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I miss love.
It's been so long since I've seen her.
Tabbitha Erceg Oct 2020
You told me I had the saddest eyes you'd ever seen,
And now I can't look at myself without crying.
Tabbitha Erceg Mar 2019
March 20, 2019

I laid there in a field of daises
A dress the color of innocence.
The sun beat down so hard that day,
Looking back now, I think she tried to get me to leave.
You came walking over-
A smile
Sitting on your lips.
Plucking the petals till only the stems were left.
Throwing them down because they were useless to you now-
Stripped of what you believed to make them beautiful.
That summer swept by
And the winter came in with such a force-
It knocked me to the ground.
You vowed
To keep me down.
You tore that dress off-
Buttons falling to the floor
Tempting me with that open door.
Your eyes were so cold I swore you just wanted to be warmed up.
But it was too much
And for you,
Not enough.
Snow was falling the color of innocence
Melting into the ground every time you laid me down.
I laid there in a field of daises
The stems lying beneath me.
Useless to me
As I was now useless to you.

Tabbitha Erceg Sep 2020
The air was so cold I swear I saw my bones shaking.
He slipped his hand into mine but I didn't feel a thing.
The ground beneath me split in two and I tried to scream but my voice fell into such an emptiness it swallowed it whole.
The trees dropped their leaves and I thought it looked like they were crying. Do you hear that? I whispered. What? I think I'm dying.
Tabbitha Erceg Feb 2020
The sun came pouring in through the branches of that big oak tree and I told you that it made the leaves look like they were winking at us. I laughed and you rolled your eyes saying it was a childish thing for me to say. Saying a tree is only a tree and that the sun can’t make the leaves wink. After that I saw an oak tree with the sun pouring down on it. It made me sad. The sun no longer made the leaves wink. No it seemed the sun just slipped right through them and fell straight to the ground. I had wished you were there. I would still laugh and you would still roll your eyes. But at least you couldn’t say I was childish.
Tabbitha Erceg May 2020
You were so far away,
The moon could've touched you
Before I did.
Tabbitha Erceg Apr 2019

He said-
If you tell,
It will ruin my life.
So I stayed silent-
And let it ruin mine.

Tabbitha Erceg Aug 2019
He said-
Words cannot hurt you
And I tried to remember that
As they slid down my throat
Your name always tasted bitter on my tongue
Tabbitha Erceg Jul 2020
We sat there inside that dark room
And I remember pleading with the darkness,
Begging him to make me disappear.
He refused of course.
You were similar that way.
The couch felt like it was burning into me,
But maybe it was your eyes.
I wanted to cover myself in everything you wanted,
But that meant not being covered at all.
The moon seemed to watch with disproval
And I wanted to erase the stars from the sky
Because I felt like we didn’t deserve
To be in the presence of something
So beautiful.
You told me that you loved me
And I felt like I hated myself.
Lips stuck between your teeth
So I couldn’t tell you no.
Your fingers burned holes into my skin
And I can’t seem to fill them with anything
Other than you.
Tabbitha Erceg Apr 2019
April 6th, 2019

My therapist told me to write to you.
I wrote in a whisper
So that the words would land softly within your ears.
I didn't want to yell at you
Although I should've been screaming.
I knew something was wrong in your mind
I knew you couldn't see it.
I signed the letter with love
And they said you didn't deserve it.
I folded it softly
Creased the edges.
I handed it to her
The weight of what you'd done shaking between my hands.
She slid it into the drawer.
Across from the couch I sat on for over a year.
Every time I walked in that room
I felt your presence.
And it was as if
You were living inside that drawer.

Tabbitha Erceg Apr 2020
The sun came through my window
The morning after I left you.
She sat softly on the bed,
And the room was glowing.
And it looked like everything I’d ever wanted.
Tabbitha Erceg May 2020
And I think we were meant to be,
In every life
But this one.
Tabbitha Erceg Sep 2020
I told him,
sometimes you look at me like you hate me.
Maybe I do
He said.
Not taking a moment to breath in between his thoughts.
Sometimes you look at yourself like that too
He said.
Maybe I do
I said.
Maybe I do.
You can't become something
If you believe
You are
Tabbitha Erceg Jul 2019
I often wonder what you'd think
If you ever really saw me
And I often think
You'd be disappointed
Tabbitha Erceg Aug 2019
I think of you in moments.
In the spaces between seconds.
In the pause before I speak.
Before my breath leaves my tongue and before my lips open to let it out.
I think of you in the crack between the door where the sun comes in and I think of you when it leaves.

You asked me when I think of you
Tabbitha Erceg Nov 2019
How many times
Did I sit in that therapists office
Having conversations with you
That never left my mouth
Tabbitha Erceg Sep 2020
At twenty years old
I feel like I have lived more lives
Then anyone should ever be permitted too.
Tabbitha Erceg Jul 2019
I wanted to tell you
That you had hurt me.
But I think
You already knew.
Tabbitha Erceg Oct 2019
I am a happy person
Who is profoundly sad.
Tabbitha Erceg Apr 2020
And I often think
Love would've been ashamed
Of what we'd labeled it.
Tabbitha Erceg Jun 2020
And he loved me
into hating myself.
but at least he loved me...
Tabbitha Erceg Nov 2019
And I loved him with the love I refused to give to myself.
You asked me if I was happy
and knew that I was not.
Tabbitha Erceg May 2019
I worry
I have spent the entirety
Of my present
In the past
Tabbitha Erceg May 2019
I think
I have more love for you
Then I know what to do with
Tabbitha Erceg Aug 2020
In my dreams you’re always waking me up to tell me it wasn’t real.
Tabbitha Erceg Oct 2020
Sometimes it feels like I'm standing on the street corner waiting for someone to pick me up, but I never told them where to get me.
Does everyone feel this alone?
Tabbitha Erceg Sep 2019
The word sorry sat on his tongue like it had never left.

And I'm not sure it ever did.

— The End —