For years it's been my defense my escape and my prison
all in one.
It's a drug I can and will never kick.
I wield it as a wepon sharper than any razor none
could ever hold.
But it's a love hate relationship twisted in it's
lack of perfection harsh edges none can
understand but I.
But in it I find isolation in others happiness I find
none of my own and like any drug its high slowly drains you
yet no matter your best efforts to escape it your always
a ****** after that fix.
I've taken to the stage as easy as breathing
and found it simple to draw there laughter.
Happiness is a splendid vice i deal it often yet
In jokes we show are fears are weakness is on display
for the mocking of others.
Why do I struggle with masks when my own face is but a stranger
to me?
From the stage im the fool by apearence yet I control
every thought a craftsman in laughter my job
i understand better than any other.
Yet I yern to be more than a teller of jokes.
It's to easy at times not that I want to seem
like a ego mainac but my job I know well.
Often we see the comedians but seldom do we see the misreble
******* behind the jokes.
Maybe were madmen lunatics in a asylum
so happily on display.
The laughter is the comfort and for a moment it heals.
You feel it like a drug it it flows through your veins.
You take people outta there misery if only for a second
and thats the reward there happines is but my gold in thought.
But any role can become a trap.
For no one cares to hear a fools thought.
So you drown in other vices make light of your ******* up past.
And with any exceptance in life it changes you.
People treat you diffrent for they see the act not the person.
Soon you cant even see yourself anymore.
Relationships turn sour.
Welcome strangers who thirst for fun replace friends
And the more you succeed the further away you become.
So you drown in ***** or dose in pills
Share moments you can barely recall.
Hide behind dark glasse's talk to women who claim
to want a glimpse but you both are just junkies
yerning for that fix.
But to be close if only for a moment is a
bitter sweet dream cast on a nightmares
wing.
But there's always someone who can see past your *******.
but no matter how strong the love the stage and the laughter
are a poisen few can survive.
For how can you love the man who lives a double life?
Who's loved by many and understood by few if
even himself.
Everytime I get up there it's a sacrfice a road ive choosen
with no set reward.
My love for one can never match the love of many.
It's more than joke ,Im more than a comedian,
Yet im less off a person after the lights fade.
Nothing can match that fix of the stage.
Pain ,Isolation the loss of yourself and everyone you ever
cared for thoose my friends are the setbacks of humor.
From the Still Night Sessions
Im sorry for this being it reaks of misery.
But I feel it give's another side of the coin so to speak.
In real life im a comedian I know shocking right.
Making people laugh is one of thebest feelings in the world
to me yet this speaks the truth for me.
It's not easy posting this but sometimes you have to go deep
no matter where it takes you.
I write things on the spot and ive wanted to try in my limted skill
to express the other side of the laugther.
Humor at least mine comes from a very dark place.
This book is taking me places I dont want to go
yet no matter the cost apon yourself I feel you must give all
cause no one who was ever worth there salt was ever half ***
about anything.
I'll never have fans for I am the one in awe
of you all.
Thank you for reading.
John.