You never realize you miss someone until you lose them.
I always feel like I am forgetting something or someone.
My heart starts aching as if a part of me is missing from me.
It's like I want to go through my good memories but it's the what if I end up breaching to the bad memories and mentally meltdown that gets me. Staring into space and daydreaming isn't praised by society.
I want to mentally reflect without psychologically relapsing. But my meds regulate my mood swings and depression. So naturally I can't be sad or depressed without feeling sick to my stomach and feeling like I can't breathe because my meds wouldn't allow me to feel that.
Sometimes I want to cry and scream in grief but I physically can't.
It's as though I can't be fully human. So naturally I get furious for not being able to be sad and depressed. It is the worst feeling hopelessly distant.

Thought you'd be the cynosure of this story
The protagonist, given all the glory
Instead you felt merely equal
To an extra in an unwatched sequel.


Imagined it to be Cinematic & song-like
Eons before that killjoy took the mic
Now certain sensations that you come by
engenders the exhale, of a melancholic sigh


Contrary to the rhapsody, in your mind
life is left indefinite & undefined
Until the mayhem ends in dysphoria
to the fool who long- awaited euphoria.


Are you a believer or sycophant to god?
-intentions of fulfilling desires, rather odd
So comes the unsolicited truth; the kalopsia
That triggers the many nights of insomnia

Fools Gold
Looks just like a
Bud Nug
Blatant

Bold,
And Beautiful
By far
The fire marks had been gone
But continue to Bathe it

"You have a way with 'em"
To be straight
Im still holding the
poker chips,
the bullwhip,
Or whichever
Fill in the blank rhymes
Fit best

I am beating the meat
Out of this machine
Wish it leaked quarters
But it never does

Not so easy being a Street ***..
Being a being...
Being a ligament above the rest
Another rung to climb tirelessly
Until we hit the exit sign

Part 2
__
Until we hit the exit sign
Don't just be baiting yourself
.......
You DUMB *****
I like the way you hold that pencil girl
So sent/i/men/tal
So long
so so so much
Suf/er/ring
A piece of a larger sheet
A piece of a larger sheet

Part and parcel
Be Brief
and cut to the credits please
Read those 'Solid Instructions
To Self Destruct'
Must obstruct justice

No
Must uphold justice
DUH
Go for it
Hit the kick drum

Dumb it down all day
We not just
"All Play"
Aye can you see it in my bravery?
The way I play hide and seek
With my shadows
And force them to show
Themselves

Right in front of the
Sun's Rays
Son, Raise
your right hand
And swear upon this pyrite
That you won't Take
Time
For granted

Anymore......

Queer is the old time slang for weird and gay is the old time slang for happy. There is nothing wrong with being weird and happy.
The best people I know are queer and gay.
Gay is still used an insult that straight people use to describe events that they didn't like. Queer is what straight people use as their slang to out a weird, flamboyant person. Straight people are strange they think everything is a competition, everything is a way to insult their spouse by gossip and not communicating to each other their insecurities. I know gay and queer people who will compliment, praise and lift up their spouse and close friends as though it's their first instinct. I love being part of a community that will embrace how flamboyant and bizarre they are. I know I analyzed both sides of the spectrum. I do that when I am bored.