The truth is that, sometimes,
I can barely remember your face,
But I always recall happiness lightly skirting pain;
A smile like a masked animal of prey,
Every interaction,
Laying heavy like a thick shroud of strain,
Pulling the corners of your eyes into near total exhaustion,
Like one who guards the boundary lines of a village at war
And the shifts never change.

You were a child soldier
Innocence obliterated
Soul stolen at birth
A tiny form placed at the frontlines,
Armed with nothing,
Not even a choice.

And they made you fight without mercy
And you took more than your allotment of bruises
Standing there in front of your little sisters with your fists
Forever clenched
I remember you said you conjured your strongest self
When they came to **** the babies.

You tried so hard to be the savior
But you were a child soldier
Fighting giants with monstrous darkness in their hearts
And how they ripped through your tiny body and tore
All of your selves apart.

Yet, still you loved me,
From somewhere good that lay untouched
Beyond the broken mirrors of formative years
Fragmented in your blood
And how they would suddenly reflect a memory
And cut,

And how I tried to heal you with my
Child’s arms around your neck
And how it was never enough
And how I wore your blood,

How it lays now upon my skin,
And how it feels like pain

And how it feels like love.  

I will carry it like armor
And I don’t blame you for giving up.