I think about
you, loosely in the cracks
between my mind. You
hold that power over me,
my favourite misdirection-
My favourite muse.
To desire to want you in a
masterpiece is the secret
painted on my
wrists. I breathe you in
a little louder, kiss you a little
harder; til the earth
wipes away.
a Daydream in the night sky,
I hold you there.

And I go out,
wearing a dress,
smelling good,
nails painted,
face looking pretty, covered in carefully constructed make up.
To cover up the soulless wreck I had become.

I know what it is
To want revenge
To believe that
Killing my own
White Whale
Would give back
What I've lost to it
I know what it is
To lose all of myself
To the things
That only wanted
Parts of me