Missing that old life means you've grown and preparing for something more. Reject becomes easy to expect since no one could provide a reason. After being denied a few times life feels like you're living in denial.
Thinking of ways to exist and stand out just to be ignore talked about. Once you stop caring by focusing on what you love the world doesn't seem so dark. Trying to please people who don't like you that made up their mind about you. Tired of explaining yourself to people that aren't interested in your life.

Sometimes people try to make you feel small because you are a threat to their power trip. Not interested in that role not trying to complicate things, but work hard do what's right. Keep striving to improve be better.
People don't always listen because they just want to tell you.
Writing has been therapy you bounce the idea around try to figure it out like a rubix cube. Able to make sense of these temporary feelings and emotions putting them into perspective.

The past week has hurt like hell
Watching your father fade away before your eyes. Manic. Confused. Sedated. Nearly fucken handcuffed to a bed.
I’ve become his carer. For a while.
I’m much more numb to it than I thought I’d be. It has to escape me somehow. I’ve bottled it up. I’ll blow a fuse. I guess....

I’m just up the road from you. A few hours maybe. I don’t really know. What does it matter? I might as well be on Mars.

Nice of you to let me know you’re still alive. Albeit briefly. For what it’s worth, I appreciated that. Much more than you appreciated my poems.

I left a piece of me
with you.
Can you still feel me
like I feel
you?

Dear diary;
I caught myself
thinking about you again.
I know,
it's nothing new-
I thought about you yesterday
and the day before that.
I need to work
on that...

I didn't know you
were capable of such hate-
I can't believe you

11:31 PM
21/2/21

A life
is not a life if
it has to be disguised.

Has it been too long
since the last time you truly
felt you were wanted?

8:28 PM
24/2/21