel..
And actually see the green light
Which means my "Happiness".

I write bout Love all my life
Never understanding its meaning
To feel Love
To be Loved
And to Love
All wanting that special type
That holds us in our dreaming fantasies
Just sitting there..
Staring deep into her beautiful eyes
Reading every crazy thoughts
A love story begins
Nature had it perfect
The first kiss
Under a sky filled with stars
I write bout Love all my life
Now understanding its feelings
To feel Love
To be Loved
And to Love
A love story begins..

Never me let me go
Curses had been in our midst
Never giving up...
drifted away..
All I can see
The silence in vast moves
What's the good in that
Fading away...
Trying hard
The best that I can
Moving on like we do
Hello! The other side calls..

I bother the sky
I wander the streets
all I could hear was the sound of my feet...
My face tells the story
Pain by pain
Written right there in my eyes
The stories change
On my way...
To find my other side
All that I want to be with you again.

Hello..
Hello! from the other side
Have called a thousand times
The glory days you left is now miles away
From the dust of steps to the history of our smile...
Hello! oblivion is upon me
The more I wait, the dates tend to disappear
I wish that I could wake up with amnesia
From what we used to be

Hello
The demons keep chanting out my name
To come over
The voices are deafening
Lost in the woods... thousand miles away
The mirrors on the other side
The reflection of our pasts
All we remember was the first word
Hello.

Dear someone,
Don't take this the wrong way
You need only pray
Pray, this suicidal thoughts go away
But all my dark clouds are out to play
That depression soon joins the fray
Dear someone,
Listen, am screaming at the top of my lungs..
But they make it sound like thrash filled with junks..
So to you its like ping - pong
So, you take me less seriously than usual
If only I could show that I can stand tall like king Kong..
Will you then hear the beats on my chest?
Dear someone,
If I..
Know it's not your fault
The light In me was too dim to fight the darkness..
All you saw was a smile
A smile that told different stories
It could've been different
If only the moonlight tale
Was an epic fairytale.

You love her
Her love was all you wanted
Her smile was all the grace you needed
She was your dream come true
Your life was a bit of a mess
Till your eyes grazed hers
You were broken in ways so many
Until she came with her superpowers
She was your superstar
She was your beautiful fantasy
With her you grew up
In ways only she could have helped
She was your passion
She was...
If only your emotions were visible
And not just shades of poetry
You would have told her
How you really felt
That you truly loved her
Deep down you still love her.

How could I have known?
That every part of me was in pain
How could I?
When all that was, all that is
Is a boy whose numb
How could I have known?
That my heart was in pieces
How could I?
When all that was, all that is
Is a boy whose all but broken
How could I have known?
That I could ever taste success
How could I?
When all that was, all that is
Is a boy who knows failure up close
How could I have known?
That it was a show of love
How could I?
When all that was,  all that is
Is a boy that sees the hate of the world

How could I have known?

Dear heart,
Am sorry
I cheated on you
Am sorry
I was the one to break you
I gave you less attention than I did "Mind"
He was more interactive
That he captivated my thoughts
He was a thinker
That he could solve my problems
Without showing too much emotions
So I believed
He sold me different ideas on life
He became peculiar
Little did I know he was soon to start playing tricks on me..
That he called "mind games".

"We need to talk? "
In this scary moment
My heartbeat's off completely
All I've done was leading to this
To this exact moment
Where I could feel every breathe of you
I could feel the anxiety kicking in
How could?
Now I understood my tears
How it feels like a river deep in my eyes
The headaches from crying too much
The pain of rejection
I understand now
What it means to love someone than they did you,
Please stay my dear
I would love you
Till I cease from time
All this time I've missed you
But am just back-dated
A race against time
I wish you had said "I Love you, But".

Feelings in the shadow

Don't look down
There's an empty between what you may see
Darkness prevails so I'm blinded
But not from the tinglings you may feel
I'd go numb to forget
But nah, I love the feeling
But the feelings are intertwined with darkness
The shadows may be an illusion
What to do, I'm burnt
Between a mountain to conquer
But when conquered do the fallen rise again?
Do they feel within the shadows?
I'll just shine the light from my heart
Give thy life in my breath
To bring me back to life
To feel again what the butterflies once showed me
I'll embrace rather than shy away
In a land far far away
Happily eve after way, I'll tread
Atlast, I can see
I can see the light at the tunnel
Through your eyes
Through your heart
Your soul
Through your every touch..

I told someone
I wouldn't cry today
I lied, I had already started
Only she could not see
It was terrifying
I'm scared
In so much pain
I'm filled with sadness
I'm broken
I lost hope
My faith had vanished
There's no will left in me
If the devil had whispered into my ear
I would have listened
I had become the disappointment I envisioned for myself
It was terrifying
I'm scared
In so much pain
I'm filled with this darkness
Even the devil wouldn't get close to this broken vessel
I've lost all hope
There's no will left in me
I wouldn't cry today
I told someone.

"There were days I died"
Killing myself with hands that lost control
The ink washed through my bloodstream
Not a drop you dare take
The ink became a nightmare
As the paper became true to the ink
I wrote bout Love
Seemingly thriving for fairytales
The fairytales soon never had happy ever afters
As the rainbows became grey
The Love once felt changed to Hate
As with my own hands I tore my heart out
That was the beginning
I wrote about hope and of the fabled tunnel
How the tunnel always gives a ray of Light
Knowing at the end of it all; you'd be OK
I watched as my hands wrote parables
The darkness became clearer at the end of every tunnel
"Whispers of hopelessness" my hands gave it a good title
I wrote bout euphoria
My hands knew well to dance to the word Dysphoria
I watched as my face drew blank
Numbness my hands wrote
The beginning of the end for me.

Heads tumbling
Decisions left undecided
Wagers of whats to happen
Hearts intertwined with hasty beats
Terrors far fetched from eyes within
A late night disaster
The questions left unanswered
How could anyone?
How could she?
Was she saying the truth when she said she wasn't love?
And she couldn't give me her all
But infact fragments of broken harmony that lies within
Oh dear one, words were left unsaid
And the final decision was...
I love you but.

Death craved my heart
She loved the scent of me
She moved to my every rhythm of thy beating heart
Death sent herself to me
She was beautiful
I played the long game
Hard to get; she smiled
Death to wrote love letters of condolences to me
Bringing me flowers in the process
Death tried to woo me with accidents
She even seduced me with suicidal thoughts
I struggled to get the thought of her out
She was beautiful made
I finally gave in..
Can I have this dance? She asked
With the undertakers theme song playing..
She took me out bungee jumping with a noose
And I soon fell in love.

The tears

My heart became dark
Loosing every ounce of redness to it's pump
So it became heavy
The thunderstorms were the aches that pained right through
The tears broke down my face
As every drop of storm was just the beginning
It poured and poured till there was no more
Till I became sickled to end the storm
There was gon' be light after the storm had passed
A symbol of hope I guess
But my heart had stopped
Underneath the storm I was..
All that was left is the cold I feel.

I have walked this path before
It wasn't the beginning of an end
But it had a domino effect
It had set up the opening for a broken piece
I have walked this path before
I know the road to heaven isn't pretty at all
And hell isn't as wide as proclaimed
I have walked this path before
I have lived in trust
Where secrets are whispered to the wind for another ears turn
And I know how disappointment works
We're pretty much close
I have walked this path before
I know how courage and confidence works
They're intertwined
I have drowned myself in words I couldn't speak
I have hidden in the shadows for I know eyes could not see
And I have deemed myself not good enough to be worthy
I have walked this path before
I have dreamt about death plenty a times
I know how the noose is *******
A perfect sequence
To a journey beautiful at first
I have walked this path
And I know there's no going back.

It wasn't true
I didn't want to believe
I was searching for a particular reason
On why you had done it
I had most of you listed as friends
Yeah, that's write I have friends
I shared memories with them
And in truth
I lived a life
But
I was always lonely
Always on the outside looking in
I didn't want to believe
And I really did try to fit in
But
No one really sees you
When you're invisible
So I walk the roads of life and social media
Hoping someone paints the picture
And sees me with a smile drawn
Perhaps it could have saved my life
I know it sounds cheesy
A simple hello, Really?
So there I was searching for a particular reason
On why I had done it
Cos' I made my family feel lonely
And I passed the pain
I didn't want to believe it
How can I live now?
When I'm already gone.

I know someone
Who's just like me
Who hides in the shadows of fear
Made by an unnameable company
Wary of his own demons
And so smiles a lot too
A mirage of own being

I know someone
Who's just like me
Who feels the pain of the broken
Wary of the own million pieces
But still pretends as if made whole
A fabled fabric of elasticity

I know someone
Who's just like me
Who feels the hate within himself for herself
Wary of the anger & resentment
Behold the grudge with disappointment
In search of serenity
A lighthouse of hope in the desert

I know someone
Who's just like me
In pursuit of happiness
Who feels suicide is inevitable
Wary of living a life in the abyss
I know someone
Who still holds on
There's a tiny noose still
Who feels there's this tiny little love left to grasp.

I felt his death
As he died in my arms
I could feel the thunder in my eyes
Assembling with the lightning
The tears waved through
Storming my eyes
Overflowing past my cheeks
I felt his death
As my heart became slow
I could feel the sadness brewing in my mind
Assembling with distraught
The pain waved through  my entire body
Overflowing down back to my bones
I felt his death
As he took his last breathe
I feel his body go cold
Assembling with no motion
The part he told be he'd be fine
Storming through my head
Overflowing towards my mind
I felt my death
As it stung a thousand times
I feel the tears of my loved ones
Assembling with the notion "Why couldn't I have seen it?
The part I always told them that I was fine
Storming through their heads
Overflowing towards their numbness
They felt my death.

A walk through time
A walk through dust
Leaving no trace
No footprints to be seen
A visitor in my own mind
Who makes the decisions?
Is it I or is it you that is me
Who would get the blame?
If fingers were pointed
Who would stumble when the path was chose wrong?
Would it be me or just you that is also me
Go back forth, push through time
The good, the bad and the ugly
Which memory would in turn be mine?
Would you at least share the darkness with me
And throw a pinch of happiness in my direction
Do not forsake me for I plead
I have walked through time
Swam around the dusty ocean
No footprints to be seen
For now I know not
The visitor in my mind.

I wish I could go back to the days
Before the walls came up
When I was still a child
Discovering what love feels like
Bouncing through definitions untold
Where rainbows and fairy tales were promising
Not now though
Not now,
Where I'd beg for one more day to be with you
I wish I could go back
Before I had this atom of courage
When I was still terribly shy
When I still used to hide myself away when girlfriends came to visit
And I'll give myself a good laugh afterwards
Simpler times for me
I wish I could go back to the days
Where heartaches were still a myth
And the butterflies in my belly were still caterpillars ready to blossom
And I know not the time to put in a perfect rhyme
Before I became the writer in distress
I wish I could go back
Before the demons came to play
Just then,
Before the walls came up.

Till whenever

I'll hold you till whenever
When we stare into each others eyes
And see no fault in our stars
We clearly shouldn't be five feet apart
For the space between us would be the end of the ******* world
For in my arms I'll hold you tight
Till whenever
You'd always be picture perfect
With memories of your imperial smile
I'd always be in pursuit of your happiness
Hoping to sweet serenade you in my imaginative fantasy filled head
Till whenever
Walk to me like a whisper,
A quiet place for our hearts to sync
Lean into me and find my lips.
Come closer and be held.
Lay your head on my chest
And hear my heart
Play your music
We'd make love with crazy abandonment
Twists n Turns as we forget about tomorrow
Cos' till whenever
We'd hold the memory of tonight.

There I was
Laid bare on my death bed
With tearful eyes watching over me
Praying, hoping & wishing for an extra life
But I knew my game was over duly
With a ripper by my side for comfort
And only my thoughts
To keep the warmth
Take me back to the night
Where we fell in love
For that was when I felt truly free
I could easily have 13 reasons why (