When i said
'living on the edge'
this was never what i meant.
What i meant was a real party all night
without a parents' permission;
not a pity party at night
with my self destructing notions.
What i meant was real rollercoasters
or going on life adventures;
not rollercoasters of all my life's emotions.
What i meant was a swim in the ocean
or to face my darkest fears;
not an ocean
of my darkest fears facing me.
And when i said
put 'happy' and 'die' together;
i meant to 'die happy'
not be 'happy dying'.
My life is not what i had meant