Forever you and I, together ‘til we die
at least that’s what the preacher said
but intertwined forever in this forest
is my plan now that we’re dead

Decaying together, we’ll be here forever
holding each other as if there’s no tomorrow
becoming the world around us now
tree roots for limbs I have borrowed

You just waste away, more decay
I hate to watch as you turn to dust
yet the forest just encompasses me
and my heart turns to rust

Now I cry, as I say goodbye
realizing how I’ll spend eternity
I’ll have become part of this tree
and you’ll waste away in front of me

Look over me
I am not important
Like the unnecessary comma
or the hyphen you run through

I mean nothing to you

I am of no meaning
to the sentence at hand
Nor the poem that your reading
it doesn’t stand a chance

I don’t deserve to advance

I told you I am wasteful
you should’ve scrolled on by
This was such a misuse of your time
reading my cry for help that makes no sense

Now it’s back to being on defense

He comes to me every night
haunting my memories so I can’t sleep
he is the demon of hate and fright
the one that steals all of the light

I sleep with him most every eve
he is the reason my depression thrives
for my happiness he does thieve
I wake up from terrors and grieve

I find him in my bed next to me
a visual that most no one would ever want
I try to sleep on his terms but how could that be
when closing my eyes beasts are all I see

So instead I lie awake with eyes glued open
refusing love to the monster next to me
I must remain and give him none
because of this sleepless dance I am done

I’m afraid my time is coming near
back to the hospital I’m sure to go
if I stay home I’ll surely disappear
and from these wrists the blood will flow

I hate the process about to come
I’ve been down this road too many times
first in the ER they’ll treat me like chum
as if being suicidal were some sort of crime

I’ll end up spending hours in there
going over my story time and time again
the doctors won’t even act like they care
then tell me I’m transferring, but not say when

Once I arrive on the hospital’s unit
there’s only more questions to be asked
making my life feel like it’s on audit
continuing to tell stories of my past

The next day I’ll get hackled by people I know
asking me why I’m back for the fourth time
they always seem to make me feel low
making my healing an uphill climb

I’ll spend days in there, maybe even weeks
the longest I’ve gone has been three
my son will come to visit, and he’ll weep
not knowing Mom almost went on a killing spree

I don’t want to go in to this place
I don’t want to deal with the hassle
the doctors, the people, it’s all a waste
but it’s my safe haven, my castle

For inside those walls I cannot cut
nor can I hang myself with a noose
there is no filth, no grime, no ****
and my pills are not laying around loose

As much as I dread the process
I do know what is right for me
maybe it’s time to confess
I need another trip to KBMC

My world has turned bleak
my desolation you seek
even in my smile
you can see this lonely mile

You can hear it in my laugh
how it’s all on your behalf
my happiness is fake
for my sense of self you *****

When I’m playing with my son
I need a drink of bourbon
to keep my anger at bay
it doesn’t work dare I say

In times of depression I find relief
in my blade, but it’s a thief
stealing my days of sobriety
to your world this is the key

You have me trapped in your grip
with chains of regret you are equipped
reminding me of trauma from the past
making me think happiness shall never last

Darkness won’t you let me be
I just want light and to see
but if we shall become friends
then make it darker, make it end

I could use some extra love today
you see it’s my mother’s birthday
and we do not get along
because of her monster that’s so strong

He likes to steal children’s innocence
throwing their life off balance
and then feed the world with his lies
this monster I truly do despise

But my mother she fell in love
away from me she did shove
choosing him over her own blood
leaving me kicking mud

So I chose to cut my mother off
at her toxicity I have scoffed
but boundaries can still hurt
when you’re the one left in the dirt

I’m working so hard
to heal my wounds
but my heart feels
like it’s been stuck with a harpoon

I feel like I’m failing
at everything I try
every night I lay in bed
and think of ways to die

This can’t be normal
I want my sanity back
instead I take my world
and I paint it black

The darker the better
to match my cold heart
should’ve known I was *******
right from the start

No way can I heal
from the demons chasing me
they have their grip
never shall I be free

The problems keep piling
and PTSD won’t let me forget
all the guilt and shame
the trauma that I regret

Why can’t life just end
it’d be easier than suicide
then at least I could say
I put in effort, I really tried