I don't know how I got here
Back in this head space
I tried to avoid it so many times
Yet I'm right back at the same place.
I don't want to fail
I don't want to break
I don't want to do something I'll regret
I don't want to make a mistake.
My days are slow
They are painful
I don't know how much time I have
I don't know how to be thankful.
Peaceful sleep never comes any more
Smiles don't brighten my eyes
I feel hopeless and stuck in the lows
Searching for the highs.
No I don't mean drugs
I mean the moments when I breathe
When I'm not stuck
Full of sadness that begins to seethe.
Bright stars I do not gaze
Friends I do not call
Never in my life
Have I ever felt so small.
I can't fix the problems I own
All the best parts of me
I've seemed to outgrown.
I don't want to gain
I don't want to loose
For all I can do is be still
In life I won't have to choose.
I'm not okay
I'm not alright
I am tired
I don't want to fight.
"Get up!" I scream inside
But I can not move an inch
As if I'm stuck in a nightmare
In need of a pinch.
This is not real
I have to move
Nothing's going to change
Nothing's going to improve.
All the space of life
The pain begins to take up
I can't stay this way
I have to wake up.