Jan 2020
Winter; late 2014/ early 2015
"I need to know that you'll be able to stop me if I can't stop myself.
I don't know if I would be able to stop myself."
In the woods by the baseball diamond,
you took my hand.
The setting sun was glowing through the trees,
and a fresh blanket of snow gently covered the ground.
Your green eyes shined in the speckled sunlight,
contrasting against your dark hair and pale skin.
You stepped towards me.
You started to kiss me.
You started to take it further.
"Hey, stop. I'm not ready, please stop."
I pushed you away;
I tried to, at least.
"I don't want to stop. YOU have to stop me."
After I asked you to stop a few more times,
without any signs that you were going to listen,
I finally slapped you.
I slapped you across the face, hard,
and I just looked at you.
"Well, now I know that you can stop me if you need to."
You had said it like it was amusing to you.
I was scared.
But I loved you, so I forgave you.
I stood there, in my blue fleece jacket, freezing,
frozen, scared,
telling you that I loved you and that I forgave you,
when I didn't even fully realize what could have just happened.
I walked home.
Oblivious.
"I need to know that you'll be able to stop me if I can't stop myself.
I don't know if I would be able to stop myself."
In the woods by the baseball diamond,
you took my hand.
The setting sun was glowing through the trees,
and a fresh blanket of snow gently covered the ground.
Your green eyes shined in the speckled sunlight,
contrasting against your dark hair and pale skin.
You stepped towards me.
You started to kiss me.
You started to take it further.
"Hey, stop. I'm not ready, please stop."
I pushed you away;
I tried to, at least.
"I don't want to stop. YOU have to stop me."
After I asked you to stop a few more times,
without any signs that you were going to listen,
I finally slapped you.
I slapped you across the face, hard,
and I just looked at you.
"Well, now I know that you can stop me if you need to."
You had said it like it was amusing to you.
I was scared.
But I loved you, so I forgave you.
I stood there, in my blue fleece jacket, freezing,
frozen, scared,
telling you that I loved you and that I forgave you,
when I didn't even fully realize what could have just happened.
I walked home.
Oblivious.
Before you assaulted me
Before we were really an item
Before all the truly horrible things.
I wish I wasn't such a naïve girl back then.
Before we were really an item
Before all the truly horrible things.
I wish I wasn't such a naïve girl back then.
