Half drunk and fully ruined
I decided I was going to destroy myself
That summer.
Sometimes its poetic not to survive,
Not everything can be made to be beautiful.
I should've known that before I really did.
"I hardly remember what happened"
I insisted as tears filled my shot glass
And overflowed onto the table.
I licked it up of course,
I couldn't afford to loose something
I desperately believed could save me.
What I mean't by saying I hardly remembered
Was that I'd only thought about it every day since.
His eyes closed against his tattooed face.
My shorts and underwear
Lying on the floor.
When I stood up and that blood
Poured from between my legs.
Everyone laughed when I took a ninth shot.
"You're crazy"
They said,
But I was trying to **** myself.
After it happened
I sat on that floor and cried for so long
I'm not sure if I ever got up.