Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
Raymond Lucifer Apr 2016
its nine at night, and im sitting on the couch
i am watching something - i can't remember
something with moving colors, something with screaming shouts
and the dinner i just ate
ate it late
because i was not hungry earlier
the dinner i just ate
ate it late
sits like a stone in my stomach
my stomach for a reason i cannot fathom
starts to hurt
it hurts it hurts it hurts
and my head starts to spin my throat
it closes
oh ****
am i dying
am i even breathing
i cant tell why cant i tell
oh god
its my throat
am i sick
am i dying
why is this happening
i was just fine a second ago-
whats going on-
oh god-
please help-
getting up i have to move
the dinner i just ate
the dinner that was late
ate it late
its in my throat
its in my head
my head
its blank
im screaming why am i screaming
terrified
afraid
someone is shaking me
i cant see
im pacing
or am i running
am i sprinting
am i going
am i moving
i cant tell
the dinner i just ate
ate it late
because i was not hungry before
someone grabs my shoulders
my mind is laughing
theyre laughing
they find this amusing
im screaming
my face feels wet
is it blood
did i get sick
oh god
my worst fear
is to get sick
to have blood
to be dead
to not breathe
if i fall
i reason
if i fall i am dead
so i move
and i run
but i am held
by my waist
until the mind stops laughing
and my eyes go whie
and the darkness fades
and the dinner
the dinner i just ate
ate it late
is back in my stomach
i look up
and see someone
anyone
with worry in their eyes
and tears down their cheeks
and i see myself in their tears
who has water on my cheeks
and i cry
i cry
i cry because i cant stop them
even if i try
and that someone holds me close
close as close can be
and they whisper in my ear
and they dont let go
even when my sobs have gone to silent breaths
they hold me in their arms
probably hoping
that they can pick up all these pieces
and put them back together
with only their arms
and a little love.
Raymond Lucifer Apr 2016
sdkufsvnso
asli435re
(*SD9wjgd
dlkfhvblfg36574647
254fdliue92375
­dfshd
dskj
asw
q
my cat got on the keyboard
039-4
Raymond Lucifer Apr 2016
heavy heart
a circle full of greed
seven sins have been committed
only i remember three
first might it be
i was full of pride
pride for my school
pride for my life
pride for the girl who held my hand that night
sloth of the second
i neglected the chores of my work
the dinosaur of life
laziness and procrastination - still in dirt
i have not done what needed to be done
instead walked away to a place
where i myself would regret ever entering
and lastly it was greed
greed for the kisses of her lips
greed for the beer tossed down my throat
greed for the obtaining of what then was popular
greed for the chain of cigarettes
what i don't remember is the lust that followed
the lust that was so deep she had to explain it for me
what i don't remember is the envy of another man
wanting the lust of a woman who stayed with me
that envy would have saved me
if it were not for the pride that followed
the man who showed envy had now shown pride -
- a pride that he did not need the lust of a woman
who would stay with me
and it was gluttony that wanted her to conquer me
gluttony and wrath mixed into an ugly song
a song that she sang in my ears while she poured beer down my throat
it burned
oh hell it burned
i don't remember a time where it didn't burn
wrath that he showed pride when she wanted envy
gluttony that he did not give her lust when she had shown sloth
towards the problems between them
and i was in the middle
a battle of greed and pride
of wrath and envy
sloth
gluttony
and she took away the thing i had wanted to save
not for her no
she did not deserve it
no matter how much i wanted to think so
because i was the one to blame
because i could have done something
yet i did nothing
Raymond Lucifer Apr 2016
dusty
grey
a shadow
unfurled
snowy
dark
a heart
perched
cliffside edge
wind blowing
sea waves lapping
staring out
into the water
wondering what it
will be like to
jump out
and
fall
and
sink
okay, I'm totally backstabbing myself but I found this gem at the bottom of my desk and submitted it as the entry poem to joining the site so...yeah.
Raymond Lucifer Apr 2016
Love and lust and torment
Lost and found and suffer
Poems are conveyers of emotion
But in happiness
There is none
There is betrayal
And lies
A mystery waiting to be solved
In the folds of a poem
Words and papers and all
But where is the sunlight?
Where are the birds and sparrows?
Cliche may it be, but happiness is scent of flowers
Bathing in summer rain
The crunch of pine needles
The sound of pencil scratching of paper
A page turn of a book
A simple good morning message
A child laughing, squealing
Someone holding your hand
A gentle kiss on your lips
A hug where one does not want to let go
It's the warmth of a fire after a day in the cold
Your favorite song blasting through speakers
A first high school dance
The first time you climbed a tree
Or rode your bike to the candy store
Eating pie or cake or long taffy treats
A new videogame
Or the realization of a new idea
Happiness is everywhere
I can see it through eyes and ears and smells
Through blushing and smiles and giggles and sighs -
- so why don't we write about it?
saw some depressing stuff earlier. Thought you guys might need a breather from rain and cold to warmth and light :)
  Apr 2016 Raymond Lucifer
Jayson
I'm afraid of the way you can sway my emotions.

How can I build restricted area signals on my heart,
when you so easily tear down the walls against you?

I'm afraid of you.

You've entered into me without my permission.
Yet somehow, I allow you to stay.
Next page