My father is 54
My mother will be 55
My brother is 21

My father cannot lift over 30 lbs without dropping dead
My mother cannot lift herself from her bed

My father can only survive on an array of medications
My mother survives by the grace of Adonai and Radiation

My brother wants to **** himself
with a gun he says one day he will get a license
I beg him to stay with me, I try to talk some sense

My father can no longer do the things that he loves
My mother can no longer do most things in general
My brother's misery is congenital

I beg them to stay with me but can only do so much
God has turned his back on us

i cannot close my mouth,
it's agape and creaking and
there's dust and dirt,
it floats inside but never
floats out.
my mouth is a chest,
wooden and old and
full of stories and
full of the past,
that can be salvaged randomly
on a hot summer day,
and brought back to life and
given a new meaning.
but instead my mouth is dry,
and collects dust over dust from the
already passed times,
and it groans and
its bottom has warped from
that one time the basement was flooded.

oh you called me up the other day,
saying how you'd been missing me,
well yeah i've missed you too,
but we've been so busy finding who we want to be.

you said you weren't free this week,
that's okay i guess,
but my dear friend i've waited so long,
this has turned into a mental test.

"i'm headed into boston" you said,
"then to vermont i go",
i told her then "maybe some other time",
and she said "let's make it so!"

well yesterday came around,
and a quarter to three,
the news came on and i was shocked,
fear took hold and gripped me.

they said it was a bomb that went off,
it was a terrorist attack of some sort,
but i knew you'd be at that finish line,
and my blood ran cold & my breath became short.

i called you up,
to see if you were okay,
you didn't answer the phone,
were you to live another day?

ten minutes later you called me,
with sirens screaming in the back,
i was on the verge of crying,
"i'm so glad you're safe i almost had a heart attack".

you said ten minutes before the bomb,
you had asked your father to take you to eat,
you had been standing right where it went off,
they would've covered your body with a sheet.

we may not see eachother that much,
but i sure as hell know,
that if i ever lost my bestfriend,
i'd have nowhere else to go.


L.O.

my stomach acid is ascending,
slowly bubbling to the brim,
vomiting vile vinegar-like substances,
because a beetle burrowed into my brain,
and pulled and plucked at my pendulant fears,
and developed into a disgusting demon,
that sits and stews sadistically,
hiding in my hideous head.

i remember my friend laughing,
even in the worst situations,
which would usually cause the teachers,
to yell.

i think she did this,
to cover up her other emotions,
to drown them,
keep them silenced beneath a pillow.

she was loud and "obnoxious",
and she very much annoyed,
other students when,
they tried to work.

she sat next to me in math,
complained to me about everything,
i never thought to really listen,
but maybe i could've helped.

one day here,
the next day a cruel joke played on the class,
"the highschool councilor is here if anyone needs to talk",
"she took her life last night".

how'd she do it?,
"she hung herself in her closet",
this is a terrible sick joke,
"we're so sorry to have to tell you".

could i have helped?,
"this is none of your fault, kids",
but what if i had tried?,
"she was far beyond anyone's help".

she was only twelve,
"her thirteenth birthday would've been next month".
and for the first time in my life,
i prayed to a higher being for her safe travels into,
another kingdom.