narcissistic, cruel


but you always keep your cool


with me as your fool

Heart racing.
Your screams thunder through the room.
Is it going to happen now?
How about now?
Bracing myself for the blow.
All i can do is wait.
cornered and helpless
i thought you loved me.
here it come.
one.
two.
three.
Three times.
This isn't love

The wordless girl
she has a voice
It's spoken in
the way she moves
her eyes look so
absolutely hungry,
the sweep of
her tongue across her lips
even when she's silent
she moves her hips
against mine
making melodies
in time
to
rhythm
that feels
so wrong it's
rhyme

Always good enough for just one night;
Never good enough for one tomorrow.

Hey, I miss you
How've you been
I've been missing you like crazy
It was my birthday recently
And you didn't call
Then again, I've never called you up
On your birthday either
I miss you, I miss you, I miss you
Where have you been
What've you been upto
Any new people that I should know about
I wish that our relationship was that easy
Gods, if only it were

I punch at these walls, till my knuckles
Are bruised, the nerves below straining
The skin peeling, my hands stinging
I want to punch them till they fall
And you can see the things that make me Me
I wish I could reveal my scars to you
I wish I knew for certain you wouldn't
Never, ever, would you, give them away
To anyone else, laugh about them
Don't hear me, don't see the tears
Pooling in my eyes

All I want to do is let you know
How much I really treasure
Your companionship, your warmth
Your sardonic comments, thorny opinions
That let me know you care
How can anything be perfect if you aren't here
I ignore perfection, hoping to be content
With mediocrity instead
Why aren't you here? Right here
Where I need you, when I need you

It has been ages since we met
I am forgetting your eyes, your smile
I really want to sit next to you
Listen to you talk the night away
About trivialities, then a little while
Later, I want to tell you about school
That horrible ***** who was mean to me
Tell you how betrayed I feel
How lonely I really am
How these walls defeat me each time

As I blink away my tears,
My voice hitches
I can imagine you patting me on my back
Politely, nicely
Saying that it'll be fine, it is only a matter
Of a few more years, that I should remain strong
If you knew how I looked up to you,
Would you be scared?
Don't be, please just don't be

You live a thousand miles away
There's no way you can let me down
You can't let me down
Which is why I trust in your image
Not you, your image
I wish I could share my cynicism
With the person built up in your image
Have them react as I imagine them to

Maybe, they'll lean over for a hug or two
But it won't matter because it'll never be true
The walls will stay up
Despite my punches and if I told them to anyone
They'd just feel awkward knowing someone
Stripped of their barriers
They'd take advantage, laugh it off
Laugh me, my troubles off as
The ramblings of a fool,
An Anonymous Joker

I wish for your reflection in a mirror,
The person built up in your image
Wish I could tell you of the dark
Dark thoughts that linger
Sometimes past nighttime
Talking about crimson dreams
Blades, knives and high buildings
I wish I could confide in you
And I'd gain strength from
Your confidence in me
Telling me dawn will come soon
I wish I could call you up at three
Desperately gasp out whichever nightmare
Woke me up this time

Yet I make do with rubbing my face
Nearly peeling the skin off
With cold water and soap
I rub at my eyes frantically
Waiting for the tears to stop
I avoid looking in the mirrors
Avoid seeing my reflection,
Which features in most of my nightmares

I just wish I could talk to you
A mirror image of you
Quietly, silently
Maybe just a sentence or two from you
It would calm me down
Lord knows, one sentence said by you
Left running in my head
For over half a year,
Gave me inspiration, strength
To live on, fight on, keep smiling
Through the day, everyday
People looking at me and wondering
Whether I'd heard about the latest
Hot gossip about me, questioning
My ideals, my morals, my goals
I wish, I wish, I wish

But it's alright
I'll be strong
I'll converse with my mirror image,
My reflection till you return
Give me another phrase to gain from
(I sound needy, don't I?)
I'll talk to it quietly because I know
Despite the blurred outline,
Sharp edges, and little cracks
My reflection understands more about me
My inner desires, than I do
An anonymous reflection
For an anonymous personality
Can there be anything more justifiable?