Another family gathering

Another exhaust-yourself

No matter how much I try
not to pretend
it just comes out
naturally

It’s a word we don’t use,
but when you have to fight
your ex over something
as senseless as your son’s hair
then I think it’s perfectly fitting

It feels good
to have your name called
to have a poem read

and they already know who you are

Filled with dread
barely out of bed
pounding in my head
it’s Christmas time

Memories haunting
pill bottles daunting
tree lights flaunting
it’s Christmas time

Brain a mess
filled with stress
hate this process
it’s Christmas time

But presents under tree
my son is happy
all that matters to me
it’s Christmas time

Why is visiting
with friends or family
so emotionally

       D
          R
             A
                I
                N
              I
           N
        G
      ?

Dreading going to bed
for this is the longest night
memories haunting
fears daunting
they fill me with fright

Shall I survive til morning
will my demons take me under
within their clutch
this is too much
I can hear the monster’s thunder

Close my eyes apprehensively
drifting off I fall asleep
here they come
soul undone
in my dreams I wish to weep

Laughing at me
with their evil grin
different shapes and colors
I want to take them in

One for each label
that’s been slapped on me
some do their job
others were told to leave

They’re even in my dreams
playing tricks with my mind
I can feel each one of them
they’ve never been kind

Still on my brain
through the day as I write
trying to stay away
and do the thing that’s right

But they sit in their bottles
with their demented stare
I wonder what would happen
since nobody is there

I’ll have to move on
they’re playing with my head
“Do I really want to live
or do I wish to end up dead?”