I had always had
love
and I had always ignored
it

just as a whale puts no
value in the sea
until it washes up on
the shore

I was blind to the love
I had
and only
saw my lover
once she was
long gone

I remember
when I was
a child
my grandmother
would take
me to pick
strawberries with her
in the
fields

I recall the hot sun
grabbing ahold of my
tan skin with
her rugged hands
while I begged
her to loosen
her
feverish grip
as I pranced through
the field with my
battered plastic
bucket

and
as I put the strawberries in
my bucket
slowly it would fill up
only for them to
fall out
through a hole
as I
walked away
one
by
one

sometimes
I think
my heart
is like the rough
bucket,
filled with small pieces of
love and
affection for myself
and for others
gently placed within

but as I take
more and more
steps into this world
each tiny spec
of love and
hope
and trust
just falls out
one by
one

it keeps
me up at
night
sometimes ya know?

just wondering
how much
more will escape from
my heart
until my
bucket is
empty

The night
time
strikes
true at
the right time,
as I stay inside
for the
evening

my window is open,
and my door is shut tight
when
primetime arrives
as the clock
hand
lands on the dime
and comfort lands
on my mind

what better feeling is there than,
a night spent inside,
with a warm cup
of coffee, and a
seeping book to go with it

as the coffee comes out sip,
by sip, the book pours uncontrollably
with the words flooding my mind and
eventually my room
as it
takes me by force and
drowns me, filling my
lungs, and my soul

my soul strengthens
and my lungs breathe
better as they are consumed
by the words pouring in

words from books,
and my own words are all around me
as I sink deeper and deeper
into the wash of imagination
and slowly start
to
dread the  morning to come
when I am pulled out of the
water and the
words evaporate
from my soul
and from my lungs
and the air feels bitter again.

Jesus always
Told me
That I need him,
But the devil always
told me
I
Was perfect

I can’t hear them
Both
So, I listen
To
One
At a time

Jesus speaks to my
Heart and soul,

But the devil roars in my
Mind.

I try to ignore him,
But it’s not always
Easy.

Sometimes they scream at each other,
And in the
Midst of
It all I
Get them
Confused.

I hear them both
Speak to me
And sometimes I get
Scared

Because sometimes
I don’t know
Which is
Which.

I’ve
Always been
Jealous
Of God.

How could I
Ever paint like
Him as
He strokes
Across the earth
Sculpting mountains
And waning rivers
with grace
And ease on his
Gentle brush.

How could I
Dance like him as
He twirls around the
Universe
Commanding
The planets around him,
as
They twist and turn in an
Endless waltz

How could I ever love?
Someone like him,
With his affection
Passing
Touching us all
One
By
one
as it sweeps
through like the
Autumn wind

How could I ever
Shine like
Him with
His beauty
Surfing down
sun rays
Piercing through
All darkness

How could I listen like him
With his
Ears ***** and
Ready for
Any
And every
whisper of his name.

I grew angry,
And decided to ask
Him
Lord? How do I become
An artist like you?
How do I create like you?

He grabbed me by
My hand
And pulled me
Close to him,
As he dipped
His
Head down and looked
At me
To say,
“my child, do not worry”.

You
Were never made
To be a maker,
You were made to be a marvel!

For you,
And all my
Other
Children
Are my greatest work
Of art.