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Tabbitha Erceg Nov 2021
I sat on the ground
And picked petals off of flowers till I felt sick.
"Please try to understand"
I whispered,
"I don't think I'll ever be beautiful again."
Tabbitha Erceg Aug 2021
I don't know how to write about it and make it sound pretty.
I'm not sure it ever was.
Tabbitha Erceg Jan 2022
Drunk and somewhat sentimental I called you
On the corner of that street
Where nothing good ever seemed to happen.
Sitting on the asphalt and pulling at the laces
Of my shoes until everything unintentionally unraveled.
I heard you sigh when you picked up.
So loud and full of disappointment
It made my head ache.
"Why did you call me?"
You asked
Almost painfully.
And I cried into my bleeding hands,
"Because nothing is beautiful without you"
I sobbed,
"I don't know how to be beautiful without you."
Tabbitha Erceg Aug 2021
I'm desperately worried that I'm ruined.
Tabbitha Erceg Sep 2021
I met love in a field of flowers
It sat alone in the sunlight.
“Can I sit beside you?”
I asked it.
And it nodded its head.
Its small hands folded softly in its lap.
“Do you ever get tired?”
I asked it.
And I heard it exhale.
“Can I sleep beside you?”
I asked.
And it nodded,
Resting its head next to mine.
“We’ll just close our eyes for a moment”
I said,
“Just long enough for the spinning to stop.”
Tabbitha Erceg Feb 2022
"You make love seem so unattainable"
I said desperately,
Crushing a dandelion with the tip of my shoe,
And immediately trying to straighten it back up.
"If you care about me I don't understand it"
I said,
"Please help me understand it."
Tabbitha Erceg Oct 2021
The rain fell through that open window
And it was nice to cry with company.

"I think something went terribly wrong"

I said to nothing.

"I'm so much sadder then I ever imagined."
Tabbitha Erceg Mar 2022
Half drunk and fully ruined
I decided I was going to destroy myself
That summer.
Sometimes its poetic not to survive,
Not everything can be made to be beautiful.
I should've known that before I really did.

"I hardly remember what happened"
I insisted as tears dropped into my shot glass
And flooded the table.
I licked it up of course,
I couldn't afford to loose something
I desperately believed could save me.

What I mean't by saying I hardly remembered
Was that I'd only thought about it every day since.
His eyes closed against his tattooed face.
My shorts and underwear
Lying on the floor.
When I stood up and that blood
Dribbled down my legs.

Everyone laughed when I took a ninth shot.
"You're crazy"
They said,
But I wasn't.
I was just sad.
Tabbitha Erceg Aug 2021
Once you pick a flower
It's already dead.
But you still put it in a vase
And call it beautiful.
Tabbitha Erceg May 2020
You were so far away,
The moon could've touched you
Before I did.
Tabbitha Erceg Aug 2021
I hope the flowers on the floor
Gave you a softer exit.
Tabbitha Erceg Apr 2019
He said-
If you tell,
It will ruin my life.
So I stayed silent-
And let it ruin mine.
Tabbitha Erceg Aug 2019
He said-
Words cannot hurt you
And I tried to remember that
As they slid down my throat
Your name always tasted bitter on my tongue
Tabbitha Erceg Nov 2021
"It's not beautiful to be tragic"
He tells me idly as he watches himself in the rearview mirror.
"It doesn't make you special."
I almost spit out my strawberry milkshake when he says this.
He painted me this way.
All heavy eyes and shaky hands.
The tires squeal under the weight of silence
And he rolls his eyes to fill the space.
"You did this"
I tell him,
"You made me miserable."
He laughs,
But his voice breaks before he can finish.
"Look at me"
I sob,
"Look at the mess you made of me."
Tabbitha Erceg May 2020
And I think we were meant to be
In every life
But this one.
Tabbitha Erceg May 2022
"I think you're going to leave me."
You said it so sincerely
It took my breath away.
Your eyes were focused on the road,
You didn't even look at me when you said it.
That's how I knew you really meant it.
Why would you say that?
I asked you.
Twisting my hair around my fingers,
Cheeks blushing with offense.
"Because you're not used to this"
You waived your hands over your body,
"You're not used to normality,
You don't know what to do with someone
Who actually loves you."
That's not true.
When I said it you smiled,
Sympathetically,
Putting your hand on top of mine
For only a moment.
"You're a beautiful person"
You said,
"I hope you can remember that
When I'm not here to remind you."
A conversation we had a few months before our breakup.
Tabbitha Erceg Sep 2021
A stranger told me he could "just tell" that I was broken.
I haven't stopped crying since.
Tabbitha Erceg Aug 2021
The sun swallowed the sky that day and you called it selfish.
It was the first time in a long time that I'd felt anything,
And somehow I managed to feel guilty about that.
You said the air was heavy,
But I hardly noticed a thing.
Just that the world was spinning,
And I wasn't quite so sure I was supposed to be on it.
Tabbitha Erceg Jul 2019
I often wonder what you'd think
If you ever really saw me
And I often think
You'd be disappointed
Tabbitha Erceg Aug 2019
I think of you in moments.
In the spaces between seconds.
In the pause before I speak.
Before my breath leaves my tongue and before my lips open to let it out.
I think of you in the crack between the door where the sun comes in and I think of you when it leaves.

You asked me when I think of you
Tabbitha Erceg Sep 2020
At twenty years old
I feel like I have lived more lives
Then anyone should ever be permitted to.
Tabbitha Erceg Jun 2020
And he loved me
into hating myself.
but at least he loved me...
Tabbitha Erceg May 2019
I think
I have more love for you
Then I know what to do with
Tabbitha Erceg Aug 2021
I sugar coated the abuse
Now everything tastes sweet.
Tabbitha Erceg Oct 2019
I am a happy person
Who is profoundly sad.
Tabbitha Erceg Nov 2019
And I loved him with the love I refused to give to myself.
Tabbitha Erceg Jul 2019
I wanted to tell you
That you had hurt me.
But I think
You already knew.
Tabbitha Erceg May 2019
Sometimes
I worry
I have spent the entirety
Of my present
In the past
Tabbitha Erceg Apr 2020
And I often think
Love would've been ashamed
Of what we'd labeled it.
Tabbitha Erceg Oct 2020
Sometimes it feels like I'm standing on the street corner waiting for someone to pick me up, but I never told them where to get me.
Does everyone feel this alone?

— The End —