i memorized
the sight of her
dressed in grey
smelling of peroxide
and sea wind
waking up
and telling me
to crawl back into bed

she would tell me
about oceans
and her love for them

and i love
the sound of her saying
"it fills the depressions
of the earth
and i love you
and you are
my ocean."

there were nights
were she cried
and she never let me in
and she told me not to care

next morning
she'd be smiling
but the circles around her eyes
the lines on her wrist
the redness of her lips
told me that she wasn't okay

she never wanted to talk
about oceans
or her beautiful
smile lines
anymore

and i felt the void
in my chest
when she asked me
"do you still love me?"
with unheeding eyes
and an airy voice

and even when i knew
that the girl i admired
and loved
was drowning
in her own sadness

i told her
"always"
because i did
and i still do