Two weeks ago
I was your "baby"

Two weeks
Two weeks
I can't stop saying those words

Two weeks ago
I was your "baby"

And now, you're with her.

Mine has dry summer heat
Size 12 jeans with a hole in the knee
Back when we were drunk off of each other instead of just drunk
When fishing string kept our fingers in knots
and I knelt by ***** water creating sins instead of confessing

Mine has smoking cigarettes in bare feet
Moonshine on thanksgiving
The moan that escaped your mouth after our first kiss
The night on my bed when the only heaviness in the room was your body on top of mine
When you used to whisper, "I never knew love until I felt you"
and I would cry, "I thought I knew, I thought I knew..."

I prefer paper to write my sins
and mirrors to count
men's thumb prints

I could have *** with him
but I don't want to
at all

Sometimes,
the phone rings,
I still think
you might call.

I regret ever spending time crying over any of you and I hate writing this right now and I am so sorry I let myself be sad over someone who didn't deserve it and instead ignored that who I loved the most.

my heart aches for things that have not happened,
will not happen,
and will never happen again.

Some days you don’t exist at all;

others, you bend me at the spine until I snap.

Am I supposed to care
if you do not
like my words?

I have m o r e  w o r t h
m o r   w o r t
m o     w o r
m        w o

What if he doesn't make me laugh like you did
What if he doesn't captivate a room
What if he doesn't golf with my dad on Sundays

My god, what did you do
What did you do

I’m hoping you miss me
or feel bad for what you’ve did
but I can’t bring myself
to believe it's true.

But I want to.
Lord knows I do.

I still compare myself
to the ones that meant nothing:

"I left her for the bar on Christmas Eve",
"I was an ******* until she made me leave",
"She wouldn't have *** so I cheated out of greed";

And I still can't tell if you were bragging
or wore regret on your sleeve.

It’s as far as remembering the girl who got an abortion to you used to work at bed bath and beyond. I can't think of entering that store without envy.

That time I tried to grab your hand in the car and you conveniently switched them on the steering wheel.

All the times you chose me. All the times you changed your mind.

I've avoided an entire town for 3 ******* years because I can't enter it without remembering you entering me.

I hate myself for all of this.

I hope one day,
not too far from now,
you will want to tell me hello

and,
without a second thought,
I will want to say goodbye.

I wish I wasn't one of those people
who feels like they need love
to survive.

As if the only time I feel complete is when I'm giving another a piece of me.

How is that even possible -- to become whole when parts of you are missing?

Boy, since you only care 'bout you
Imma do what I wanna do
Imma do what I want with who?
Imma do what I gotta do

You said your hands shake
But I was throwing up acid at 7 am
Because my nerves can't sustain

You are a bad person
Who consistently proves why
Over and over again

And you tell me I know that's not true
But you don't feel this pain

With each vehicle that passes;
I always look,
but do not want to know.

I remember
when you jumped
into my parents basement stairs

I remember
when you jumped
into the empty chamber of my heart

*And I remember
when you broke both.

My heart is a tomb,
waiting on your body to
come home.

Today I felt that old familiar burn in my chest.
the kind that reminds you his memory still hasn't left
and my hands shook so bad I had to walk away.
restless anxiety surging through my veins.

I waited so long out of fear, to ask questions with answers I wasn't ready to hear.
don't kid yourself, kid cause everyone knows
there are moments you think of him when you're still alone

Like his lips on the couch coming toward your face
then you run to the kitchen to back n forth pace
because for a second you almost remembered his taste.

that's a thought you're not allowed to embrace.

Cause you heard he isn't doing too well,
the boy who stole your wishes with every penny that fell,
vulnerable his life but no longer you're not.

don't think about him.
don't think.
stop.