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Sebastien Nov 2014
I slept last night
With no thoughts on my mind
Because its the easiest method to sleep
But as i dreamt of castles,
Of suburbs, of theaters
Of other relationships
(Of other people)
It brought this revelation
That WHAT if.

What if:
We were next to each other
When we woke up
My face would turn red like a tomato
And i would just start laughing
Because of the realization that
I'm with the person I love

What if:
We would talk for hours on an end
And fill up the memories on iPhones
And our minds with talks of gossip
Talks of science, talks of hangouts
Your friends would envy it so much
They would become angry at us

What if:
We were together in the school
Holding hands and the people knowing
That we are together
It would be so **** amazing
For me, knowing I did it
I ventured into unknown and came back
Victorious

What if:
We walked home everyday
Sat together on the bus
Those little things which people say
Have no significance will never fathom
The signficance the little things have
Because little things make something big

I truly cannot fathom the beauty
The joy, the love
That I would feel from someone
Who isn't a family member
But someone else, who genuinely loves me
For what I am
I will be so proud to say
"I did it! I braved through!"

If only this were true.
I woke up and thought about it.. November 23rd 2014
Sebastien Jan 2014
I don't want to go through this nauseating pain again
its enough i have to deal with it more than once in a day
i just.
don't want to go through this...
...loneliness

Anything I do.
Anything I say
nothing makes sense
Not that it ever did
and
i have nothing


I am tired
but i cant sleep
I have to finish my work
but i cant,
because i am not good enough
I want to be a spark
but if i dont know if i will make it through this
how will i live
to see the day
my spark
works?



uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh
so many thoughts
and yer i am going to be sharing this
what's with me

I am lazy, stupid
crazy
clumsy
can't think straight
can get distracted
headaches
this is too much

BUT i dont have a choice
I have to live like anyone else would
so be it then
i don't matter,
never did
never will

My apology to you was never accepted
hey, look
a trend!
I can't do a **** thing correctly.
You can try, and try and try and try
But nothing is in sight
so you give up.
I want to keep moving
but I am losing my own
motivation.
Sebastien May 2014
Your heart is big
its spreading
its powerful

Your charm is an even bigger device
it grapples onto people
it pulls them in

It has strength
You have power
but you have self-hatred
and your love is infectious
and people already like you
and i would rather not disturb that

I already did enough harm
don't want to start a wildfire
they are powerful too
but you are better
and will find someone
just as powerful as you
Written about a person, its love you could say, but its not. I am trying to not doing this again.
Sebastien May 2015
Raindrops falling on the bare chest
the Chest falling with each step
as he slowly approaches his bike

The loneliness hits hard
and stays stinging
The raindrops now hit the chest harder
and harshly

But its alright
Pain is better when physical
than mental

Now the raindrops fall faster
and become a never ending torrent
he gets drenched with no dry spot anymore
Hail and snow also make their appearance known
and lifes a mess
something random..
Sebastien Mar 2015
Recently, I have
found out more about myself
than I had done before
which is very very very weird

I thought I knew myself good
front, back, in, out
I didn't
Clearly

For instance,
I have found out that I am changing
whether into something good?
I can't say for sure yet,
But it seems rather promising

I have gained power o'er my mind
Becoming resolute
though I lose the power very quickly

Been listening to Imagine Dragons
A lot

This has been a very happy winter
considering that I didn't feel horrible
..I want to know how this was possible..
I want to recreate this to ensure my stability
But knowing life, and my english class -
Ambiguity surrounds us

So, I probably will not be as happy
I might be
I might not
Might.....
.....might not

But such are the random rantings
that are my thoughts
SO random. I felt like I had to come here and do something. Something, anything!
Sebastien Apr 2015
The first time in

an infinity I

met someone

*new
Just this beautiful person who i got to know for a while
Sebastien Jan 2014
I am a ****** messed up person
I have weird things going around my body
EVERYTHING hurts

Sure,
midterms are coming up
I AM NOT IN MY NICHE
RIGHT NOW

THIS IS NOT ME
I have weird things
I want to talk about
I am just so embarrassed

Every waking moment
is hell
Every sleeping moment
is hell



So many things trigger
So many things hurt

I just told someone about my love for them
WHEN AM I PAYING ATTENTION?

Everything is wrong
nothing helps

I just want to melt in the shadows

die
die
*die
"Never push a loyal person to the point where they no longer care" - Anonymous
Sebastien Dec 2013
I want to spend time
with you
please,
I love you.
I feel a passion to love you again, I have nothing right now. No sanity or anything. Help Me by loving me. This is my first poem, so apologies if its not good..
Sebastien May 2015
Today,
on a bright, sunny, summer afternoon
The leaves were green
The grass was green

The air was humid
and horribly hot

I thought of the times
when we sat outside
during a mid summer night
feeling the cool breeze

I thought of those times again
and this time I imagined myself
entering your house
your hand pulling me in
into the cool comfort of the house

We then sat down
sitting as close as physically possible
cuddling, romanticizing
comforting,

Simply to change our minds off
the rough Monday
and into the beautiful company of the beloved
This is actually something I wrote on the walk home b/c it was THAT hot.
Sebastien Dec 2013
Hey,
I know your hate





Just...
Please forgive me,
*please
Another one..
Sebastien May 2015
Regardless, of the tired soul

I  enjoy these everlasting memories
and that is why I am still here
Sebastien Apr 2015
Brown eyes

Tight jeans

Navy blue t-shirt

its basically



*love
Some experiences will never leave you.
Sebastien Jan 2014
Time.

We should take time down
because it hurts
being apart for a while
it hurts
trying to sleep with nightmares
it hurts
and they say time can heal
time.
is taking too long

i find it surreal now
does it really exist?
Or is it another illusion of man?

We should **** time
so we won't have time any more
We should.










Just cease to exist,
without time.
I am not fine, i have nightmares and cannot think straight. I have headaches. Pain, remorse, guilt, stress. Everything in one body. Hurts so bad to be unloved as well.

I am certainly out of my mind with my third poem, apologies. I am unwell right now..

— The End —