You want an idea of this life I live
Of these tears I cry
Of these lies I hear

You want an idea of my open wounds
And how I got them
How they will never go away
Day after day
Months after May

You want an idea of all the things I beg for
Of the things I would die for

No idea will ever be as clear as the
Cigarettes I smoke
As the water when I wash my hair
As the leaves as winter is near

You want an idea of how my heart is shaped
How it hurts like darts
How it hides when someone unfamiliar is near

Do you still want an idea of the words In my head
Or the thoughts I left laying in my bed

The idea that you know me from the ideas in your head
Will never amount to the ideas I have left unsaid

I'll never forget you.
Or the things your energy
could make me do

But I don't want to remember,
November or
December

You were perfect,
Perfect for me  
Perfect for my Pisces personality

The one that got away
I will always feel like that,
Even up to this day

Fantasies of you and I
All left in the sky
Next to the star
That fades a little when I cry

Can't stop thinking about you
Won't stop thinking about you
Because I remember,
You and I equals the perfect two.

Too good to be true.
Too real to deal with the clues
Come back because
I simply wasn't though.

Today I'm writing something new.
Something true.
Today I'm writing something new,
Because of you.

I'm in love.
My heart and your heart,
Fits perfect like a glove.

For the first time I feel alive.
For the first time someone loves all of me.
So today I'm writing something new.
I'm choosing to write about you.

You're perfect,
Perfect for me.
You make me believe in all things,
That could ever be.

I can't sleep anymore,
Because you make staying awake
Better than anything I could ever dream of.

So today I'm writing something new.
I'm writing about my love for you.

Years have passed
And I thought I still loved you.
Maybe I do.
But years have passed
And I met someone new.
She's nothing like you.

She makes me smile
She makes me laugh
Everything about her caught me by surprise.
Her hair is long,
And silky like her bedroom sheets.

Years have passed
But I'm still stuck in the past.
But years have passed
And now the future has arrived.
I could never compare the two,
Even if I wanted to.

Why am I here reminiscing about the past,
When my future is beautiful?
Why am I letting my life pass me by?

I can't lose you.
Not to her.
My heart is tangled,
And ripped in half.
But is it really?

Years have passed.
That's a statement.
You're my past,
And that's a fact.
She's my future,
And that's my new truth.

So why am I here,
Writing about the two,
Side by side in the same paragraph?
If I do the math,
It doesn't add up.
But years have passed
And I'm still ****** up.

Years have passed,
And I must be wise.
I can't continue to live in lies.
For Heaven sakes,
the past has passed.

Years have passed,
And I chose you.

My future.

My darkest memories are starting to fade.
But only to gray, as they still remain.

I wake up,
I check my phone.
I don't know why,
Because you no longer contact me.

I wake up,
And it's a new day.
However the pain is still the same.

I wake up,
And cry a little more.
I'm sad,
And this I know.

Today I didn't wake up.
I think it's a dream,
But Tomorrow,
I pray it stays this way.

This blank sheet of paper scares me,
For I not know what I may write.

I loved a girl once.
I still love that girl.
I doubt it could ever be undone.

I loved a girl once.
She left me,
Finally,
Because I knew this day would come.

I loved a girl once.
I didn't realize how much.

I loved a girl once.
Years later,
I still love that girl.

Years later,
She is still my world.

I loved a girl once.
I loved a girl forever.

My heart hurts.
Every morning I wake up,
I relive the day we fought.
As time goes on,
I wait for you to call.
My heart hurts,
Because you still haven't called.
Day 6 and it hasn't gotten easier.
Day 7 I'm praying that you call.
I'm restless,
Because I ******* miss your love.
Every time I think of you,
I write another poem.
My heart still hurts,
And you still haven't called.

I just cut myself,
By accident.
I'm bleeding,
But I don't want it to stop...

Free me of this love,
that I've been yearning.
For I am not deserving.

What do you do when you feel your heart start to sink?
Lower and lower
Deeper and deeper.
What do you do when your thoughts start to consume your mind?
Bit by bit
Inch by inch.  
Loving so hard it's scary.
Loving so much it's easy.
Allowing yourself to believe that everything will be okay
That everything will always remain the same.  
What do you do when it starts happening to you ?
It's hard to stop
Dangerous to continue, yet fueling your heart with this poison love
Feels so good.
Almost safe.
Sounds surreal ?
It's life with love.
Life with heartbreak.
Life with risks not knowing when it's worth taking that leap.
That sudden panic
The lies that lay within the mouth of another
So therapeutic, yet so deceiving.
What do you do when it suddenly consumes you ?
When you become it?
When it becomes you ?
Love so confusing
Love so empowering
Love so dangerous its safe.
We all do it
The thirst of it is so quenching to our bleeding hearts.
Yet why does it somehow tear us all apart?

I'm so tired of the *******. I'm so tired of always allowing myself to fall for the same nonsense. So I blame myself, myself for giving my heart up so easy every single time. I promise I'm a smart individual. I just lack intelligence on love. Then again, no one masters the art of love. Still, I can't make up excuses. It takes two, me as well as you. My vains pump hurt to my heart. My brain bleeds depression. My body is weak from crying night after night. All I want is to be in love with someone who values me as much as I do them. How am I dead yet alive? How do I continue to smile when i have nothing to smile for? I can't imagine what I could have done to be the ground you walk on. I can't imagine what I've done to make you want to hurt me. I just can't imagine. My tears are now frustration. My love is now hate. My life is no longer mine. I'm so lost that I can even find myself. Distraught and buried alive by my own heart. I've failed myself. I gave one too many chances. Never allowing myself to learn that chances do multiply. I'm sorry. I apologize not to you for losing me. But to myself who I've let down once too many. I'm sorry.

Night after night
Tears after tears
Scared of being alone
Scared of loving myself.
deception.
The hidden truth
The truth that burns a hole through your heart
Why do I continue to love you?
Why do I stay and continue to be another lover?
I deserve to be the only
Or am I not worthy
Stomach in knots all throughout the night
Wondering
Pondering
Where could you be?
For I know you're not with me.

I can’t hear anything but my own thoughts.
I can’t feel anything but my aching heart. 

I can’t see anything but my own scars. 

I’m numb to life.
I’m numb to it all.

What have I done to bleed so hard?

What have I done to become so distraught?

Who have I become?

Where has my love vanished?

Why has my heart stopped?

How can I go on without the whispers of my heart?

What have I done?

I’m tired of feeling numb.