I don't know how to explain
the way my insides lit fire
when he smelled
exactly
like
you.

the
sadness:
it spreads.

Ask me
how it feels
to love you
and I will say
*"exhausting"

I've been driving around for 3 hours straight
4 beers
two bottles of champagne

My lungs are ****** up
from smoking you
really smoking cigarettes
but you're always here too

I have ten minutes till I give up and go home
you're leaving me alone
****....
alone.

I have nothing left to say
and that,
to me,
is the saddest of all.

The way to a man's heart
is through his stomach,
so I've heard.

Maybe that's how you've become
so good at cooking -
for all the times
you've tried to make him love you.

Don't ever read your ex's monthly horoscope -
it will tell you that he is
going to not be single soon
and find new love
and conceive babies
and you will find your hands shaking
with a cigarette in them
wishing you never knew at all.

“How far have you walked for men who’ve never held your feet in their laps?

How often have you bartered with bone, only to sell yourself short?

Why do you find the unavailable so alluring?

Where did it begin?
What went wrong?
And who made you feel so worthless?


If they wanted you, wouldn’t they have chosen you?

All this time, you were begging for love silently,
thinking they couldn’t hear you,
but they smelt it on you,
you must have known that they could taste the desperate on your skin?


And what about the others that would do anything for you,
why did you make them love you until you could not stand it?

How are you both of these women, both flighty and needful?

Where did you learn this, to want what does not want you?

Where did you learn this, to leave those that want to stay?”

--Warsan Shire

Sally sold souls down by the seashore
Sally sold secrets, too
Sally always wanted more

Until Sally's soul was sold
To some boy who she adored
Now Sally's only secret
Is that she'll love him evermore

The feel of her hand on your cheek

The feel of her hand in your hair

The feel of her hand on your chest

The feel of her hand on your skin

The feel of her hand:

home.

I am here to tell you that,

I once dated a boy that made me want to die. That made food my enemy and starved me for his love. That made me have *** with other men as a symbol that I was his. That never made me good enough. That made me think love was nothing but a bartering tool.

I once dated a boy that made love to me then set my soul on fire with the alcohol living in his kiss. That didn't think my taste compared to Jack Daniels. That said his hands shook when he preferred other women over me. That slept 273 nights in my bed then one day left with no goodbye.

I once dated a boy whose eyes swirled black as a cumulonimbus. That held a spoon to his pupil and dangled from a bridge using his life for my forgiveness. That made strangers ask if I needed safety out of fear. That chased me down my porch stairs, knife in pocket, fist in air.

And I am here
to tell you that,
I will never settle for anything,
ever again,
less than a man.

You never liked
when I played with knives
"You might hurt yourself", you said

I understand now
that it wasn't romance -
you were just saving it
for yourself
instead.

$50 and your hand in mine
Singing Jason Aldean when we hit the state line
Back country roads running through little towns
Your voice half a whisper when you'd tell me to slow down

And I can remember it all
Like it was yesterday
But I can't tell you if I want it to fade

We stopped at Shawnee Springs just to sip apple cider
Standing in the rain but that didn't seem to matter
I can remember still the sweet taste on your lips
And my mouth still begs for one more kiss

And I can remember it all
Like it was yesterday
But I can't tell you if I want it to fade

Where have you been? Where has your mind went? Where did it go, when you started to love him?

                       Who are you?
                       Do you know?
                       Do you know?

Sooner or later
you'll decide,
you no longer want
to be
dead inside,
so you'll find
somebody new
to take
over

But I guess,
one day
she will see,
that there's more
than what's underneath
her jeans

and my darling,
you'll still be alone
and a year older.

I'm afraid
I'm afraid

When I love again
I don't want to see your face

And when I hold again
I don't want to wish for your embrace

And I'm enraged
I'm enraged
My pen rips at the paper
And my words fight the page

That I'm starting over without you
And I don't know how to
I don't know how to